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CHAPTER II.

FROM HIS CHILDHOOD TO HIS GRADUATION AT COLLEGE.

At the Academy-Enters College-Relinquishes a project of leaving Harvard for Dartmouth-Influence of emulation on his character and studies-Death of a young brother-Religious state of the College.

I have been able to learn but little concerning him during his studies preparatory for admission to college. A part of this time, perhaps the whole of it, he was at the academy in New-Ipswich, N. H., then under the care of Mr. Hubbard, who was afterwards professor in Dartmouth College. But I have no facts illustrative of his character or his proficiency in study while there, except the flattering mention of him in my hearing, some years after, by Esq. Hartwell, in whose family he boarded.

In the year 1794, he entered the freshmen class in Cambridge College, in the seventeenth year of his age, at the time when his oldest brother Daniel, since dead, left it. At the close of his first year in college, as appears from the following letter, he made arrangements for removing to Dartmouth College. I insert the letter entire, as much for the purpose of showing the characteristics of his mind at that period, as for the account it contains of his circumstances. It is addressed to Mr. Stephen Bemis, then a student at Dartmouth.

Cambridge, Sept. 24, 1795.

MY FRIEND, Since I am greatly pressed for time, I shall say, what I have to say, in our vernacular tongue. When I saw you last, I expressed some intentions to dissolve my present connections, and to become your classmate. All this I suppose you took to be a mere jest, and thought my words were rather intended to keep conversation alive, than to signify any real design to leave my present habitation. Whether you understood me to be in earnest or not, I

cannot tell; but I assure you, what I said was the real expectation of my heart. My intentions increased continually by slow degrees until commencement. After I went

home in vacation, they soon grew to a resolution, which every day became more fixed; and one thing, which served to strengthen it, was, that I did not expect a room in col- lege, and it would not be convenient living out in town. I carried my determination so far, that I even provided means for my transportation, and thought there were at least ten chances that I should go, to one that I should not. A few days before our vacation expired, I made a journey to Cambridge, in order to dissolve my connections. Upon my arrival here, I found the government had assigned me an excellent room; other circumstances too seemed to rise up and forbid my leaving this antiquated seat of literature.

Frequently did the many pleasing hours, I had spent here, recur to my mind, and frequently did my heart palpitate with the great esteem I had for many of my class. Sweet was the remembrance of past times. I went immediately to Charlestown, where I found my brother, who used many arguments, and reminded me of many circumstances, before unthought of, all of which tended to dissuade me from my former determinations. The next day I returned to Cambridge, where I reviewed my transactions, and weighed, as justly as was in my power, every circumstance. One minute, some advantage peculiar to your college, would so forcibly impress my mind, that I was fully determined to take up my connections here and go to Hanover; the next, some circumstance peculiar to Harvard, would directly invert my mind. One moment I figured to myself, how I should be transported in walking with you upon your delightsome green, on the fertile margin of that beauteous river; the next, I considered that my mother's life was not expected from one month's end to another's, and I should not hear from home once in three months. Thus was my mind alternately agitated between two resolutions, till I at last fixed upon a determination, which I fear will seclude me from your presence for a longer time than I shall patiently wait. Yet, thanks to old Cadmus,* I have one consolation left; I hope the short

*Alluding to the alphabet, a portion of which was introduced into Greece by Cadmus.

IMPORTANT DECISION.

25

distance of one hundred and forty miles, or less, will not entirely cut off all means of conversation, and flatter myself that I shall frequently receive such pleasing portions of your thoughts, by the medium of letters, as shall be like the balm of Gilead to my soul, and afford infinite comfort to my mind.

I have a thousand things to write; yet a thousand things must go unwritten at present, since I have neither time nor room to write them.

O may Minerva seat you on her throne,
May all the muses own you for their son.

Yours, ἐἰς τὸν ἀγῶνα

J. EMERSON.

Thus the scale barely turned in favor of his remaining at Cambridge, and so turning, virtually decided his whole destination for future life. Scarcely can a more important thing be named in the external circumstances of a young man, than that of the college at which he is to complete his early course of study. There, peculiarly, is his mind to be shaped, and his intimacies to be formed with those who are to act their part with him in the drama of life and from that point he takes his destination in respect to all that is to follow. Had my brother, for instance, removed to Dartmouth, he might never have resided for a day in any one of the places in which he afterwards abode for years; and perhaps would never have seen one out of a hundred of those who have since become endeared to him by relations which are to last for eternity. Whether he would have done more or less good in the world, or have been more or less happy, we cannot conjecture; but the consequences would doubtless have been widely diverse to himself and to others. The contemplative youth, the parent, the guardian, who takes this view of the complicated wheels of Providence, will never decide a question so deeply fraught with unknown consequences, without first committing his way to that God "who knoweth the end from the beginning." So trivial a circumstance as the 'accommodations of a room,' will weigh but little in the scale of duty, which is lifted for the balance of moral probabilities, not temporary convenience.

The " room," however, was not the only thing with my brother, in this case, though it came to have a serious bearing on the question: but it has been intimated to me, by a respected correspondent, that it was an early trait in his character to vaccillate, and to decide questions sometimes from the circumstances of the moment, especially when feelings of friendship were involved in the decision. The above letter appears, indeed, to bear such an impress ; but he subsequently learnt a more divine logic.

I shall here subjoin some connected extracts, taken from two pieces of his on emulation as a proper stimulus to effort. The first of these pieces was published in the Connecticut Observer, of 1828; and the other in the Annals of Education, for 1832, vol. ii. p. 354. While these extracts will cast light on the period of his college life, they will be found also to reflect back considerable upon the earlier period of his childhood.

It may be proper, before the extracts, to remark, that my brother expressly defines the sense in which he uses the term emulation, being the same as the scripture use of it in Romans xi. 14, where Paul speaks of' provoking to emulation them which were his own flesh'-' a desire to do more than others in what is just and good,'—not an unhallowed and envious ambition. Had the term been uniformly employed in this sense by others, and had all been able, from their personal experience, to enter into its genuine import, there would have been less dispute re. specting the thing, if not concerning the means to be employed for exciting it. But we proceed to the extracts, the principal object of which is not here so much the discussion as the historic allusions it contains to my brother's early history.

"Experience has taught me to favor the use of emulation. And here I must beg for the utmost exercise of candor, to overlook the apparent egotism of stating my own experience. This is my strong hold. At least next to the bible itself, which bids me regard whatsoever things are excellent, and covet earnestly the best gifts, experience is my strong hold, from which it seems to me, I can never be driven. Is it not most unpropitious to the progress of mental philosophy, that a person can hardly publish the exercises of his own mind, but at the risk of his character?

RIVAL AT SCHOOL.

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Presuming upon the indulgence of my readers, I will venure to testify a few things, that I know, upon this subject.

"I have not felt those dreadful effects from emulation, that many fear-that many think inseparable from its vigorous exercise. I do acknowledge my indebtedness to emulation. If any mental principle has ever done me good, it is assuredly this; though not indeed without some alloy of evil. Most confident I am, that it has conduced to restrain me from many evils-that it has conduced to make me more industrious, more orderly, more obedient to parents and teachers, more moral, more knowing-that, if I am truly religious, it has conduced to make me such, to make me a better christian, a better teacher, a better minister.

"But these are only general statements. The argument would be entirely defective, if I did not descend to particulars. I felt the power of emulation in early childhood. I felt it in my boyish sports, in my rustic toils, in the beginning of my literary pursuits. It roused my activity, and made me run to my labor, as well as to my school, and to my play. Sometimes I had the happiness to outstrip others; but often saw my fellows before me in the race. I trust I was not much exercised with envy for the latter, nor contempt for the former. I did indeed feel contempt for those, who seemed to be scarcely touched with the spur of emulation, and whom I could hardly regard as my competitors.

"And now I must be allowed most solemnly to testify, that according to the best of my recollection, I never indulged in hating a rival; no, not for an hour; nor had occasion to strive against it. If, for a moment, I ever felt the stir of envy, in consequence of sudden and grievous discomfiture, it was but for a moment. It was but the lightning's stroke upon the tranquil sea; when, instantly all is smooth and peaceful. Nay, my rivals have been among my dearest friends. This was especially the case with my greatest rival; not indeed the greatest in genius or attainments; but the greatest in contest; by whom [ have been the most outdone. As my argument rests much upon this case, more than upon any other of my experience, I must beg leave to state it with some particularity. Our contest was at school, in our boyish days, at

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