Tertia Microphile, proles furtiva parentis
Divina! produxit enim commixta furenti
Diva viro Physice-muscas & papiliones
Lustrat inexpletum, collumque & tempora rident
Floribus, & fungis, totâque propagine veris.
Rara oculis nugarum avidis animalia quærit
Omne genus, seu serpit humi, seu ludit in undis,
Seu volitans tremulis liquidum secat aëra pennis.

O! ubi littoribus nostris felicior aura

Polypon appulerit, quanto cava templa Stuporis

Mugitu concussa trement, reboabit & ingens
Pulsa palus! Plausu excipiet Dea blanda secundo
Microphile ante omnes; jam non crocodilon ado-
rat!
[ardet,
Non bombyx, chonchæve juvant: sed Folypon
Solum Polypon ardet,-& ecce! faceta feraci
Falce novos creat assiduè, pascitque creatos,
Ah! modo dilectis pascit nova gaudia muscis.

Quartam Materies peperit conjuncta Stupori, Nomen Atheia illi, monstrum cui lumenademptum,

Atque aures; cui sensus abest, sed mille trisulcæ
Qre micant linguæ, refugas quibus inficit auras.

She from Old Matter, the great mother came,
By birth the eldest-and how like the damne!
Her shrivel'd skin, small eyes, enormous pate,
Denote her shrewd, and subtle in debate:
This hand a net, and that sustains a club,
T'entangle her antagonist, or drub.

The spider's toils, all o'er her garment spread,
Imply the mazy errours of her head.
Behold her marching with funereal pace,
Slow as old Saturn through prodigious space,
Slow as the mighty mountains mov'd along,
When Orpheus rais'd the lyre attended song:
Slow as at Oxford, on some gaudy day,
Fat beadles, in-magnificent array,
With big round bellies bear the ponderous treat
And heavily lag on, with the vast load of meat.
Next her, mad Mathesis; her feet all bare,
Ungirt, untrimm'd, with loose neglected hair:
Reclin'd she sits, and ponders o'er a point
No foreign object can her thoughts disjoint;
Before her, lo! inscrib'd upon the ground
Strange diagrams th' astonish'd sight confound,
Right lines and curves, with figures square and
round.

With these the monster, arrogant and vain,
Boasts that she can all mysteries explain,
And treats the sacred sisters with disdain,
She, when great Newton sought his kindred skies,
Sprung high in air, and strove with him to rise,

In vain-the mathematic mob restrains
Her flight, indignant, and on Earth detains;
E'er since she dwells intent on useless schemes,
Unmeaning problems, and deliberate dreams.
Microphile is station'd next in place,
The spurious issue of celestial race;
From heavenly Physice she took her birth,
Her sire a madman of the sons of Earth;
On flies she pores with keen, unwearied sight,
And moths and butterflies, her dear delight;
Around her neck hang dangling on a string
With greedy eyes she'll search the world to find
The fungous tribe, with all the flowers of spring.
Whether along the lap of Earth they stray,
Insects and reptiles rare of every kind;
Or nimbly sportive in the waters play,
Or through the light expanse of ether fly,
And on light wing float wavering in the sky.
Ye gales, that gently breathe upon our shore,
O! let the polypus be wafted o'er;

How will the hollow dome of Dulness ring?
With what loud joy receive the wonderous thing?
Applause will rend the skies, and all around,
The quivering quagmires bellow back the sound?
How will Microphile her joy attest,

And glow with warmer raptures than the rest?
No longer shall the crocodile excel,

Nor weaving worm, nor variegated shell;

The polypus shall novelties inspire,
The polypus, her only fond desire.

Lo! by the wounds of her creating knife,

New polypusses wriggle into life,

Fast as the reptiles rise, she feeds with store
Of once rare flies, but now esteem'd no more.

The fourth dire shape from mother Matter
Dulness her sire, and Atheism her name ; [came,
In her no glimpse of sacred Seuse appears,
Depriv'd of eyes, and destitute of ears:
And yet she brandishes a thousand tongues,
And blasts the world with air-infecting lungs.

Hanc stupor ipse parens odit, vicina nefandos
Horret sylva sonos, neque surda repercutit Echo.
Mendacem natura redarguit ipsa, Deumque
Et coelum, & terræ, veraciaque Astra fatentur.
Se simul agglomerans surgit chorus omnis aqua-

rum,

Et puro sublimè sonat grave fulmen olympo.

Fonte ortus Lethæo, ipsus ad ostia templi, Ire soporifero tendit cum murmure rivus, Huc potum Stolidos Deus evocat agmine magno: Crebri adsunt, largisque sitim restinguere gaudent [stupendo. Haustibus, atque iterant calices, certantque "Me, me etiam," clamo, occurrens ;-sed vellicat

aurem

Calliope, nocuasque vetat contingere lymphas

Curs'd by her sire, her very words are wounds,
No grove re-echoes the detested sounds.
Whate'er she speaks all nature proves a lye,
Earth, Heaven, and stars proclaim a Deity:
The congregated waves in mountains driven
Roar in grand chorus to the lord of Heaven;
Through skies serene the pealing thunders roll,
Loudly pronounce the god, and shake the
sounding pole.

A river, murmuring from Lethæan source,
Full to the fane directs its sleepy course;
The Power of Dulness, leaning on the brink,
Here calls the multitude of fools to drink.
Swarming they crowd to stupify the skull,
With frequent cups contending to be dull.
"Me, let me taste the sacred stream," (I cry'd),
With out-stretch'd arm-the Muse my boon
deny'd,

And sav'd me from the sense-intoxicating tide.

Edita vix tandem est monstrum Folychasmia,
proles

Tanto digna parente, aviæque simillima Nocti.
Illa oculos tentat nequicquam aperire, veterno
Torpida, & horrendo vultum distorta cachinno.
Emulus hanc Jovis aspiciens, qui fictile vulgus
Fecerat infelix, imitarier arte Prometheus
Audet-nec flammis opus est cœlestibus: auræ
Tres Stygiæ flatus, nigræ tria pocula Lethes
Miscet, & innuptæ suspiria longa puellæ,
His adipem suis & guttur conjungit aselli,
Tensaque cum gemitu somnisque sequacibus ora.
Sic etiam in terris dea, quæ mortalibus ægris
Ferret opem, inque hebetes dominarier apta,

creata est.

Nonne vides, ut præcipiti petit oppida cursu
Rustica plebs, stipatque forum? sublime tribunal
Armigerique equitesque premunt, de more parati
Justitiæ lances proferre fideliter æquas,
Grande capillitium induti, frontemque minacem,
Non temerè attoniti caupones, turbaque furum
Aufugiunt, gravidæque timent trucia ora puellæ.
At mox fida comes Polychasmia, matutinis
Quæ se miscuerat poc'lis Cerealibus, ipsum
Judicus in cerebrum scandit-jamque unus &
Cœperunt longas in hiatum ducere voces: [alter
Donec per cunctos dea jam solenne, profundum
Sparserit Hum-nutant taciti, tum brachia

magno

Extendunt nisu, patulis & faucibus hiscunt.

MECHANICAL SOLUTION OF THE

PROPAGATION OF YAWNING.

WHEN Pallas issued from the brain of Jove,
Momus, the mimic of the gods above,
In his mock mood impertinently spoke,
About the birth, some low, ridiculous joke:
Jove, sternly frowning, glow'd with vengeful ire,
And thus indignant said th' almighty sire;

Loquacious slave, that laugh'st without a cause,
Thou shalt conceive, and bring forth at thy jaws."
He spoke stretch'd in the hall the mimic lies,
Supinely dull, thick vapours dim his eyes:
And as his jaws a horrid chasm disclose,
The Gallic trumpet sounded from his nose;
Harsh was the strain, and horrible to hear,
Like German jargon grating on the ear

At length was Polychasmia trought to light,
Like her strange sire, and grandmother, Old
Night.

Her eyes to open oft in vain she try'd,
Lock'd were the lids, her mouth distended wide.
Her when Prometheus happen'd to survey
(Rival of Jove, that made mankind of clay)
He dar'd to emulate the wonderous frame,
Nor sought assistance from celestial flame.
To three Lethaan cups he learn'd to mix
Deep sighs of virgins, with three blasts from Styx,
The bray of asses, with the grunt of boar,
The sleep-preceding groan, and hideous snore.
Thus took the goddess her mirac'lous birth,
Helpful to all the muzzy sons of Earth.

Behold! the motley multitude from far
Haste to the town, and crowd the clam'rous bar.
The prest bench groans with many a squire and
knight,

Who weigh out justice, and distribute right:
Severe they seem, and formidably big,
With awful aspect and tremendous wig.
The pale delinquent pays averse his fine,
And the fat landlord trembles for his sign.
Poor, pilfering villains skulk aloof dismay'd,
And conscious terrours seize the pregnant maid.
Soon Polychasmia, who was always near,
Full fraught with morning cups of humming beer,
Steals to his worship's brain; thence quickly ran
Prodigious yawnings, catch'd from man to man:

264

Intereà legum caupones jurgia miscent,
Queis nil rhetorice est, nisi copia major hiandi:
Vocibus ambiguis certant, nugasque strophasque
Alternis jaculantur, & irascuntur amicè,

Silent they nod, and with laborious strain
Stretch out their arms, then listless yawn again:
For all the flowers of rhetoric they can boast,
Amidst their wranglings, is to gape the most;

Donantque accipiuntque stuporis missile plum-Ambiguous quirks, and friendly wrath they vent,

bum.

Vos, Fanatica turba, nequit pia Musa tacere. Majoremne aliunde potest diducere rictum ? Ascendit gravis Orator, iniserâque loquelâ Expromit thesin; in partes quam deinde minutas Distrahit, ut connectat, & explicat obscurando: Spargitur hue! pigris verborum somnus ab alis, Grex circùm gemit, & plausum declarat hiando.

And give and take the leaden argument. Ye too, Fanatics, never shall escape The faithful Muse; for who so widely gape? Mounted on high, with serious care perplext, The miserable preacher takes his text; Then into parts minute, with wondrous pains, Divides, connects, disjoints, obscures, explains While from his lips lean periods lingering creep, And not one meaning interrupts their sleep, The drowsy hearers stretch their weary jaws, Add and yawn a loud applause. to groan, groan The quacks of physic next provoke my ire, Nec vos, qui falsò matrem jactatis Hygeian, Patremque Hippocratem,taceam-Polychasmia, Who falsely boast Hippocrates their sire:

vestros

Agnosco natos: tumidas sine pondere voces
In vulgum eructant; emuncto quisque bacillum
Applicat auratum naso, graviterque facetus
Totuin se in vultum cogit,medicamina pandens-
Rusticus haurit amara, atque insanabile dormit;
Nec sensus revocare queant fomenta, nec herbæ,
Non ars, non miræ magicus sonus Abracadabræ.

Ante alios summa es, Polychasmia, cura so-
phistæ :

Ille Tui cæcas vires, causamque latentem
Sedulus exquirit-quo scilicet impete fauces
Invitæ disjungantur; quo vortice aquosæ
Particulæ fluitent, comitesque ut fulminis im-
bres,

Cum strepitu erumpant; ut deinde vaporet
ocellos

Materies subtilis; ut in cutis insinuet se
Retia; tum, si forte datur contingere nervos
Concordes, cunctorum ora expanduntur hjulca.
Sic ubi, Phoebe pater, sumis chelyn, harmoniam-
que

Abstrusam in chordis simul elicis, altera, siquam
Equalis tenor aptavit, tremit æmula cantûs,
Memnoniamque imitata lyram sine pollicis ictu
Divinum resonat proprio modnlamine carmen.
Me quoque, mene tuum tetigisti, ingrata,
poetam ?

Hei mihi totus hio tibi jam stupefactus, in ipso
Parnasso captus longè longèque remotas
Prospecto Musas, sitioque, ut Tantalus alter,
Castalias situs inter aquas, inhiantis ab ore
Nectarei fugiunt latices-hos Popius urnâ
Excipit undanti, & fontem sibe vendicat omnem.

Dentibus infrendens nequicquam lumine torvo
Sæpius exprobrat; requicquam brachia tendit
Sedulus officiosa, dapes removere paratus.
Olli nunquam exempta fames, quin frusta su-

prema

Devoret, & peritura immani ingurgitet ore:
Tum demum jubet auferri; nudata capaci
Ossa sonant, lugubre sonant catino.

Goddess! thy sons I ken-verbose and loud,
They feed with windy puffs the gaping crowd.
With look important, critical, and vain,
Each to his nose applies the gilded cane;
Each as he nods, and ponders o'er the case,
Gravely collects himself into his face,
Explains his med'cines-which the rustic buys,
Drinks the dire draught, and of the doctor dies;
No pills, no potions can to life restore;
Abracadabra, necromantic power!
Can charm, and conjure up from death no more.
The Sophs, great goddess, are thy darling

care,

Who hunt out questions intricately rare;
Explore what secret spring, what hidden cause,
Distends with hideous chasm th' unwilling jaws,
How watery particles with wonderous power
Burst into sound, like thunder with a shower:
How subtile matter, exquisitely thin,
Pervades the curious net-work of the skin,
Affects th' accordant nerves-all eyes are

drown'd

In drowsy vapours, and the yawn goes round.
When Phoebus thus his flying fingers flings
[strings;
Across the chords, and sweeps the quiverings
If e'er a lyre at unison remain,
Trembling it swells, and emulates the strain:
Thus Memnon's harp, in ancient times renown'd,
Express'd, untouch'd, sweet-modulated sound.

But oh! ungrateful! to thy own true bard,
Is this, O goddess! this my just reward?
Thy drowsy dews upon my head distil,
Just at the entrance of th' Aonian hill;
Listless I yawn, unactive, and supine,
And at vast distance view the sacred Nine:
Wishful I view Castalia's streams, accurst,
Like Tantalus, with unextinguish'd thirst;
The waters fly my lips, my claim disown-
Pope drinks them deeply, they are all his own.
Thus the lank Sizar views, with gaze aghast,
The harpy tutor at his noon's repast;
In vain his teeth he grinds-oft checks a sigh,
And darts a silent censure from his eye:
Now he prepares, officious, to convey
The lessening relics of the meal away--
In vain, no morsel 'scapes the greedy jaw,
All. all is gorg'd in magisterial maw;
Till at the last observant of his word,

The lamentable waiter clears the board,

And inly-murmuring miserably groans,

To see the empty dish, and hear the rattling

bones.

TO WILLIAM DIXON, ESQ.

WHILE at your Loversal, secure retreat,
Far from the vain, the busy, and the great,
Retirement's calm, yet useful arts you know,
Bid buildings rise, and future navies grow;
Or, by the sacred thirst of learning led,
Converse familiar with th' illustrious dead,
Worthies of old, who life by arts refin'd,
Taught wholesome laws, and humaniz'd man-
kind:

Can my friend listen to this flowery lay,
Where splendid Douglas paints the blooming
May?

If aught these lines thy candid ear engage,
The Muse shall learn to moralise the page,
Give modest merit the reward that's due,
'And place the interests of mankind in view,
Form tender minds by virtue's better lore,
And teach old infidels to doubt no more.
To thee this verse belongs; and may it prove
An earnest of my gratitude and love.

THE PREFACE.

of Angus. His father was Archibald, the sixth earl of Angus: he married Elizabeth, daughter to Robert Boyd, (who was chancellor and one of the governors of the kingdom of Scotland, A. D. 1468) by whom he had issue four sons, George, William, Gawin, and Archibald. The two eldest, with two hundred gentleman of the name of Douglas, were killed in the battle of Flodden.

Our author was born the latter end of the year 1474, or the beginning of 1475. Great care was taken of his education, and he was early instructed in the liberal arts and sciences. When he had completed his studies in his own country, he went abroad, that he might farther improve himself by conversation with great and learned men, and observations on the laws and customs of other countries. Upon his return to Scotland, he was advanced to be provost of the collegiate church of St. Giles in Edinburgh, and rector of Heriot church, some few miles distant from it. In this station he continued several years, behaving himself as became his holy character, noble birth, and liberal education. After the battle of Flodden many ecclesiastical dignities became vacant; among which was the abbacy of Aberbrothock, one of the most considerable in the kingdom. The queen mother, who was then regent, and shortly after married to the earl of Angus, our author's nephew, presented him to it; and soon after to the archbishopric of St. Andrews. But he met with so great opposition in this affair, that neither the royal authority, nor the influence of his noble relations, nor his own unexceptionable merit, were able to procure him peaceable possession: for Andrew Forman (bishop of Murray, and archbishop of Bourges in France) by the interest he had in the court of Rome, and the duke of Albany, obtained a bull from the pope for that dignity, and was accord

THE following poem of Gawin Douglas is prefixed to the XIIth book of his translation of Virgil's Eneis, and entitled, "Ane singular lernit Proloug of the discription of May;" and is now publish'd, as a proof, that the muses had visitedingly acknowledged as archbishop by most of the Great Britain, and the flowers of poetry began to bloom 250 years ago. It may also serve as an instance, that the lowland Scotch language and the English, at that time were nearly the same. Chaucer and Douglas may be look'd upon as the two bright stars that illumined England and Scotland, after a dark interval of dulness, a long night of ignorance and superstition, and foretold the return of day, and the revival of learning.

This description of May is extremely picturesque and elegant, and esteemed to be one of the most splendid descriptions of that month that has appeared in print; which is all the apology I shall make for having given it a more modern dress.

The old Scotch is printed exactly after the Edinburgh edition, which was published in the

year 1710.

SOME ACCOUNT OF GAWIN DOUG-
LAS.

GAWIN DOUGLAS, bishop of Dunkeld, was nobly descended, being a son of the illustrious family

clergy of the see. Mr. Douglas, reflecting on
the scandals which arose from such unworthy
contests, and preferring the honour of a Chris-
tian, and peaceable disposition to his temporal
interest and greatness, wholly laid aside his
But the bishopric of
pretensions to that see.
Dunkeld becoming vacant, in January 1515, the
queen advanced him to it; and afterwards, by the
intercession of Henry III. king of England,
obtained a bull in his favour from pope Leo X.
Notwithstanding his right was founded on the
royal and papal authority, yet he could not
obtain consecration for a considerable time,
because of a powerful competitor; for Andrew
Stuart, prebendary of Craig, and brother
to the earl of Athole, had got himself nomi-
nated bishop by such of the chapter as were
present; and his title was supported by all the
enemies of the queen and her husband the eart
of Angus, particularly the duke of Albany, who
returning to Scotland in May 1515, was declared
regent. In the first session of parliament after
the governor's arrival, Mr. Douglas was accused,
on some groundless pretext or other, of acting
contrary to the laws of the nation, was pronoun-
ced guilty, and committed to the castle of St.
Andrews, and imprisoned upwards of a year, till
the governor was reconciled to the queen and the