Trap. Well, sir, since I must speak, then Trap. O lud! O lud! sir, as I hope to die in the first place, I desire your honour will in my bed, these are the very words, he be pleased to command the officer to secure threaten'd to stab me if I wouldn't swear against that gentleman. Don M. How, friend? Don P. Secure me, rascal? Trap. Sir, if I can't be protected, I shall never be able to speak. Don M. I warrant thee-What is it you say, friend? Trap. Sir, as I was just now crossing the street, this gentleman, with a sneer in his face, my master-I told him at first, sir, I was not Alg. Nay, sir, I saw this gentleman's sword Don M. Really, my friend, thou'rt almost takes me by the hand, claps five pistoles in turn'd fool in this business. If thou hadst my palm (here they are), shuts my fist close prevail'd upon this wretch to perjure himself, upon 'em; "My dear friend," says he, "you couldst thou think I should not have detected must do me a piece of service:" upon which, him? You may go, friend. sir, I bows me him to the ground, and desired him to open his case. Don P. What means the rascal? Don M. Sir, I am as much amazed as you; but pray let's hear him, that we may know his meaning. Flora. Ha, ha! [Exit Alguazil. Don P. Sir, you're imposed on: defer the marriage but an hour. Don M. Ay, and in half that time, I suppose, you are in hopes to defer it altogether. Don P. Perdition seize me, if I have any Trap. So, sir, upon this he runs me over hope or thought but that of serving you. a long story of a sham and a flam1) he had Don M. Nay, now thou art a downright just contrived, he said, to defer my master's distracted man. — - Dost thou expect I should marriage only for two days. take thy bare word, when here were two honest fellows that have just proved thee in a lie to thy face? Don P. Confusion! Flora. Nay, pray, sir, let's hear the evidence. Trap. Upon the close of the matter, sir, I found at last by his eloquence, that the whole business depended upon my bearing a little false witness against my master. Hyp. O ho! Enter Servant. Serv. Sir, the priest is come. Don M. Is he so? Then, sir, if you please, since you see you can do me no further serTrap. Upon this, sir, I began to demur: vice, I believe it may be time for you to go. "Sir," says I, "this business will never hold-Come, son, now let's wait upon the bride, water; don't let me undertake it, I must beg and put an end to this gentleman's trouble your pardon;" gave him the negative shrug, altogether. and was for sneaking off with the fees in my pocket. Don M. Very well! Flora. Hyp. Ha, ha, ha! Trap. Upon this, sir, he catches me fast hold by the collar, whips out his poker, claps it within half an inch of my guts: "Now, dog," says he, "you shall do it, or within two hours rot upon the dunghill you came from." Don P. Sir, if there be any faith in mortal man Don M. Nay, nay, one at a time; you shall be heard presently. - Go on friend. Hyp. Sir, I'll wait on ye. [Exit. Don P. Confusion! I've undone my friend. [Walks about. Flora. Trappanti! rogue, this was a masterpiece. [Apart. Trap. Sir, I believe it won't be mended in haste. [Apart. Exeunt Flora and Trappanti. Hyp. Sir! Don P. Ha! alone! if we're not prevented now- -[Aside] Well, sir Hyp. I suppose you don't think the favours you have design'd me are to be put without satisfaction; therefore I shall expect to see you early to-morrow, near the Prado, with your [To Trappanti. sword in your hand in the mean time, sir, Trap. Having me at this advantage, sir, I'm a little more in haste to be the lady's began to think my wit would do me more humble servant than yours. service than my courage; so prudently pre- Don P. Hold, sir!-you and I can't part tended out of fear to comply with his threats, upon such easy terms. and swallow the perjury: but now, sir, being Hyp. Sir! under protection and at liberty of conscience, I have honesty enough, you see, to tell you the whole truth of the matter. Don M. Ay, this is evidence indeed! [Going. Don P. You're not so near the lady, sir, perhaps, as you imagine. [Locks the Door. Hyp. What d'ye mean? Don P. Come, sir-draw! Hyp. My ruin now has caught me; this was the very spite of fortune. [Aside. Don P. Dog! Villain! Did not you confess to me that this gentleman picked you up, not three hours ago, at the same inn where alighted? that he had own'd his stealing my Don P. Come, sir, my time's but short. portmanteau at Toledo? that if he succeeded Hyp. And mine's too precious to be lost to marry the lady, you were to have a con- on any thing but love; besides, this is no prosiderable sum for your pains, and these two per place. To-morrow, sir, I shall find a better. were to share the rest of her fortune between Don P. No, now, sir, if you please-Draw, them? villain, or expect such usage as I am sure don Philip would not bear. 1) To pop a shem, or a flam, slang for, to deceive. 294 SHE WOULD AND SHE WOULD NOT. [ACT V. Hyp. A lover, sir, may bear any thing to make sure of his mistress-You know it is not lose my little husband. Ros. Truly, I began to be afraid I should fear thatDon P. No evasion, sir; either this moment safe out of these breeches, if ever I wear 'em Hyp. Husband, quotha! Get me but once [Apart. confess your villainy, your name, and fortune, again or expect no mercy. Hyp. Nay then-Within there! Don P. Move but a step, or dare to raise you. ACT V. [Apart. Exeunt. SCENE I.-The same. Enter TRAPPANTI. Trap. What, in the name of roguery, can to her Breast. Hyp. Sir! Don P. Villain be quick, confess, or[Trembling. this new master of mine be? He's either a Hyp. Hold, sir-I own I dare not fight with gives me fifty pieces for helping him to marry fool or bewitch'd, that's positive. — First, he Don P. No, I see thou art too poor a vil- claps me twenty more into the other hand, to the lady; and soon as the wedding is over, lain-therefore be speedy, as thou hopest I'll help him to get rid of her.-Nay, not only spare thy life. Hyp. Nay then, sir-Mercy! mercy![Throws his directions, in being evidence against him that, but gives me a strict charge to observe herself at his Feet] And, since I must con- as an impostor, to refund all the lies I have fess, have pity on my youth, have pity on my told in his service, to sweep him clear out of love! my conscience, and now to swear the robbery Don P. Thy love! What art thou? Speak. against him! What the bottom of this can be, Hyp. Unless your generous compassion I must confess, does a little puzzle my wit.— spares me, sure the most wretched youth that There's but one way in the world I can solve ever felt the pangs and torments of a success-it. He must certainly have some secret reason less passion. Don P. Nay, then I must forgive thee. [Raises and so was resolved first to be married, that to hang himself, that he's ashamed to own, her] For I have known too well the misery his friends might not wonder at the occasion. not to pity-any thing in love. Yet holdnor flatter thy fond hopes too far: you must But here he comes, with his noose in his hand. defer your marriage with this lady. Hyp. Sir, on my knees. Don P. Expect no more from me; either comply this moment, or my sword shall force thee. Hyp. Consider, sir Enter HYPOLITA and RoSARA. Hyp. Trappanti, go to don Pedro, he has business with you. Ros. Who's don Pedro pray? [Exit. Hyp, Flora, madam; he knows her yet by Don P. Nay then, discover quick! Tell me no other name. Where's your father, madam? by name and family. Hyp. Hold, sir Don P. Speak, or thou diest. Hyp. Sir, I will-[A Noise at the Door] Ha! they are entering -O! for a moment's courage! Come on, sir. Ros. I saw him go towards his closet; I believe he's gone to fetch you part of my fortune-he seem'd in mighty good humour. high as Hyp. We must be sure to keep it up as we can, that he may be the more stunn'd when he falls. [Breaks from him and draws, retiring till Don Manuel, Flora, Trappanti, possess'd with the very spirit of disobedience Ros. With all my heart; methinks I am and Servants rush in and part them. Now could I, in the humour I am in, conDon M. Knock him down! Force him out sent to any mischief that would but heartily of the room there; call an officer; in the mean plague my old gentleman. time, secure him in the cellar. Enter DON MANUEL. Don P. Hear me but one word, sir! Don M. Stop his mouth-out with him. [They hurry him off] Come, dear son, be pacified. embrace thee-That ever I should live to see Don M. Ah, my little conqueror! let me Hyp. A villain! Flora. Why should he be concern'd, now of all days in my life! [Walks in a Heat. this day! this most triumphant day, this day be's secure? Such a rascal would but contaminate the sword of a man of honour. Hyp. I am sorry, sir, such a fellow should have it in his power to disturb me—but— Enter ROSARA. Hyp. Ay, and of my life too, sir. Don M. Ay, my cares are over-Now I've nothing to do but to think of the other world; for I've done all my business in this: got as many children as I could; and now I'm grown Don M. Look! here's my daughter in a fright old, have set a young couple to work. Look to seek for you. Hyp. Then I'm composed again. Ros. I heard fighting here! I hope you are [Runs to Rosara. not wounded, sir?. Hyp. I have no wound but what the priest can heal. Don M. Ah! well said, my little champion! Hyp. Oh, madam! I have such a terrible escape to tell you! you here, children, I have brought you some this is encouragement indeed! [Apart to Rosara. soul with 'em-and heaven bless you together -I've had a great deal of care and trouble this day! If I were sure to beg for it all my to bring it about, children; but, thank my life after Here, sirrah, cook! look into the stars, 'tis over- -'tis over now- Now I may Roman history, see what Mark Anthony had sleep with my doors open, and never have for supper, when Cleopatra first treated him my slumbers broken with the fear of rogues with chere entiere: rogue, let me have a reand rivals. past that will be six times as expensive and Ros. Don't interrupt him, and see how far provoking-Go.-And, d'ye hear? One of you his humour will carry him? step to monsieur Vendevin, the king's butler, [Apart to Hypolita. for the same wine that his majesty reserves Don M. But there is no joy lasting in this for his own drinking; tell him he shall have world; we must all die when we have done his price for't. our best; sooner or later, old or young, prince 1 Serv. How much will you please to have, sir? or peasant, high or low, kings, lords, and- Don M. Too much, sir! I'll have every thing common whores, must die! Nothing certain; upon the outside of enough to-day. Go you, we are forced to buy one comfort with the sirrah, run to my nephew, don Lewis, give loss of another.-Now I've married my child, my service and tell him to bring all his family I've lost my companion-I've parted with my along with him. Don M. Ah! we'll make all the hair in the world stand an end at our joy. girl! Her heart's gone another way now- Hyp. Ay, sir! this is as it should be! now she'll forget her old father!-I shall never have it begins to look like a wedding. her wake me more, like a cheerful lark, with her pretty songs in a morning-I shall have nobody to chat at dinner with me now, or Hyp. Here comes Flora – Now, madam, obtake up a godly book and read me to sleep serve your cue. in an afternoon. Ah! these comforts are all gone now! [Weeps. Enter FLORA. -Don Phi Hyp. How very near the extreme of one Flora. Your servant, gentlemen-I need not passion is to another! Now he is tired with wish you joy-You have it, I seejoy, till he is downright melancholy. [Aside. lip, I must needs speak with you, Ros. What's the matter, sir? Don M. Ah! my child! now it comes to the test, methinks I don't know how to part with thee. Ros. O, sir, we shall be better friends than ever. Don M. Uh! uh! shall we? Wilt thou come and see the old man now and then? Well, heaven bless thee, give me a kiss—I must kiss thee at parting! Be a good girl, use thy hushand well, make an obedient wife, and I shall die contented. Hyp. Pshaw! pr'ythee don't plague me with business at such a time as this. Flora. My business won't be deferred, sir. Flora. I suppose you guess it, sir; and I must tell you, I take it ill it was not done before. Hyp. What d'ye mean? Ros. Don't disturb 'em, sir-We shall know Hyp. But what have you done with don Philip? [Apart to Flora. Flora. I drew the servants out of the way, while he made his escape; what we do we must do quickly; come, come, put on your fighting face, and I'll be with 'em presently. Hyp. Die, sir! Come, come, you have a great while to live-Hang these melancholy all presently. thoughts, they are the worst company in the world at a wedding.-Consider, sir, we are young; if you would oblige us, let us have a little life and mirth, a jubilee to day at least; stir your servants, call in your neighbours, let me see your whole family mad for joy, sir. Don M. Ha! shall we be merry then? Hyp. Merry, sir! ah! as beggars at a feast. What, shall a dull Spanish custom tell me, when I am the happiest man in the kingdom, I shan't be as mad as I have a mind to? Let me see the face of nothing to-day but revels, friends, feasts, and music, sir. Don M. Ah! thou shalt have thy humourthou shalt have thy humour! Hey, within there! rogues! dogs! slaves! where are my rascals? Ah! my joy flows again-I can't bear it. Enter several Servants. Serv. Did you call, sir? Don M. Call, sir! ay, sir: what's the reason you are not all out of your wits, sir? Don't you know that your young mistress is married, scoundrels? 1 Serv. Yes, sir, and we are all ready to be mad, as soon as your honour will please to give any distracted orders. Hyp. You see, sir, they only want a little encouragement. Don M. Ah! there shall be nothing wanting [Aside. Hyp. [Aloud] Sir, I have offer'd you very fair; if you don't think so, I have married the lady, and take your course. Flora. Sir, our contract was a full third; a third part's my right, and I'll have it, sir. Don M. Hey! Hyp. Then I must tell you, sir, since you are pleased to call it your right, you shall not have it. Flora. Not, sir? Hyp. No, sir-Look ye, don't put on your pert airs to me-'Gad, I shall use you very scurvily. Flora. Use me!-You little son of a whore, draw. Hyp. Oh! sir, I am for you. [They fight, and Don Manuel interposes. Don M. Friends, and quarrel! for shame. since he does not know how to use a gentle- Hyp. I'm a little vex'd at my servant's beman, I'll do a public piece of justice, and use ing out of the way, and the insolence of this him like a villain. other rascal. Don M. Better words, sir. [To Flora. Flora. Why, sir, d'ye take this fellow for don Philip? Don M. What d'ye mean, sir? Hyp. Hey! who waits there? Here, you! Don M. A coach! Enter VILEtta. Vil. Sir, sir!-bless me! What's the matter, sir? Are not you well? Don M. Yes, yes—I am—that is-ha! Don M. What business can he have for a coach? Don M. But what occasion have you for post-horses, sir? Hyp. Something happens a little cross, sir. Hyp. I'll tell you another time, sir. Hyp. Lord, sir, when you see a man's out of humour. Don M. Sir, it may be I'm as much out of humour as you; and I must tell ye, I don't like your behaviour, and I'm resolv'd to be satisfy'd. Hyp. Sir, what is't you'd have? [Peevishly. Don M. Lookye, sir-in short-I-I have receiv'd a letter. Hyp. Well, sir. Don M. I wish it may be well, sir. Hyp. Bless me, sir! what's the matter with you? Don M. Matter, sir!-in troth I'm almost afraid and ashamed to tell ye; but if you must Vil. I have brought you a letter, sir, from needs know-there's the matter, sir. Octavio. Don M. To me? Vil. No, sir, to my mistress-he charged me to deliver it immediately; for he said it concerned her life and fortune. Don M. How! let's see it -There's what I promised thee-be gone. What can this be now? [Gives the Letter. Enter DoN LEWIS. Don L. Uncle, I am your humble servant. Don M. I am glad to see you, nephew. Don L. I received your invitation, and am [Reads. come to pay my duty: but here I met with The person whom your father ignorantly the most surprising news. designs you to marry, is a known cheat, Don M. Pray what is it? and an impostor; the true don Philip, who Don L. Why, first your servant told me, is my intimate friend, will immediately ap- my young cousin was to be married to-day pear with the corregidore, and fresh evi- to don Philip de las Torres; and just as I dence against him. I thought this advice, was entering your doors, who should I meet though from one you hate, would be well but don Philip with the corregidore, and sereceived if it came time enough to prevent veral witnesses to prove, it seems, that the OCTAVIO. your ruin. person whom you were just going to marry O, my heart! this letter was not designed to my cousin to, has usurp'd his name, betray'd fall into my hands-I am frightened-I dare you, robb'd him, and is in short a rank imnot think on't. postor. Don M. Dear nephew, don't torture me: are ye sure you know don Philip when you see him? Don L. Know him, sir? were not we schoolfellows, fellow collegians, and fellow travellers? Don M. But are you sure you mayn't have forgot him neither?" Don L. You might as well ask me if I had not forgot you, sir. Don M. But one question more and I am dumb for ever-Is that he? Don L. That, sir? No, nor in the least like him.-But pray why this concern? I hope we are not come too late to prevent the marriage? Don M. Oh! oh! oh! oh! my poor child! [Seems to faint. Don M. Ah! look to my child. Don L. Is this the villain then that has imposed on you? Ros. Oh! Ros. I hope you are not hurt, sir. [To Hypolita, who minds her not]-What's the matter with him, sir? he won't speak to me. Hyp. Sir, I'm this lady's husband; and while [To Don Manuel. I'm sure that name can't be taken from me, Don M. A-speak!-a-go to him again- I shall be contented with laughing at any try what fair words will do, and see if you other you or your party dare give me. can pick out the meaning of all this. Don M. Oh! Don L. Nay then, within there! - such a villain ought to be made an example. Don M. Oh! oh! Trap. Ay, and mine too, sir. [head? Don M. VVhere shall I hide this shameful Flora. And for the robbery, that I can prove upon him: he confess'd to me at Toledo, he stole this gentleman's portmanteau there, to carry on his design upon this lady, and agreed to give me a third part of her fortune for my assistance; which he refusing to pay as soon as the marriage was over, I thought myself obliged in honour to discover him. Oct. Can she repent her falsehood then at last? Is't possible? then I'm wounded too! O my poor undone Rosara! [Goes to her] Ungrateful! cruel! perjured man! Don M. Oh! don't insult me! I deserve the worst you can say.-I'm a miserable wretch, and I repest me. Vil. So here's the lady in tears, the lover in rage, the old gentleman out of his senses, most of the company distracted, and the bridegroom in a fair way to be hanged. - The merriest wedding that ever I saw in my life. [Apart to Hypolita. Cor. Well, sir, have you any thing to say before I make your warrant? Hyp. A word or two, and I obey ye, sir. Gentlemen, I have reflected on the folly of my action, and foresee the disquiets I am like to undergo in being this lady's husband; therefore, as I own myself the author of all this seeming ruin and confusion, so I am willing (desiring first the officers may withdraw) to offer something to the general quiet. Oct. What can this mean? Don P. Pshaw! some new contrivanceLet's be gone. to Don L. Stay a moment, it can be no harm hear him-Sir, will you oblige us? Cor. Wait without. [Exeunt Officers. Vil. What's to be done now, 'trow? Trap. Some smart thing, I warrant ye; the Hyp. Well, gentlemen, you may insult me little gentleman hath a notable head, faith. if you please; but I presume you'll hardly be Flora. Nay, gentlemen, thus much I know able to prove that I'm not married to the fady, of him: that if you can but persuade him to or hav'n't the best part of her fortune in my be honest, 'tis still in his power to make you pocket; so do your worst: I own my inge-all amends; and, in my opinion, 'tis high time nuity, and am proud on't. he should propose it. Don M. Ingenuity, abandon'd villain!-But, sir, before you send him to gaol, I desire he may return the jewels I gave him as part of my daughter's portion. Cor. That can't be, sir-since he has married the lady, her fortune's lawfully his all we can do, is to prosecute him for robbing this gentleman. Don M. O that ever I was born. Don M. Ay, 'tis time he were hang'd indeed: for I know no other amends he can make us. Hyp. Then I must tell you, sir, I owe you no reparation; the injuries which you complain of, your sordid avarice, and breach of promise here have justly brought upon you: therefore, sir, if you are injured, you may thank yourself for it. Don M. Nay, dear sir, I do confess my Hyp. Return the jewels, sir! if you don't blindness, and could heartily wish your eyes pay me the rest of her fortune to-morrow or mine had dropp'd out of our heads before morning, you may chance to go to gaol be-ever we saw one another. fore me. Don M. O that I were buried! Will my cares never be over? Hyp. They are pretty near it, sir; you can't have much more to trouble you. Cor. Come, sir, if you please; I must desire to take your deposition in writing. [Goes to the Table with Flora. Don P. Now, sir, you see what your own rashness has brought ye to. Don M. Pray forbear, sir. Hyp. Well, sir (however little you have deserved it), yet for your daughter's sake, if you'll oblige yourself, by signing this paper, to keep your first promise, and give her, with her full fortune, to this gentleman, I'm still content, on that condition, to disannul my own pretences, and resign her. Don M. Sir, I don't know how to answer you: for I can never believe you'll have good nature enough to hang yourself out of the way to make room for him? Hyp. Keep it up, madam. [Aside to Rosara. Hyp. Then, sir, to let you see I have not Ros. Oh, sir! how wretched have you made only an honest meaning, but an immediate me! is this the care you have taken of me for power too, to make good my word, I first my blind obedience to your commands? this renounce all title to her fortune: these jewels, my reward for filial duty? [To Don Manuel. which I received from you, I give him free Don M. Ah! my poor child! possession of; and now, sir, the rest of her Ros. But I deserve it all, for ever listening fortune you owe him with her person. to your barbarous proposal, when my conDon M. This is unaccountable, I must conscience might have told me, my vows and fess-But still, sir, if you disannul your preperson in justice and honour were the wronged tences, how you'll persuade that gentleman, to Octavio's. whom I am obliged in contract to part with his→ |