times not less than four hours; whereas the tincture manifested its presence instantaneously.

*

"At present, and for some years, I have been habitually content with five or six grains dayly, instead of three hundred and twenty to four hundred grains. Let me wind up this retrospect with saying, that the powers of opium, as an anodyne, but still more as a tranquilizer of nervous and anomalous sensations, have not in the smallest degree decayed; and that, if it has casually unvailed its early power of exacting slight penalties from any trivial inattention to accurate proportions, it has more than commensurately renewed its ancient privilege of lulling irritation, and of supporting preternatural calls for exertion."

It is a melancholy fact that opium-eating is widely spreading, not only in England, but even in America, and strong measures should be taken by those in authority to check its influences before it spreads much further.

MINISTERING SPIRITS. On this subject a highly respected correspondent writes:

That there is an invisible world is a first truth in all systems of religion. It is a capital verity with all who admit the Divine authority of the Bible. Without this doctrine there can be no religion. Or it would be distinguished rather by its negative than by its positive qualities. If, then, such a world exists, it must be peopled with beings of some class, intelligent or unintelligent, good or bad; or it must remain an uninhabited, unmeasured waste. The former is assumed and taught, and the latter contradicted, by reason and the whole tenor of Divine Revelation. The inspired writers both assume and teach that the invisible world is peopled by various orders of holy and happy beings, who still maintain their original fealty, and also by other orders of intelligent beings, who, like the former, were never invested with material bodies, whose moral characters are in perfect contrast with the holy and happy. Besides these, if man is immortal, the disembodied spirits of men who have passed beyond the vall which separates the visible from the invisible, have their permanent abodes in the invisible world, constituting a portion of its inhabitants.

The relations between the two worlds, the intercourse between the inhabitants, if any, and the influence exerted by the good and bad of the invisible world upon those of the visible, are among the most important questions ever submitted to the human mind. That invisible beings have access, in some mysterious manner, to men during their stay on earth, is another verity which is most clearly assumed and taught in the Scriptures. Those of good moral character are denominated "ministering spirits, sent forth to minister for those who shall be heirs of salvation." Those of malevolent disposition "go about seeking whom they may devour." So much at least may be gathered from the teachings of inspiration on these points. But the question has been raised and ably discussed, and the peculiar doctrine formally advocated that the departed spirits of good men, as well as holy angels, actually perform the work of ministering spirits. We refer to an article in the June number of the Presbyterian Quarterly, 1856, holding this language: "We see nothing, then, in the capacities or moral and essential nature of spirits of decensed Christians, to preclude the possibility of their becoming ministering spirits on earth. If angels may and do become such, we do not see why they may not, with equal propriety, become the same."

This doctrine is then advocated in a liberal and earnest tone, chiefly on the ground of an assumed "implication" in some twelve passages selected from the New Testament, which are commented upon with an air of intelligent fairness and candor. But we cannot repress the conviction that the supposed "implication" is merely constructive. We do not find that the doctrine in question was taught by the inspired writers. Aside from the lack of evidence, without which it cannot stand, that it was held by the Jews seems equally destitute of proof. Hence, until clear and unmistakable evidence shall be adduced in its support it should not be honored and classed with scriptural verities. As we read the proof-texts supposed to contain the doctrine by implication, it occurred to us that they were not only inconclusive, but that the doctrine is open to several capital objections. One of these we found introduced by the writer at the close of the article; not as an objection, but as an inseparable conse

quence. These are his words: "The probability is, by analogy of reasoning, if we are lost, we shall be come seducing spirits, fiends, like fallen angels. We shall visit this world only to corrupt and destroy." It struck us, before we reached this passage at the conclusion of the writer's argument, that this consequence as to the lost must inevitably follow; and we found that the writer frankly assumes it, thus making himself responsible for it as a part of his doctrine.

We could not see how it can he held that the saved are the coadjutors of angels in ministering to the "heirs of salvation," without admitting that the lost are in league with devils in tempting to the commission of sin. But while the consequence is legitimate, so that the parallels must be either both true or both false, we are still compelled to ask, where in the Bible is the proof, even by the remotest implication, that the lost assist devils in their malignant work? It cannot be produced. Hence, inseparably connected as the two parallel points unquestionably are, if the latter falls to the ground the former must fall with it. Both must stand or fall together.

Giving the advocates of both branches of this dootrine all the benefit of the double analogy, that the saved become equal, in some respects, to angels, and the lost, in some respects, become equal to devils immediately on passing the vail of mortality; still it does not follow as a necessary consequence that the saved and the lost shall engage in the same employments in all respects with angels and devils respectively; at least previous to the resurrection and the awards of the last judgment. Subsequent to that event, the complete identification of the saved with angels and the lost with devils, may be safely assumed. At the judgment those on the left hand shall "depart into everlasting fire prepared for the devil and his angels."-Matt. xxv, 41. As specific is the proof that subsequently to the resurrection, not before, the saved will be "equal to the angels," Luko xx, 36. Could proof as specific and positive be adduced, showing that the saved will become angels and the lost devils, previous to the resurrection, there would be plausibility in the doctrine that the former become "ministering spirits" and the latter "seducing spirits," on passing the confines of the visible world.

Besides, holy and fallen angels, belonging to a distinct race of beings from man, may be permitted, while the remedial system, which was introduced for man's benefit alone, is working out its great results, to exert influence promotive of, or detrimental to, the eternal interests of mankind. But is there not a perceivable incongruity in the supposition that during the interim between death and the resurrection, when the saved have a rich foretaste of the blessedness of their final reward, and the lost of the woe of theirs, that either will be engaged for the good or ill of their fellowbeings who are still on probation?

Is it not enough as to the saved that they are saved; and as to the lost that they are lost; considering the incompleteness of the personal state of both until a reunion with their spiritual bodies shall be effected? How much more reasonable to suppose that angels, fallen and unfallen, act their respective parts or agencies in connection with man during his probation, than that all good and bad men no sooner end their own probation than they become instrumental for good or evil to those who still remain in their state of trial. The following passages, which are strictly applicable to the state of the saved and lost between death and the resurrection, may cast some light on the question, if they do not satisfactorily settle it. "But go thou thy way till the end be: for thou shalt rest, and stand in thy lot at the end of the days."-Daniel xii, 18. This indicates the state of the saved. The other pas sage, relative to that of the lost, is the account of the rich man and Lazarus, Luke xvi, 19-31. What is there here casting the least shadow toward the conclusion that the rich man had the least pause to his "torment in that flame?" Where is the slightest proof, even by implication, that he took part with the devil in consummating the ruin of his five brethren?

8. C.

A LITERARY GHOST.-In a very different strain, although upon a subject somewhat similar, writes, from the great Western metropolis, our fair friend Mary:

Ever and anon, like some unresting spirit from Hades, comes up the recollection of having brought myself under something like a written or mental obligation to contribute my mite to THE NATIONAL; but as

often as I essayed to cancel the obligation, just so often did a Ghost, with a dagger in its hand, step between me and my task. Fainter and fainter grew the hope of accomplishing anything in a satisfactory manner, so long as I contemplated the possibility of an encounter with the wary owner of the dagger; for it was evident, beyond all dispute, that he was one "also having authority," and somehow closely concerned in the welfare of THE NATIONAL. So often, indeed, had my heart failed at the gloomy prospect before me, that I began seriously to consider if, under the circumstances, it was not better at once to break than to keep the unlucky promise, when lo! a happy thought struck me. I had heard in tho credulous days of childhood, that the quickest way to dispel a Ghost was to address it boldly; so, acting on the spur of the moment, I decided at once to say something to, before saying anything for, this one in authority who is armed with a dagger. "Why do you carry such a weapon?"

Ghost. "Weapon! it is a cross, and the emblem of our holy roligion."

"A cross, and an emblem indeed! so you may call it, but it is a dagger nevertheless, and as such you are wont to use it; names do not alter things in our world, and this much you might be expected to know, even if you came from no higher region than that newlydiscovered spirit-land of log-cabins and farms. And now that I think of it, it seems perfectly proper to ask where you do belong."

G. "I am one of the true apostolic succession, a legal representative of Peter and Paul, and have, therefore, no certain dwelling-place.",

"Ah, that is news, truly, and may help to a better understanding botween us. May I ask if, in your journeyings up and down, and to and fro, in the world, you ever meet with that other spirit, who goeth about seeking whom he may devour!"

G. "Yes, often."

"Why do you not then attack him with your weapero- dagger, instead of poor half-witted mortals, who, after all, are not likely to do so much harm, seeing they are so weak from the effects of a disease known as the want of capacity?"

G. "I have such a mortal antipathy to the Father of Evil, that I scidom allow myself to approach near enough to engage in single-handed combat with him; but for down-trodden humanity I have a most peculiar liking, and never tire in the longest conflict, if there is any hope of convincing them that they are wrong, and I am right; this is my highest, my only ambition, and for it I have, it seems, suffered much evil report."

"No wonder; I'll oven venture to say that you are likely to suffer much more; for that which is life to you in these conflicts, is death to poor humanity, for whom yon profess to have such a peculiar liking. The charges against you are many and serious."

G. "I would fain hear the specifications." "The whole are too numerous to mention; but a few are, that you have gone about with a reckless hand, extinguishing tapers which were to have given light to houses now in darkness. You have convinced some, even to their perpetual sorrow, that they were a 0, when the tidings had already been sent forth that they were a sum which no man could number. And some, who supposed they had a right to consider themselves as standing on the pinnacle of sublimity, you have enticed to take one more fatal step, and thus, alas! entangled them, to their mortal confusion, in the ooils of the ridiculous. You have let out such hitherto close kept secrets, concerning underground operations, and wire-pulling machines, that some are in the greatest danger of losing the craft which has been the food and drink of their perishing lives. And some, who, in the simplicity of their hearts, meant to throw in an occasional mite to THE NATIONAL, have been induced to withhold their donations rather than run the risk of allowing you to ridicule their disinterested benevolence."

G. "All I can say to these charges is, that, as a chief of my tribe, and a priest of the church literary, I have only been using the rod of rectitude, and acting up to the legal authority vested in my hands."

"Yes, but I would have you know that you have flourished your cro-dagger I am resolved to call it, with such a spiteful vengeance, that you have in some directlons been actually pulling down instead of building up, and are in some danger of embarrassing your Church literary,' by the loss of many valuable contributions; and yet, forsooth, you would have me believe you are one of the true succession. Now, Paul,

for one, I remember, was a most skillful warrior, fought many glorious battles, faced terrible kings and emperors, went through a tempest of trials and temptations,

and endured all manner of afflictions, and yet I am not aware of his ever using a more dangerous weapon than his tongue or pen."

G. "It is even so with me; I carry but a harmless instrument, as any one may see who comes near enough to examine it."

"Near enough to get a thrust with it, I suppose you mean. But revenge, you know, is sweet sometimes, and I have, of late, been honestly taking some on you." G. "Ah! I was not in the least aware of it."

"No, I did not intend you should know a breath of it until it was too late to repair the damage. I have just told you that you have lost many valuable contributions toward the building up of THE NATIONAL; but as I do not wish to be a busybody in other people's affairs, I only cite my own experience to show you what you have irretrievably lost. In the present instance, you have, as you well know, been the sole cause of preventing me from canceling the obligation, at least mentally due; for every time I put forth my hand to do the dictates of my heart, you have, like an evil spirit, stood between me and my task, frightening. ridiculing, and crushing the very thoughts of my head out into a vast chaos, from which it were a hopeless thing to think of ever recovering them again. But that is not all. Every one has some favorite among his household gods, and mine, O sorrow, was THE NATIONAL; longing to do it some honor, I resolved to prepare an offering worthy of the shrine. From time to time, I'labored with diligent hands, not to mention the trifling assistance of my head, in gathering up many mites, farthings, pence, and pounds, all of which I intended to lay on its altar; and, how carefully I kept them, how nicely I polished them, it is needless to tell. But strange enough, a conviction, which it was impossible to shake off, was dayly impressed on my mind, that the priest at the altar would certainly refuse my offering. My thoughts, I confess, were something besides vexatious; I grew desperate, and resolved that an offering should be made, so, gathering up my mites, farthings, and pence, which I had kept with religious care, I looked them all over to see that none were missing, put them into decent order, and then-" G. "Sent them to-"

"Pray, do not interrupt me! I looked them over to see that none were missing, put them into decent order, and then laid them in the fire!"

G.

"Mercy! was there nothing at all saved ?" "Nay, verily! ganz und gar nichts !" [Exit Ghost in great haste, dropping his dagger, which, on inspection, proves to be only a curiously disguised steel pen.] MARY, OF CINCINNATI,

THE CENTRAL PARK, in the upper section of this city, is to be a grand affair, rivaling, if not exceeding similar places in the old world. It is to be two miles and a half long and half a mile wide, contains seven hundred and seventysix acres, including the present distributing reservoir, the ground taken for a new reservoir, and the arsenal grounds belonging to the state. It is as large as Hyde Park and Kensington Gardens, in London, combined, and seven times larger than the united area of all the other squares and public places in this city. It extends from Fifty-ninth street on the south, to One Hundredth-street on the north, and from the Fifth to the Eighth Avenues. The lower extremity is about five miles from the Battery, and the upper extremity the same distance from the northern end of the island. It is to be artistically laid out and planted with a variety of ornamental trees, and to present:

First.-A principal road or drive, which shall, in its entire extent, embrace every feature of importance within the limits, and every prominent view without. This drive to be wide enough to admit of its being used by a large number and variety of vehicles at the same time. To be long enough for an afternoon drive, and not so long as to necessitate the passing over of the same ground twice.

Second.-Another drive, secluded in its charac

ter, to be used by such persons as desire to be more retired.

Third. Certain roads devoted to equestrians to the exclusion of vehicles.

Fourth.-Certain walks devoted exclusively to pedestrians.

Fifth.-Certain traverse roads at convenient distances to allow of an easy transit across the Park for business and other purposes.

Sixth.-A level space prepared for and allotted to military exercises; of sufficient extent to admit of every description of field manoeuver, either by regiment, battalion, brigade, or division, infantry, cavalry, or artillery.

Seventh. A cricket ground for the encouragement of and an indulgence in athletic and manly sports.

Eighth.-Spaces devoted to botanical and horticultural purposes.

A MILLIARD.-The Assemblée Nationale has

P. P. P. P. P. M. C. P. P. R. R. R. O. R. O. A. R.
R. E. O. O. R. O. N. U. E. O. M. R. M. T. D. S. 8.
N. M. O. I. I. E. U. T. A. A. U. N. T. T. N. C.
R. B. R. L. S. A. T. D. U. A. U. R. G. T.
N. U. U. N. B. N. A. A. R. T. N. N. T. U. T.
N. N. A. []. []. N. []. T. T. N. T. [1.

this fabulous coin:

"People may not in general have a clear idea of what a milliard 1,000,000,000fr. in silver is. A milliard weighs five millions of kilogrammes; it would take 2,000 carts, drawn by four horses each, to transport it by land. By water, it would require a vessel like Noah's ark, namely, 309 cubits by 50, with a depth of 80 cubits. Were 5,000,000 of kilogrammes forced into bars of an inch square, their total length would be 655,000 meters, or more than enough to encompass Paris with a railing ten feet high. Were a milliard of five franc pieces arranged side by side on a breadth of four meters, (the usual breadth of the paving of the Imperial roads,) the length thus covered would be three leagues more than the distance between Paris and Rouen. A single line formed by a milliard of franc pieces would be 23 millions of inches in length, or 750 leagues more than the circumference of the earth. Lastly, had the milliard, at the time of the birth of Jesus Christ, been inclosed in a machine so constructed as to cast out one franc piece per minute, this machine would still have to be kept a-going for about 62 years longer, in order to exhaust the milliard."

POETRY BY MACHINERY.-There is a great deal of rhyme perpetrated now-a-days which seems to be merely mechanical. There is no soul in it. We have not had the pleasure of inspecting any of these machines for the manufacture of English verse, but for the amusement of our younger readers we give a mechanical scheme for the production of Latin hexameters. It is said to be the invention of Cluverius, who died in Leyden in 1623. The construction of the scheme is ingenious, but simple enough when analyzed. For instance, looking at the first table for hexameters, and the method of all is alike, although slightly complicated in details from the different numbers of letters (not syllables, with a rare exception or two) in the different words, the. method consists in placing the first letters of the words in succession, then follow the second letters, and so on; as, for example's sake, if we wished to write bid, bad, bud, in this way, it would be done thus: b, b, b, i, a, u, d, d, d. The following

HEXAMETERS V.

T. P. P. V. L. F. A. C. S. E. O. B. E.
U. CE. G. R. I. M. C. E. R. M. D. M. I. D.
P. U. L. B. I. E. I. M. E. O. L. L. E. N. R. N.
I. R. R. A. A. R. A. A. A. N. A. A. [ ]. [ ]. A. [ ].
[ ]. [ ]. A. [ ], [ ]. E. E. [ ]. E, E, E. ( ́].'"

HEXAMETERS VL

D. S. Q. A. P. M. D. N. S. V. Æ. U. C.
R. V. I. I. Æ. R. P. Æ. E. A. L. R. G.
V. A. E. D. R. V. T. A. R. A. []. [].
A. B. A. A. [ ]. A. [ ]. [ ], [ ]. M. A.

Each of these lists of letters contains nine complete words, and these in the first table form the initial dactyl of a hexameter line. The way in which the word is evolved out of the maze is this: select any figure up to 9; say, for instance, 4. Name this figure, and then call the letter at the top on the left hand 5, and so on till nine, which will be found to be A. Write this letter down. Then proceed to count nine more from A, and this will bring the trav eler to S; and so on to P, next to E, after that to R, and finally to A. This completes the word Aspera. Commencing with any other digit will show corresponding results, and nine different adjectives will reward the process. The same method pursued with the other tables will produce nine words in each, any one of which will serve the mechanical versifier's turn.

Verses may be constructed upon this model ad infinitum, having only the two or three grand drawbacks-first, that the rythm of the verse is monotonous; secondly, that the changes are rung upon the five or six words in a line, usque ad nauseam; and, thirdly, (but this can scarcely be considered a defect, inasmuch as it were not reasonable to have looked for aught else,) that the sense this strange jumble of words makes in the majority of cases is-sheer nonsense.

To save our readers the trouble of deciphering the tables letter by letter, we subjoin the nine hexameter verses:

1884Za

multa

dira nigra

188456789

PREMONITIONS.-There is a premonition related of Professor Bohn, teacher of Mathematics at Marburg, by Stilling. He was suddenly seized with a conviction, one evening, while in company, that he ought to go home. But being very comfortably taking tea, he resisted the admonition, until it returned with such force, that at length he was obliged to yield. On reaching his house he found everything as he had left it; but he now felt himself urged to remove his bed from the corner in which it stood, to another; he resisted this impulsion also. However absurd as it seemed, he felt he must do it; so he summoned the maid, and, with her aid, drew the bed to the other side of the room; after which he felt quite at ease, and returned to spend the rest of the evening with his friends. At ten o'clock the party broke up, he retired home, went to bed and to sleep. In the middle of the night he was awakened by a loud crash. A large beam had fallen, bringing part of the ceiling with it, and was lying exactly on the spot his bed had occupied. Another is related of a gentleman who, when absent from home once, was seized with such an anxiety about his family, that, without being able in any way to account for it, he felt himself impelled to fly to them and remove them from the house they were inhabiting, one wing of which fell down immediately afterward. No notion of such a misfortune had ever before occurred to him, nor was there any reason whatever to expect it, the accident originating from some defect in the foundation. One of the most singular cases of presentiment is affirmed to have occurred on board of a British ship, while off Portsmouth. The officers being one day at the mess-table, a young Lieutenant P. suddenly laid down his knife and fork, pushed away his plate, and turned extremely pale. He then rose from the table, covered his face with his hands, and retired from the room. The president of the mess, supposing him to be ill, sent one of the young men to inquire what was the matter. At first Mr. P. was unwilling to speak; but, on being pressed, confessed that he had been seized by a sudden impression that a brother he had then in India was dead. "He died," said he, "on the 12th of August, at six o'clock; I am perfectly certain of it." No argument could overthrow this opinion, which, in due course of post, was verified to the letter. The young man had died at Cawnpore at the period mentioned.

TRUE PHILOSOPHY.-Dr. Johnson remarked that a habit of looking on the best side of every event is better than a thousand pounds a year. When Fenelon's library was on fire, "God be praised," he exclaimed, "that it is not the dwelling of some poor man."

Origin of the MALAKOFF.-Some ten years ago a sailor and rope-maker, named Alexander Ivanovitch Malakoff, lived in Sebastopol, and by his good humor, jovial habits, and entertaining qualities, became the center of a select circle of admiring companions. Like many great conversationalists and wits, Malakoff contracted most intimate relations with Bacchus; and under the influence of the latter he participated, in 1831, in some riots which broke out in the

town, and which had one result, that of the dismissal of Malakoff from the dockyard in which he was employed. Being incapable of turning himself to any more reputable trade, he opened a low wine-shed on a hill outside of the town, and introduced into practice the theoretical notions which he had acquired by a long and zealous study of the nature of beerhouses and wine-shops. His trade prospered; his old admirers crowded round him; and in their enthusiasm Christened the wine-shed, which soon expanded into a large public house, and the hill on which it was built, by the name of the popular host. In time a village grew around the public house, and was likewise called by the name of Malakoff. But the entertaining and imaginative founder of the place in his deepest cups could never have dreamed that one day his name would be in the mouths of all men, and that one of the heroes of a great war would esteem it as an inestimable title of honor.

THE NATURALIST AMPERE AND DOGS.-This celebrated student among animals, who at one time decided against their capacity to reason, was driven by a storm into a village public house, and ordered a roasted fowl. Arago, in his biography of Ampere, relates the circumstance, and the change of the naturalist's faith, as follows:

"Old fashions then prevailed in the south of France, and turnspits were still employed in the place of the modern jack. Neither caresses, threats, nor blows, could make the dog act his part. The gentleman interposed. 'Poor dog, indeed!' said the landlord sharply; he deserves one of your pity, for these scenes fellow refuses to work the spit? It is because he has take place every day. Do you know why this pretty taken it into his head that he and his partner are to share alike, and it is not his turn.' Ampere's informant begged that a servant might be sent to find the other dog, who made no difficulty in performing his task. He was taken out after a while and his refractory partner put in, who began, now that his sense of justice was satisfied, to work with thorough good will, like a squirrel in a cage. A similar anecdote was related by M. de Liancourt to the great Arnauld, who, with other Port Royalists, had adopted the theory of Descartes, that dogs were automatons and machines, and who, on the strength of this conviction, dissected the poor creatures to observe the circulation of the blood, and denied that they felt. I have two dogs,' said the remonstrator against this cruelty, who turn the spit on alternate days. One of them hid himself, and his partner was about to be put in to turn in his place. He barked and wagged his tail, as a sign for the cook to follow him, went to the garret, pulled out the truant, and worried him. Are these your machines?' The great Arnauld, mighty in controversy and redoubtable in logic, must have had a latent consciousness that the turnspit had refuted him."

MAXIMS OF CONFUCIUS.-The wise man does not speak of all he does, but he does nothing that cannot be spoken of.-Attention to small things is the economy of virtue.-Raillery is the lightning of calumny.-Man may bend to virtue, but virtue cannot bend to man.-Repentance is the spring of virtue.-Virtue does not give talents, but it supplies their place. Talents neither give virtue nor supply the place of it. He who finds pleasure in vice, and pain in virtue, is a novice both in the one and the other. Ceremony is the smoke of friendship.The pleasure of doing good is the only one that never wears out.-When men are together, they listen to one another, but women and girls look

at one another. The tree overthrown by the wind had more branches than roots.-The dog in the kennel barks at his fleas, but the dog who is hunting does not feel them.-Receive your thoughts as guests, and treat your desires like children. The prison is shut night and day, yet it is always full; the temples are always open, and yet you find no one in them.

SMALL CHANGE.

SHELTERING ourselves behind that most solid and serious of the Quarterlies, the Edinburgh Review, we begin paying out SMALL CHANGE this month by a quotation from its pages. The extract may be entitled "A Hearty Laugh."

"What a capital, kindly, honest, jolly, glorious thing a good laugh is! What a tonic! What a digester! What a febrifuge! What an exorciser of evil spirits! Better than a walk before breakfast or a nap after dinner. How it shuts the mouth of malice, and opens the brow of kindness! Whether it discovers the gums of infancy or age, the grinders of folly or the pearls of beauty; whether it racks the sides and deforms the countenance of vulgarity, or dimples the visage or moistens the eye of refinement-in all its phases, and on all faces, contorting, relaxing, overwhelming. convulsing, throwing the human form into the happy shaking and quaking of idiocy, and turning the human countenance into something appropriate to Billy Button's transformation-under every circumstance, and everywhere, a laugh is a glorious thing. Like a thing of beauty,' it is a joy for ever.' There is no remorse in it. It leaves no sting, except in the sides, and that goes off. Even a single unparticipated laugh is a great affair to witness. But it is seldom single. It is more infectious than scarlet fever. You cannot gravely contemplate a laugh. If there is one laughter, and one witness, there are forthwith two laughters. And so on. The convulsion is propagated like sound. What a thing it is when it becomes epidemic."

FRENCHIFIED ENGLISH.-At sea, in a terrible storm, one of the passengers, a Frenchman, ventured to ask the captain about their prospects. "If the wind does not abate," was the reply, "in half an hour we shall all go to the bottom." "Parbleu," replied the Frenchman, "that will be uncomfortable !"

Similar, but more decidedly French, and quite as comical to English ears, is the translation of Satan's address as given by Milton. The verse commencing

"Hail! horrors, hail!"

is thus rendered into the French vernacular: "Comment vous portez-vous, Messieurs Horreurs !" That is, to bring it back again into English, "How d'ye do, Messrs. Horrors !" While on this subject we may add that Count las Casas has in his collection at Paris a curious document, said to be the first and only attempt of Napoleon Bonaparte to write in English, of which the following is given as a transcript:

"Count las Casas-since sixt week I learn the English and I do not any progress. six week do fourty and two day if might have learn fivty word for day, I could know it two thousands and two hundred. it is in the dictionary more of fourty thousand even he could must twenty bout much ofteen for know it ov hundred and twenty week which do more two years, after this you shall agree that to study one tongue is a great labour, who it must do in the young aged. Lorwood (Longwood) this morning the seven March thurdsday, one thousand eight hundred sixteen after nativity the year Jesus Christ.

But sometimes a Frenchman, with his broken English, is more than a match even for an astrologer, as shown in the following, which comes to us as veritable matter of fact:

"Monsieur Fricandeau was arrested for an assault and battery on Herr Jacob Mitnacht, a German gentleman, lately arrived in this city, who condescends to tell fortunes by astrological observations. The cause of the quarrel is thus related by Monsieur Fricandeau : 'I 'ave lost my leetle dog female Heloise; I hear Monsieur Mitnacht know something about everything, and I go to him and say, "Sare, I vill give you von dollaro if you vill tell me my Heloise's fortune, and vare I find her." He say, "Vat is dat Heloise? Is she your vife?" I say, "No; but I lufs her much better dan six, seven vifes, or I vould not give you von dollare for bring her back." Den he say, "You must tell me ven Heloise was born, and I kalkelate her nativitee." So I tell him all dat, and pay him ze dollare, and he make figure on ze papier, and tell me Heloise vas gone off wid an autre man, and would come back nevare no more. And I ask him vat dat toder man vould do vid Heloise; vould he make sassage? He say no, he vould marry her ven he got toder side of the vattare. Den I laugh, he! haw! and tell him Heloise vas von dog female. So he got mad, and call me von French homebug, and say I vant to cheat him, and vy I not tell him sooner dat Heloise vas not vun voman. I say, "Vy ze star no tell you dat? You 'ave got my dollare on ze false pretense, and I vill give you ze law tout suite."""

Most of our readers are familiar with the poem entitled "Surnames ever go by contraries," from the pen of Horace Smith. The following, in the same vein, strikes us as equally happy in its allusions to the other sex. It was written by Mrs. Wilson, and is entitled:

MISNOMERS.

Miss Brown is exceedingly fair,

Miss White is as red as a berry, Miss Black has a gray head of hair,

Miss Graves is a flirt ever merry; Miss Lightbody weighs sixteen stone,

Miss Rich can scarce muster a guinea,
Miss Hare wears a wig and has none,
And Miss Solomon is a sad ninny!

Miss Mildmay's a terrible scold,
Miss Dove's ever coarse and contrary,
Miss Young is now grown very old,
And Miss Heaviside's light as a fairy!
Miss Short is at least five feet ten,

Miss Noble's of humble extraction;
Miss Love has a hatred toward men,
While Miss Still is forever in action.

Miss Green is a regular blue,

Miss Scarlet looks pale as a lily,

Miss Violet ne'er shrinks from our view,

And Miss Wiseman thinks all the men silly! Miss Goodchild's a naughty young elf,

Miss Lyon's from terror a fool, Miss Mee's not at all like myself,

Miss Carpenter no one can rule!

Miss Sadler ne'er mounted a horse,

While Miss Groom from the stable will run, Miss Kilmore can't look on a corse,

And Miss Aimwell ne'er leveled a gun; Miss Greathead has no brains at all,

Miss Heartwell is ever complaining, Miss Dance ne'er has been at a ball,

Over hearts Miss Fairweather likes reigning!

Miss Wright, she is constantly wrong,
Miss Tickell, alas! is not funny;
Miss Singer ne'er warbled a song,

And, alas! poor Miss Cash has no money;
Miss Bateman would give all she's worth
To purchase a man to her liking,
Miss Merry is shocked at all mirth,
Miss Boxer the men don't find striking !

Miss Bliss does with sorrow o'erflow,
Miss Hope in despair seeks the tomb;
Miss Joy still anticipates woe,

And Miss Charity's never at home!'