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rent of all my worldly sorrows into a sorrow for sin : for sin is the procuring cause of all distress; troubles never come down from God, till provocations have first gone up to him from man. They have induced me strictly to examine my life, and earnestly to desire a reformation of whatever is amiss. They have prompted me to seek after self-denial, and to empty my heart of the love of all base and transitory things. Oh! how have I relished mercy when I have been in trouble! How sweet hath every crumb of comfort been to my distressed soul! How bitter hath been the remembrance of my former life, yea, even the foolishness of my childhood! I have then coveted spiritual things more earnestly. And oh what experience have I had of God's favour, and inexpressible kindness! His tender compassion hath been far above my expressions or my thoughts.

Now though God hath chastened me very grievously, and often, and in different ways, yet I have no just cause to murmur or repine, since He doth justly execute his righteous judgment upon me for my sins. He hath only inflicted those punishments, which He had in his word formerly threatened. And if He did not act thus, punishing sin wherever he may find it, and shewing his detestation of it in whomsoever it may be, He might be esteemed partial, and his justice and truth would receive impeachment. The Lord therefore hath cleared himself from such imputations, and hath manifested his justice and his truth, by chastising me for my transgressions. He is righteous in his judgments, and true to his word; and I have no cause to murmur or repine, unless I would be found an enemy to God, and an adversary to his excellent attributes. Nay, I have rather cause of joy and comfort, because the perfections of God are magnified by my afflictions. For it were better that Heaven and earth should be utterly destroyed, than that the glory

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of God, who is the chief good and supreme end of all his creatures, should in the least degree be stained or blemished.

Again: when I have considered the measure of my afflictions with the demerit of my sins, oh! how have I acknowledged God's mercy and goodness, by which He has been graciously moved to spare me, inflicting upon me far lighter and less punishments than my transgressions have deserved! I confess that He hath but lightly touched me, when He might justly have crushed me into pieces. For what though He hath deprived me of some most precious jewels, which He had lent me, but now has taken away, because I knew not how to use them? Alas! my sins did deserve the very fierceness of his wrath! I may therefore thankfully acknowledge with David, that "God hath not dealt with me after my sins, nor rewarded me according to mine iniquities."

V

Farther how hath my soul been borne up, when I have compared my afflictions, though great, with the more heavy ones of others! This hath made me scriously confess, that my greatest crosses have been but fatherly favours in comparison of their dreadful punishments. For what though I have lost my riches, and have suffered much in the common calamity of Ireland? I escaped untouched, and had my life for a prey. I did not even lose one drop of blood, when there was such a flood let out of the veins of many precious saints, who were far better than I. what though I have lost my dearest husband, who was more precious to me than all the world besides; and with him many friends, who were true to me so long as I was in prosperous circumstances? I have still some friends, and such as are most precious and dear to me, who regard and take care of me. Oh! how many friends did God create for me before ever they saw my face! What supplies have I received from

3

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them! How have they ministered to my necessities ! Whereas others, who have had far greater wealth, have with it also lost all their friends, and so have been brought to great misery, having no eye to pity them. My God hath dealt very bountifully with me, though my sins had deserved, not only that I should be deprived of my earthly comforts, but even of the presence of my God, and that to all eternity.

What though I have been furiously assaulted with afflictions? Others have been overcome. My God hath granted me time and respite, not only to gather strength, but also to make a holy and a sanctified use of all my troubles, for the beginning or renewing of my repentance, and the strengthening of my faith. He hath made my afflictions fatherly chastisements and loving corrections, which have reformed me from my sins, and preserved me from condemnation.

The bitter cup of which I have drank so deep a draught, was a medicine to cure, and not a poison to destroy me. It was mixed by the only wise Physician, who perfectly understands my complaint, my strength, and the virtue of his own medicine. He so exactly knows my disease, doth so much desire my health, and so accurately mixes malign and poisonous ingredients with corrrectors and alloys, that his physic must work together for my good. He hath said to my afflictions, "Refine; exercise; give her experience of her faith; confirm her patience; support her hope; and cause her to bring forth more fruits of righteousness, which may be more ripe and excellent."

God hath therefore sweetly taught me to submit my neck to the yoke. Yet I must not bear my afflictions without feeling. It is stupidity, and not patience, when the sense of feeling is wanting.

I must also bear my troubles freely and willingly, Suffering against my will is not worthy the name of patience. Over powered strength may bear through

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In the

policy, what it must yield to of necessity. sight of God such a patience as this is but of little estimation. But to choose to bear afflictions rather than not, when God wishes our chastisement; to take up the cross, in obedience to the commands of Christ, when the flesh might find a way to shift it off; this is action and truth of duty; this is not dull passion nor compelled patience.-Jeremiah could say, "O Lord, correct me, but with judgment." And it is also the gracious desire of my soul to have my afflictions measured by the rule of God's saving truth, rather than to be left uncorrected and hated.

Neither is it enough that I bear my afflictions patiently, but I must bear them also submissively, and desire that they may continue, till He that laid them on shall please to take them off.-It is said of Joseph, that "until the time that his word came, the word of the Lord tried him." As God knows how, so also he knows when, to deliver. And therefore, though "I sink in deep mire, where there is no standing," I must wait his will, pleasure, and time. Alas! now to grow weary, would be to forfeit all my former pains! My desire is to hold out to the end, suffering the very utmost of the will of God, that so I may obtain my crown. "In the way of thy judgments, O Lord have I waited for thee; the desire of my soul is to thy name, and to the remembrance of thee."

Besides God hath, in some measure, enabled me to bear my afflictions with cheerfulness.-Faith rejoices and triumphs in the assurance of good success; for it seeth not according to outward appearance, but when all external means fail, it keeps God in sight, and beholds him present for my support. And do not these things administer matter of great comfort and rejoicing, that God hath measured my afflictions according to my strength, and that I never was tempted above my power? For who would not be content

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to bear a burden of God's own imposing, when he is sure he shall not be overloaded? Who would refuse to be tried in this furnace of affliction, when he knows, with certainty, that it will not consume him, but only purify him from the dross of sin, and corruption? It is fear of harm, which makes many to shun the cross, or to go heartless under it; but since God hath made me see that this bitter cup is useful, beneficial, and salutary, I will drink it off, and never look to see what is in it.

Alas little things did not much exercise my faith, nor stir me up to seek God; and short afflictions have been soon forgotten? My wise Physician would not have administered so strong a potion, if a lenient and gentle one had been sufficient. My corruptions were many, and of divers kinds, and could not be expelled by one dose. My God therefore hath kept me in a daily course of physic; and now He hath given me one medicine, now another, because I profited not by any one alone. For when afflictions are grown customary and usual, they affect us less, because they are familiar; and God is therefore pleased to alter and change his Medicines that they my work more effectually. I will therefore comfortably conclude, that be my afflictions of ever so long continuance in this life, they will not press me longer than sin doth harbour in my bosom.

Now though God hath thrown me down, yet will I quietly expect to be raised again. What cannot He make to work for my good, if I shall give glory to his word by resting on it? In what distress and anguish cannot He comfort, who calleth light out of darkness, and things that are not as though they were? O therefore, my soul, pore not too much upon thy grieved self, but look upon him who is invisible! View the hand of love that chastens! The love of my heavenly father stands by me to cheer up my soul, while it is