enough if you will pick out all the slanderous expressions from the conversation of our gossips, you will have but a very scanty fragment remaining.

There are others so given up to indolence, that they keep great part of the sabbath in bed, on a couch, or in the easy chair: these people are so exceedingly opprest with the weight of their own bodies that they can attend at neither church nor chapel, although active enough the other parts of the week; and yet they are good Christians, and hope to go to heaven when they die; and yet they seldom think of any thing, but living for ever, in order to which they eat, drink, and sleep away the sabbath. These go by the name of lazy sabbath-breakers, and all who are employed the whole morning, in preparing superfluities for dinner, live along with them.

Another class of sabbath-breakers, consists of the petty dealers, who buy or sell commodities, for back or belly, on the sabbath day. We call them the mistrustful sabbath-breakers, because they cannot trust God with their customers; and slothful sabbath-breakers, because they do not provide for their families on the six days appointed for labour. England, with all its bravery, is horribly disgraced by a set of prophane people, such as grocers, chandlers, butchers, barbers, and bakers; who will not miss the taking a penny on the sabbath, any more than another day. Besides them, there are taylors, mantua and shoemakers, who with their late finishes, make great encroachments on the sabbath, and that in the most open manner.

INFID. I thought, in England, the law had made provision against such enormous breaches of the sabbath.

IMP. Yes, the laws do indeed make provision for the suppression of such vices, but I have the pleasure of seeing the enforcing of those laws, very often left with people, who are entirely devoted to my interest; so the laws are frequently asleep, when I am awake and upon my rounds.

But there is another tribe against whom there is no human law. I mean the thinking sabbath-breakers; a careful industrious set of people, esteemed by all and known but to few. They are constantly employed through the week, and are glad of the sabbath's approach, that they may repair their bodily fatigue, and give a free scope to their plodding minds. When they awake on the sabbath morning, they are deeply contemplating some transactions of the past week, or concerting measures proper to be followed in the ensuing. Nor does the man alter his subject when he goes to church. No, he is quite uniform; try him, and you will find him all of a piece. Let the parson choose what subject he will, the other sticks to his text; so that it often happens when the minister thinks his auditory is collected, and the bulk of his parish appear at church, he is mistaken, for the greatest part of those whom he thinks to be present, are

only there in appearance; their minds, their better part, being absent on other occasions.

For instance, the parson sometimes thinks that he sees Squire Folly and madam his lady, in the front pew of the right hand gallery: but he is mistaken, for only their bodies are there, their minds are absent. As for the Squire, he is busy chasing the bare or fox, over all the hedges and ditches in his manor; and his lady is mentally at this ball, or the other assembly, or at this play, or the other opera; or perhaps she is cheapening silks at Mr. Cant's, silk-mercer, on Ludgate-hill.

Sometimes the merchant seems to be at church; however he is only there in body, his soul having sailed in the good ship Bonaventure, to buy slaves on the coast of Guinea, or barter goods at Bengal or Malabar. The mercer, draper, and grocer, seem sometimes to be there, but frequently it is an imposition, for although their bodies may indeed be present, their souls are gone on a journey, to visit their customers, or are left at home in the counting house, balancing their books; examining their tradesmen's bills, that they may know with whom they can deal to the greatest advantage. Perhaps issuing forth a capias against Squire Latepay, a gentleman well known to those dealers; or it may be, the soul is busy, entering protests against certain extravagant manufacturers.

As for the industrious farmer, you may well think, he has something else to employ his mind, than either sermon or prayers for it must needs require much thought and forecast to determine right, where to sow his wheat, where his clover, and what land to set apart for hemp; how to dispose of his young colt, and the grey horse, who is in danger of losing his eyes. And he, good man, hath found from long experience, that he can contrive better at church than any where else; and being willing to thrive in the world, he will let slip no opportunity proper for advantageous consideration.

But I can tell you, sir, if the people so frequently put the cheat upon their parson, he in his turn retaliates upon them; and many times when the congregation flatter themselves that they see the parson in and hear his voice from the pulpit, they are mistaken, for it is only his body, his soul being attending the levee of this nobleman, or the other bishop, making his court for a fatter benefice. These, sir, are some of the thinking sabbath

breakers.

Then there are the mad sabbath-breakers, a set of the very dregs of humanity, and yet by some means or other their impious practices are connived at, notwithstanding interdicted by all laws divine and human. Such are our pellet throwers in Yorkshire and Durham, our foot-ball tossers, who are found all over the nation; our leapers, runners, tavern-haunters, and all of every

denomination, who exercise themselves in any sport on the sab bath, are stationed along with the mad sabbath-breakers.

Last of all there are our religious sabbath-breakers, a district that is formed of party zealots, and self-seekers, both preachers and hearers. As for the former, their doctrine is various, one man preaches the pope, another preaches the councils, one preaches St. Dominic, another St. Francis. One preaches episcopacy, like the great Sacheverel, another preaches presbytery, as the only way of salvation. One preaches up mankind in general, and another preaches his own personal endowments in particular, but as for preaching Jesus Christ, that is quite foreign to their purpose, and is therefore left to be performed by others. Thus, sire, you have had a view of the canton of sabbath-breakers.

INFID. And a noble canton it is, my son, both rich and populous, of great service to us, and vast enlargement to the territories of Belzebub. How illustrious is the throne of great Impiator! I long to have a description of the rest of your kingdom, but for the present I must be gone, my son. Will you please to give me the meeting here to-morrow morning? IMP. I will, sir. Adieu.

DIALOGUE VI.

FASTOSUS AND AVARO.

PRIVY to the appointment betwixt Fastosus and Avaro, I resolved to stay their coming, and had not been long before I saw them at a distance, walking up the valley towards me. Arrived at the usual place of conference, Fastosus struck twice with his rod on the earth, and instantly there arose two thrones of the blackest ebony, one of which he occupied himself, and the other was filled by his cousin Avaro. Thus enthroned, Fastosus opened the conversation, whilst I seized my pen, and sat eager to catch the fleeting sound.

FAST. You know, Avaro, when we parted in the morning, I was going to assist my lady Gaiety, to dress for her visit to my good lord Frolic. I went accordingly, and hard work I assure you we had of it. As soon as I appeared before the toilet, I received orders to render myself invisible, and not to depart the room, that I might be in readiness to adjust the head dress, and bosom ornaments. Yes, madam, said I, I will give your ladyship due attendance; with that I rendered myself invisible to her, but continued visible to all other beholders. So to dressing we went. First we ornamented her feet, which was attended with

very considerable difficulty; it cost us several tyings and untyings before her ladyship was pleased with her own foot. At last having finished the feet, and my lady viewed them several times in every position, we proceeded to other parts of the important work. First we did and then we undid every part of the finery. But our hardest work about the head and bosom was how to put one as much as possible out of its native form, and to expose the other so as to make sure of attracting the eyes of beholders. Monsieur Frissieur, who was our assistant, gave it as his opinion, that to come up to the very zenith of the mode, it was necessary she should bear an head as much as possible, in resemblance to a ram without horns; and Mrs. Prude, my lady's woman, told us plainly, that Mrs. Pander, whose province is to establish female customs, had expressly declared, every lady worth above one hundred a-year, ought in a full dress to wear her bosom quite naked. My lady is adorned with excellent hair, but it will not serve her except it bear a look the most unnatural possible. Her skin, fair as alabaster, we were obliged to daub with patches, the colour of Belzebub's coat, as a token of her loyalty to the black prince of the nether regions. But how to place these patches was a question of no ordinary concern, and hardly resolved at last. First we tried one large patch on her chin, but my lady soon perceived, that it hid the beauteous dimple, which nature had there imprest, and therefore it was presently removed. Ther we tried how the cheek would answer, but alas! it obscured the lively rose, which is a native there, and which my lady takes great delight to view in her glass; on this account we exempted the cheek from the burden. At last, after much anxiety, and very serious consideration, it was resolved that we should fix it on the middle of her forehead, resembling the eye of a cyclop, and put a little one on the left side of her chin, bearing the likeness of a mole. However, it cost several trials with them in both places, ere the patches would lie agreeable to her ladyship's fancy.

AVAR. Ah! Fastosus, if the ladies only knew how ridiculous they make themselves look in the eyes of the judicious, they would be very loath thus to deform their native beauty. What delicate beauty, what perfect comeliness do we see rendered disagreeable, and ridiculous by these transformations! And how can they be but disagreeable and ridiculous, when all the decorations of nature lie concealed, and nothing appears but the manufactory of art, tnat great supplanter of nature? Such ladies are certainly greatly deceived by you, Fastosus; for the end proposed by all those metamorphoses is, to render themselves agreeable to the gentlemen, whereas they produce the contrary effect. Art can never beget love. This is nature's work alone. Art may indeed excite lust; but nature alone begets that love which a virtuous lady would strive to obtain. It is strange,

Fastosus, that nature has so little, and affectation such great concern among people of fashion as at this day. Well I hope

you pleased her at last?

FAST. Yes, yes, I hope I did, but my work did not end with madam for Mrs. Prude, her woman, who was assisting us in the equipment of her lady, and often put her tongue into her cheek, and bit her lip, to prevent her laughing out, when she saw her mistress's vanity. As soon as I had done with her lady, beseeched me that I would put a few pins into her clothes, because she was to attend her mistress to lord Frolic's; and notwithstanding my patience was almost spent before, I was obliged to stay ever so long, pinning and unpinning her, for Mrs. Prude affected the fine gentlewoman, almost as much as her mistress.

But what vexed me worse than all the rest was, just as I had got to the bottom of the stairs, to make my escape, the cookmaid caught me in her greasy arms, and begged me to assist her to dress herself in her half-holiday clothes, as her sweetheart was to take the advantage of her lady's absence to come and visit her. I could not deny the girl, because I thought she really had need of considerable amendment, before she presented herself to her lover. So after we had pinned and unpinned a considerable time, I burst through the casement, to avoid the importunity of the laundry and chambermaids, whom I saw coming. Thus I gave them the slip, for those ladies and their female attendants, would drudge any devil in hell off his feet, might they have their own way. But I am right glad that I am come hither from among them.

AVAR. Then, sir, I perceive with all your greatness you have no objection to assisting a waiting woman, or a cook maid occasionally.

FAST. No objection at all, cousin; the soul of a waiting woman will fill a vacancy in hell, as well as that of her lady. The difference is this; the lady of honour is capable of drawing more to hell along with her, than her waiting woman can, therefore I choose to make sure of the mistress, and for the most part the maid comes along by her example. But as soon as we get them safely inclosed within our flaming prison, we let them see we are no respecters of persons; for the mistress and her maids, my lord and his valet, the squire and his groom, have all the same apartment allotted them, feed all at the same table, drink of the same cup, and are served by the same devil, whom they never find to be sparing of his liquor; but to serve them plenteously, though much contrary to their inclinations.

AVAR. That doctrine you unpreach when you attend upon them, Fastosus. You wisely keep your thumb upon that, and indeed it is well so to do; for comely as your appearance is, they would discard you else. Serious thoughts of futurity would spoil all our sport, uncle.