The British Drama: Comedies. 2 v

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SCENE I.

Enter FACE, SUBTLE, and DOL COMMON.

Face. BELIEVE it, I will.

Sub. Do thy worst. I dare thee.

ACT I.

Sub. Yes faith, yes faith.

Face. Why, who

Am I, my mungrel? Who am I?
Sub. I'll tell you,

Since you know not yourself-
Face. Speak lower, rogue.

Sub. Yes, you were once (time not long passed) the good,

Honest, plain, livery-man, that kept
Your master's worship's house here in the Friars,
For the vacations.

Face. Will you be so loud?

Sub. Since, by my means, translated suburbcaptain.

Face. By your means, doctor Dog?
Sub. Within man's memory,
All this I speak of.

Face. Why, I pray you, have I

Been countenanced by you, or you by me?
Do but collect, sir, where I met you first.

Sub. I do not hear well.
Face. Not of this, I think it:
But I shall put you in mind, sir; at Pye-corner,
Taking your meal of steam in, from cooks' stalls;
Where, like the father of hunger, you did walk
Piteously costive, with your pinched-horn nose,
And your complexion of the Roman wash,
Stuck full of black and melancholic worms,
Like powder corn shot at the Artillery-yard.
Sub. I wish you could advance your voice a
little.

Face. When you went pinned up in the seve-
ral rags

You had raked and picked from dunghills before
day;

Your feet in mouldy slippers, for your kibes;
A felt of rug, and a thin threaden cloak,
That scarce would cover your no-buttocks-
Sub. So, sir!

Face. When all your alchymy, and your alge-
bra,

Your minerals, vegetables, and animals,

Your conjuring, cozening, and your dozen of
trades,

Could not relieve your corpse with so much linen
Would make you tinder but to see a fire;

gave you count'nance, credit for your coals,
Your stills, your glasses, your materials;
Built you a furnace, drew you customers,
Advanced all your black arts, lent you, beside,
A house to practice in-

Sub. Your master's house?

A book, but barely reckoning thy impostures,
Shall prove a true philosopher's stone to printers.
Sub. Away, you trencher-rascal !
Face. Out, you dog-leech,
The vomit of all prisons!

Dol. Will you be

Your own destructions, gentlemen ?
Sub. Cheater!
Face. Bawd!
Sub. Cow-herd!
Face. Conjurer!
Sub. Cut-purse!

Dol. We are ruined! lost! Have you no more
regard

To your reputations? Where's your judgment? 'Slight,

Have yet some care of me, of your republicFace. Away, this brach. I'll bring the rogue within

The statute of sorcery, tricesimo tertio

Of Harry the eighth; ay, and, perhaps, thy neck
Within a noose for laundering gold, and barbing

it.

Dol. You'll bring your head within a cockscomb, will you?

[She catches out FACE's sword, and breaks
SUBTLE'S glass.]

And you, sir, with your menstrue, gather it up.
'Sdeath! you abominable pair of stinkards,
Leave off your barking, and grow one again,
Or, by the light that shines, I'll cut your throats.
I'll not be made a prey unto the marshal,

Face. Where you have studied the more thri- For ne'er a snarling dog-bolt o' you both.

ving skill

Of bawdry since.

Sub. Yes, in your master's house.

You and the rats here kept possession.

Make it not strange.

Face. You might talk softlier, rascal.
Sub. No, you Scarabe;

I'll thunder you in pieces: I will teach you
How to beware to tempt a fury again,
That carries tempest in his hand and voice.

Dol. Nay, general, I thought you were civil.
Face. I shall turn desperate, if you grow thus
loud.

Sub. And hang thyself, I care not.
Face. Hang thee, collier,

And all thy pots and pans, in picture, I will,
Since thou hast moved me-

Dol. Oh, this will o'erthrow all.

Have you together cozened all this while,
And all the world? and shall it now be said,
You've made most courteous shift to cozen your-

selves?

You will accuse him! You will bring him in
Within the statute! Who shall take your word?
A whoreşon, upstart, apocryphal captain,
Whom not a puritan in Black-Friars will trust
So much as for a feather! And you too
Will give the cause, forsooth! You will insult,
And claim a primacy in the divisions!
You must be chief! As if you only had
The powder to project with, and the work
Were not begun out of equality?

The venture tripartite? All things in common;
Without priority.

Face. It is his fault;

He ever murmurs, and objects his pains;

Face. Write thee up bawd in Paul's, have all And says, the weight of all lies upon him.

thy tricks

Of cozening with a hollow coal, dust, scrapings,
Searching for things lost with a sieve and sheers,
Erecting figures in your rows of houses,
And taking in of shadows with a glass,

Told in red letters; and a face cut for thee,
Worse than Gamaliel Ratsey's.
Dol. Are you sound?
Have you your senses, masters?
Face. I will have

Sub. Why, so it does.

Dol. How does it? Do not we

Sustain our parts?

Sub. Yes, but they are not equal.

Dol. Why, if your part exceed to-day, I hope Ours may to-morrow match it,

Sub. Ay, they may.

Dol. May, murmuring mastiff! Ay, and do.
Death on me!.

Help me to throttle him.

Sub. What shall I swear?

Dol. To leave your faction, sir,

And labour kindly in the common work.

Sub. Let me not breathe, if I meant ought be- Good faith, sir, I was going away.

side.

Dol. I hope we need no spurs, sir. Do we?
Face. 'Slid, prove to-day, who shall shark best.
Sub. Agreed.

Dol. Yes, and work close and friendly.
Sub. 'Slight, the knot

Shall grow the stronger for this breach, with me. Dol. Why so, my good baboons! Shall we go make

A sort of sober, scurvy, precise, neighbours,
(That scarce have smiled twice since the king
came in)

A feast of laughter at our follies? No, agree.
And may Don Provost ride a feasting long,
In his old velvet jerkin,

(My noble sovereign, and worthy general)

Ere we contribute a new crewel garter
To his most worsted worship.

Sub. Royal Dol!

Spoken like Claridiana and thyself.

Face. For which, at supper, thou shalt sit in triumph,

And not be stiled Dol Common, but Dol Proper, Dol Singular[One knocks.

Sub. Who's that? [Knocks.] To the window. Pray Heaven

The master do not trouble us this quarter!

Face. Oh, fear not him. While there dies one a week

O'the plague, he's safe from thinking toward Lon

Dap. In truth,

I am very sorry, captain.
Face. But I thought,
Sure I should meet you.

Dap. Aye, I am very glad,

I had a scurvy writ or two to make,
And I had lent my watch last night to one,
That dines to-day at the sheriff's, and so was rob-
bed

Of my past-time. Is this the cunning man?
Face. This is his worship.

Dap. Is he a doctor?

Face. Yes.

I would do much, sir, for your love—but this
I neither may, nor can.

Face. Tut, but do not say so.

You deal now with a noble fellow, doctor.
One that will thank you richly, and he's no
Chiause.

Let that, sir, move you.

Sub. Pray you, forbear.
Face. He has

Four angels here.

Sub. You do me wrong, good sir.

Face. Doctor, wherein? To tempt you with these spirits?

Sub. To tempt my art and love, sir, to my

peril.

'Fore Heaven. I scarce can think you are iny friend,

That so would draw me to apparent danger.

Face. I draw you! a horse draw you, and a halter.

You and your flies together.

Dap. Nay, good captain!

Face. That know no difference of men.
Sub. Good words, sir.

Face. Good deeds, sir, doctor Dogs-meat.
Dap. Nay, dear captain,

Use master doctor with some more respect.

Face. Hang him, proud stag, with his broad

Face. No whispering.

Sub. 'Fore Heaven, you do not apprehend the You hear, he says he will not be ungrateful.

Sub. Why, as you please; my venture follows

yours.

Face. Troth, do it, doctor; think him trusty,

and make him.

may make us both happy in an hour;

Win some five thousand pound, and send us two

on't.

Dap. Believe it, and I will, sir.

Face. And you shall, sir.

You have heard all?

Dap. No, what was't? Nothing, I, sir.

Face. Nothing?

Dap. A little, sir.

Face. Well, a rare star

Reigned at your

birth.

Dap. At mine, sir! No.

Face. The doctor

Swears that

you are

[FACE takes him aside.

Sub. Nay, captain, you'll tell all now.
Face. Allied to the queen of Fairy.
Dap. Who! that I am?

Believe it, no such matter.

Face. Yes, and that

You were born with a cawl o' your head. Dap. Who says so?

Face. Come,

You know it well enough, though you dissemble it. To sharpen your five senses, and cry hum
Dap. I' fac, I do not; you are mistaken.
Face. How!

tor,

When must he come for his familiar?

Dap. Shall I not ha' it with me?
Sub. Oh, good sir!

There must a world of ceremonies pass;
You must be bathed and fumigated first;
Besides, the queen of Fairy does not rise
Till it be noon.

Face. Not if she danced to-night.

Sub. And she must bless it.

Face. Did you never see

Her royal grace yet?

Dap. Whom?

Face. Your aunt of Fairy.

Sub. Not since she kissed him in the cradle, captain;

I can resolve you that.

Face. Well, see her grace,

Whate'er it cost you, for a thing that I know.
It will be somewhat hard to compass; but,
However, see her. You are made, believe it,
If you can see her. Her grace is a lone woman,
And very rich; and if she take a phantasy,
She will do strange things. See her, at any
hand.

'Slid, she may hap to leave you all she has!
It is the doctor's fear.

Dap. How will't be done, then?

Face. Let me alone, take you no thought. Do

Thrice, and buz as often; and then come.
Fuce. Can you remember this?
Dup. I warrant you.

Face. Well, then, away. 'Tis but your be stowing

Some twenty nobles 'mong her grace's servants,
And put on a clean shirt; you do not know
What grace her grace may do you in clean linen.
Dap. Hum-buz.
[Exit.
Face. Hum-buz.
Sub. Come in.

Enter DRUGGER.

[Exit.

Drug. [Within.] I will see the doctor.
Sub. Good wives, I pray you forbear me now:
Troth, I can do you no good till afternoon.
What is your name, say you? Abel Drugger?
Drug. Yes, sir.

Sub. A seller of tobacco?
Drug. Yes, sir.
Sub. Umh.
Free of the grocers?

Drug. Yes, I'm free of the grocers.
Sub. Well-

Your business, Abel?

Drug. This, an't please your worship. I am a young beginner, and am building Of a new shop, an't like your worship, just At corner of a street (here is the plot on't); And I would know, by art, sir, of your worship, Which way I should make my door, by necro

mancy,

And where my shelves; and which should be for boxes,

And which for pots. I would be glad to thrive, sir, And I was wished to your worship by a gentle

man,

One captain Face, that says you know men's planets,

And their good angels, and their bad.
Sub. I do,

If I do see them.

Enter FACE.

Face. What! my honest Abel! Thou art well met here.

Drug Troth, sir, I was speaking,

Just as your worship came here, of your worship.

I pray you speak for me to master doctor.
Face. He shall do any thing. Doctor, do you
hear?

This is my friend, Abel, an honest fellow :
He lets me have good tobacco, and he
Does not sophisticate it.

Drug. No, I never sophisticate.

Fuce. He's a neat, spruce, honest fellow, and no goldsmith.

Drug. No, I am no goldsmith.
E

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