Pigram undam volvunt, & sola papavera pascunt:
Quorum lentus odor, lethæaque pocula somnos
Suadent perpentus, circumfusæque tenebræ.

Horrendo visu obstupui: quin Pegason ipsum Defecêre animi; sensit dux, terque flagello Insonuit clarùm, terque alta voce morantem Increpuit: secat ille cito pede lævia campi Ætherei, terræque secundâ allabitur aura.

Cantabr. in Comitiis prioribus, 1740-1.

MATERIES GAUDET VI INERTIE.
BY CHRISTOPHER SMART, M. A.
VERVECUM in patria, quà latè Belgica squalent
Arva inarata, palus horrenda voragine crebrâ
Ante oculos jacet; haud illic impune viator,
Per tenebras iter instituat; tremit undique tellus
Sub pedibus malefida, vapores undique densos
Sudat humus,nebulisque amicitur tristibus herba.
Huc fato infelix si quando agiteris iniquo,
Et tutò in medium liceat penetrare, videbis
Attonitus, nigrå de nube emergere templum,
Templum ingens, immaue, altum penetrale

Stuporis.

Plumbea stat turris, plumbum sinuatur in arcus,
Et solido limosa tument fundamina plumbo.
Hanc pia Materies Divo ædem extruxit inerti,
Stultitiæ impulsu quid enim? Lethargica sem-
per

Sponte suâ nihil aggreditur, dormitat in horas,
Et, sine vi, nullo gaudet Dea languida motu.
Hic ea monstra habitant, quæ olim sub lumi-
nis auras

Materies peperit somno patre, lividus iste
Zoilus, & Bavio non impar Mævius; audax
Spinoza, & Pyrrho, cumque Hobbesio Epicurus.
Ast omnes valeat quæ musa referre ! frequentes
Usque adeo videas hebetes properare?-nec

adfert

Quidquam opis Anglorum doctæ vicinia gentis.
Sic quondam, ut perhibent, stupuit Baotica tel-
Vicina licet Antycirâ, nihil inde salutis, [lus
Nil tulit hellebori Zephyrus, cum sæpe per

æquor

Felicem ad Lesbon levibus volitaverit alis,
Indigenæ mellita ferens suspiria Floræ.

Porticus illa vides? Gothicis suffulta columnis,
Templi aditus, quàm laxa patet! custodia qualis
Ante fores! quatuor formæ sua tollere miris
Ora modis! en! torva tuens stat limine in ipso,
Personam Logices induta, Sophistica, denis
Cincta Categoriis; matrem quæ maxima natu
Filia Materiem agnoscit-quantum instar in
ipsâ est!

You'll see, within the centre of the land,
The fane of Dulness, of prodigious size,
Emerging from a sable cloud arise.

A leaden tower upheaves its heavy head,
Large leaden arches press the slimy bed,
The soft soil swells beneath the load of lead,
Old Matter here erected this abode,
At Folly's impulse, to the slothful god.
Here the majestic drone delights to stay,
Slumbering the dull, inactive hours away;
Here still, unless by foreign force imprest,
She holds the sceptre of eternal rest.

Their habitation here those monsters keep,
Whom Matter father'd on the god of Sleep:
Here Zoilus, with cankering envy pale,
Here Mævius bids his brother Bavius, hail;
Bold atheist leaders head their senseless mobs,
Spinoza, Pyro, Epicurus, Hobbes.
How can the Muse recount the numerous crew
Of frequent dunces crowding on the view?
Nor can learn'd Albion's sun that burns so bright,
Illuminate the realms involv'd in night.
Boeotia thus remain'd, in days of yore,
Senseless and stupid, tho' the neighbouring shore
Afforded salutary hellebore:

No cure exhal'd from Zephyr's buxom breeze,
That gently brush'd the bosom of the seas,
As oft to Lesbian fields he wing'd his way.
Fanning fair Flora, and in airy play
Breath'd balmy sighs, that melt the soul away.

Behold that portico! how vast, how wide!
The pillars Gothic,wrought with barbarous pride:
Four monstrous shapes before the portal wait,
Of horrid aspect, centries to the gate :
Lo! in the entrance, with disdainful eye,
In Logick's dark disguise, stands Sophistry:
Her very front would common sense confound,
Encompass'd with ten categories round :

Grande caput, tenues oculi, cutis arida produnt
Fallacem rete una manus tenet, altera fustem.
Vestis arachneis sordet circumdata telis,
Queis gaudet labyrinthæos Dea callida nodos.
Aspicias ja funereo gradientem incessu-
Quàm lentè cælo Saturni volvitur astrum:
Quàm lentè saltaverunt post Orphea montes:
Quàm lente, Oxonii, solennis pondera cænæ
Gestant tergeminorum abdomina bedellorum.

Proxima deinde tenet loca sorte insana Ma-
thesis,

[capillos,
Nuda pedes, chlamydem discincta, incompta
Immemor externi, punctoque innixa reclinat.
Ante pedes vario insriptam diagrammate arenam
Cernas, rectis curva, atque intertexta rotunda
Schemata quadratis-queis scilicet abdita rerum
Pandere se jactat solam, doctasque sorores
Fastidit, propriæque nibil non arrogat arti.
Illam olim, duce Neutono, dum tendit ad astra,
Etheriasque domos superûm, indignata volan-
[scens
Turba mathematicum retrahit, pœnasque repo-
Detinet in terris, nugisque exercet ineptis.

tem

Tertia Microphile, proles furtiva parentis
Divinæ produxit enim commixta furenti
Diva viro Physice-muscas & papiliones
Lustrat inexpletùm, collumque & tempora rident
Floribus, & fungis, totâque propagine veris.
Rara oculis nugarum avidis animalia quærit
Omne genus, seu serpit humi, seu ludit in undis,
Seu volitans tremulis liquidum secat aëra pennis.
O! ubi littoribus nostris felicior aura

Polypon appulerit, quanto cava templa Stuporis
Mugitu concussa trement, reboabit & ingens
Pulsa palus! Plausu excipiet Dea blanda secundo
Microphile ante omnes; jam non crocodilon ado-
[ardet,
Non bombyx, chonchæve juvant: sed Polypon
Solum Polypon ardet,& ecce! faceta feraci
Falce novos creat assiduè, pascitque creatos,
Ah! modo dilectis pascit nova gaudia muscis.

rat!

Quartam Materies peperit conjuncta Stupori,

She from Old Matter, the great mother came,
By birth the eldest-and how like the dame!
Her shrivel'd skin, small eyes, enormous pate,
Denote her shrewd, and subtle in debate:
This hand a net, and that sustains a club,
T'entangle her antagonist, or drub.

The spider's toils, all o'er her garment spread,
Imply the mazy errours of her head.
Behold her marching with funereal pace,
Siow as old Saturn through prodigious space,
Slow as the mighty mountains mov'd along,
When Orpheus rais'd the lyre attended song:
Slow as at Oxford, on some gaudy day,
Fat beadles, in magnificent array,

With big round bellies bear the ponderous treat
And heavily lag on, with the vast load of meat.
Next her, mad Mathesis; her feet all bare,

Ungirt, untrimm'd, with loose neglected hair:
Reclin'd she sits, and ponders o'er a point
No foreign object can her thoughts disjoint;
Before her, lo inscrib'd upon the ground
Strange diagrams th' astorish'd sight confound,
Right lines and curves, with figures square and

round.

With these the monster, arrogant and vain,
Boasts that she can all mysteries explain,
And treats the sacred sisters with disdain,
She, when great Newton sought his kindred skies,
Sprung high in air, and strove with him to rise,

In vain-the mathematic mob restrains
Her flight, indignant, and on Earth detains;
E'er since she dwells intent on useless schemes,
Unmeaning problems, and deliberate dreams.
Microphile is station'd next in place,
The spurious issue of celestial race;
From heavenly Physice she took her birth,
Her sire a madman of the sons of Earth;
On flies she pores with keen, unwearied sight,
And moths and butterflies, her dear delight;
Around her neck hang dangling on a string
The fungous tribe, with all the flowers of spring.
With greedy eyes she'll search the world to find
Insects and reptiles rare of every kind;
Whether along the lap of Earth they stray,
Or nimbly sportive in the waters play,
Or through the light expanse of ether fly,
And on light wing float wavering in the sky.
Ye gales, that gently breathe upon our shore,
O! let the polypus be wafted o'er;
How will the hollow dome of Dulness ring?
With what loud joy receive the wonderous thing?
Applause will rend the skies, and all around
The quivering quagmires bellow back the sound?
How will Microphile her joy attest,

And glow with warmer raptures than the rest?

No longer shall the crocodile excel,

Nor weaving worm, nor variegated shell;

The polypus shall novelties inspire,

The polypus, her only fond desire.

Lo! by the wounds of her creating knife,

New polypusses wriggle into life,

Fast as the reptiles rise, she feeds with store
Of once rare flies, but now esteem'd no more,
The fourth dire shape from mother Matter
Dulness her sire, and Atheism her name ; [came,

Nomen Atheia illi, monstrum cui lumenademp-In her no glimpse of sacred Sense appears,

tum,

Atqué aures; cui sensus abest, sed mille trisulcæ
Ore micant linguæ, refugas quibus inficit auras.

Depriv'd of eyes, and destitute of ears:
And yet she brandishes a thousand tongues,
And blasts the world with air-infecting lungs.

Hanc stupor ipse parens odit, vicina nefandos
Horret sylva sonos, neque surda repercutit Echo.
Mendacem natura redarguit ipsa, Deumque
Et cœlum, & terræ, veraciaque Astra fatentur.
Se simul agglomerans surgit chorus omnis aqua-

rum,

Et puro sublimè sonat grave fulmen olympo.

Fonte ortus Lethæo, ipsus ad ostia templi, Ire soporifero tendit cum murmure rivus, Huc potum Stolidos Deus evocat agmine magno: Crebri adsunt, largisque sitim restinguere gaudent [stupendo. Haustibus, atque iterant calices, certantque "Me, me etiam," clamo, occurrens ;-sed vellicat

aurem

Calliope, nocuasque vetat contingere lymphas

Curs'd by her sire, her very words are wounds,
No grove re-echoes the detested sounds.
Whate'er she speaks all nature proves a lye,
Earth, Heaven, and stars proclaim a Deity:
The congregated waves in mountains driven
Roar in grand chorus to the lord of Heaven;
Through skies serene the pealing thunders roll,
Loudly pronounce the god, and shake the
sounding pole.

A river, murmuring from Lethæan source,
Full to the fane directs its sleepy course;
The Power of Dulness, leaning on the brink,
Here calls the multitude of fools to drink.
Swarining they crowd to stupify the skull,
With frequent cups contending to be dull.
"Me, let me taste the sacred stream," (I cry'd),
With out-stretch'd arm-the Muse my boon
deny'd,

And sav'd me from the sense-intoxicating tide.

Edita vix tandem est monstrum Folychasmia,
proles

Tanto digna parente, aviæque simillima Nocti.
Illa oculos tentat nequicquam aperire, veterno
Torpida, & horrendo vultum distorta cachinno.

mulus hanc Jovis aspiciens, qui fictile vulgus
Fecerat infelix, imitarier arte Prometheus
Audet-nec flammis opus est cœlestibus: auræ
Tres Stygiæ flatus, nigræ tria pocula Lethes
Miscet, & innuptæ suspiria longa puellæ,
His adipem suis & guttur conjungit aselli,
Tensaque cum gemitu somnisque sequacibus ora.
Sic etiam in terris dea, quæ mortalibus ægris
Ferret opem, inque hebetes dominarier apta,

creata est.

Nonne vides, ut præcipiti petit oppida cursu
Rustica plebs, stipatque forum? sublime tribunal
Armigerique equitesque premunt, de more parati
Justitiæ lances proferre fideliter æquas,
Grande capillitium induti, frontemque minacem,
Non temerè attoniti caupones, turbaque furum
Aufugiunt, gravidæque timent trucia ora puellæ.
At mox fida comes Polycbasmia, matutinis
Quæ se miscuerat poc'lis Cerealibus, ipsum
Judicus in cerebrum scandit-jamque unus &
Cœperunt longas in hiatum ducere voces: [alter
Donec per cunctos dea jam solenne, profundum
Sparserit Hum-nutant taciti, tum brachia

magno

Extendunt nisu, patulis & faucibus hiscunt.

MECHANICAL SOLUTION OF THE

PROPAGATION OF YAWNING.

WHEN Pallas issued from the brain of Jove,
Momus, the mimic of the gods above,
In his mock mood impertinently spoke,
About the birth, some low, ridiculous joke:
Jove, sternly frowning, glow'd with vengeful ire,
And thus indignant said th' almighty sire;
"Loquacious slave, that laugh'st without a cause,
Thou shalt conceive, and bring forth at thy jaws.”
He spoke-stretch'd in the hall the mimic lies,
Supinely dull, thick vapours dim his eyes:
And as his jaws a horrid chasm disclose,
The Gallic trumpet sounded from his nose;
Harsh was the strain, and horrible to hear,
Like German jargon grating on the ear.

At length was Polychasmia brought to light,
Like her strange sire, and grandmother, Old
Night.

Her eyes to open oft in vain she try'd,
Lock'd were the lids, her mouth distended wide.
Her when Prometheus happen'd to survey
(Rival of Jove, that made mankind of clay)
He dar'd to emulate the wonderous frame,
Nor sought assistance from celestial flame.
To three Lethæan cups he learn'd to mix
Deep sighs of virgins, with three blasts from Styx,
The bray of asses, with the grunt of boar,
The sleep-preceding groan, and hideous snore.
Thus took the goddess her mirac'lous birth,
Helpful to all the muzzy sons of Earth.

Behold! the motley multitude from far
Haste to the town, and crowd the clam'rous bar.
The prest bench groans with many a squire and
knight,

Who weigh out justice, and distribute right:
Severe they seem, and formidably big,
With awful aspect and tremendous wig.
The pale delinquent pays averse his fine,
And the fat landlord trembles for his sign.
Poor, pilfering villains skulk aloof dismay'd,
And conscious terrours seize the pregnant maid.
Soon Polychasmia, who was always near,
Full fraught with morning cups of humming beer,
Steals to his worship's brain; thence quickly ran
Prodigious yawnings, catch'd from man to man: