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Sir G. Why, there it is now! a man that he intend to do with Miranda? Is she to be wants money thinks none can be unhappy sold in private, or will he put her up by way that has it; but my affairs are in such a whim- of auction, at who bids most? If so, 'egad I'm sical posture that it will require a calculation for him; my gold, as you say, shall be subof my nativity to find if my gold will relieve servient to my pleasure.

me or not.

Charles. To deal ingenuously with you, sir Charles. Ha, ha, ha! never consult the stars George, I know very little of her or home; about that; gold has a power beyond them. for since my uncle's death, and my return Then what can thy business be that gold won't from travel, I have never been well with my serve thee in?

Sir G. Why I'm in love.

Charles. In love!-Ha, ha, ha, ha! in love! -Ha, ha, ha, ha! with what, pr'ythee? a cherub?

Sir G. No; with a woman,

Charles. A woman! good. Ha, ba, ha, ha! and gold not help thee?

father; he thinks my expenses too great, and
I his allowance too little; he never sees me
but he quarrels, and to avoid that I shun his
house as much as possible. The report is he
intends to marry her himself.

Sir G. Can she consent to it? Charles. Yes, faith, so they say: but I tell you I am wholly ignorant of the matter. I Sir G. But suppose I'm in love with two-fancy she plays the mother-in-law already, Charles. Ay, if thou'rt in love with two and sets the old gentleman on to do mischief. hundred, gold will fetch 'em, I warrant thee, Sir G. Then I have your free consent to boy. But who are they? who are they? come. Sir G. One is a lady whose face I never saw, but witty to a miracle; the other beautiful as Venus

Charles. And a fool

get her?

Charles. Ay, and my helping hand, if occasion be.

Sir G. Poh! yonder's a fool coming this way; let's avoid him.

Sir G. For aught I know, for I never spoke Charles. What, Marplot? No, no, he's my to her; but you can inform me. I am charm'd instrument; there's a thousand conveniences by the wit of the one, and die for the beauty in him; he'll lend me his money when he has of the other. any, run of my errands, and be proud on it; Charles. And pray which are you in quest in short, he'll pimp for me, lie for me, drink for me, do any thing but fight for me; and Sir G. I prefer the sensual pleasure; I'm that I trust to my own arm for. for her I've seen, who is thy father's ward, Sir G. Nay, then he's to be endured; I neMiranda. ver knew his qualifications before.

of now?

Charles, Nay, then I pity you; for the Jew, my father, will no more part with her and Enter MARPLOT, with a Patch across his thirty thousand pounds than he would with a guinea to keep me from starving.

Sir G. Now you see gold can't do every thing, Charles.

Charles. Yes; for 'tis her gold that bars my father's gate against you.


Mar. Dear Charles, yours-Ha! sir George Airy! the man in the world I have an ambition to be known to! [Aside] Give me thy hand, dear boy.

Charles. A good assurance! But barkye, how came your beautiful countenance clouded in the wrong place?

Mar. I must confess 'tis a little mal-a-propos; but no matter for that. A word with you, Charles. Pr'ythee introduce me to sir George-he is a man of wit, and I'd give ten guineas to

Sir G. Why, if he be this avaricious wretch, how cam'st thou by such a liberal education? Charles. Not a souse out of his pocket, I assure you: I had an uncle who defray'd that charge; but for some little wildness of youth, though he made me his heir, left dad my guardian till I came to years of discretion, which I presume the old gentleman will never Charles. When you have 'em, you mean. think I am; and now he has got the estate Mar. Ay, when I have 'em; pugh, pos, you into his clutches, it does me no more good cut the thread of my discourse-I would give than if it lay in Prester John's 1) dominions. ten guineas, I say, to be rank'd in his acquainSir G. What, canst thou find no stratagem tance. But, pr'ythee, introduce me.

to redeem it?

Charles. I have made many essays to no purpose; though want, the mistress of invention, still tempts me on, yet still the old fox is too cunning for me.--I am upon my last project, which if it fails, then for my last refuge, a brown musket. 2)

Sir G. What is't? can I assist thee?
Charles. Not yet; when you can, I have
confidence enough in you to ask it.
Sir G. I am always ready. But what does

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Charles. Well, on condition you'll give us true account how you came by that mourning nose, I will.


Mar. I'll do it.

Charles. Sir George, here's a gentleman has a passionate desire to kiss your hand.


Sir G. Oh! I honour men of the sword! and I presume this gentleman is lately come from Spain or Portugal-by his scars.

Mar. No really, sir George, mine sprung from civil fury. Happening last night into the groom porter's-I had a strong inclination to 1) A certain priest of the name of John, is said to have go ten guineas with a sort of a, sort of atravelled into the mountains of Thibet, and there to kind of a milksop, as I thought. A pox of the dice! he flung out, and my pockets being empty, as Charles knows they often are, h

have founded the religion of Dalai Lama, sometime in the 11th century, A farther account is to be seen in the History of the Church.

3) The soldiers call their musket, "brown Bess;" i proved a surly North Briton, and broke m

means here to enlist for a soldier.

face for my deficiency.

Sir G. What was it, pr'ythee?
Mar. Nay, Charles, now don't expose your

Sir G. Ha, ha! and did not you draw? Mar. Draw, sir! why I did but lay my hand upon my sword to make a swift retreat, and friend. be roar'd out. Now the deel a ma sal, sir,| Charles. Why, you must know I had lent gin ye touch yer steel I se whip mine through a certain merchant my hunting horses, and yer wem. 1) was to have met his wife in his absence. Sending him along with my groom to make the

Sir G. Ha, ha, ha!

Charles. Ha, ha, ha, ha! Safe was the word. compliment, and to deliver a letter to the lady So you walk'd off, I suppose. at the same time, what does he do but gives Mar. Yes, for I avoid fighting, purely to be the husband the letter and offers her the horses! serviceable to my friends, you knowMar. Why to be sure I did offer her the

Sir G. Your friends are much obliged to horses, and I remember you was even with you, sir: I hope you'll rank me in that number. me, for you denied the letter to be yours, and Mar. Sir George, a bow from the side-box, 2) swore I had a design upon her, which my or to be seen in your chariot, binds me ever bones paid for.


Sir G. Trifles; you may command 'em when you please.

Charles. Provided he may command you. Mar. Me! why I live for no other purpose -Sir George, I have the honour to be caressed by most of the reigning toasts 3) of the town tell 'em you are the finest gentlemanSir G. No, no, pr'ythee let me alone to tell the ladies-my paris-Can you convey a letter upon occasion, or deliver a message with an air of business, ha?

Mar. With the assurance of a page and the gravity of a statesman,

Sir G. You know Miranda?

Mar. What! my sister ward? why, her guardian is mine; we are fellow sufferers. Ah, he is a covetous, cheating, sanctified curmudgeon: that sir Francis Gripe is a damn'd old -bypocritical

Charles. Hold, hold; I suppose, friend, you forget that he is my father.

Mar. I ask your pardon, Charles, but it is for your sake I hate him. Well, I say, the world is mistaken in him; his outside piety.

Charles. Come, sir George, let's walk round if you are not engaged, for I have sent my man upon a little earnest business, and I have ordered him to bring me the answer into the Park.

Mar. Business! and I not know it! 'Egad I'll watch him. [Aside. Sir G. I must beg your pardon, Charles, I am to meet your father.

Charles. My father!

Sir G. Ay, and about the oddest bargain perhaps you ever heard of; but I'll not impart till I know the success.

Mar. What can his business be with sir Francis? Now would I give all the world to know it. Why the devil should not one know every man's concerns! [Aside.

Charles. Prosperity to't, whate'er it be: I have private affairs too: over a bottle we'll compare notes.

Mar. Charles knows I love a glass as well as any man; I'll make one; shall it be tonight? I long to know their secrets. [Aside. Enter WHisper.

kes him every man's executor, and his in- Whis. Sir, sir, Mrs. Patch says Isabinda's de cunning makes him every heir's gaoler. Spanish father has quite spoiled the plot, and Ead, Charles, I'm half persuaded that thour't she can't meet you in the Park, but he infalsome ward too, and never of his getting-for libly will go out this afternoon, she says: but never were two things so unlike as you and I must step again to know the hour. Your father; he scrapes up every thing, and Mar. What did Whisper say now? I shall thou spend'st every thing; every body is in- go stark mad if I'm not let into the secret. eated to him, and thou art indebted to every

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Charles. Curst misfortune! Mar. Curst! what's curst, Charles? Charles. Come along with me, my heart feels pleasure at her name. Sir George, yours; we'll meet at the old place, the usual hour. Sir G. Agreed. I think I see sir Francis

[Exit. Charles. Marplot, you must excuse me; I

Charles. The dog is diverting sometimes,
there would be no enduring his imperti-yonder.
He is pressing to be employed, and
ling to execute; but some ill fate generally am engag'd.
ends all he undertakes, and he oftener spoils
intrigue than helps it.

Mar. I have always your good word, but
I miscarry 'tis none of my fault; I follow

ry instructions.

Charles. Yes, witness the merchant's wife.
Mar. Pish, pox! that was an accident.

1) Now the devil have my soul, sir, if ye touch your
wet (sword) 1 will whip (thrust) mine through your

sy The side-box at the Theatre, where the English belles and beaux sport their best looks, and dresses,


Mar. Engag'd! 'Egad, I'll engage my life I'll know what your engagement is. [Exit. Mir. Let the chair wait. My servant that dogg'd sir George said he was in the Park.`

Enter PATCH,

Ha! miss Patch alone! did not you tell me to the Park? you had contrived a way to bring Isabinda

Patch. Oh, madam, your ladyship can't imagine what wretched disappointment we have met with! Just as I had fetch'd a suit of Lads who on account of their beauty (sometimes on my clothes for a disguise, comes my old master nt of their philanthropy) used to be toasted (to into his closet, which is right against her chamber door: this struck us into a terrible

have their healths drunk), in all fashionable societies gestiemen after dinner.

fright at length I put on a grave face, and dom make good husbands in sober sadness asked him if he was at leisure for his choco- she cannot abide 'em. late? in hopes to draw him out of his hole; Mir. [Peeping] In sober sadness you are but he snapp'd my nose off: "No, I shall be mistaken.-What can this mean? busy here these two hours." At which my Sir G. Lookye, sir Francis, whether she poor mistress, seeing no way of escape, or- can or cannot abide young fellows is not the dered me to wait on your ladyship with the business will you take the fifty guineas? sad relation. Sir F. In good truth I will not--for I knew

Mir. Unhappy Isabinda! was ever any thing thy father, he was a hearty wary man, and so unaccountable as the humour of sir Jealous cannot consent that his son should squander Traffick? away what he saved to no purpose.

Patch. Oh, madam, it's his living so long) Mir. [Peeping] Now, in the name of wonin Spain; he vows he'll spend half his estate der, what bargain can he be driving about me but he'll be a parliament man, on purpose to for fifty guineas? bring in a bill for women to wear veils, and Sir G. Well, sir Francis, since you are other odious Spanish customs He swears it so conscientious for my father's sake, then is the height of impudence to have a woman permit me the favour gratis.

seen barefaced even at church, and scarce be- Sir F. No verily; if thou dost not buy thy lieves there's a true begotten child in the city. experience thou wilt never be wise; therefore Mir. Ha, ha, ha! how the old fool torments give me a hundred and try thy fortune. himself! Suppose he could introduce his rigid Sir G. The scruples arose, I find, from the rules-does he think we could not match them scanty sum-Let me see a hundred guineas in contrivance? No, no; let the tyrant man-[Takes the Money out of a Purse, and make what laws he will, if there's a woman chinks it] Ha! they have a very pretty sound, under the government, I warrant she finds a and a very pleasing look-But then, Miranda way to break 'em. Is his mind set upon the-but if she should be cruelSpaniard for his son-in-law still?

Sir F. Ay, do consider on't. He, he, be! Sir G. No, I'll do't. Come, to the point; here's the gold; sum up the conditions.

Patch. Ay, and he expects him by the next fleet, which drives his daughter to melancholy and despair. But, madam, I find you retain the same gay cheerful spirit you had when I waited on your ladyship.-My lady is mighty for good-humoured too, and I have found a way to make sir Jealous believe I am wholly in his interest, when my real design is to serve her: he makes me her gaoler, and I set her at liberty.

Mir. I knew thy prolific brain would be of singular service to her, or I had not parted with thee to her father.

Patch. But, madam, the report is that you are going to marry your guardian.

Mir. It is necessary such a report should be, Patch.

Patch. But is it true, madam?

[Sir Francis pulls out a Paper. Mir. [Peeping] Ay, for heaven's sake do, my expectation is on the rack. Sir F. Well, at your peril be it. Sir G. Ay, ay, go on.

Sir F. Imprimis, you are to be admitted into my house in order to move your suit to Miranda, for the space of ten minutes, with out let or molestation, provided I remain in the same room.

Sir G. But out of ear-shot.

Sir F. Well, well, I don't desire to hear what you say; ha, ha, ha! in consideration am to have that purse and a hundred guineas

Sir G. Take it. [Gives him the Purse And this agreement is to be performed to-day Mir. That's not absolutely necessary. Sir F. Ay, ay; the sooner the better. Poo Patch. I thought it was only the old strain, fool! how Miranda and I shall laugh at him coaxing him still for your own, and railing at [Aside]-Well, sir George, ha, ha, ha! tak all the young fellows about town: in my mind the last sound of your guineas, ha, ha, ha! now you are as ill plagu'd with your guardian, madam, as my lady is with her father.

[Chinks them. Ex Mir. [Peeping] Sure he does not know

Mir. No, I have liberty, wench; that she am Miranda. wants: what would she give now to be in Sir G. A very extraordinary bargain I ha this dishabille in the open air, nay, more, in made, truly; if she should be really in lo pursuit of the young fellow she likes? for with this old cuff now - Pshaw! that's moral that's my case, I assure you. impossible.-But then, what hopes have 1 succeed? I never spoke to her

Patch. As for that, madam, she's even with you; for though she can't come abroad, we Mir. [Peeping] Say you so? then I am sa have a way to bring him home in spite of Sir G. What though my tongue never spo old Argus. my eyes said a thousand things, and my hop Mir. Now, Patch, your opinion of my flattered me her's answer'd 'em. If I'm lu choice, for here he comes-Ha!' my guardian-if not, it is but a hundred guineas_throw with him! what can be the meaning of this? [Mir. comes forwar I'm sure sir Francis can't know me in this Mir. Upon what, sir George? dress.-Let's observe 'em. [They withdraw. Sir G. Ha! my incognita-upon a wom madam.



Mir. They are the worst things you deal in, and damage the soonest; your v Sir F. Verily, sir George, thou wilt repent breath destroys 'em, and I fear you'll ne throwing away thy money so, for I tell thee see your return, sir George, ha, ha! sincerely, Miranda, my charge, does not like Sir G. Were they more brittle than ch and dropped to pieces with a touch, e

a young fellow; they are all vicious, and sel

atom of her I have ventur'd at, if she is but obey. [Turns his back] Come, madam, beginmistress of thy wit, balances ten times the sum.-Pr'ythee, let me see thy face. Mir. By no means; that may spoil your opinion of my sense

Sir G. Rather confirm it, madam.

Patch. So rob the lady of your gallantry, sir. Sir G. No child, a dish of chocolate in the morning never spoils my dinner: the other lady I design for a set meal; so there's no danger.

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Mir. First, then, it was my unhappy lot to
see you at Paris [Draws back a little way,
and speaks] at a ball upon a birth-day; your
shape and air charm'd my eyes, your wit and
complaisance my soul, and from that fatal
night I lov'd you.
[Drawing back.
And when you left the place grief seiz'd me so,
Nor rest my heart nor sleep my eyes could

Last I resolv'd a hazardous point to try,
And quit the place in search of liberty.

Mir. Matrimony! ha, ha, ha! what crimes have you committed against the god of love, [Exit, followed by Patch that he should revenge 'em so severely, as to Sir G. Excellent-I hope she's handsomestamp busband on your forehead? Well now, madam, to the two other things, Sir G. For my folly, in having so often your name, and where you live-I am a gentlemet you here without pursuing the laws of man, and this confession will not be lost upon Balure and exercising her command But I me-Nay, pr'ythee, don't weep, but go on, resolve ere we part now to know who you for I find my heart melts in thy behalf-Speak are, where you live, what kind of flesh and quickly, or I shall turn about-Not yet-Poor blood your face is; therefore unmask, and lady! she expects I should comfort her, and don't put me to the trouble of doing it for you. to do her justice, she has said enough to enMir. My face is the same flesh and blood courage me. [Turns about] Ha! gone! the with my hand, sir George; which if you'll be so rude to provoke

devil! jilted! Why, what a tale she has invented-of Paris, balls, and birth-days!-'Egad, I'd give ten guineas to know who the gipsy is-A curse of my folly-I deserve to lose her. What woman can forgive a man that turns

Sir G. You'll apply it to my cheek-the ladies' favours are always welcome, but I must have that cloud withdrawn. [Taking hold of her] Remember you are in the Park, child; his back! and what a terrible thing would it be to lose this pretty white hand!1)

Mir. And how will it sound in a chocolatehouse, that sir George Airy rudely pulled off a lady's mask, when he had given her his honour that he never would, directly or indirectly, endeavour to know her till she gave him leave? Sir G. But if that lady thinks fit to pursue

The bold and resolute in love and war
Το conquer take the right and swiftest way:
The boldest lover soonest gains the fair,
As courage makes the rudest force obey:
Take no denial, and the dames adore ye;
Closely pursue them, and they fall before ye.


and meet me at every turn, like some troubled SCENE I.-A Room in SIR FRANCIS GRIPE'S

spirit, shall I be blamed if I inquire into the ready? I would have nothing dissatisfied in a female shape.


Mir. What shall I do?
Sir G. Ay, pr'ythee, consider, for thou shalt
f me very much at thy service.
Patrh. Suppose, sir, the lady should be
e with you.

Sir G. Oh! I'll return the obligation in


Patch. And marry her?


Sir F. Ha, ha, ha, ha!

Mir. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha! Oh! I shall die with laughing-the most romantic adventure in-Ha, ha, ha! What does the odious young fap mean? A hundred pieces to talk ten mia nutes with me! ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sir G. Ha, ha, ha! that's not the way to se her, child.

Sir F. And I am to be by too, there's the jest; adad, 1) if it had been in private I should not have car'd to trust the young dog.

Mir. Indeed and indeed but you might,

Mr. If he discovers me I shall die-Which Gardy-Now methinks there's nobody hand-
1 shall I escape? let me see. [Pauses. somer than you: so neat, so clean, so good-
Sir G. Well, madam-
humoured, and so loving-
Mir. I have it-Sir George, 'tis fit you should Sir F. Pretty rogue, pretty rogue! and so
w something; if you'll excuse my face, and thou shalt find me, if thou dost prefer thy
your back (if you look upon me I shall Gardy before these caperers of the age: thou
even masked as I am), I will confess why shalt outshine the queen's box on
an opera
ase engaged you so often, who I am, and night; thou shalt be the envy of the ring 2)
ere I live.
(for I will carry thee to Hyde-park), and thy
equipage shall surpass the-what d'ye call 'em

SG. Well, to show you I am a man of
ar, I accept the conditions: let me but ambassador's.
we know those, and the face won't be long

serret to me.

Patch. What mean you, madam?
Mir. To get off.

Sar G. Tis something indecent to turn one's
- upon a lady; but you command, and I

Muisting to a law which condemns a person to lose his ad, he draw his sword in the park, it being within recincts of the court. Sir George could easily *t the meaning to using violence against any one.

Mir. Nay, I am sure the discreet part of my sex will envy me more for the inside furniture, when you are in it, than my outside equipage.

Sir F. A cunning baggage, i'faith thou art, and a wise one too! and to show thee that 1) For "egad," softened from "by God."

2) The ring in Hyde-park, where the fashionables sport their fine carriages, horses, and liveries, in the spring; something like the Longchamps in Paris.

thou hast not chose amiss, I'll this moment Charles. If you please to intrust me with
disinherit my son, and settle my whole estate the management of my estate I shall endeav-
upon thee.
our it, sir.
Mir. There's an old rogue now. [Aside] Sir F. What, to set upon a card, and buy
No, Gardy, I would not have your name be a lady's favour at the price of a thousand pie-
so black in the world-You know my father's ces, to rig out an equipage for a wench, or
will runs that I am not to possess my estate, by your carelessness to enrich your steward,
without your consent, till I am five-and-twenty; to fine for sheriff, 1) or put up for a parlia-
you shall only abate the odd seven years, and ment man?
make me mistress of my estate to-day, and I'll Charles. I hope I should not spend it this
make you master of my person to-morrow. way: however I ask only for what my uncle
left me; yours you may dispose of as you
please, sir.

Sir F. Humph! that may not be safe - No, Chargy, I'll settle it upon thee for pin-money, and that will be every bit as well, thou know'st. Sir F. That I shall, out of your reach, I Mir. Unconscionable old wretch! bribe me assure you, sir. Adad, these young fellows with my own money!-Which way shall I think old men get estates for nothing but them get out of his hands? [Aside. to squander away in dicing, wenching, drinkSir F. Well, what art thou thinking on, ing, dressing, and so forth. my girl, ha? how to banter sir George?


Charles. I think I was born a gentleman, Mir. I must not pretend to banter; he knows sir; I'm sure my uncle bred me like one. my tongue too well. [Aside] No, Gardy, I Sir F. From which you would infer, sir, have thought of a way will confound him more that gaming and wenching are requisites for than all I could say, if I should talk to him a gentleman. seven years. Charles. Monstrous! when I would ask him Sir F. How's that? oh! I'm transported, I'm only for a support he falls into these unmanravish'd, I'm madnerly reproaches. I must, though against my Mir. It would make you mad if you knew will, employ invention, and by stratagem reall. [Aside] I'll not answer him a word, but lieve myself. be dumb to all he says. Sir F. Sirrah, what is it you mutter, sirrah, Sir F. Dumb! good; ha, ha, ha! Excellent! ha? [Holds up his Cane] I say you shan't ha, ha, ha, ha! I think I have you now, sir have a groat out of my hands till I please— George. Dumb! he'll go distracted—well, she's and may be I'll never please; and what's that the wittiest rogue.-Ha, ha, dumb! I can't but to you? laugh, ha, ha! to think how damn'd mad he'll Charles. Nay, to be robb'd or have one's be when he finds he has given his money throat cut is not muchaway for a dumb show! ha, ha, ha! Mir. Nay, Gardy, if he did but know my thoughts of him it would make him ten times madder; ha, ha, ha, ha!

Sir F. What's that, sirrah? would you rob me or cut my throat, you rogue?

Charles. Heaven forbid, sir!—I said no such


Sir F. Mercy on me! what a plague it is

Sir F. Ay, so it would, Chargy, to hold him in such derision, to scorn to answer him, to have a son of one-and-twenty, who wants to be dumb; ha, ha, ha! to elbow one out of one's life to edge himself into the estate!


Sir F. How now, sirrah! who let you in?
Charles. My necessities, sir.

Sir F. Your necessities are very impertinent, and ought to have sent before they enter'd. Charles. Sir, I knew 'twas a word would gain admittance no where.


Mar. 'Egad, he's here-I was afraid I had lost him: his secret could not be with his father; his wants are public there. - Guardian, your servant - O Charles, are you there? I know by that sorrowful countenance of thine, Sir F. Then, sirrah, how durst you rudely the old man's fist is as close as his strong box thrust that upon your father, which nobody-But I'll help thee. else would admit?

Charles. Sure the name of a son is a sufficient plea. I ask this lady's pardon, if I have intruded.

Sir F. Ay, ay, ask her pardon and her blessing too, if you expect any thing from me. Mir. I believe yours, sir Francis, in a purse of guineas, would be more material. Your son may have business with you; I'll retire.

Sir F. I guess his business, but I'll dispatch him; I expect the knight every minute: you'll be in readiness?

Mir. Certainly. My expectation is more upon the wing than yours, old gentleman. [Aside, and exit.

Sir F. Well, sir. Charles. Nay, it is very ill, sir, my cumstances are, I'm sure.


Sir F. And what's that to me, sir? your management should have made 'em better.


[Aside. Sir F. So here's another extravagant comb that will spend his fortune before he comes to't, but he shall pay swinging interest,*) and so let the fool go on.-Well, what does necessity bring you too, sir?

Mar. You have hit it, Guardian-I want a hundred pounds.

Sir F. For what?

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Mar. Pugh! for a hundred things; I can't for my life tell you for what.

Charles. Sir, I suppose I have received all the answer I am like to have?

Mar. Oh, the devil! if he gets out before me I shall lose him again. [Aside

1) All good substantial citizens are subject to be chos as sheriff; but by paying a sum of money as fine, the are exempt from the fatigues of business, which wou be too great now a days, besides it is wety walgu have any sort of occupation,

e) Swinging sometimes means, great.

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