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Tays little, thinks lefs, and does nothing at but you may say, you was thinking of quite all, faith: but he's a man of great estate, another thing: if so, why was you not in and values nobody.

quite another place proper for that imporAim. A sportsman, I suppose ? tant other thing, which you say you was

Bon. Yes, he's a man of pleasure ; he thinking of? But you will say perhaps, plays at whist, aud smokes his pipe eight- that the company was to filly, that it did and-forty hours together sometimes. not deserve your attention: that, I am sure,

Aim. A fine sportsman, truly ! — and is the saying of a filly man; for a nizan of married, you say?

fense knows that there is no company so Bon. Ay'; and to a curious woman, Sir, filly, that some use may not be made of it -But he's my landlord, and so a man, you by attention. know, would not Sir, my humble ser- Let your address, when you first come vice to you. [Drinks. ]-Tho' I value not into company, be modest, but without the a farthing what he can do to me; I pay least bashfulness or sheepishness; steady, him his rent at quarter-day; I have a

without impudence; and unembarrafled, good running trade; I have bur one you were in your own room. This is daughter, and I can give her

a difficult point to hit, and therefore dematter for that.

ferves great attention; nothing but a long Aim. You're very happy, Mr. Boni. usage in the world, and in the belt company, face: pray what other company


can possibly give it. in town?

A young man, without knowledge of Bon. A power of fine ladies; and then the world, when he first goes into a fashionwe have the French officers.

able company, where most are his superiAin. O that's right, you have a good ors, is commonly either annihilated by many of those gentlemen : pray how do bashfulness, or, if he rouses and lashes him. you like their company?

self up to what he only thinks a modest af Bon. So well, as the saying is, that I furance, he runs into impudence and abcould wish we had as many more of 'em. surdity, and consequently offends instead They're full of money, and pay double for of pleasing. Have always, as much as you every thing they have. They know, Sir, can, that gentleness of manners, which 'ne

, that we paid good round taxes for the ver fails to make favourable impressions, making of 'em; and so they are willing to provided it be equally free from an infipid reimburse us a little: one' of 'em lodges smile, or a pert smirk. in my house. (Bell rings.] - I beg your

Carefully avoid an argumentative and worship’s pardon—I'll wait on you in half disputative turn, which too many people a minute.

have, and some even value themselves § 23 Endeavour to please, and you can

upon, in company; and, when your opinion

differs from others, maintain it only with scarcely fail to please.

modefty, calmness, and gentleness'; but The means of pleasing vary according never be eager, loud, or clamorous; and, to time, place, and person ; but the general when you find your antagonist beginning rule is the trite one. Endeavour to please, to grow warm, put an end to the dispute by and

you will infallibly please to a certain some genteel ftroke of humour. For, take degree; constantly thew a desire to please, it for granted, if the two best friends in the and you will engage people's self-love in world

dispute with eagerness upon the moft your interest; a most powerful advocate. trifling subject imaginable, they will, for This, as indeed almost every thing else, de- the time, find a momentary alienation from pends on attention.

each other. Disputes upon any subject are Be therefore attentive to the most tri. a sort of trial of the understanding, and Aing thing that passes where you are; have, must end in the mortification of one or as the vulgar phrase is, your eyes and your other of the disputants. On the other ears always about you. It is a very fool- hand, I am far from meaning, that you ish, though a very common saying, “I should give an universal assent

to all that really did not mind it,” or “ I was you hear said in company; such an assent

thinking of quite another thing at that would be mean, and in some cases crimi". time.” The proper answer to fůch inge- nal; but blame with indulgence, and cor- . nious excuses, and which admits of no re- rect with gentleness. ply, is, Why did you not mind it? you Always look people in the face when you was present when it was said or done. Óh! speak to them; the not doing it is thought


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to imply conscious guilt; besides that, you when you find your choler rising, resolve lose the advantage of observing by their neither to speak to, nor answer the person countenances, what impression your dis. who excites it; but stay till you find it course makes upon them. In order to fubfiding, and then speak deliberately, know people's real sentiments, I trust much Endeavour to be cool and feady upon all more to my eyes than to my ears; for they occasions ; the advantages of such a steady can say whatever they have a mind I Mould calmness are innumerable, and would be hear; but they can seldom help looking too tedious to relate. It may be acquired what they have no intention that I should by care and reflection; if it could not, that know.

reason which distinguishes men from brutes If you have not command enough over would be given us to very little purpose: yourse'f to conquer your humours, as I as a proof of this, I never saw, and scarcely am sure every rational creature may have, ever heard of a Quaker in a passion. In never go

into company while the fit of ill. truth, there is in that sect a decorum and humour is upon you. Initead of company's decency, and an amiable fimplicity, that I diverting you in those moments, you will know in no other.

Chesterfield. displease, and probably thock them; and you will part worse friends than you met: § 24. A Dialogue between M. Apicius but whenever you find in yourself a dif

and DarTENEUF. position to fullenness, contradiction, or tel. Darteneuf. Alas! poor Apicius– I pity tiness, it will be in vain to seek for a cure thee much, for not having lived in my age abroad. Stay at home; let your humour and my country. How many good dihes ferment and work itself off. Cheerfulness have I eat in England, that were unknown and good-humour are of all qualifications at Rome in thy days! the most amiable in company; for, though Apicius. Keep your pity for yourself they do not necessarily imply good-nature how many good dishes have I eat in Rome, and good-breeding, they represent them, the knowledge of which has been loft in at least, very well, and that is all that is re- these latter degenerate days! the fat paps quired in mixt company,

of a low, the livers of scari, the brains of I have indeed known some very ill-na- phenicopters, and the tripotanum, which tured people, who were very good humour- consisted of three forts of hiih for which you ed in company; but I never knew any one have no names, the lupus marinus, the generally ill-humoured, in company, who myxo, and the murænus, was not eflentially ill. natured. When there Dartenerif. I thought the muræna had is no malevolence in the heart, there is al- been our lamprey. We have excellent ones ways a cheerfulness and ease in the coun- in the Severn. tenance and manners. By good humour Apicius. No:-the muræna was a saltand cheerfulness, I am far from meaning water fish, and kept in ponds into which noisy mirth and loud peals of laughter, the sea was admitted. which are the distinguishing characteristics Darteneuf. Why then I dare say our of the vulgar and of the ill-bred, whose lampreys are better. Did you ever eat any mirth is a kind of storm. Observe it, the of them potted or stewed ? vulgar often laugh, but never {mile ; Apicius. I was never in Britain. Your whereas, well-bred people often smile, but country then was too barbarous for me to feldom laugh. A witty thing never ex- go thither. I lould have been afraid that cited laughter; it pleases only the mind, the Britons would have eat me. and never distorts the countenance: 2 glar- Darleneuf. I am sorry for you, very ing absurdity, a blunder, a filly accident, sorry: for if you never were in Britain, and those things that are generally called you never eat the best oysters in the whole comical, may exçite a laugh, though never world. a loud nor a long one, among well-bred Apicius. Pardon me, Sir, your Sandpeople.

wich oysters were brought to Rome in my Sudden passion is called short-lived mad. time. ness : it is a madness indeed, but the fits Darteneuf. They could not be fresh: of it return so often in choleric people, that they were good for nothing there :-You it may well be called a continual madness. Thould have come to Sandwich to eat them : Should you happen to be of this unfor- it is a shame for you that you did not. tunate disposition, make it your constant An epicure talk of danger when he is in Rudy to lubdue, or, at least, to check it; search of a dainty! did not Leander swim

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over the Hellespont to get to his mistress? bave hanged myself for vexation that I did and what is a wench to a barrel of excel- not live in those days. lent oysters

Apicius. Well you might, well you might. Apicius. Nay-I am sure you cannot - You do not know what eating is. You blame me for any want of alertness in seek- never could know it. Nothing less than ing fine fishes. I failed to the coast of Af- the wealth of the Roman empire is fuifiric, from Minturnæ in Campania, only to cient to enable a man to keep a good tataste of one species, which I heard was ble. Our players were richer by far than larger there than it was on our coast, and your princes. finding that I had received a false infor- Darteneuf. Oh that I had but lived in mation, I returned again without deigning the blessed reign of Caligula, or of Vitelto land.

lius, or of Heliogabalus, and had been adDarteneuf. There was some sense in that: mitted to the honour of dining with their by why did you not also make a voyage Naves ! to Sandwich ? Had you tasted those oy- Apicius. Ay, there you touch me. - I fters in their perfection, you would never am miserable that I died before their good have come back: you would have eat till times. They carried the glories of their

table much farther than the best eaters of Apicius. I wish I had :- It would have the age that I lived in. Vitellius spent in been better than poisoning myself, as I did, eating and drinking, within one year, what because, when I came to make up my ac- would amount in your money to above counts, I found I had not much above the seven millions two hundred thousand poor sum of fourscore thousand pounds left, pounds. He told me so himself in a conwhich would not afford me a table to keep versation I had with him not long ago. me from starving

And the others you mentioned did not fall Darteneuf. A sum of fourscore thousand short of his royal magnificence. pounds not keep you from starving! would Darteneuf. These indeed were great I had had it! I should not have ipent it in princes. But what affects me most is the twenty years, though I had kept the best dish of that player, that dad fellow table in London, supposing I had made no Æsopus. I cannot bear to think of his

having lived so much better than I. Pray, Apicius. Alas, poor man! this shews of what ingredients might the dish he paid that you English have no idea of the lux. so much for confilt? ury that reigned in our tables. Before I Apicius. Chiefly of singing birds. It died, I had spent in my kitchen 807,291 l. was that which so greatly enhanced the 135. 4d.

price. Darteneuf. I do not believe a word of Darteneuf. Of singing birds! choak it: there is an error in the account. him-I never eat but one, which I stole

Apicius. Why, the establishment of from a lady of my acquaintance, and all Lucullus for his suppers in the Apollo, I London was in an uproar about it, as if I mean for every supper he eat in the room had stolen and roarted a child. But, upon which he called by that name, was 5000

recollection, I begin to doubt whether I drachms, which is in your money 16141. have so much reason to envy Æsopus ; for 11 s. 8 d.

the singing bird which I eat was no better Darteneuf. Would I had supped with in its taste than a far lark or a thrush: it him there? But is there no blunder in was not so good as a wheatear or becafigue; these calculations ?

and therefore I suspect that all the luxury Apicius. Ask your learned men that.-I you have bragged of was nothing but va- count as they tell me.--But perhaps you nity and foolish expence. It was like that may think that these feasts were only made of the son of Æsopus, who dissolved pearls by great men, like Lucullus, who had plun- in vinegar, and drank them at supper. I dered all Asia to help him in his house- will be d-d, if a haunch of venison, and keeping. What will you say when I tell my favourite ham-pye, were not much you, that the player Ælopus had one dish better dishes than any at the table of Vithat cost him 6000 seitertia, that is, 4843 l.

tellius himself. I do not find that you had los. English.

ever any good soups, without which no Darteneuf. What will I say! why, that man of taite can poslibly dine. The rabI pity poor Cibber and Booth; and that, if bits in Italy are not fit to eat; and what I had known this when I was alive, I should is better than the wing of one of our Eng.

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your boars

lith wild rabbits? I have been told that tasting that is unhappy indeed! There is you had no turkies. The mutton in Italy rum-punch and arrack-punch; it is hard is very ill-flavoured; and as for

to say which is belt: but Jupiter would roasted whole, I despise them; they were have given his nectar for either of them, only fit to be served up to the mob at a upon my word and honour. corporation feast, or election dinner. А Apicius. The thought of it puts me into small barbecued hog is worth a hundred a fever with thirst. From whence do you of them; and a good collar of Shrewsbury get your arrack and your rum? brawn is a much better dish.

Darteneuf. Why, from the East and Apicius. If you had some kinds of meat West Indies, which you knew nothing of. that we wanted, yet our cookery must have That is enough to decide the dispute. Your been greatly superior to yours. Our cooks trade to the East Indies was very far short were lo excellent, that they could give to of what we carry on, and the West Indies hog's flesh the taste of all other meats. were not discovered. What a new world

Darteneuf. I should not have liked their of good things for eating and drinking has dood imitations. You might as easily Columbus opened to us! Think of that, have imposed on a good connoisseur the and despair. copy of a fine picture for the original. Apicius. I cannot indeed but lament my Our cooks, on the contrary, give to all ill fate, that America was not found before other meats a rich favour of bacon, with- I was born. It tortures me when I hear of out destroying that which makes the di. chocolate, pine-apples, and twenty other ftination of one from another. I have not fine meats or fine fruits produced there, the least doubt that out effence of hams is which I have never tasted. What an ad. a much better sauce than any that ever vantage it is to you, that all your sweetwas used by the ancients. We have a meats, tarts, cakes, and other delicacies of hundred ragouts, the composition of which that nature, are sweetened with sugar inexceeds all description. "Had yours been stead of honey, which we were obliged to as good, you could not have lolled, as you make use of for want of that plant! but did, upon couches, while you were eating; what grieves me most is, that I never eat they wou'd have made you fit up and attend a turtle; they tell me that it is absolutely to your business. Then you had a custom the best of all foods. of hearing things read to you while you Darteneuf Yes, I have heard the Amewere at supper. This shews you were not ricans fay so :-but I never eat any; for, so well entertained as we are with our meat. in my time, they were not brought over to For my own part, when I was at table, I England. could mind nothing else: I neither heard, Apicius. Never eat any turtle! how faw, nor spoke: 1 only smelt and tasted. didit thou dare to accuse me of not going But the worst of all is, that you had no to Sandwich to eat oysters, and didit not wine fit to be named with good claret or thyself take a trip to America to riot on Burgundy, or Champagne, or old hock, or turtles? but know, wretched man, that I Tokay. You boasted much of your Fa- am informed they are now as plentisul in lernam; but I have tasted the Lachrymæ England as sturgeon. There are turtle. Christi, and other wines that grow upon boats that go regularly to London and the same coast, not one of which would I Bristol from the Welt Indies. I have just drink above a glass or two of if you would seen a fat alderman, who died in London give me the kingdom of Naples. You last week of a surfeit he got at a turtle feast boiled your wines, and mixed water with in that city. them, which shews that in themselves they Darteneuf, What does he say? Does were not fit to drink.

he tell you that turtle is better than veni. Apicius. I am afraid you beat us in fon? wines, not to mention your cyder, perry, Apicius. He says there was a haunch of and beer, of all which I have heard great venison untouched, while every mouth was fame from fome English with whom I have employed on the turtle ; that he ate till he talked; and their report has been confirm- fell asleep in his chair; and, that the food ed by the testimony of their neighbours was fo wholesome he should not have died, who have travelled into England. Won- if he had not unluckily caught cold in his derful things have been also faid to me of sleep, which itopped his perspiration, and a liquor called punch.

hurt his digestion. Darteneuf. Ayeto have died without Darteneuf.. Alas! how imperfect is hu


man felicity! I lived in an age when the you did your tripotanum or your ham-pye. pleasure of eating was thought to be car- Your stomachs were always soovercharged, ried to its highelt perfection in England that I question if ever you felt real hunger, and France; and yet a turtle feast is a no- or eat one meal in twenty years without velty to me! Would it be impossible, do forcing your appetites, which makes all you think, to obtain leave from Pluto of things infipid. I tell you therefore again, going back for one day, just to taste of that the soldier and the farmer had much that food? I would promile to kill myself more of the joy of eating than you. by the quantity I would eat before the next

: This is more mortifying morning,

than not to have shared a turtle feast. I Apicius. You have forgot, Sir, that you fear indeed we have been in quite a wrong have no body: that which you had has system, and never had any true notions of been rotten a great while ago; and you pleasure. can never return to the earth with ano- Apicius. It is a sad thing not to know ther, unless Pythagoras carries you thither what good living is before one is dead. I to animate that of a hog. But comfort with, Mercury, you had taught me your yourself, that, as you have eat dainties art of cookery in my life-time, or held which I never tafted, so the next genera- your tongue about it here. tion will eat some unknown to the present.

Dialogues of the Dead. New discoveries will be made, and new delicacies brought from other parts of the world. We must both be philosophers. § 25. Scene between Iaco and Cassio, We must be thankful for the good things in which Cassio regrets his Folly in getwe have had, and not grudge others bet

ting drunk. ter, if they fall to their share. Consider lago. What! are you hurt, Lieutethat, after all, we could but have eat as

nant? much as our stomachs would hold, and that Caf. Paft all surgery. we did every day of our lives. But see, lago. Marry, Heav'n forbid ! who comes hither? I think it is Mercury. Caf. Reputation, reputation, reputa

Mercury. Gentlemen, I must tell you tion! Oh I have lost my reputation ! I that I have stood near you invisible, and have lost the immortal part of myself, and heard your discourse; a privilege which we what remains is bestial. My reputation ! deities use when we pleale. Attend there. Iago, my reputationfore to a discovery which I shall make to lago. As I am an honest man, I thought you, relating to the subject upon which you you had received some bodily wound: there were talking. I know two men, one of is more sense in that, than in reputation. whom lived in ancient, and the other in Reputation is an idle and most false impomodern times, that had more pleasure in fition: cft got without meri:, and loft witheating than either of you ever had in your out deserving. What, man !-there are lives.

ways to recover the general again. Sue Apicius. One of these, I presume, was to him, and he's your's. a Sybarite, and the other a French gentle- Caf. I will rather sue to be despis’d. man settled in the West Indies,

---Drunk! and squabble! swagger! Mercury. No; one was a Spartan sol. swear ! and discourse fusian with one's dier, and the other an English farmer.-I own shadow! Oh thau invincible spirit of see you

both look astonished; but what I wine ! if thou hast no name to be known tell you is truth. The soldier never eat by, let us call thee Devil. his black broth till the exercises, to which lago. What was he that


followed by their discipline the Spartan troops were with your sword? what had he done to obliged, had got him such an appetite, that you ? he could have gnawed a bone like a dog. Caf. I know not. The farmer was out at the tail of his Jago. Is’t possible? plough, or some other wholesome labour, Ca. I remember a mass of things, but from morning till night; and when he nothing diftintly; a quarrel, but nothing came home his wife dressed him a piece of wherefore. Oh, that men should put an good beef, or a fine barn-door fowl and a enemy in their mouths to steal away their pudding, for his dinner, which he eat much brains! that we should with joy, plealance, more ravenously, and consequently with a revel, and applause, transform ourselves great deal more relish and pleasure, than into beasts !


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