smoke cleared away. P gathered them up, brought them in to the landlord, and ordered broth made from them for his wife. The countenance of the landlord grew dark, and he rudely charged P-with killing his chickens. "Your chickens!" said P, "you never were more mistaken in your life. I know you're a man of your word, and you told me not an hour ago that you hadn't a chicken about the place!" The landlord collapsed, and Mrs. P- got better on chicken broth.

some trees in the forest compared with their straight | fine pullets lay weltering in their gore when the and symmetrical neighbors, and the depraved and vicious state of some persons in society. After descanting upon the various causes which impede the growth of timber-as storms, browsing cows, etc., and comparing them to the vicious habits of early years as affecting the character of the adult, he appealed to the school: How is it that we do not find all the trees of the forest straight, beautiful, and symmetrical? An attentive, saddle-colored urchin, who had a little more human nature than Catechism, sang out, "Because God didn't want them all one way!"

The youngster did not realize that he was quoting Pope, and hitting the dogmatic theology of his friend between the eyes.

A FEW evenings since my little Harold, whose ideas of waxing are confined to waxing-string or cord for his dog-harness or peg-top, hearing the text, "And the child waxed strong," asked: "Father, how did they wax him?" A perfectly legitimate question from his point of view.

AN inhabitant of Green Bay, Wisconsin, contributes this:

A SICK man was telling his symptoms-which appeared to himself, of course, dreadful-to a medical friend, who, at each new item of the disorder, exclaimed, "Charming! delightful! Pray go on!" and, when he had finished, the doctor said, with the utmost pleasure, "Do you know, my dear Sir, you have got a complaint which has been for some time supposed to be extinct?"

AT a school in New England all the children were expected to kneel down at morning prayers. The consequences of this posture to the nether garments of the uneasy youngsters were in some cases serious. One little girl, whose mother had frequently reWe have a young man here who is very proud proved her for her carelessness in tearing her pantaof his native land, and boasts a great deal of Hol- lets, was determined to initiate a reform. So, land, every thing there being on a much grander when all kneeled the next morning, she persistentscale than any thing America ever produced-such ly sat still. The teacher waited; she did not move. as men, buildings, etc. One day, in the course of The teacher rapped; the girl remained fixed. Then conversation, the heathen deity Bacchus's name was the teacher waxed wroth: "Sarah, kneel down!" mentioned, when some one in the company asked was her demand. "I can't do it," was the reply; who Bacchus was? L spoke up: "Why, John, "for ma said she should punish me if I tore any don't you know who Bacchus was? You are a more holes in the knees of my pantalets!" They great fellow! He was the man that invented Hol-prayed standing in that school thenceforth. land gin. I've seen his picture lots of times in the Old Country!"

PAT, a raw "son of Erin," at dinner one Friday was urged by some of his fellow-servants to eat some beef-soup. Pat declined, as he ate no meat on that day. "But," says one, "this is not meat, it is only soup." "Faix," says Pat, "yez might as well eat the devil as to drink his broth!"

SEVERAL years ago there lived a Frenchman in Northern Indiana named Curteau, who was an Indian trader, and at the annual payments he used to

DEAR DRAWER,-In a crowd, where it was almost impossible to keep the toes of our boots off the shortest trails flaunted from hoop-skirts ahead, we were pressing our way toward our ferry-boat. At one-side marched a "high private," whose face and gait were slightly influenced by something stronger than water. The poor fellow did his best to avoid about a quarter of a yard of silk hailing from a fairy form just ahead. His best was not good enough,"stick" it to the Pottawatomie Indians in the most and down came the heavy military boot upon the silk. The face that turned did not smile, and the voice was not extremely mild that chided him with, "Take care, Sir!" "Close [clothes] up in the rear there!' were our orders, marm, always. Them's military orders." The fair face more than smiled, and the worrying crowd joined her laugh with a hearty roar.

approved style, cheating them in every conceivable way. On the occasion of one of these payments he had a lot of needles which he sold to the Indians, charging them half a dollar for each needle. Some of them remonstrated, saying it was too much. Old Curteau said he knew it was, but it was probably the last they would ever get, as the "needlemaker was dead." It is hardly necessary to say that the balance of his needles went off like "hot cakes."

THE Drawer is relished in Colorado Territory, and one of its readers sends the two following: In looking over the Drawer for October I am re

ty-five years since in the city of B―.

MR. P and family were boarding for the summer in the country with a farmer who was rather close in the matter of providing for the table. In the course of the summer Mrs. P- fell sick, and her loving spouse thought that chicken broth would be the thing for her. So down he went to the land-minded of a circumstance that occurred some thirlord, and asked that chickens might be slain and the broth provided. The landlord was very sorry, but hadn't got a darned chick. P― said nothing, but returned to his room, took down his fowling-piece, and sallied forth in quest of game. His route led him behind the landlord's barn, where, to his surprise, he espied quite a lot of spring chickens, evidently in good condition. Without waiting for wilder game P——— raised his gun and fired. Three

There was an old gentleman by the name of Adam Luke, that kept a drug and paint store, and administered physic to his neighbors and their apprentice boys. The boys took a great dislike to the old man on account of the large doses of emetic given, and determined to be revenged on him. After consultation they agreed to change his sign, which read: "Adam Luke, Paints and Dye-Stuffs."

We are sorry that so mean a man lives in Maine returned to us in the form of cloth of different kinds, as the one illustrated below:

is a shelf, which contains sundry bottles and glasses, indicating that he keeps for sale a little of the "ardent." On the morning in question, when he arrived at the polls it was plainly evident that he had been patronizing his own bar. Some of the Republicans, conceiving the idea that they could have some sport at Henry's expense, induced an old negro to offer his ballot at the polls. Henry challenged, of course, but the negro insisted upon his right to vote.

"What for you wants to vote, eh?" demanded Henry.

straight. One of the ladies, more composed than the rest, ventured to change the subject by making inquiries of Mrs. M. concerning her son, who has gone North to college. "Oh! Lis so smart!" said she. "He has already entered the Refreshment Class!" She informed the company in the same breath that "Lis also a musical progeny [prodigy]; he performed some beautiful ditties [duets] with his cousin Mary on the piano!" Just here a very awkward gentleman, becoming fidgety, attempted to tip his chair back and fell to the floor, affording an excellent opportunity for the company to relieve themselves by a hearty laugh. In the course of the evening Mrs. M. also remarked that "if the war had continued another year Mr. M. would have become a milliner [millionaire]!"

AN East Tennessecan furnishes the following hunting anecdote:

Several years ago old Judge J- was familiarly known in this part of the country, both for his legal lore and utter ignorance of every thing else. He resided on the other side of the mountain, and used frequently to come over here to court. One Sunday afternoon, as he was leisurely riding across the mountain, bound for this place, to attend the July term of the Circuit Court, he saw a deer come into the road ahead of him, and lie down behind a log on the road-side. The Judge was a great lover of venison, but unfortunately had no arms wherewith to secure the fine buck that lay before him. Not to be outdone, however, he cautiously made a large

George P. N, a minor of twenty years of age, after having served three years in the United States army as a private, came home to his father's house, and this year raised a crop. There happened to be a dispute between James, the father of George, and his son, whereupon George went out into the field where his father was at work and commenced pelt-circuit around the beast couchant, and came on to ing the old man with stones, so that he had to flee for his life. James, the father, went to one Harris, a justice of the peace, and got a warrant for George P., his son, charging him with assault and battery, with the intent to commit murder. In due time the sheriff had George before Squire Harris for trial. The usual question of Guilty or Not Guilty being put to the prisoner, he plead "Guilty, but that, being a minor under twenty-one years of age, he was not accountable for his acts, but his father, being his natural guardian, was reponsible for all his acts, civil and criminal." The Court held that this was an unanswerable argument; therefore James was taxed with the costs of the suit, and George P. was discharged. Can any of your squires beat that decision?

THE Drawer wishes all its Southern friends were as sensible and cheerful as the one who writes as follows:

I have been entertained regularly every month since the close of the war with the good things you bring us; and instead of brooding over our "lost cause," discarding Northern literature, etc., as some of our press urge upon us, I rather feel it my duty to contribute to your stock of the "rich, rare, and racy."

We have in our community a family made rich by the war, and their sudden riches has caused them to be dubbed "Mushroom Aristocracy," an equivalent to your "Shoddy Aristocracy." Mrs. Mushroom is decidedly illiterate, and is fond of courting the favor of the "old families." At a gathering at her own house the other evening, a number of the literati being present, the conversation turned upon authors, when Mrs. M. remarked that "her favorite author is Ticknor Field! She believes she has all his works in her library!" It was painful to see the efforts of the company to keep their faces

town. Court held five days, and on the morning of the sixth the Judge procured a gun, mounted his horse, and, with another member of the bar accompanying him, rode off toward the mountain. When within about a quarter of a mile of the aforesaid log the Judge ordered his companion to remain perfectly quiet while he, the Judge, gun in hand, crept slowly and stealthily toward the log behind which the deer had lain down a week before. After a long and tedious crawl he gained the log, and with the utmost silence and caution slowly raised up and looked over, drawling out, as he did so, in accents of mingled astonishment and disappointment, "By golly, he's gone!"

"A VETERAN" sends us a joke which occurred in that most doleful of places, Libby Prison :

In 1864 I was a prisoner in Libby, and was paroled in October of that year. While Ross, the chicf clerk (who, by-the-by, was a fine little fellow, and always fond of a joke), was busy paroling the boys, a huge Michigander strolled up to have his name put down. Ross, looking up and seeing such a large specimen of humanity, asked him his height. "Six feet six," he replied. Ross then made the query, "How large do the boys grow in your country, old fellow ?" "Wa'al, I don't know, boss; but our babies are a mighty sight bigger than you!" Ross subsided for that day.

A NEW YORKER writes: At the beginning of the war, when General M Cormick was killed and brought to life again once a week, a boy came into our office from the next room requesting the loan of General M'Cormick for a few minutes. Subsequent inquiry proved that the Journal of Commerce was what was wanted, the similarity of sound having deceived the boy. The paper has not been since known in the office by any other name.

NEW MONTHLY MAGAZINE.

No. CCI-FEBRUARY, 1867.-VOL. XXXIV.

WILD BILL.

EVERAL months after the ending of the of extensive dimensions, yet it is the largest in

Southwest Missouri. Springfield is not a burgh which is one reason why it was the point d'apEntered according to Act of Congress, in the year 1867, by Harper and Brothers, in the Clerk's Office of the District Court for the Southern District of New York.

VOL. XXXIV.-No. 201.-T

pui, as well as the base of operations for all military movements during the war.

"How are yer, Bill? This yere is Colonel N, who wants ter know yer."

Let me at once describe the personal appearance of the famous Scout of the Plains, William Hitchcock, called "Wild Bill," who now advanced toward me, fixing his clear gray eyes on mine in a quick, interrogative way, as if to take 'my measure.

On a warm summer day I sat watching from the shadow of a broad awning the coming and going of the strange, half-civilized people who, from all the country round, make this a place for barter and trade. Men and women dressed in queer costumes; men with coats and trowsers made of skin, but so thickly covered with The result seemed favorable, for he held forth dirt and grease as to have defied the identity a small, muscular hand in a frank, open manner. of the animal when walking in the flesh. Oth-As I looked at him I thought his the handsomers wore homespun gear, which oftentimes ap- est physique I had ever seen. In its exquisite peared to have seen lengthy service. Many of manly proportions it recalled the antique. It those people were mounted on horse-back or was a figure Ward would delight to model as a mule-back, while others urged forward the un- companion to his "Indian." willing cattle attached to creaking, heavily-laden wagons, their drivers snapping their long whips with a report like that of a pistol-shot.

In front of the shops which lined both sides of the main business street, and about the public square, were groups of men lolling against posts, lying upon the wooden sidewalks, or sitting in chairs. These men were temporary or permanent denizens of the city, and were lazily occupied in doing nothing. The most marked characteristic of the inhabitants seemed to be an indisposition to move, and their highest ambition to let their hair and beards grow.

Bill stood six feet and an inch in his bright yellow moccasins. A deer-skin shirt, or frock it might be called, hung jauntily over his shoulders, and revealed a chest whose breadth and depth were remarkable. These lungs had had growth in some twenty years of the free air of the Rocky Mountains. His small, round waist. was girthed by a belt which held two of Colt's navy revolvers. His legs sloped gradually from the compact thigh to the feet, which were small, and turned inward as he walked. There was a singular grace and dignity of carriage about that figure which would have called your atten-. tion meet it where you would. The head which crowned it was now covered by a large som

Here and there upon the street the appearance of the army blue betokened the presence of a returned Union soldier, and the jaunty, con-brero, underneath which there shone out a quifident air with which they carried themselves et, manly face; so gentle is its expression as he was all the more striking in its contrast with greets you as utterly to belie the history of its the indolence which appeared to belong to the owner, yet it is not a face to be trifled with. place. The only indication of action was the The lips thin and sensitive, the jaw not too inevitable revolver which every body, except- square, the check bones slightly prominent, a ing, perhaps, the women, wore about their per- mass of fine dark hair falls below the neck to sons. When people moved in this lazy city the shoulders. The eyes, now that you are in they did so slowly and without method. No friendly intercourse, are as gentle as a woman's. one seemed in haste. A huge hog wallowed In truth, the woman nature seems prominent in luxurious ease in a nice bed of mud on the throughout, and you would not believe that you other side of the way, giving vent to gentle were looking into eyes that have pointed the grunts of satisfaction. On the platform at my way to death to hundreds of men, (Yes, Wild feet lay a large wolf-dog literally asleep with Bill with his own hands has killed hundreds of one eye open. He, too, seemed contented to men. Of that I have not a doubt, "He shoots let the world wag idly on. to kill," as they say on the border,

The loose, lazy spirit of the occasion finally In vain did I examine the scout's face for took possession of me, and I sat and gazed and some evidence of murderous propensity. It smoked, and it is possible that I might have was a gentle face, and singular only in the sharp fallen into a Rip Van Winkle sleep to have angle of the eye, and without any physiognombeen aroused ten years hence by the cry, "Pas-ical reason for the opinion, I have thought his sengers for the flying machine to New York, wonderful accuracy of aim was indicated by all aboard!" when I and the drowsing city were this peculiarity. He told me, however, to use roused into life by the clatter and crash of the his own words: hoofs of a horse which dashed furiously across "I allers shot well; but I come ter be perthe square and down the street. The rider sat feck in the mountains by shootin at a dime for perfectly erect, yet following with a grace of mo- a mark, at bets of half a dollar a shot. And tion, seen only in the horsemen of the plains, the then until the war I never drank liquor nor rise and fall of the galloping steed. There was smoked," he continued, with a melancholy exonly a moment to observe this, for they halt-pression; "war is demoralizing, it is." ed suddenly, while the rider springing to the ground approached the party which the noise had gathered near me.

"This yere is Wild Bill, Colonel," said Captain Honesty, an army officer addressing me. He continued:

Captain Honesty was right.

I was very curious to see "Wild Bill, the Scout," who, a few days before my arrival in Springfield, in a duel at noonday in the public square, at fifty paces, had sent one of Colt's pistol-balls through the heart of a returned Confederate soldier.