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Har. Alas! I have too much cause for my| Charles. I can assure you, sir, that your uneasiness. Who knows what that vile lord daughter is entirelyhas done with my father?
Rus. You assure me! You are the fellow Oak. Be comforted, madam; we shall soon that has perverted her mind-That has set my hear of Mr. Russet, and all will be well, I own child against medare say
Har. You are too good to me, sir; I shall never forgive myself for having disturbed the peace of such a worthy family.
Maj O. Don't mind that, madam; they'll be very good friends again. This is nothing among married people-'Sdeath, here she is! -No-its only Mrs. Toilet.
Oak. Well, Toilet, what now? [Toilet whispers] Not well?- Can't come down to dinner? Wants to see me ahove?-Harkye, brother, what shall I do?
Maj. O. If you go, you are undone.
Har. Go, sir, go to Mrs. Oakly-Indeed you had better
Maj. O. 'Sdeath, brother, don't budge a foot -This is all fractiousness and ill humour
Oak. No, I'll not go-Tell her I have company, and we shall be glad to see her here. [Exit Toilet.
Maj. O. That's right. Oak. Suppose I go and watch how she proceeds?
Maj. O. What d'ye mean? You would not go to her? Are you mad?
Oak. By no means go to her-I only want to know how she takes it. I'll lie perdue in my study, and observe her motions.
Charles. If you will but hear me, sirRus. I won't hear a word you say. I'll have my daughter-I won't hear a word.
Maj. O. Nay, Mr. Russet, hear reason. If you will but have patience
Rus. I'll have no patience, I'll have my daughter, and she shall marry sir Harry to-night. Lord T. That is dealing rather too much en cavalier with me, Mr. Russet, 'pon honour. You take no notice of my pretensions, though my rank and family
Rus. What care I for rank and family? I don't want to make my daughter a rantipole woman of quality. I'll give her to whom I please. Take ker away, sir Harry; she shall marry you to-night.
Maj. O. Only three words, Mr. RussetRus. Why don't the booby take her? Sir H. Hold hard! Hold hard!) You are all on a wrong scent; Hold hard! I say, hold hard!-Harkye, squire Russet.
Rus. Well, what now?
Sir H. It was proposed, you know, to match me with miss Harriot-But she can't take kindly to me.-When one has made a bad bet, it is best to hedge off, you know-and so Í have e'en swopped 2) her with lord Trinket here for his brown horse, Nabob.
Rus. Swopped her? Swopped my daughter for a horse! Zounds, sir, what d'ye mean? Maj. O. I don't like this pitiful ambuscade Sir H. Mean? Why I mean to be off, to work-this bush fighting. Why can't you stay be sure-It won't do I tell you it won't do here?-Ay, ay!-I know how it will be--First of all I knocked up myself and my She'll come bounce in upon you with a tor-horses, when they took for London-and now rent of anger and passion, or, if necessary aI have been stewed aboard a tender-I have whole flood of tears, and carry all before her wasted three stone at least-If I could have rid my match it would not have grieved me And so, as I said hefore, I have swopped her for Nabob.
Oak. You shall find that you are mistaken, major. Now I am convinced I'm in the right, I'll support that right with ten times your steadiness.
Maj. O. You talk this well, brother.
Oak. I'd do it well, brother.
Maj. O. If you don't, you are undone.
Maj. O. Well, Charles.
Charles. I can't bear to see my Harriot so
Rus. The devil take Nabob, and yourself, and lord Trinket, and
Lord T. Pardon! je vous demande pardon, monsieur Russet, 'pon honour.
Rus. Death and the devil! I shall go distracted! My daughter plotting against me -the
Maj. O. Come, come, Mr. Russet, I am your uneasy. I'll go immediately in quest of Mr. man after all. Give me but a moment's hearRussel. Perhaps I may learn at the inn where ing, and I'll engage to make peace between his lordship's ruffians have carried him. you and your daughter, and throw the blame where it ought to fall most deservedly.
Rus. [Without] Here! Yes, yes, I know she's here well enough. Come along, sir Harry, come along.
Sir H. Ay, ay, that's right. Put the saddle on the right horse, my buck!
Har. He's here!- My father; I know his! voice. Where is Mr. Oakly? O, now, good-I don't know what to do. sir, [To the Major] do but pacify him, and you'll be a friend indeed.
Rus. Well, sir-What d'ye say?-Speak
Enter RUSSET, LORD TRINKET, and SIR HARRY
Lord T. There, sir-I told you it was so! Rus. Ay, ay, it is too plain.-O you provoking slut! Elopement after elopement!. And at last to have your father carried off by violence! to endanger my life! Zounds! I am so angry I dare not trust myself within reach of you.
Maj. O. I'll speak the truth, let who will be offended by it.-I have proof presumptive and positive for you, Mr. Russet. From his lordship's behaviour at lady Freelove's, when my nephew rescued her, we may fairly conclude that he would stick at no measures to carry his point-there's proof presumptive.-But, sir,
can give you proof positive too-proof under his lordship's own hand, that he likewise was the contriver of the gross affront that has just been offered you.
1) Stop, stop.
Rus. Hey! how?
Lord T. Every syllable romance, 'pon honour.
Charles. This letter will convince you, sir! In consequence of what happened at lady Freelove's, his lordship thought fit to send me a challenge; hut the messenger blundered, and gave me this letter instead of it. [Giving the Letter] I have the case which enclosed it in my pocket.
Lord T. Forgery from beginning to end, 'pon honour.
Maj. O. Truth, upon my honour.-But read, read, Mr. Russet, read, and be convinced.
Maj. O. How easy, impudent, and familiar! [Aside. Lady F. Lord Trinket here too!- VOW I did not see your lordship before. Lord T. Your ladyship's most obedient slave. [Bowing.
Lady F. You seem grave, my lord! Come, come, I know there has been some difference between you and Mr. Oakly-You must give me leave to be a mediator in this affair.
Lord T. Here has been a small fracas, to be sure, madam!-We are all blown 1), on honour.
Lady F. Blown! what do you mean, my
Rus. Let me see-let me see- -[Reads]-lord? Um-um-um-um-so, so-um-un-um- Lord T. Nay, your ladyship knows that I damnation!- Wish me success obedient never mind these things, and I know that slave-TRINKET-Fire and fury! How dare they never discompose your ladyship - But you do this? things have happened a little en travers-The
Lord T. When you are cool, Mr. Russet, little billet I sent your ladyship has fallen I will explain this matter to you. into the hands of that gentleman-[Pointing to Charles]-and so there has been a little brouillerie about it-that's all.
Rus. Cool! 'Sdeath and hell!—I'll never be cool again--I'll be revenged-So my Harriot, my dear girl, is innocent at last. Say so, my Harriot; tell me your are innocent.
[Embraces her. Har. I am indeed, sir, and happy beyond expression at your being convinced of it. Rus. I am glad on't-I am glad on't-I believe you, Harriet! You was always a good girl.
Maj. O. So she is, an excellent girl!Worth a regiment of such lords and baronets -Come, sir, finish every thing handsomely at -Come, Charles will have a handsome
Lady F. You talk to me, my lord, in a very extraordinary style-If you have been guilty of any misbehaviour, I am sorry for it; but your ill conduct can fasten no imputation on me.-Miss Russet will justify me sufficiently.
Maj. O. Had not your ladyship better ap→ peal to my friend Charles here?-The letter, Charles-Out with it this instant!
Charles. Yes, I have the credentials of her ladyship's integrity in my pocket.—Mr. Russet, the letter you read a little while ago was enclosed in this cover, which also I now think it my duty to put into your hands.
Rus. Marry!-she durst not do it. Rus. [Reading] To the Right Honourable Maj. O. Consider, sir, they have long been Lady Freelove-'Sdeath and hell!-and now fond of each other-old acquaintance-faith-I recollect, the letter itself was pieced with ful lovers-turtles-and may be very happy. scraps of French, and madam, and your ladyRus. Well, well-since things are SO- -Iship-Fire and fury! madam, how came you love my girl.-Harkye, young Oakley, if you to use me so? I am obliged to you, then, don't make her a good husband, you'll break for the insult that has been offered me! my heart, you rogue.
Maj. O. I'll cut his throat if he don't. Charles. Do not doubt it, sir! my Harriot has reformed me altogether.
Rus. Has she?-Why then-there-heaven you both-there-now there's an end on't. Sir H. So, my lord, you and I are both distanced)-A hollow thing, damme.
Lord T. N'importe.
Sir H. Now this stake is drawn, my lord may be for hedging off, mayhap. Ecod! I'll go to Jack Speed's, secure, Nabob, and be out of town in an hour. [Aside, and exit.
Enter LADY FREELOVE.
Lady F. What is all this? Your obligations to me, Mr. Russet, are of a nature, that
Rus. Fine obligations! I dare say, I am partly obliged to you too for the attempt on my daughter by that thing of a lord yonder at your house. Zounds, madam! these are injuries never to be forgiven-They are the grossest affronts to me and my family-All the world shall know them-Zounds! -T'II—
Lady F. Mercy on me! how boisterous are these country gentlemen! Why, really, Mr. Russet, you rave like a man in Bedlam-I am afraid you'll beat me-and then you swear most abominably.-How can you be so vulgar?-I see the meaning of this low malice-But the reputations of women of quality are not so easily impeached-My rank places me above the scandal of little people, and I shall meet Lady F. Married? such petty insolence with the greatest ease Har. Not, yet, madam; but my father has and tranquillity. But you and your simple been so good as to give his consent. girl will be the sufferers.-I had some thoughts Lady F. I protest I am prodigiously glad of introducing her into the first companyof it. My dear, I give you joy-and you, But now, madam, I shall neither receive nor Mr. Oakly.-I wish you joy, Mr. Russet and return your visits, and will entirely withdraw all the good company-for I think the most my protection from the ordinary part of the of them are parties concerned.
1) In racing one horse gets to the winning-post before another, and being at distance before the other thus distances him.
Rus. Zounds, what impudence! that's worse than all the rest.
1) What we would do is made public.
sure, as you say, and make my friends welcome. Mrs. O. Excellent raillery! Lookye, Mr. Oakly, I see the meaning of all this affected coolness and indifference.
Lord T. Fine presence of mind, faith! The true French nonchalance-But, good folks, why such a deal of rout and tapage about nothing at all?-If mademoiselle Harriot had rather be Mrs. Oakly than lady Trinket- Oak. My dear, consider where you areWhy-I wish her joy-that's all.-Mr. Rus- Mrs. O. You would be glad, I find, to get set, I wish you joy of your son-in-law-Mr. me out of your house, and have all your flirts Oakly, I wish you joy of the lady-and you, about you. madam, [To Harriot] of the gentleman-And, in short, I wish you all joy of one another, 'pon honour! [Exit Rus. There's a fine fellow of a lord now! The devil's in your London folks of the first fashion, as you call them. They will rob you of your estate, debauch your daughter, or lie with your wife- and all as if they were doing you a favour-'pon honour!
Maj. O. Hey! what now?
Oak. Before all this company! Fie! Mrs. O. But I'll disappoint you, for I shall remain in it, to support my due authorityas for you, major Óakly
Maj. O. Hey-day! What have I done? Mrs. O. I think yon might find better employment, than to create divisions between married people-and you, sir!
Ook. Nay but, my dear!
Mrs. O. Might have more sense, as well as
Oak. D'ye hear, major, d'ye hear?
Mrs. O. You and your wise counsellor there, suppose, think to carry all your points with me-
Oak. Was ever any thing
Oak. My observations since I left you, have Mrs. O, But it won't do, sir. You shall confirmed my resolution. I see plainly that find that I will have my own way, and that her good humour, and her ill humour, her I will govern my own family. smiles, her tears, and her fits, are all calcu- Oak. You had better learn to govern yourlated to play upon me. self, by half. Your passion makes you ridi
Maj. Ô. Did not I always tell you so? It's culous. Did ever any body see so much fury the way with them all-they will be rough and violence; affronting your best friends, and smooth, and hot and cold, and all in a breaking my peace, and disconcerting your breath. Any thing to get the better of us. own temper. And all for what? For nothing. Oak. She is in all moods at present, 1'Sdeath, madam! at these years you ought to promise you-There has she been in her know better. chamber, fuming and fretting, and dispatching
Mrs. O. At these years!-Very fine!—Am
a messenger to me every two minutes-servant I to be talked to in this manner? after servant-now she insists on my coming Oak. Talked to!- Why not? - You have to her now again she writes a note to entreat talked to me long enough-almost talked me -then Toilet is sent to let me know that she to death-and I have taken it all, in hopes of is ill, absolutely dying-then the very next making you quiet-but all in vain. Patience, minute, she'll never see my face again-she'll find, is all thrown away upon you; and go out of the house directly. [Bell rings] henceforward, come what may, I am resolved Again! now the storm rises! to be master of my own house.
Maj. O. It will soon drive this way thennow, brother, prove yourself a man- You have gone too far to retreat.
Oak. Retreat! - Retreat!—No, no! - I'll preserve the advantage I have gained, I am determined.
Mrs. O. So, so!- Master, indeed!— Yes, sir; and you'll take care to have mistresses enough too, I warrant you.
Oak. Perhaps I may; but they shall be quiet ones, I can assure you. Mrs. O. Indeed! - And do
you think I am Maj. O. Ay, ay!-keep your ground!-fear such a tame fool, as to sit quietly and bear nothing-up with your noble heart! Good ali this? You shall know, sir, that I will discipline makes good soldiers; stick close to resent this behaviour You shall find that I my advice, and you may stand buff to a have a spirittigress
Oak. Of the devil.
Oak. Here she is, by heavens! now, brother! Mrs. O. Intolerable! You shall find then Maj. O. And now, brother!-Now or never! that I will exert that spirit. I am sure I have need of it. As soon as the house is once
Re-enter MRS. OAKLY.
cleared again, I'll shut my doors against all Mrs O. I think, Mr. Oakly, you might company. You shan't see have had humanity enough to have come to this month.
a single soul for
see how I did. You have taken your leave, Oak. 'Sdeath, madam, but I will!—I'll keep I suppose, of all tenderness and affection-open house for a year.-I'll send cards to the but I'll be calm-I'll not throw myself into a whole town-Mr. Oakly's rout!-All the world passion-you want to drive me out of your will come-and I'll go among the world too— house-I see what you aim at, and will be I'll be mewed up no longer. aforehand with you-let me keep my temper! I'll Mrs. O. Provoking insolence! This is not send for a chair, and leave the house this instant. to be endured-Lookye, Mr. Oakly— Oak. True, my love: I knew you would Oak. And lookye, Mrs. Oakly, I will have not think of dining in your chamber alone, my own way. when I had company below. You shall sit at the head of the table, as you ought, to be
Mrs. O. Nay, then let me tell you, sir-
will not be crossed--I won't be made a fool. had ruined my girl. But it's all over now, Mrs. O. Why, you won't let me speak. Oak. Because you don't speak as you ought. Mrs. O. You was here yesterday, sir? Madam, madam! you shan't look, nor walk, Rus. Yes; I came after Harriot. I thought nor talk, nor think, but as I please. should find my young madam with my young sir here.
Mrs. O. Was there ever such a monster! I can bear this no longer. [Bursts into Tears] O you vile man! I can see through your design-you cruel, barbarous, inhuman-such usage to your poor wife!-you'll be the death of her.
Oak. She shan't be the death of me, I am determined.
Mrs. O. That it should ever come to this!To be contradicted - [Sobbing]-insultedabused-hated-'tis too much-my heart will burst with-oh-oh!
[Falls into a Fit. Harriot, Charles, elc. run to her assistance. Oak. [Interposing] Let her alone. Har. Sir, Mrs. Oakly
Mrs. O. With Charles, did you say, sir? Rus. Ay, with Charles, madam! The young rogue has been fond of her a long time, and she of him, it seems.
Mrs. O. I fear I have been to blame. [Aside. Ras. I ask pardon, madam, for the disturbance I made in your house.
Har. And the abrupt manner in which I came into it demands a thousand apologies. But the occasion must be my excuse.
Mrs. O. How have I been mistaken! [Aside] But did not I overhear you and Mr. Dakly[To Harriot Har. Dear madam! you had but a partial hearing of our conversation. It related entirely this gentleman.
Charles. For heaven's sake, sir, she will be-to
Oak. I don't care-Let her alone, I say. Mrs. O. [Rising] 0, you monster! -you villain!-you base man!-Would you let me die for want of help?-would you—
Oak. Bless me! madam, your fit is very violent-take care of yourself.
Charles. To put it beyond doubt, madam, Mr. Russet and my guardian have consented to our marriage; and we are in hopes that you will not withhold your approbation.
Mrs. O. I have no further doubt-I see you are innocent, and it was cruel to suspect you You have taken a load of anguish off my mindand yet your kind interposition comes too late; Mr. Oakly's love for me is entirely
Mrs. O. Despised, ridiculed - but I'll be destroyed. revenged-you shall see, sir
Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol.
[Weeping. [Apart Apart.
Oak. I must go to herMaj. O. Not yet!-Not yet! Har. Do not disturb yourself with such Mrs. O. What, am I made a jest of? Ex-apprehensions; I am sure Mr. Oakly loves posed to all the world? If there's law or you most affectionately, justiceOak. I can hold no longer. [Going to her] Oak. Tol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol-de-rol lol. My affection for you, madam, is as warm as [Singing. ever. My constrained behaviour has cut me Mrs. O. I shall burst with anger. Have a to the soul-for it was all constrained—and it care, sir; you may repent this.-Scorned and was with the utmost difficulty that I was able made ridiculous!-No power on earth shall to support it. hinder my revenge!
[Going. Mrs. O. O, Mr. Oakly, how have I exposed myself! What low arts has my jealousy induced me to practise! I see my folly, and fear that you can never forgive me.
Har. [Interposing] Stay, madam.
Oak. Forgive you!-This change transports [Apart. me!-Brother! Mr. Russet! Charles! Harriot! Oak. I think she'll have no more fits. Apart. give me joy!-I am the happiest man in the Har. Stay, madam- Pray stay but one world!
moment, I have been a painful witness of Maj. O. Joy, much joy, to you both! though, your uneasiness, and in great part the innocent by-the-by, you are not a little obliged to me occasion of it. Give me leave thenfor it. Did not I tell you I would cure all
Mrs. O. I did not expect, indeed, to have the disorders in your family? I beg pardon, found you here again. But however- sister, for taking the liberty to prescribe for Har. I see the agitation of your mind, and you. My medicines have been somewhat it makes me miserable. Suffer me to tell the rough, I believe, but they have had an adreal truth. I can explain every thing to your mirable effect, and so don't be angry with satisfaction.
Mrs. Ŏ. I am indeed obliged to you, and I feel
Oak. Nay, my dear, no more of this. All that's past must be utterly forgotten.
Mrs. O. I have not merited this kindness,
Mrs. O. May be so-I cannot argue with you. Charles. Pray, madam, hear her-for my sake-for your own-dear madam! Mrs. O. Well, well-proceed. Har. I understand, madam, that your first alarm was occasioned by a letter from my but it shall hereafter be my study to deserve father to your nephew. it. Away with all idle jealousies! And since Rus. I was in a bloody passion, to be sure, my suspicions have hitherto been groundless, madam! - The letter was not over civil, 11 am resolved for the future never to suspect believe. I did not know but the young rogue at all.
THE DOUBLE DEALER,
Comedy by W. Congreve, acted at the Theatre Royal 1694. This is the second play this author wrote; the characters of it are strongly drawn, the wit is genuine and original, the plot finely laid, and the conduct inimitable; yet such is, and ever has been, the capricious disposition of audiences, that it met not equal encouragement with his Old Bachelor (in some respects a much more exceptionable play), nor had it the same success with his later performances.
SCENE. A Gallery in LORD TOUCHWOOD'S House, with Chambers adjoining.
'egad, I could not have said it out of thy company. Careless, ha?
Care. Hum, ay, what is't?
Brisk. O mon coeur! What is't? Nay, 'gad,
deuce take me, if I tell you.
CARELESS crosses the Stage, as just risen I'll punish you for want of apprehension: the from Table; MELLEFONT following. Mel. NED, Ned, whither so fast? What, turned flincher? 1) Why, you wo'ndt leave us? Care. Where are the women? I'm weary of drinking, and begin to think them the better company.
Mel. Then thy reason staggers, and thou'rt almost tipsy.
Mel. No, no, hang him, he has no taste. But, dear Brisk, excuse me; I have a little business.
Care. Pr'ythee, get thee gone; thou seest
we are serious.
Mel. We'll come immediately, if you'll but go in and keep up good humour and sense in Care. No, faith, but your fools grow noisy; the company; pr'ythee do, they'll fall asleep else. and if a man must endure the noise of words Brisk. Egad, so they will. Well, I will, without sense, I think the women have more I will: 'gad, you shall command me from the musical voices, and become nonsense better. zenith to the nadir. But, the deuce take me, Mel. Why, they are at the end of the if I say a good thing till you come. gallery, retired to their tea and scandal. But pr'ythee, dear rogue, make haste; pr'ythee, I made a pretence to follow you, because I make haste, I shall burst else; and yonder had something to say to you in private, and your uncle, my lord Touchwood, swears he'll I am not like to have many opportunities disinherit you; and Sir Paul Pliant threatens this evening. to disclaim you for a son-in-law; and my Care. And here's this coxcomb most criti-lord Froth won't dance at your wedding tocally come to interrupt you.
Brisk. Boys, boys, lads, where are you? What, do you give ground? Mortgage for bottle, ha? Careless, this is your trick; you're always spoiling company by leaving it.
Care. And thou art always spoiling company by coming into't.
morrow; nor, the deuce fake me, I won't write your epithalamium; and see what a condition you're like to be brought to.
Mel. Well, I'll speak but three words, and follow you.
Brisk. Enough, enough. Careless, bring your apprehension along with you. Care. Pert coscomb!
Mel. Faith, 'tis a good-natured coxcomb, Brisk. Pho! ha, ha, ha! I know you envy and has very entertaining follies; you must Spite, proud spite, by the gods, and be more humane to him; at this juncture it burning envy. I'll be judged by Mellefont will do me service. I'll tell you, I would here, who gives and takes raillery better, you have mirth continued this day at any rate, or I. Pshaw, man, when I say you spoil though patience purchase folly, and attention company by leaving it, I mean you leave be paid with noise: there are times when nobody for the company to laugh at. I think sense may be unseasonable, as well as truth: there I was with you. Ha, Mellefont? prythee, do thou wear none to-day; but allow Mel. O'my word, Brisk, that was a home Brisk to have wit, that thou may'st seeni thrust: you have silenced him.
Brisk. O, my dear Mellefont, let me perish, Care. Why, how now? Why this extraif thou art not the soul of conversation, the vagant proposition?
very essence of wit, and spirit of wine. The Mel. O,I would have no room for serious deuce take me, if there were three good design, for I am jealous of a plot. I would things said, or one understood, since thy have noise and impertinence, to keep my lady amputation from the body of our society. He! Touchwood's head from working.
I think, that's pretty, and metaphorical enough: Care. I thought your fear of her had been Is not to-morrow appointed for your 1) To he afraid of drinking half a dozen bottles of claret marriage with Cynthia? and her father, sir bottle; but very happily at the present day, drinking Paul Pliant, come to settle the writings this is not one of the necessary accomplishments; and a day, on purpose? party of Englishmen can meet together now, enjoy
at a sitting, used to be called flinching from your
themselves, and separate, without being any thing mere Mel. True; but you shall judge whether have not reason to be alarmed. None, besides
than a little merry,