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Coun. 'Tis woman's privilege; 'tis the salt Ven. There's a proud step, the frown of a

of the earth.


Tor. He must be bribed. I'll lead them Poh! I'll be one next week! I'll learn the step! from the scent; I'll give as fierce a frown--as cool a stare; [Aside. Look dignity with any dake alive.

I'll rhapsodize the fools.


True, lady, by the roses on those lips,
Both man and woman would find life a waste,
But for the cunning of-Curiosity!
She's the world's witch, and through the world

she runs,

The merriest masquer underneath the moon!
To beauties, languid from the last night's rout,
She comes with tresses loose, and shoulders


I'll strut with all the blood of Charlemagne !
Coun. [Calling].

Must I stay here all night?
What jewels would you choose to wear in
Countess-your slave!

My noble father; there's a hunting lodge,
A trifling thing of fifty thousand crowns,
in my Calabrian woods. The toy is yours.
If you have friends who wish for pension,

n morning shawls; and by their pillow sits, Now is their time to ask.
Telling delicious tales of-lovers lost,
Fair rivals jilted, scandals, smuggled lace,
The hundredth Novel of the Great Unknown!
And then they smile, and rub their


eyes, and nd wonder what's o'clock, then sink again; And thus she sends the pretty fools to sleep. he comes to ancient dames,-and stiff as steel, 1 hood and stomacher, with snuff in hand, he makes their rigid muscles gay with news f Doctors' Commons, matches broken off, lue-stocking frailties, cards, and ratafia; nd thus she gives them prattle for the day. ne sits by ancient politicians, bowed s if a hundred years were on her back; hen peering through her spectacles, she reads seeming journal, stuff'd with monstrous tales f Turks and Tartars; deep conspiracies, jorn in the writer's brain;) of spots in the sun, egnant with fearful wars. And so they shake, id hope they'll find the world all safe by morn. d thus she makes the world, both young and old,


Give me your ear. [To Ventoso.

I made the Minister. [Aside]-Be what they Consuls, commissioners-east, west, north, [south, I will provide for them. Lead on, my Lord! Breathe sweet, ye flutes! Ye dancers, lightly [A Dance his heard within.


For life is rapture, when 'tis crown'd by love! [Ventoso leads. The Countess is handed by Torrento, who moves round her to the Music.

SCENE II-A Saloon, decorated for a Fete, opening on the Garden, with a view of the Bay. Illuminated boats, fireworks, elc. The Dance has begun. Towards its close, TORRENTO, handing the CoUNTESS, with VENTOSO leading the way, enters. Tor. Magnificent! Incomparable! Superior to my friend the grand Signior's fetes-to Nadess of the night! Where is your lovely ples-to the Tuileries-superb! But the goddaughter?

Coun. She will be here by-and-bye. Seek

w down to sovereign CURIOSITY!
Ste. The knave has spirit, fire, a cunning for her, Bernardo.


a it be he?-and yet, that countenance.


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Coun. What can be the meaning of all this Coun. Your Highness sups with us? We noise? Street serenaders! Voices prodigiously

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Tor. But set in a prodigiously low key. A quarrel among the footmen.

[The Noise increases. Ven. They are breaking into the house. Worse and worse. [He hurries to the Door. Tor. [Listening]-It's more like breaking out [Aside. of prison. A bravura of bars, with a running [He leads her owards the Door. accompaniment of chains-linked sweetness Friend Stefano, long drawn out.”

re's no ill blood; be gay; you'll come with


[Lorenzo's voice heard outside, through the Clamour. Lor. The Count will see me. The Count ould he were in the dungeon-Renegade! shall see me. Out of my way, scoundrelsAside. I will cut the throat of the first that stops me. [He bursts into the Saloon, forcing the Attendants before him.

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Lor. Count, I come to- [Sees Torrento] supper time.-I'll know the truth this night.-Oh! you here, Sir.-Give me my letter this

[Aside he goes. instant.

Tor. What do you mean? I have no let-hundred dozen of that guitar-scraper, the ter.-What, in the name of confusion, brings sighing Cavaliero, that pays me my wages now, you here?-You'll destroy your own scheme. and be hanged to him. My master! [Sees Lorenzo, and runs ou [TORRENTO glances over the Letter. Tor. "Five hundred crowns more."—[Aside Psha! contemptible!


Lor. All's safe, then. [Aside] - Count, I make no apology. I have come to render you the most essential service;—to warn you, that you are on the brink of disgrace,-that your family are about to be plunged into contempt, vexation and shame, that this marriage is-a mockery! and this Prince-an impostor!

Tor. An explosion! All's over-I have nothing to do but to make a run for it.-The door crowded.) [Aside]-Count, you can't believe this? You should know me better.


Lor. What devil owed me a grudge, whe wrote that letter.

[Asi Ven. I should like to see the inside of t paper, Sir.

Tor. Bad policy, that. [Aside] No, s him. [In his ear] Merely a begging lette "Pressure of the tires-tax upon pipe-chaideficiency of shoes." Beginning, as usual, wa Ven. Here's a discovery! An earthquake! sycophancy, and ending with supplication Is this possible? [To Torrento]-Why, he Ten. [Peeping over his shoulder, reas has not a word to say in his defence. No "Scoundrel!" A very original compliment Prince!-Yet I thought I could not be mista- must see that letter. [He seizes it, and reken, he was so monstrously impudent.-There -"Scoundrel!" Nothing very sycophantic was something in old Stefano's hints, after all. Lor. Attempting to obtain the Lette Know you better! Sir, I don't choose to ex-Count, must insist. That letter is ma tend my acquaintance in your line at present. written for the purpose of relieving you The world is full of impostors! all future trouble on this painful subject Tor. Count, it is impossible. Private respondence-seal of secrecy-tale of distre [Reaching at the L Ven. [Reads]-"Scoundrel!"Tor. Confound it! You have read that times.

Coun. Can I believe my eyes! He seems mightily cast down. [Looking at Torrento. Ven. Aye-cast 1) for transportation. Tor. The girl's worth fighting for. I'll battle it out. Aside. To Lorenzo]-Sir, my insulted honour scorns to defend itself but by my sword. Dare you draw?

Ten. [Reads]-"I am determined to [He half draws his Sword. no further interest in Count Ventoso's fa Lor. [Bursting into a contemptuous Laugh] -Very proper; just what Count Ventoso w Draw! and with you! Go, draw corks.-The Lor. There-there, read no more. devil take his impudence! Begone, Sir!

was my entire object. [Interposing]

Coun. There will be suicide; I shall faint. that letter. Tor. Countess, I respect your delicacy. Ven. [Reads]-"I have abandoned a [Sheathes his Sword] You shall have proof sonal respect for that pedigree of fools." P.irresistible of my rank and honour. You, Sir, Coun. Fools! A libel on the whole no shall hear of me to-morrow. [To Lorenzo. Tor. The Captain's in a hopeful way. Lor. Count and Countess, I congratulate you. This is true triumph! Leave the house. Ven. [Reads]-"No contempt can His rank and honour, ha, ha! He will not severe for the bloated vanity of the find a gentleman in the whole circuit of the Mother;[He laughs, island to vouch for his character, his property, Coun. Excellent! I like it extremely. B or his title. [As Torrento retires, Spado tot-ed! So, Sir, this is your doing. [Going ters in behind, Drunk, holding up a Letter. Lorenzo]-Bloated vanity! He deserves Spa. A letter, my Lord Count. [The At-racked-bastinadoed. tendants attempt to hold him] Dog, would letter into the fire! you stop royal correspondence? would you rob Lor. Count, hear me; hear reason. the mail? Is the Prince de Pindemonte here? you be plundered and disgraced? W [Totters about] Keeps mighty good wine in have your family degraded, and your d his Palazza. I'll drink his health any time in duped? Read no more of that unfortunate the twenty-four hours. A letter-for the -| Prince de Pindemonté.

Lor. Spado! [Rushes forward]—That's my letter, Sirrah.

Tor. Spado! [Seizes the Letter]-That's my letter.

Husband, throw

Ven. I must have a line or two yet. [

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"Or the inanity of that meagre pound of title and trade, the-ridiculo ther." [To Lorenzo]-Death and daggers Is this all you have to say? What What reason? Out of my house! I meagre! Out, out! Go! [He tears the L I'll bring an action! Title and trade! The Ven. I wish they were all three looking the impostor. [Pointing to Lorenzo]for it at the bottom of the deepest well in of the house, I say! Sicily.

Coun. Horribly inebriated. We shall come

at the truth at last.

[Aside. Coun. Out of the house! Prince, let us

Tor. Here, Count and Countess, is convin-him to himself. cing proof! his own letter,-for the fellow can Tor. His whole story is palpably write,-addressed to me! [Reads]-"To his-I think I have peppered the Hussar Highness the Prince de Pindemonte." handsomely. Beat him by the odd Spa. You the Prince-ha, ha! a prince of last; trumped the Captain's knave. good fellows; always liked him. Worth a

1) Condemned.


[Leading off the Countess toward


1) The soldiers use pipe-clay to clean their rep

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Coun. Come, if the Captain want amuse-1 Col. Let it pass, Major. Forgive the Cornet ment, let him laugh at himself. I can assure his brains; you'll quarrel with no man about him the subject is inexhaustible.


[Exit with Torrento. Maj. Very true, Colonel. But I can't help Ven. [Looking at Lorenzo]—A fine figure wondering what makes the Cornet always so for the picket or the pillory. Meagre inanity hard upon love and the ladies. I should have [Exit Ventoso. thought him the most successful wooer in

-Title and trade!

Lor. Now is my light extinguished! Now the corps.

the world

To me is but a melancholy grave,
Wherein my love lies buried. Life, farewell!
Ste. [To an Attendant without]-Gone to
the banquet?--

[He sees Lorenzo.
Who are you?-Speak!-Let me but hear
your voice-
You are not native here.

Cor. Ha, ha! You compliment.-He civilizes.
[Aside] Major, a glass of wine.
Col. Conciliatory claret? Major.

Maj. No; it's too cold for the occasion.
Here, Cornet, a generous bumper of Madeira.
My countrymen always go for their healths
to Madeira.

Cor. And for their morals to Port- Jack-
son 1), I think they call it. [Aside to the
What wonderer's this? Colonel] But now, Major, be candid. Why
did you think me likely to succeed with
the sex?

Out of my way, old man!

[Attempting to pass him. Ste. The very voice! The living likeness! Hold, my heart! One word

Maj. Because the dear creatures are so fond of their own faces, that they always choose a fellow as like themselves as they can. By the glory of the Twentieth! Cor. Diavolo! you shall answer for this. [Rising angrily. Col. Poh! Swallow it with your wine. Lor. [With a bitter laugh]—Mine-noble Here's Lorenzo; he'll laugh at you. come, Captain. We must be on parade beTempt me no further-for this hour, my mind fore the new Viceroy in half an hour. The Is feverish-bitter-thick with sullen thoughts, order, I see, reached you in good time, That touch on madness.

Your name?—


'Tis infamous!

'Tis noble blood!

blood! Begone!

That fills your veins.

I will go with you.
Lor. Tho' 'twere into my grave!-then fol-

low me.

[Lorenzo rushes out-Stefano gazing
on him.


LORENZO enters.


Lor. In the worst time possible, Colonel.
I cannot obey it. I would rather throw up
my commission. Victoria is to be married
Col. Rapid manoeuvring, that. Marriage in
full gallop. Hymen turned into a hussar.
Maj. His old rank was in the rifle corps. –
IIa, ha!

SCENE I.-The Mess Room 1).—Sabres, Caps,
etc. hung up. The COLONEL, MAJOR, and
CORNET at Table, after Dinner.
Cor. Throw up his commission! Muffs and
Cor. The actual Prince de Pindemonté ar-meerschaums! Wear plain clothes, and be
rived, and to be proclaimed Viceroy to night! taken for a doctor or a lawyer, or some such
We shall be broke, every soul of us; ex-abomination. The man's crazed.-Try if he'll
coriated of fur, lace and feather, for life; ut- stand a glass of water. [Aside to Major.
terly nonentified! Muffs and meerschaums. Maj. No; water proves nothing in the corps.
Col. This arrival is certainly most unex-All hussars have the hydrophobia 2) by nature.
pected and unlucky. Is there any thing of Lor. Those people about Victoria make a
the Prince in the evening paper, Major? bugbear of me. It is to prevent presumed

Maj. [Glancing over
er il-Heads of columns, disturbance from me, that this unfortunate
paragraphs, rank and file. [Reads] "Mar- ceremony is thus hurried; and is to take place
riage in high life-Grand boxing match: Fa-in an old castle a league out of town.
shionable boarding school-Capital man-traps: Col. And are we to buy or blow up your
The comet New tale of the Isle of Sky: castle?


Polar passage: voyage to the moon." IIa, ha! Lor. None of the family have ever visited
not a syllable, Colonel.
it. It was left to the old Count to dispose of


Col. One of the aides-de-camp has just taken in some way or other. Their ignorance seemed the order for parade to Lorenzo's quarters. to allow me a chance of rescuing Victoria This love is a formidable thing, when it keeps from ruin. Spado has already ordered our man from messing. The lady's picture is grooms to drive their Prince, and be hanged certainly striking. to him, and his cavalcade, round the suburbs, Maj. She's a beauty of the first water. She and, under cover of night, lodge them in the should lodge in my heart on a lease for ever, and as long as she liked after.

Col. Lodge in your heart, Major? Aye, and in your head! - love reigns a tyrant, if he reigns at all.

Cor. In the Major's head! Muffs and meerschaums, would you put the lady into unfurnished lodgings?

1) Dining Room..

jail instead of their castle. I shall then burst
upon them, and break up the imposture at

1) A hit at the Irish gentlemen, who take refuge in this
Island to avoid their creditors; the Major only hears
the word Port (wine), the Irish being a wine-drinking
nation are influenced to good deeds by drinking Port;
Jackson, as heard by the Colonel, finishes the stroke;
Port Jackson is in Botany bay, and thus the wit of
this phrase is perfectly clear.

2) An aversion to water.

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once, by flinging the impostor into his dungeon But now away with you, every man to his before their eyes. - [Spado enters.]—And cell.-What! grumbling? Why, you dogs here's Spado. What have you done? Have you ought to think yourselves the luckies you settled their reception with the jailor. fellows alive to be here. Are the grooms prepared? Are the cavalcade going? [To Spado. Spa. Signior, the cavalcade are gone. I saw them off: a grand show, Sir, private as it was! The old Count and Countess full of bustleblunders and Brussels lace, according to custom; the bride full of blushes and tears, according to custom; and the bride's maids, servant maids, and maids of all descriptions, full of laughing and impudence, tattle and white topknots, also according to custom. I will be revenged on some of them, yet.

Lor. Silence, Sir!-will you be kicked out! of the room?

Cor. According to custom. [Spado goes. Col. Yet, Lorenzo, if the affair be so close upon beginning, we can all go with you. We have still half an hour before parade.

Song.-JAILOR and Chorus.
He who lives in a jail
Will never turn pale,
With a dun at his tail,
For his bolts are his bail;
He may dance, drink, and sing,
As free as his king,
From Monday to Monday morning.
(CHORUS repeats.)
When once he's here,
At the world he may jeer,
And pay no more debts than a prince or aper
But take his fling,

Till he takes his swing,

All on a Monday morning.
Jail. Off with you, here comes the par
Away, you hounds! [Exeunt Lazare
Here they live without

Lor. My dear Colonel, I must insist on Prisoners.] going alone. I know the result of having tithe, or taxes, and do as little for it as if used the Viceroy's name; and no man shall were so many lords; and yet they be implicated in my misfortunes. On this hour grumble! may depend every future moment of my life.. I must go,-were I never to return. [Exit.

[Major, Colonel, and Cornet,
buckling on their Sabres.

[A Door is unlocked, and the Com Countess, and Torrento, hig dressed, come in.

Tar. Upon my honour, Count, this is t Maj. [Calls]-Wait a moment. Off like a most singular looking castle. And what rocket. You shan't go alone, unless you take detestable atmosphere of rank tobacco, us along with you; that's plain. [Exit. vinegar wine! Your friend must have Col. That's plain; yes, plain Irish, Major.—like a bashaw or a bandit, and this was Forwards! [Exit, laughing. black hole.

Cor. [Equipping himself-Detestable, to Ven. The Marquis was a singular be hurried in one's making up 1). Irish!- certainly. Very gloomy, very ancient; am The Major's blunders spring up as thick as ghostly habitation.

blossoms in one of his own potatoe fields. Coun. Husband, husband, its a very Perdition to all straps, strings, and stay-laces, castle; our reception was quite royal, I say. [Trying to put on his Accoutre-tinels on the walls, lighted torches, dre ments.] Chin-stays and chokebands! Dia-bridges up, altogether a very grand affair. volo! Sebastian, my sal volatile. [He calls]- Tor. [Aside]-It has the look of a My tailor has been taking measure of some the smeli of a jail—it feels like a jail. [To one for the half pay 2) no allowance for Why have you brought me to this delesta dinner. Viva! there's a form. The Major was place? A wedding in this-condemned right. Irresistible! "C'est l'amour, l'amour, l'a- Ven. Excellent name!-very appropriate s [Exit, singing. the ceremony-chains for life. Ha, ha, ha Tor. Chains for life-capital jest-ba SCENE II-A Hall in the Jail, with a rude ha! [He forces a Laugh, which grad attempt at decoration on the Walls. A diminishes.] A prodigious smell of thes Wreath of tarnished Flowers, festooning



a grated Window. Prisoners are busy Coun. Prince, this is but the reception removing Chains and Bolts. Some are I orderered the grand baronial hall to sitting at a small Table, drinking. The prepared for the ceremony- and this is, JAILOR comes in hastily, with Lazaro. suppose, the door. [Tries it.] Bless me, Jail. Hurry, hurry! - Off with yourselves is lock'd.


and your table. By St. Januarius, this looks Tor. [Runs over to it] Lock'd, aye, = showy, gay, quite in the gala style, Lazaro. double lock d. [Aside. Angrily to Vent I wish we had the floar chalked 3);— -we might For what purpose is this locking up, have a quadrille - Ha, ha, ha! [4 Noise of And at this early hour too; it's against all Chains outside.]-Hurry, hurry! We are to Ven. Your Highness! this can be nothi have grand visitors to-night. Rather an odd but the carefulness of the servants. My frie place for a wedding, to be sure.-What would the Marquis, was a very particular man, you say to being one of the brides-maids, La- locked up every thing, himself included. zaro-ha, ha, ha! [The Prisoners laugh.] was a great buyer of all sorts of odditie

1) Dressing.

9) The poor half-pay Officers are the butt of many joke, from those who are in full pay.

3) The floor of a ball-room, in England, is generally


curiosities, and monstrosities. He built th castle for a show, and then shut it up a prison. You have heard of the Marquis Ch Oscuro?

chalked with figures representing a landscape, etc. in Tor. The Marquis! unquestionablymost particular friend. Ha, ha! that explains

order to prevent the dancers from slipping."


the whole matter, and this was the castle;-fire by friction, she would be a volcano. I heard of his sale at the Antipodes. He had Maj. Every one to his taste; but if the a wing of the original Phoenix-Pope Joan's daughter be like the mamma, I would as soon marriage articles-Queen Elizabeth's wedding marry a mermaid.-Where can Lorenzo be?— ring-a wig of Dido of Carthage-and a pair I will go for him-They'll be off. of pantaloons made for Don Bellianis of Greece. Col. Gathering nerve on the terrace [They laugh] But the ladies— sooth-they'll escape-stay, Cornet. Cor. Stay in this den and be devoured 1)?— 'Pon honour-No. [They go out. Coun. The coxcombs! - Open the door, I [Calling.

Ven. Aye, where are the ladies? always late, always lingering.

Coun. I have left them in another apartment till the arrival of the priest. There must be no hurry, no precipitation. Marriage is a serious thing.


Tor. They are unlocking. [Listening] Three locks! That's the twist of a turnkey,-I'll be sworn to it, in any jail in the world. [Aside. [Ventoso enters, handing in Leonora. Ven. Your Highness - my daughter. Any news of the priest?

Ven. Yes, your Highness; it is as little of a joke as any thing in the world. But let us begin. One is not the more reconciled to the dose, by looking at it. [Aside] I will run after the ladies. [He hurries out. Leon. Torrento! Is it possible? [In surprise. Tor. And a very gallant run for your age.- Tor. Leonora, by what wonder has this But now, my charming Countess, for on my happened? I am delighted beyond expression. honour, with that bloom on your cheek, and I have a thousand questions to ask. Count that brilliancy in your eyes, I can't bring my- and Countess, excuse me a moment. self to call you-Mother-in-law. Now- Leon. And is this a time to ask? I am

[Voices of the Hussars without. overwhelmed with surprise, with sorrow, with Hussars. Ha, ha, ha!-By the glory of the shame. I thought that you had fled from Twentieth-excellent, down with bar, bolt, and Palermo. I lived only in the hope of your chain-Muffs and meerschaums-Allspice and return. But to find you here, my sister's sugar canes- [The Hussars burst in. bridegroom-you the Prince!-Traitor, I will Maj. Bravo! just in time; the turtle's under unmask you. the net. Colonel, let's have a laugh at the Tor. Hush! one word. I will satisfy all Cornet. [Aside] - Cornet, may I have the your doubts; I expected to meet you; I have honour of introducing you to-the Bride. been as much deceived as yourself. I'll marry Coun. The whole barrack broke loose, as none but you. I swear, by the brightness of I'm an honest woman!-[To Torrento]—your eyes, by every starBride! what do the monsters mean? Leon. Ah! yours, I fear, are wandering Tor. The Hussars! found out and followed. stars. [He leads her up the Stage. -Bride-the old Countess-Ha, ha! [Aside]- Coun. A mighty handsome reception, inDon't mind their insolence. Those gentlemen deed! The Prince's affability is charming. are court jesters, paid for making themselves 'Tis all the way in high life. Friendships are ridiculous; and by all that's absurd, they earn as quickly made there as— their money. Away, Lady..

[They approach the Door. Cor. [Surveying her with his Glass]· The Bride! a very antique susceptibility-a grand climacteric, touched by the heavenly passion.

Col. It must have been something heavenly; for nothing earthly could have done it. Maj. Yes; like an old tree, set on fire by lightning

Ven. They are unmade. He's prodigiously affable. Why, it's absolute love-making. [Calls] Your Highness, the bride is coming. By St. Agnes, he forgets her, as much as if they had been married a month.

VICTORIA, attended by Bridemaids, enters.
LORENZO enters from an opposite Door.
Lor. Victoria!
Vic. Lorenzo!

[She is overwhelmed. [To the Count] There's a dimness on my eyes! Save me, my father. I would rather look Upon the pale and hollow front of death, Than meet that glance.

Cor. [Still approaching] – Victim of Cupid-Maiden innocence-Virgin virago! [Aside, to the Hussars. Coun. [Bursting away from Torrento, and fellowing_the_Cornet]-Why, you red mountebank!—you impudent man-milliner!you thing of mummery and moustaches-you King's bad bargain-you apology for a man-There you trooper

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All. Trooper!"

Lor. [Advancing] Victoria! if your heartCoun. Stand back, plebeian! Marry with your like.

lies the door. Begone! Ven. [Calling to Torrento]-Prince! take your bride.

Maj. It's the old lady herself! Countess Those wives and daughters! Figs and Raisins, by the glory of the Twentieth!


Lor. Scorn'd, aspers'd, disdain'd, For blood, that flows as hotly in my veins Col. Let me see her with the naked eye. As in an emperor's, Ginger and Cayenne to the life!

Can birth bequeath

Cor. The venerable charmer that insulted Mind to the mindless; spirit to the vile; the whole regiment. The old horse - marine! Valour to dastards; virtue to the knave?Bless me, how she prances! Why don't you 'Tis nobler to stand forth the architect stop_her-Colonel—Major— Of our own fame, than lodge i' the dusty halls Of ancestry!-To shine before the world, Like sunrise from the dusk, than twinkle on 1) By little animals.

Maj. I would as soon stop a chain-shot.
Col. I would as soon stop an avalanche.
Cor. Avalanche! If the tongue could take

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