« EelmineJätka »
Thursday. When Dr. W. came in the prorning, he seemed muchi alarmed, and requested that another physician might be called. When told of Dr.B.'s arrival, Mr.Bagot said, “ Do what you please; but all I desire is the Great Physician!" Some part of this day he appeared tempted, and said, “ I am lying in my own filthiy rags!" but his countenance still bore the same happy appearance. This day was much employed in settling his temporal affairs ; which, when done, he said to Mrs. B. “I am left till every thing is settled. It is not to be told, the love I have for you, my dear wife, and little ones; but I am only parting from you for a little; I can freely leave you with my God. Nor did he appear to feel the least regret.
Friday, about three o'clock in the morning, he sent for Mrs. B. and his sister Sally, who had retired to rest for a few hours. When they came to him, he seemed almost overpowered with joy, and thus addressed them : " I sent for you, to tell you that I have had a severe conflict; but have gained the victory thro' Christ! I am stripped of all my own filthy rags, and clothed in the pure and spotless robes of Christ'š righteousness, as a bride adorned for the bridegroom. Oli! won't you help me to praise God? to praise him for his free, sovereign, unmerited grace to such a poor sinner as I am Oh! for angels and archangels to shout bis praises !” He then particularly addressed Mrs.B. “ Don’ı grieve for me ; our separation can be but short. It has been clearly manifested to me, that you will be with me in glory; that we shall be casting our crowns together at the feet of our blessed Jesus: - all I desire is to die shouting Victory !". After this he prayed sweetly and fervently for his wife and children, and the different branches of his family ; then for his parish, that God would raise up a more able minister for them, one after his own heart ;-and then for the spread of the gospel. He now called upon them to join him in singing the hymn, “ Come, let us join our cheerful songs,” &c. which, with much difficulty, his friends were able to do. After which he added, “Jesus, I love thy charming name !" &c. and said, “ Come, join me in" All hail the power of Jesus' name," &c. His friends being so much overcowe, scarce one was able, thro' weeping. “Oh!” said he," won't you join me? Don't flag now.” Some were so much overcome, that they were totally incapable of joining, and about leaving the room. Mrs. B. who, on account of her peculiar situation (being near her tine) was previously to this prevailed on to leave the rooin; but who, on the door being opened, entered, gave out the hymn for him, and again all the family took courage, and joined in the praises of God: - even his voice now changed, and appeared to have a peculiar harmony in it. It is scarcely possible to describe the brightness and animation that shone in his countenance.
This morning a neighbouring clergyman came to administer the sacrament to him; to whvit le spake many things on the delight of his soul, and prayed that he might be esperimentally acquainted with the gospel. On his entering the juom he said, " Ah! Mr. A. you are come to see a poor dying sinner;" when he was answered, * I hope, Sir, you don't
“ Despair!” answered he, " Oh no, blessed be God, I cannot despair ; it is not possible to despair with what I feel in my soul." - For several days, whenever he received a drop of wine, he commemorated the blood of Christ; "which (said he) was shed so freely for me.” When his poor body was quite exhausted with the transports of his soui, and singing and shouting forth, “Oh! the riches of the free grace of God in Christ, to such a great sinner as me!" he lay quite composed, with his hands and eyes lifted up to leaveti, with the same joy in his face already mentioned. Ile was asked how he was ; his answer was, “ Happy, happy, swallowed up in God! oh, it is inexpressible, the love of God; it is inexpressible !" then turning, he said, “ Oh take care that yùaz give all the glory to God; I am nothing in myself—a sinner saved by grace. This evening lie completed the settlement of his affairs, said to Mrs. B. I am just left till every thing temporal and spiritual is settled ; and expressed a thankfulness that he had no more concern about this world : he continued all night in the same happy frame, now and then breathing out his soul in prayer and praise.
Saturday, he lay quiet and silent, with his eyes and hands lified up, except when he was spoken to on divine things, and seemed in a peculiar manner, according to his tirvourite expression, to be “swallowed up in God :" he could not for some time be prevailed on to take wine; expressing his desire drink no more in this world of the fruit of the vive, til he should drink it new in the kingdom of God.” The disorder greatly increased, and he was so ill, with a violent nervous agitation, at three o'clock on Sunday morning, that Dr. W.feared he would not live many hours. Some time after, he appeared quite irsensible, and was asked some questions, to know it that was the case : to these he gave very imperfect answers. Virs, B. who stood at the door, knowing that his delight was in nothing bat Christ, and anxious to know if he was still bappy, desired his man-seryant to ask hini, . Do you love Jesus Christi' le instantly cried out, “ Oh, I do! I love Jesus Christ; lie is any Saviour, my brother, my friend, my all!" Di mau trying to prevail on him to take some wine, said, “Your brother is *peaking to you to take this. “No John,” said he', “lie ja not speaking to me, but he is speaking for me." The Doctor finding him sensible, spoke to him on the necessity of taking his wine more freely, and using every proper means for his recovery, for his wife and childrens' sake: he said, “I resiya them freely to God, who, I know, will take care of them."
For some hours on Sunday morning he seemed stronger and better ; prayed aloud, and sang several verses of hymns in a voice inexpressibly sweet; and called on all around him, “ Come, assist me to extol the praise of my dear Redeemer :" but though all his near friends were round him, they were so overwhelined with grief, from a knowledge of his extreme danger, that they could not join him. He took no notice, but went on singing, “ Come, let us join our cheerful songs,” &c. and spake with the greatest animation and delight on the free sovereign grace of God to save such a sinner: he then seemed 10 take a view of his past time, and said, “Oh ! is it not an awful thought, that I, who have been twelve years in the ministry, should bụt so lately be converted to God! but it is all of grace, free grace ; I know that all my sins are pardoned, through the blood and righteousness of Christ imputed to me." Then calling on his friends in the greatest raptures, to rejoice with him, and inagnify the grace of God, saying, “ Rejoice with me; and again I say rejoice.” He pow addressed his friends, and charged thein, saying, “ Mourn not for me; I am going where there is an exceeding and an eternal weight of glory laid up for me:” he then wished, as he had often done before, for a truly Christian Minister. He was asked if he had a desire for any one in particular; he answered, “ If it were possible ! eould wish the Rev. Mr. W. and the Rev. Mr. G.-; they would greatly strengthen me in my weakness ;” but consoling biinself, he said, “ Christ is all in all; death has no sting;”. repeating this latter expression frequently.
Monday, March ist. His disorder seemed to attack his head ; and he appeared, for the first time since his illness, to be sensible of great pain. One said to bim, "What is the matter?" he replied, “ It is the poor vile carcase; for I am happy, happy in God." In the evening he made some friends read, pray, and sing with him. The convulsion fits returned with much greater violence this night; frequently, however, he was employed in singing hymns, and repeating texts of scripture, as if in the act of preaching ; such as, " Blow ye the trumpet, blow;" “ Ho! every one that thirstethi,” &c. after which he cried, “ Do you see the glory all around this is the dawning of the Resurrection - Angels are waiting for me! - would I could bring you all with me!
Tuesday his disorder still increased, and still he kept uttering the same things, adding, “Tan safe in the ark, I am safe in the ark.” Sometimes he lay quiet, with his hands and eyes directed upward; where evidently his heart was. One of ihe physicians observed, he never saw a death-bed like bis ; that the nature of the disorder was suclı, that were it not for what he enjoyed in his own mind, he would have required several men to have keld bin in his bed,
Wednesday, 3d. The fits increased ; but he still enjoyed the same happiness. Towards evening his bodily pain seemed to those around to be very great; he said “I never fought such a battle in my life; but I am alınost at home, I am almost át home;" and added, “ Angels are in waiting for me: Would I could bring you all with me. -Lain blessed." His soul now took its flight, at twenty minutes before twelve o'clock, without the least struggle,faintly uttering, “White robes !" with his dying lips. Thus died this dear and excellent man, after having been only, in his own account, ten months converted.
COPY OF A LETTER
WELL, my dear Sir,“ Straight is the gate and narrow is the way that leadeth to life,” saith the Lord : and I am enabled to set to my seal that this is trne. How far I inay be mistaken in the way, and make difficulties to myself where God makes none, I know not : but this I know, that I am at times so hard put to it, that I make a full stop; and, for a moment, feel a wish in my heart to be either safely through, or safely back again. No outward difficulties cause these unbelieving tears; they arise not from opposition ; nor from the fierceness and wrath of an angry persecuting world : I have not at present much of these to fight with ; and when I have, though no man feels thein more sensibly than I do, yet, in deed and in truth, I find them profitable. I enjoy many a sweet moment when I am under their pressure; and see much of the power and faithfulness of a promise-keeping God, when I occupy my business in those deep waters. Neither am I dejected with the view which God has given me (and a clear view he has given me) of my unworthiness, ignorance, helplessness, blindness, and sinfulness, and of the total blindness of my nature. It is not, I say, a sight or feeling of these things that makes my chariot-wheels drag heavily in the way to the kingdom. These, indeed, are humbling, and leave me not a word to say in my own behalf. I stand before God, in myself, poor and naked, and wretched, and miserable. But this makes mercy the sweeter. The more we know of our ruin, and the mystery of iniquity that is in us, the greater value shall we necessarily set on our Saviour and his salvation. I am in Christ superior to all that is in me. There is more in bim to deliver me, than there can be in myself to condemn me. But here the matter lies, Sir:- When I look at the word of God, and see there unto what I am called; when I see my privileges as a child of God, and what arises from such an endearing relation, - when I see that I am called to a fellowship with the l'ather and the Son,- to a peace with God which passeth understanding, to a love that casteth out fear, - to a life of faith in the Son of God; nay, to joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have received the atonement; when I see that I ain cailed to be a teinple of God, through bis Spirit dwelling in me; - to be a worshipper in his spiritual house, an inhabitant of spiritual Zion, that city of the living God, -- 4 subject of his spiritual kingdom ; – to a hope full of inunortality, -- to be an heir of God himself, and a joint heir with his beloved Soo; -- when I consider these things, Sir, I can hardly believe for joy and wonder ; I look at myself and smilc, to see such an insignificant wretch so exalted; I look on things around me, the world are all its yanities, and can count them but dross and dung in comparison of the excellency of the knowledge of God in Christ Jesus the Lord. But oh! Sir, this is not always the case ; nay, it is very often otherwise. This is my battle, this is my struggle, this is the reason of my complaint; now you see what I am it, what I am fighting for; now you see the very cause of my heart-aches, my tears and distresses, my palpations, &c. It is not steel-water, nor bark, nor cordials of the apothecary, but the precious balm of Gilead, and that gicat Physician there, that can alone give ease and quiet to my troubled breast. I want always to live like a man, who is sensible that ali the blessings of the everlasting covenant are his own. I would walk and ialk, and feel my hope, and fears, and joys, like a creature that knows and believes that all things are his, for he is Christ's, and Christ is God's. But my weakness, my weakness, wo unto me! mr eye and my heart are soon catched and turned aside after vann; my corruptions and sins, the guilt of wbich the blood of the Son of God has done away, are Yet as thorns in my side, and pricks in my eyes; nay, the very blessings of God are a stare unto ine, ani frequently steal away my heart from him. My house is a snare, and my family is a svare; my garden is a spare, and my sitnation is a snare; my very dress is a snare; and, such is my weakness, that my very dear friend is a snare also. My comfort is in fellowship with God; bis favour is beiter than lile itself; and, if I suffer any blessing to come between him and me, it loses its name, and is made a curse unto me, Thus far my present experience,
TUE ESTABLISITED CHURCH.
The Highest himself shall establish her. - Psalm lxxxvii. 5.
God will establish it for ever. - Psalm xlviii. 8.
These promises do not belong exclusively to any particu, lar church, national or congregational; but to the spiritual and universal church of Christ. God has not engaged thus to establish his church in any particular piace, or among any