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There are who say, “ You lash the sins of men ! A mitre may repay his heav'nly crown,
While one is void of wit, and one of grace,
And list with B-ll's 10 to roar for half-a-crown?
Sooner Iberia tremble for her fate I name not Walpole; you the reason guess; From Mob's arms, or Abn's debate. Mark yon fell harpy hov'ring o'er the press. Though fawning fatt'ry ne'er shall taint my Secure the Muse may sport with names of kings;
lays, But ministers, my friend, are dangʻrous things. Yet know, when virtue calls, I burst to praise. Who would have Paxton 1 answer wbat he writ; Behold yon temple " rais'd by Cobham's hand, Or special juries, judges of his wit ?
Sacred to worthies of his native land : Pope writes unhurt—but know, 'tis diff'rent Ages were ransack'd for the wise and great, quite
Till Barnard came, and made the groupe comTo beard the lion, and to crush the mite.
plete. Safe may he dash the statesman in each line; Be Barnard there-enliven'd by the voice, Those dread his satire, who dare punish mine. Each busty bow'd, and sanctify'd the choice. “ Turn, turn your satire then," you cry,
" to Pointless all satire in these iron times; praise."
Too faint are colours, and too feeble rhymes. Why, praise is satire, in these sinful days. Rise then, gay fancy, future glories bring, Say, should I make a patriot of sir Bill,
And stretch oer happier days thy healing wing. Or swear that G-s duke has wit at will '; Rapt into thought, lo ! . I Britannia see From the gulld knight could I expect a place,
Rising superior o'er the subject sea; Or hope to lie a dinner from his grace,
View her gay pendents spread their silken wings, Though a reward be graciously bestow'd
Big with the fate of empires, and of kings: On the soft satire of each birth-day ode? The tow'ring barks dance lightly o'er the main, The good and bad alike with praise are blest ;
And roll their thunder thro' the realms of Spain. Yet those who merit most, still want it least:
Peace, violated maid, they ask no more, But conscious vice still courts the cheering ray, But waft her back triumphant to our shore; While virtue shines, nor asks the glare of day.
While buxom Plenty, laughing in her train, Need I to any, Pultney's worth declare?
Glads er'ry heart, and crowns the warrior's pain. Or tell him Carteret charms, who has an ear? On, fancy, on! still stretch the pleasing scene, Or, Pitt, can thy example be unknown,
And bring fair freedom with her golden reign; While each fond father marks it to his son ? Cheer'd by whose beams ev'o meagre want can I cannot truckle to a slave in state,
smile, And praise a blockhead's wit, because he's great: And the poor peasant whistle 'midst his toil. Down, down, ye hungry garretteers, descend, Such days, what Briton wishes not to see? Call Walpole 8 Burleigh, call him Britain's friend; And such each Briton, Frederic 19, hopes from Behold the genial ray of gold appear,
thee, And rouse, ye swarms of Grub-street and Rag-fair.
See with what zeal yon tiny insect 9 burns, And follows queens from palaces to urns:
1• A noted agent in a mob-regiment, who is emThough cruel death has clos'd the royal ear, ployed to reward their venal vociferations, on cerThat flatt'riug fly still buzzes round the bier: tain occasions, with half-a-crown each man. But what avails, since queens no longer live? Why, kings can read, and kings, you know, may dens at Stow, in which the lord Cobham has
" The Temple of British Worthies in the gare give.
lately erected the busto of sir John Bastard, 7 A famous solicitor. • See these two characters compared in the
12 The father of George the Third. Gazetteers; but, lest none of those papers should have escaped their common fate, see the two characters distinguished in the Craftsman.
9 Dr. Alured Clarke, who wrote, or rather stole, a character of the late queen from Dr. Burnet's character of queen Mary. This pamphlet, however, has been ascribed to lord Uervey.
A VERY SHORT, BUT VERY CURIOUS EPIC POEM
WITH THE PROLEGOMRNA OP SCRIBLERUS TERTIUS,
TO THE MOST PUISSANT AND INVINCIBLE
SCRIBLERUS TERTIUS OF THE GYMNASIAD, OR BOXING MATCH,
POEM. It is an old saying, that necessity is the mother of invention : should seem then that poe
try, which is a species of invention, must natuNos hæc novimus esse nihil. Mart. rally derive its being from the same origin: hence
it will be easy to account for the many flimsy ghost-like apparitions, that every day make their
appearance among us; for if it be true, as natuMR. JOHN BROUGHTON.
ralists observe, that the health and vigour of the
mother is necessary to produce the like qualities HAD this dedication been addressed to some in the child, what issue can be expected from the reverend prelate, or female court-favourite, womb of so meagre a parent ? to some blundering statesman, or apostate pa
But there is another species of poetry, which, triot, I should doubtless have lanched into the instead of owing its birth to the belly, like Mihighest encomiums on public spirit, policy, vir- nerva springs at once from the head : of this kind tue, piety, &c. and, like the rest of my brother are those productions of wit, sense, and spirit, dedicators, had most successfully imposed on which once born, like the goddess herself, imtheir vanity, by ascribing to them qualities they mediately become immortal. It is true, these were utterly unacquainted with; by which means are a sort of miraculous births, and therefore it I had prudently reaped the reward of a panegyrist is no wonder they should be found so rare among from my patron, and, at the same time, secured us.--As glory is the noble inspirer of the latter, the reputation of a satirist with the public. so hunger is the natural incentive of the former:
But scorning these base arts, I present the ful- thus fame and food are the spurs with which every lowing poem to you, unswayed by either Aattery poet mounts his Pegasus ; but, as the impetus of or interest; since your modesty would defend the belly is apt to be more cogent than that of the you against the poison of the one, and your head, so you will ever see the one pricking and known economy prevent an author's expectations goading a tired jade to a hobbling trot, while the of the other. I shall therefore only tell you, other only incites the foaming steed to a majestic what you really are, and leave those (whose pa- capriol. trons are of the higher class) to tell them what The gentle reader, it is apprehended, will not they really are not. But such is the depravity long be at a loss to determine, which species the of human nature, that every compliment we be following production ought to be ranked under: stow on another is too apt to be deemed a satire but as the parent most unnaturally cast it out as on ourselves; yet surely, while I am praising the spurious issue of his brain, and even cruelly the strength of your arm, no politician can think denies it the common privilege of his name; it meant as a reflection on the weakness of his struck with the delectable beauty of its features, head; or, while I am justifying your title to the I could not avoid adopting the little poetic orphan, character of a man, will any modern petit-mastre and by dressing it up with a few notes, &c. prethink it an impeachment of his affinity to that of sent it to the public as perfect as possible. its mimic counterfeit, a monkey?
Had I, in imitation of other great authors, Were I to attempt a description of your qua- only consulted my interest in the publication of lifications, I might justly have recourse to the this inimitable piece, (which doubtless will unmajesty of Agamemnon, the courage of Achilles, dergo numerous impressious) I might first have the strength of Ajax, and the wisdom of Ulysses; sent it into the world naked, then, by the addi. but, as your own heroic actions afford us the best tion of a commentary, notes variorum, prolemirror of your merits, I shall leave the reader gomena, and all that, levied a new tax upon the to view in that the amazing lustre of a character, public; and after all, by a sort of moderu pueta few traits of which only, the following poem ical legerdemain, changing the name of the prin. was intended to display; and in which, had the cipal hero, and inserting a few hypercritics of a ability of the poet equalled the magnanimity of flattering friend's, have rendered the former edihis hero, I doubt not but the Gymnasiad had, tions incorrect, and cozened the curious reader like the immortal Iliad, been handed down to the out of a treble consideration for the same work; admiration of all posterity.
but however this may suit the tricking arts of a As your superior merits contributed towards bookseller, it is certainly much below the sublime raising you to the dignities you now enjoy, and genius of an author. I know it will be said, placed you even as the safe-guard of royalty it. that a man has an equal right to make as much self, so I cannot help thinking it happy for the as he can of his wit, as well as of his money: prince, that he is now able to boast one real but then it ought to be considered, whether champion in his service: and what Frenchman there may not be such a thing as usury in would not tremble more at the puissant armı of a buth; and the law having only provided against Broughton, than at the ceremonious gauntlet of it in one instance, is, I apprehend, no very a Dimmack ?
moral plea for the practice of it in the
1 As this may be thought to be particularly your most devoted,
aimed at an author who was lately reported to be and most humble servante dead, and whose loss all lovers of the muses
The judicions reader will easily perceive, that besides, the poignance of the sword is too prethe following prein in all its properties partakes ralent for that of the pen; and who, when there of the epic; such as fighting, speeching, bully are at present so many thousand unanswerable ing, ranting, &c. (to say nothing of the moral) standing arguments ready to defend, would ever and, as many thousand verses are thought neces- be Quixote enough to attack, either the omniposary to the construction of this kind of poem,
tence of a prince, or the omniscience of his mimay be objected, that this is too short to be rank- nisters? ed under that class : to which I will only an- Were I to attempt an analysis of this poem, I swer, that as conciseness is the last fault a wri-coula demonstrate that it contains (as much as ter is apt to commit, so it is generally the first a a piece of so sublime a nature will adinit of) all reader is willing to forgive; and thongh it may those true standards of wit, humour, raillery, not be altogether so long, yet I dare say, it satire, and ridicule, which a late writer has so will not be found less replete with the true vis marvellously discovered; and might, on the part poetica, than (not to mention the Iliad, Æneid, of our author, say with that profound critic,&c.) even Leonidas itself.
Jacta est Alea: but as the obscurity of a beauty It may farther be objected, that the charac- too strongly argues the want of one, so an enters of our principal heroes are too humble for deavour to elucidate the merits of the following the grandeur of the epic fable; but the candid performance, might be apt to give the reader a reader will be pleased to observe, that they are disadvantageous impression against it, as it not here celebrated in their mechanic, but in might tacitly imply they were too mysterious to their heroic capacities, as boxers, who, by the come within the compass of his comprehension. ancients themselves, have ever been esteemed I shall therefore leave them to his more curious worthy to be immortalized in the noblest works of observation, and bid him heartiiy farewell this nature ; of which the Epëus and Euryalus of Lege & delectare. Homer, and the Entellus and Dares of Virgil,
SCRIBLERUS TERTIUS. are incontestable authorities. And as those authors were ever careful, that their principal personages (however mean in themselves) should
THE GYMNASI AD. derive their pedigree from some deity, or illus
BOOK I. trious hero, so our author has with equal propriety made his spring from Phaëton and Neptune; under which characters he beautifully al. The invocation, the proposition, the night belegorises their different occupations of watermen fore the battle described ; the morning opens, and coachmen.-But for my own part, I cannot
and discovers the multitude hasting to the conceive, that the dignity of the hero's profes
place of action; their various professions, dig. sion is any ways essential to that of the action;
nities, &c. illustrated; the spectators being for, if the greatest persons are guilty of the
seated, the youthful combatants are first inmeanest actions, why may not the greatest ac
troduced; their manner of fighting displayed ; tions be ascribed to the meanest persons ?
to these succeed the champions of a higher de. As the main action of this poem is entirely sup
gree; their superior abilities marked, some of ported by the principal heroes themselves, it has
the most eminent particularly celebrated ; been maliciously insinuated to be designed, as an
mean while, the principal heroes are repreunmannerly reflection on a late glorious victory,
sented sitting, and ruminating on the apwhere, it is pretended, the whole action was a
proaching combat, when the herald summons chieved without the interposition of the principal
them to the lists. heroes at all.—But as the most innocent meanings may by ill minds be wrested to the most Sing, sing, O Muse, the dire contested fray, wicked purposes, if any such construction And bloody honours of that dreadful day, should be made, I will venture to affirm, that When Phaëton's bold son (tremendous name) it must proceed from the factious venon of the Dard Nepiune's offspring to the lists of fame. reader, and not from any disloyal malignity in What fury fraught thee with ambition's fue, our author, who is too well acquainted with the Ambition, equal foe to son and sire? power, ever to arraign the purity,of government : V. 3, 4. H'hen Thurton's bolil son. It is usual would have the greatest reason to lament; it call the sons after the games of their fathers ; as
Dard Neptune's offspring for poets to may not be improper to assure the reader, that Againemnou the son of Streus, and Achilles the it was written, and intended to have been published, before that report, and was only meant
son of Pelens, are frequently termed Pelides and
Atrides. Our author would doubtless have folas an attack upon the general abuse of this kind. lowed this laudable example, but be found As to our anthor himself, he has frequently Broughtonides and Stephensonies, or their congiven public testimonies of his veneration for tractions, too unmusical for metre, and therefore that great man's genius; nor may it be unenter
with wonderful art adopts two poetical parents ; taining to the reader, to acquaint him with one private instance:--Immediately on hearing the
which obviates the difhculty, and at the same
time heightens the dignity of his heroes. report of Mr. Pope's death, he was heard to
BENTLEIDES. break forth in the following exclamation :
V. 6. Ambition, equal foe lo son and sire?] Pope dead !~Hush, hush, Report, the slan- It has been maintained by some pbilosophers, d'rous lie;
that the passions of the mind are in some meaFame says he lives--immortals never die, sure hereditary, as well as the features of the
One, hapless fell by Jove's æthereal arms, Bailiffs, in crowds, neglect the dormant writ, And one, the Triton's mighty pow'r disarms. And give another Sunday to the wit:
30 Now all lay hush'd within the folds of night, He tou would hie, but ah! his fortunes frown, And saw in painted dreams th' important fight; 10 Alas! the fatal passport's—half-a-crown. While hopes and fears alternate turn the scales, Shoals press on shoals, from palace and from And now this hero, and now that prevails; Blows and imaginary blood survey,
Lords yield the court, and butchers Clerkenwell. Then waking, watch the slow approach of day; St Giles's natives, never known to fail, When, lo! Aurora in her saffron vest
All who have haply'scap'd th' obdurate jail; Darts a glad ray, and gilds the ruddy east. There many a martial son of Tott’nham lies,
Forth issuing now all ardent seek the place Bound in Deveilian bands, a sacrifice Sacred to fame, and the athletic race.
To angry justice, nor must view the prize, As from their hive the clust'ring squadrons pour
Assembled myriads crowd the circling seats,40 O'er fragrant meads, to sip the vernal flow'r; 20 High for the combat every bosom beats, So from each inn the legal swarms impel, Each busom partial for its hero bold, Of banded seers, and pipils of the quill.
Partial through friendship-or depending gold. Senates and shambles pour forth all their store, But first, the infant progeny of Mars Mindful of mutton, and of laws no more;
Join in the lists, and wage their pigmy wars; E'en money-bills, uncourtly, now must wait, Train’d to the manual tight, and bruiseful toil, And the fat lamb bas one more day to bleat. The stop defensive, and gymnastic foil, The highway knight now draws his pistol's load,
With nimble fists their early prowess show, Rests his faint steed, and this day franks the road. And mark the future hero in each blow.
To these, the hardy iron race succeed, 50 body. According to this doctrine, our author All sons of Hockley and fierce Brick-street breed: very beautifully represents the frailty of ambi- Mature in valour, and inur'd to blood, tion descending from father to son ;-and as ori- Dauntless each foe in form terrific stood; ginal sin may in some sort be accounted for on Their callous bodies, frequent in the fray, this system, it is very probable our author had a Mock'd the fell stroke, nor to its force gave theological, as well as physical, and moral mean
way. ing in this verse.
'Mongst these Gloverius, not the last in fame, For the latter part of this note we are obliged And he whose clog delights the beauteous dame; to an eminent divine.
Nor least thy praise, whose artificial light, V. 21. legal swarms impel,] An ingenious cri- In Dian's absence, gilds the clouds of night. tic of my acquaintance objected to this simile, and would by no means admit the comparison
V. 37. There many a martial son, &c.] The between bees and lawyers to be just; one, he unwary reader may from this passage be apt to said, was an industrious, barmless, and useful conclude, that an amphitheatre is little better species, none of which properties could be affirm- than a nursery for the gallows, and that there is ed of the other; and therefore he thought the a sort of physical connection between boxing and drone, that lives on the plunder of the híve, a thieving; but although boxing may be a useful more proper archetype. I must confess myself ingredient in a thief, yet it does not necessarily in some measure inclined to subscribe my friend's make him one. Boxing is the effect, not the opinion ; but then we must consider, that our cause; and men are not thieves because they author did not intend to describe their qualities, are boxers, but boxers because they are thieves. but their number; and in this respect no one,
Thus tricking, lying, evasion, with several other I think, can have any objection to the propriety such-like cardinal virtues, are a sort of properties of the comparison.
pertaining to the practice of the law, as well as V. 24. and of laws no more;] The original
to the mercurial profession. But would any one MS. has it bribes; but, as this might seem to
therefore infer, that every lawyer must be a cast an invidious aspersion on a certain assembly, thief?
SCHOLIAST. remarkable for their abhorrence of venality ; V. 44. infant progeny of Mars] Our author and, at the same time, might subject our pub- in this description alludes to the Lusus Troja lisher to some little inconveniences; I thought of Virgil, it prudent to soften the expression ; besides, I Incedunt puerithink this reading renders our author's thought
- Trojæ juventus more natural; for, though we see the most tri
-Puguæque ciunt simulachra sub armis. fling avocations are able to draw off their attention from the public utility, yet nothing is suf
V. 51. Hockley und fierce Brick-street breed] ficient to divert a steady pursuit of their private Two famous athletic seminaries. emolument.
V. 57. And he whose clog, &c.] Here we are V. 28. this day franks the road.] Our poet here presented with a laudable imitation of the anartfully insinuates the dignity of the combat he is cient simplicity of mammers; for, as Cincinnatus about to celebrate, by its being able to prevail on
lisdained not the homely employment of a a highwayman to lay asirle bis business, to be
plouglunan, so we see our hero condescending to come a spectator of it; --and as, on this occa
the bumbie occupation of a clog-maker; and sion, he makes him forsake his daily bread, while
this is the more to be admired, as it is one chathe senator only neglects the business of the na
racteristic of modern heroism, to be either above tion, it may be observed, how satirically he gives
or below any occupation at all. the preference, in point of disinterestedness, to
V. 58. whose artificial light,] Varions and the highwayman.
violent have been the controversies, whether our
While these the combat's direfularts display,60 Now Neptune's offspring dreadfully serene, Ano share the bloody fortunes of the day, Of size gigantic, and tremendous mien, Each hero sat, revolving in his sul
Steps fortb, and ’midst the fated lists appears ;
Or through those straits whose waters stun the
Suon as the ring their ancient warrior view'd,
Joy tilld their hearts, and thund'ring shouts
Superior with the Triton yonths he row'd ; Stephenson enters the lists; a description of his Touch'd the glad shure, and claim’d the badge
While far a-head his winged wherry few, figure; an encomium on his abilities, with
its due. respect to the character of a coachman.
Then thus indignant he accosts the foe, Broughton advances; bis reverend form des
(While high disdain sat prideful on his brow:) cribed; bis superior skiil in the management
Long has the laurel-wreath victorious spread of the lighter and wherry displayed ; his triumph of the badge celebrated; bis speech; The prize of conquest in each doubtful fray,
Its sacred honours round this hoary head; his former victories recounted; the prepara- And dear reward of many a dire fought day. 49 tions for the combat, and the borrour of the Now youth's cold wane the vigorous pulse has spectators.'
chas'd, First, to the fight, advanc'd the charioteer: Froze all my blood, and ev'ry nerve unbrac'd; High hopes of glory on his brow appear ;
Now, from these teinples shall the spoils be torn, Termour vindictive flashes from his eye,
In scornful triumph by my foe he worn ? (Toore the fates the visual ray deny ;)
What then avail my various deeds in arms, Pierce glow'd his looks, which spoke his inward If this proud crest ihy feeble force disarms? rage ; Lost be my glories to recording fame,
[name! He leaps the bar, and bounds upon the stage.
When, foil'd by thee, the coward blasts my The roofs re-eccho with exulting cries,
1, who e'er manhood my young joints bad knit, And al behold him with admiring eyes.
First taught the fierce Grettonius to submit ; 50 Ill-fated youth! what rash desires could warm
While, drench'd in blood, he prostrate press'd Thy maniy heart, to dare the Triton's arm ? 10
the floor, Ah! too unequal to these martial deeds,
And inly groan'd the fatal words—no more.' Though none more skill'd to rule the foaming Allenius too, who ev'ry heart dismay'd, The coursers, still obedient to thy reini, (steeds. Now urge their fight, or now their flight restrain. thor inculcates a 'fine moral, by showing how Had mighty Diomed provok'd the race,
apt men are to mistake their talents ; but were Thou far had'st left the Grecian in disgrace. men only to act in their proper spheres, how ofWhere-e'er you drove, each in confess'd your ten should we see the parson in the pew of the sway,
[hay. peasant, the author in the character of his Maids brought the dram, and ostlers flew with bawker, or a beau in the livery of his footBut know, though skill'd to guide the rapid car, man! &c. None wages like thy foe the manual war. 20 V. 34. the badge its due.] A prize given by
Mr. Pogget, to be annually contested on the author here intended to celebrate a lamp lighter first of August. As among the ancients, games or a link-boy; but as there are heroes of both and sports were celebrated on mournful as well capacities at present in the school of honour, it as joyful events, there has been some controis d fficult to determine, whether the poet al. versy, whether our loyal comedian meant the Judes to a Wells, or a Buckhorse.
compliment to the setting or rising monarch of 1 Argument.] It was doubtless in obedience that day; but, as the plate has a horse for its to custom, and the example of other great poets, device, I am induced to impute it to the latter; that our author has thought proper to prefix an and, doubtless, he prudently considered, that, argument to each book, being minded that no
as a living dog is better than a dead lion, the thing should be wanting in the usual parapher- living horse had, at least, an equal title to the nalia of works of this kind. — For my own pait, I same preference. am at a loss to account for the use of them, un- v. 42. Frose all my blood, ) See Virgil. less it be to swell a volume, or, like bills of fare, Sed enim gelidus tardante senecta to advertise the reader what he is to expect; Sanguis hebet, frigentque effætæ in corpore that, if it contains nothing likely to suit his taste,
vires. he may preserve his appetite for the next course. V. 50. Fierce Grettonius to submit ;] Gretton, V. 6, 7. He leaps the bar, &c.
See the des- the most famous Athleta in bis days, over whom The roofs re echo
our hero obtained his maiden prize. riptions of Dares in Virgil.
V. 53. Allenius too, &c.] Vulgarly known by Nec mora, continuo vastis cum viribus effert
the plebeian name of Pipes, which a learned critic Ora Dares, magnoque virum se murmure tollit. will have to be derived from the art and mystery
V. 19. But know, though skill'd) Here our au- of pipe-making, in which it is affirmed this hero