« EelmineJätka »
Lord God, for the sake of Jesus Christ, make, I have written a little of the Lives of the Poets, it effectual to my salvation.
I think with all my usual vigour. I have made My purposes are,
sermons, perhaps as readily as formerly. My To study divinity, particularly the evidences of memory is less faithful in retaining names, and Christianity.
I am afraid in retaining occurrences. Of this To read the New Testament over in the year, vacillation and vagrancy of mind, I impute a
with more use than hitherto of commentators. great part to a fortuitous and unsettled lie, and To be diligent in my undertakings.
therefore purpose to spend my lime with more To serve and trust God, and be cheerful.
method. This year, the 25th of March passed away with
out memorial. Poor Tetty, whatever were our
faults and failings, we loved each other! I did Almighty and most merciful Father, suffer me not forget thee yesterday. Couldest thou have once more to commemorate the death of thy Son lived !Jesus Christ, my Saviour and Redeemer, and I am now, with the help of God, to begin a new make the memorial of his death profitable to my
life. salvation, by strengthening my faith in his merits, and quickening my obedience to his laws. Remove from me, O God, all inordinate desires, all
1779. corrupt passions, and all vain terrors, and fill me with zeal for thy glory, and with contidence
January 1st, before l in the morning. in thy mercy. Make me to love all men, and Almighty God, merciful Father, who have enable me to use thy gifts, whatever Thou shalt granted to me the beginning of another year, bestow, to the benefit of my fellow-creatures. So grant that I may employ thy gifts to thy glory, lighten the weight of years, and so mitigate the and my own salvation. Excite me to amend my atilictions of disease, that I may continue fit for life; give me good resolutions, and enable me to thy service, and useful in my station. And so let perform them. As I approach the grave, lei my me pass through this life, by the guidance of thy faith be invigorated, my hope exalted, and my Holy Spirit, that at last I may enter into eternal charity enlarged. Take noi from me thy Holy joy, through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
Spiri but in the course of my life protect me, in the hour of death sustain me, and finally receive me to everlasting happiness, for the sake of
Jesus Christ. Amen. Having gone to bed about two, I rose about nine,
and, having prayed, went to church. I came early, and used this prayer. After sermon I again used my prayer; the Collect for the day
Good FRIDAY. I repeated several times, at least the petitions.
April 2d. I recommended my friends. At the altar I| After a night restlesg and oppressive, I rose this prayed earnestly, and when I came home, morning somewhat earlier than is usual ; and prayed for pardon and peace; repeated my having taken tea, which was very necessary to own prayer, and added the petitions of the compose the disorder in my breast, having Collect.
eaten nothing, I went to church with Boswell. O God, have mercy upon me, for the sake of We came late; I was able to attend the Litany Jesus Christ. Amen.
with little perturbation. When we came home At my return home, I returned thanks for the I began the First to the Thess. having prayed opportunity of communion.
by the Collect for the right use of the ScripI was called down to Mrs. Nollikens. Boswell tures. I gave Boswell Les Pensees de Pascal,
came in; then dinner. After dinner, whicb that he might not interrupt me. I did not, I I believe was late, I read the First Epistle to believe, read very diligently; and before I bad Thess.; then went to Evening Prayers; then read far, we went to church again; I was again came to tea, and afterwards tried Vossius de attentive. At home I read again, then drank Baptismo. I was sleepy.
tea, with a bun and a half, thinking myself less able to fast than at former times; and then concluded the Epistle. Being much oppressed
with drowsiness, I slept about an hour by the Monday, April 29th, 1778.
fire. After a good night, as I am forced to reckon, I
rose seasonably, and prayed, using the Collect I am now to review the last year, and find little for yesterday.
but dismal vacuity, neither business nor pleaIn reviewing my time from Easter 1777, I found sure; much intended, and little done. My
a very melancholy and shameful blank. So health is much broken; my nights afford me little has been done, that days and months are little rest. I have tried opium, but its help is without any trace. My health has, indeed, counterbalanced with great disturbance ; it prebeen very much interrupted. My nights have vents the spasms, but it hinders sleep. O God, been commonly, not only restless, but painful have mercy on me. and fatiguing." "My respiration was once so Last week I published (the first part of] the Lives difficult, that an asthma was suspected. I of the Poets, written, I hope, in such a manner could not walk, but with great difficulty, from as may tend to the promotion of piety. Stowhill to Greenhill. Some relaxation of my In this last year I have made little acquisition ; I breast has been procured, I think, by opium, have scarcely read any thing. I maintain Mrs. which, though it never gives me sleep, frees my - and her daughter. Other good of myself breast from spasms.
I know not where to find, excepi a little charity.
11 P. M.
But I am now in my seventieth year; what can and enable me to forsake them. Ease, if it shall be done, ought not to be delayed.
please Thee, the anxieties of my mind, and relieve the infirmities of my body. Let me not be disturbed by unnecessary terrors, and let not the
weakness of age make me unable to amend my Easter Eve.
life. O Lord, take not from me thy Holy Spirit,
but receive my petitions, succour and comfort me, April 3d, 1779, 11 P. M. and let me so pass the remainder of my days, This is the time of my annual review, and annual that when Thou shalt call me hence, I may enter
resolution. The review is comfortless, little into eternal happiness, through Jesus Christ our done. Part of the life of Dryden and the life Lord. Amen. of Milton have been written; but my mind has neither been improved nor enlarged. I have read little, almost nothing. And I am
Sept. 18th, 1779, H. P. M. 12må. not conscious that I have gained any good, or Almighty God, Creator of all things, in whose quitted any evil habits.
hands are life and death, glory be to Thee for all of resolutions I have made so many, with so thy mercies, and for the prolongation of my life
little effect, that I am almost weary, but by the to the common age of man. Pardon me, o help of God, am not yet bopeless. Good reso- gracious God, all the offences which in the course lutions must be made and kept. I am almost of seventy years I have committed against thy seventy years old, and have no time to lose. Holy Laws, and all negligences of those duties The distressful restlessness of my nights, makes which Thou hast required. Look with pity upon it difficult to settle the course of my days. me, take not from me thy Holy Spirit, but enable Something, however, let me do.
me to pass the days which Thou shalt yet vouchsafe to grant me, in thy fear, and to thy glory: and accept, O Lord, the remains of a mispent
life, that when thou shalt call me to another state, EASTER DAY.
I may be received to everlasting happiness, for the
sake of Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.
April 4th, 1779. I rose about half an hour after nine, transcribed the prayer written last night; and by neglect
Epsom. ing to count time sat too long at breakfast, so that I came to church at the First Lesson. I My purpose is to communicate at least thrice a attended the Litany pretty well; but in the
year. pew could not hear the communion service, To study the Scriptures. and missed the prayer for the church militant To be diligent. Before I went to the altar, I prayed the occasional prayer. At the altar I commended my and again prayed the prayer ; I then prayed
1780. the Collects, and again my own prayer by memory. I left out a clause. I then received,
January 181, H. I. A. M. I hope with earnestness; and while others received sat down ; but thinking that posture, whose mercy my life has been continued to the
Almighty God, my Creator and Preserver, by though usual, improper, I rose and stood. Í
beginning of another year, grant me with increase prayed again in the pew, but with what prayer of days, increase of holiness; that as I live
have forgotten. When I used the occasional prayer, at the altar, Thee, when Thou shalt call me from my present
longer I may be better prepared to appear before I added a general purpose,
state. To avoid idleness.
Make me, O Lord, truly thankful for the mercy I gave two shillings to the plate. Before I went I used, I think, my prayer, and which thou hast vouchsafed to show me through endeavoured to calm my mind.
my whole life ; make me thankful for the health
After my re- which Thou hast restored in the last year, and let turn I used it again, and the Collect for the the remains of my strength and life be employed
day. Lord have mercy upon me. I have for some nights called Francis to prayers,
to thy glory and my own salvation. and last ght discoursed with him on the sa-enable me to avoid or overcome all that may
Take not, O Lord, thy Holy Spirit from me; crament.
hinder my advancement in godliness ; let me be no longer idle, no longer sinful ; but give me recti
tude of thought and constancy of action, and EASTER Dar.
bring me at last to everlasting happiness, for the
sake of Jesus Christ our Lord and Saviour.
April 4th, 1779.
Sunday, June 18th.
In the morning of this day last year, I perceived Almighty God, by thy merciful continuance of the remission of those convulsions in my my life, I come once more to commemorate the breast which had distressed me more than sufferings and death of thy Son Jesus Christ, and twenty years. I returned thanks at church for to implore that mercy which, for his sake, Thou the mercy granted me, which has now conshowest to sinners. Forgive me my sins, O Lord,
tinued a year.
January 28, 1751.
I rose according to my resolution, and am now to Almighty God, our Creator and Preserver, begin another year; I hope with amendment of from whom proceedeth all good, enable me to re kfe. I will not despair. 'Help me, help me, o ceive with humble acknowledgment of thy unbounded benignity, and with due consciousness of My hope is, my own unworthiness, that recovery and con- To rise at eight or sooner. tinuance of health which Thou hast granted me, To read the Bible through this year in some lanand vouchsafe to accept the thanks which I now guage. offer. Glory be to Thee, O Lord, for this and all To keep a journal. thy mercies. Grant, I beseech Thee, that the To study religion. health and life which thou shalt yet allow me, To avoid idleness. may conduce to my eternal happiness. Take not from me thy Holy Spirit; but so help and bless me, that when thou shalt call me hence, I may Almighty God, merciful Father, who hast obtain pardon and salvation, for the sake of Jesus granted me such continuance of life, that I now Christ our Lord. Amen.
see the beginning of another year, look with mercy upon me; as thou grantest increase of
years, grant increase of grace. Let me live to
Sepl. 18th, 1790. repent what I have done amiss, and by thy help I am now beginning the seventy-second year of so to 'regulate my future life, that I may obtain
my life, with more strength of body and greater | mercy when I appear before Thee, through the vigour of mind than I think is common at that merits of Jesus Christ
. Enable me, O Lord, to age. But though the convulsions in my breast do my duty with a quiet mind; and take not are relieved, my sleep is seldom long. My from me thy Holy Spirit, but protect and bless nights are wakeful, and therefore I am some me, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen. times sleepy in the day. I have been attentive to my diet, and have diminished the bulk of my body. I have not at all studied, nor written diligently. I have Swist and Pope yet to write ;
Good FRIDAY. Swift is just begun.
April 13th, 1781. I have forgotten or neglected my resolutions or I forgot my prayer and resolutions, till two days
purposes, which I now humbly and timorously ago I found this paper. renew. Surely I shall not spend my whole life Some time in March I finished the Lives of the with my own total disapprobation. Perhaps Poets, which I wrote in my usual way, dilatorily God may grant me now to begin a wiser and a and hastily, unwilling to work, and working better life.
with vigour and haste. On Wednesday 11th, was buried my dear friend
Thrale, who died on Wednesday 4th; and Almighty God, my Creator and Preserver, who
with him were buried many of my hopes and hast permitted me to begin another year, look
pleasures. About five, I think, on Wednesday with mercy upon my wretchedness and frailty. morning he expired; I felt almost the last Rectify my thoughts, relieve my perplexities,
flutter of his pulse, and looked for the last time strengthen my purposes, and reform my doings.
upon the face that for fifteen years had never Let increase of years bring increase of faith, hope,
been turned upon me but with respect or beand charity. Grant me diligence in whatever
. May God, that delighteth work thy providence shall appoint me. Take
in mercy, have had mercy on thee! not from me thy Holy Spirit, but let me pass the I had constantly prayed for him some time before remainder of the days which thou shalt yet allow
his death. me, in thy fear and to thy glory; and when it shall The decease of him from whose friendship I had be thy good pleasure to call me hence, grant me,
obtained many opportunities of amusement, O Lord, forgiveness of my sins, and receive me to
and to whom I turned my thoughts as to a everlasting happiness, for the sake of Jesus
refuge from misfortunes, has left me heavy. Christ our Lord." Amen.
But my business is with myself.
September 18th, 1781.
My first knowledge of Thrale was in 1765. I
enjoyed his favour for almost a fourth part of
January 2d. I was yesterday hindered by my old disease of mind and therefore begin to-day.
April 141h, 1781. January 1st.
On Good Friday I took, in the afternoon, some Having sat in my chamber till the year began, I coffee and buttered cake; and to-day I had a
used my accommodation of the Morning Prayer little bread at breakfast, and potatoes and apto the beginning of this year, and slept remark ples in the afternoon, the tea with a little toast; ably well, though I had supped liberally. In but I find myself feeble and unsustained, and the morning I went to church. Then I wrote suspect that I cannot bear to fast so long as letters for Mrs. Desmoulins; then went to formerly. Streatham, and had many stops. At night I This day I read some of Clarke's Sermons. I took wine, and did not sleep well.
hope that since my last communion I have ad
vanced, by pious reflections, in my submission | far as is lawful, I humbly implore thy mercy in to God and my benevolence to man; but I his present state. O Lord, since Thou hast been have corrected no external habits, nor have kept pleased to call him from this world, look with any of the resolutions made in the beginning of mercy on those whom he has left; continue to the year; yet I hope still to be reformed, and succour me by such means as are best for me, not to lose my whole life in idle purposes. and repay to his relations the kindness which Í Many years are already gone irrevocably past, have received from him; protect them in this in useless misery ; that what remains may be world from temptations and calamities, and grant spent better, grant, O God.
them happiness in the world to come, for Jesus By this awful festival is particularly recommended Christ's sake. Amen. newness of life; and a new life I will now en deavour to begin, by more diligent application to useful employment, and more frequent attendance on public worship.
September 20, 1781. I again, with hope of help from the God of mercy, When Thrale's health was broken, for many resolve,
months I think before his death, which hapTo avoid idleness.
pened April 4th, I constantly mentioned him in To read the Bible.
my prayers; and after his death, have made To study religion.
particular supplication for his surviving family to this day.
September 18th. Almighty God, merciful Father, by whose pro- This is my seventy-third birthday, an awful day. tection I have been preserved, and by whose cle I said a preparatory prayer last night, and mency I have been spared, grant that the life waking early, made use in the dark, as I sat which Thou hast so long continued, may be no
á up in bed, of the prayer, (beginning of this year.) longer wasted in idleness or corrupted by wicked
I rose, breakfasted, and gave thanks at church ness. Let my future purposes be good, and let for my creation, preservation, and redemption. not my good purposes be vain. Free me, O Lord, As I came home, I thought I had never begun from vain terrors, and strengthen me in diligent obedience to thy laws. Take not from me thy
any period of life so placidly. I read the Se
cond Epistle to the Thessalonians, and looked Holy Spirit, but enable me so to commemorate into Hammond's Notes. I have always been the death of my Saviour Jesus Christ, that I may accustomed to let this day pass unnoticed, but be made partaker of his merits; and may finally, it came this time into my mind that some little for his sake, obtain everlasting happiness. Amen. festivity was not improper. I had a dinner, and
invited Allen and Levet. What has passed in my thoughts on this anni
versary, is in stitched book K.* EASTER SUNDAY.
My purposes are the same as on the first day of
1781. this year, to which I add hope of I rose after eight, and breakfasted; then went More frequent attendance on public worship,
early to church, and before service read the Participation of the Sacrament at least three prayer for the Church Militant. I commended
times a year. my e* friends, as I have formerly done. I was one of the last that communicated. When I came home I was hindered by visitants, but
September 13th, Vesp. 100 40', circ. found time to pray before dinner. God, send Almighty and most merciful Father, who hast thy blessing upon me.
added another year to my life, and yet permittest me to call upon Thee, grant that the remaining
days which Thou shalt yet allow me, may be past Monday, April 16th.
in thy fear and to thy glory. Grant me good At night I had some mental vellications, or revul- diseases of my body, and compose the disquiet of
resolutions and steady perseverance. Relieve the sions. I prayed in my chamber with Frank, and read the first Sunday in the Duty of Man, life ; and, O Lord, take not from me thy Holy
mind. Let me at last repent and amend my in which I had, till then, only looked by com- Spirits,
but assist my amendment, and accept my pulsion or by chance. This day I repeated my prayer, and hope to be repentance, for the sake of Jesus Christ. Amen.
heard. I have, I thank God, received the Sacrament
every year at Easter since the death of my poor dear Tetty. I once felt some temptation to
Sunday, October 14th, 1791,
(Properly Monday morning.) omit it, but I was preserved from compliance. I am this day about to go by Oxford and BirmingThis was the thirtieth Easter.
ham to Litchfield and Ashbourne. The motives of my journey I hardly know. I omitted it
last year, and am not willing to miss it again.
June 22d, 1791. Mrs. Aston will be glad, I think, to see me. Almighty God, who art the giver of all good, We are both old, and if I put off my visit I enable me to remember with due thankfulness may see her no more; perhaps she wishes for the comforts and advantages which I have enjoyed another interview. She is a very good woman. by the friendship of Henry Thrale, for whom, so Hector is likewise an old friend, the only com
Sic MS. (My deceased friends.)
This book is not in the Editor's possession.
panion of my childhood that passed through | Poor Laurence has almost lost the sense of hearthe school with me. We have always loved ing; and I have lost the conversation of a one another. Perhaps we may be made better learned, intelligent, and communicative comby some serious conversation, of which how panion, and a friend whom long familiarity has ever I have no distinct hope.
much endeared. Laurence is one of the best At Litchfield, my native place, I hope to show a men whom I have known.
good example, by frequent attendance on public worship.
Nostrum omnium miserere Deus. At Ashbourne, I hope to talk seriously with
20th. Shaw came; I finished reading Laurence.
I dined liberally. Wrote a long letier to Lang
ton, and designed to read, but was hindered 1782.
by Strahan. The ministry is dissolved. I prayed with Francis, and gave thanks.
To-morrow-To Mrs. Thrale-To write to Hec. Having been, from the middle of January, dis tor-To Dr. Taylor.
tressed by a cold, which made my respiration 21st. I went to Mrs. Thrale. Mr. Cox and very laborious, and from which I was but little
Paradise met me at the door, and went with relieved by being blooded three times; having me in the coach. Paradise's Loss. In the tried to ease the oppression of my breast by evening wrote to Hector. At night there were frequent opiates, which kept me waking in the
eleven visitants. Conversation with Mr. Cor. night and drowsy the next day, and subjected When I walked I saw the penthouses covered me to the tyranny of vain imaginations; baving with snow. to all this added frequent cathartics, sometimes 22d. I spent the time idly. Mens turbata. In with mercury, I at last persuaded Dr. Laurence, the afternoon it snowed. At night I wrote to on Thursday, March 14th, to let me bleed more
Taylor about the pot, and to Hamilton about copiously. Sixteen ounces were taken away, the Federa. and from that time my breath has been free, 23d. I came home, and found that Desmoulins and my breast easy. On that day I took little
had, while I was away, been in bed. Letters food, and no flesh. On Thursday night I slept from Langton and Boswell. I promised L with great tranquillity. On the next night six guineas. (15th) I took diacodium, and had a most rest- 24th, Sunday. I rose not early. Visitors, Allen, less night. Of the next day I remember nothing,
Davis, Windham, Dr. Horsley. Dinner at but that I rose in the afternoon, and saw Mrs. Strahan's. Came home and chatted with Lennox and Sheward.
Williams, and read Romans ix. in Greek. Sunday 17th. I lay late, and had only Palfrey To-morrow' begin again to read the Bible; put
to dinner. I read part of Waller's Directory, rooms in order ; copy L-'s letter. At night a pious rational book ; but in any except a very I read 11 p. and something more, of the Bible, regular life difficult to practice.
in fifty-five minutes. It occurred to me, that though my time might 26th, Tu. I copied —'s letter, then wrote to
pass unemployed, no more should pass un Mrs. Thrale. Cox visited me. I sent home counted, and this has been written to-day, in Dr. Laurence's papers with notes. I gave Dconsequence of that thought. I read a Greek
a guinea, and found her a gown. chapter, prayed with Francis, which I now do 27th W. At Harley-street. Bad nights—in the commonly, and explained to him the Lord's
evening Dr. Broomfield and his family-MerPrayer, in which I find connexion not observed, lin's steelyard given me. I think, by the expositors. I made punch for 28th, Th. I came home. Sold Rymer for Damyself and my servants, by which, in the night,
vies ; wrote to Boswell. Visitors, Dr. Percy, I thought both my breast and imagination dis Mr. Crofts. I have, in ten days, written to ordered.
Aston, Lucy, Hector, Langton, Boswell ; perMarch 18th. I rose_late, looked a little into
haps to all by whom my letters are desired. books. Saw Miss Reynolds, and Miss Thrale, The weather, which now begins to be warm, gives and Nicolaida ; afterwards Dr. Hunter came
me great help. I have hardly been at church for his catalogue. I then dined on tea, &c.;
year; certainly not since the15th of January. then read over part of Dr. Laurence's book, My cough and difficulty of breath would not “De Temperamentis,” which seems to have
permit it. been written with a troubled mind.
This is the day on which, in 1752, dear Tetty died. My mind has been for some time much disturbed.
I have now uttered a prayer of repentance and The peace of God be with me.
contrition ; perhaps Tetty knows that I prayed I hope to-morrow to finish Laurence, and to write
for her. Perhaps Tetty is now praying for me. to Mrs. Aston and to Lucy.
God help me. Thou, God, art merciful, hear 19th. I rose late. I was visited by Mrs. Thrale, Mr. Cotton, and Mr. Crofts. I took Lau- We were married almost seventeen years, and
my prayers, and enable me to trust in Thee. rence's paper in my hand, but was chill; having
have now been parted thirty. fasted yesterday, I was hungry, and dined freely, I then read 11 p. from Ex. 36 to Lev. 7. I prayed then slept a little, and drank tea; then took candles, and wrote to Aston and Lucy, then 29th, Good Friday. After a night of great dis
with Fr. and used the prayer for Good Friday. went on with Laurence, of which little remains. turbance and solicitude, such as I do not reI prayed with Francis.
member, I rose, drank tea, but without eating, Mens sedatior, laus Deo.
and went to church. I was very composed,
and coming home, read Hammond on one of To-morrow Shaw comes. I think to finish Lau the Psalms for the day. I then read Leviticus. rence, and write to Langton.
Scott came in. A kind letter from Gastrel. I