Filius hic patri meditatur, sponsa marito,
Servus hero insidias. Has leges scilicet illis
Imposuit natura locis, quo tempore patrem
Jupiter ipse suum solio detrusit avito.
Inde venena viris, perjuria, munera, fraudes
Suadet opum sitis, & regnandi dira cupido.

Saturni tandem nos illætabilis ora
Accipit: ignavum pecus hic per opaca locorum
Pinguescunt de more, gravi torpentque veterno.
Vivitur in specubus : quis enim tam sedulus, arces
Qui struat ingentes, operosaque mænia condat?
Idem omues stupor altus habet, sub pectore fixus.
Non studia ambitiosa Jovis, variosque labores
Mercurii, non Martis opus, non Cyprida nôrunt.
Post obitum, ut perhibent, sedes glomerantur in
istas.

Qui longam nullas vitam excoluêre per artes;
Sed Cerere & Baccho pleni, somnoque sepulti
Cunctarum duxêre æterna oblivia rerum.
Non avium auditur cantus, non murmur aquarum,
Mugitusve boum, aut pecorum balatus in agris:
Nudos non decorant segetes, non gramina campos,
Sylva, usquam si sylva, latet sub monte nivali,
Et canet viduata comis: hic noctua tantùm
Glisque habitat, bufoque & cum testudine, talpa.
Flumina dum tardè subterlabentia terras
Pigram undam volvunt,& sola papavera pascunt:
Quorum lentus odor, lethæaque pocula somnos
Şuadent perpetuos, circumfusæque tenebræ.

Horrendo visu obstupui: quin Pegason ipsum Defecere animi: sensit dux, terque flagello Insonuit clarùm, terque altâ voce morantem Increpuit: secat ille cito pede lævia campi Etherei, Terræque secundâ allabitur aura.

Cantabr. in Comitiis prioribus, 1740-1.

With num'rous fleets they croud the groaning
And triumph for the victories they feign: [main,
Again in strict alliances unite,

Till discord raise again the phantom of a fight;
Again they sail; again the troops prepare
Their falchions for the mockery of war,
The son inhuman seeks his father's life,
The slave his master's, and her lord's the wife.
With vengeance thus their kindling bosoms fire,
Since Jove usurp'd the sceptre of his sire
Thence poisons, perjuries, and bribes betray;
Nor other passions do their souls obey
Than thirst of gold, and avarice of sway.

At length we land, vast fields of ether crost,
On Saturn's cold uncomfortable coast;
Here in the gloom the pamper'd sluggards lull
The lazy hours, lethargically dull.
In caves they live; for who was ever known
So wise, so sedulous to build a town;
The same stupidity infects the whole,.
Fix'd in the breast, and center'd in the soul,
These never feel th' ambitious fires of Jove,
To industry not Mercury can move,
Mars cannot spur to war, nor Venus woo to love,
Here rove those souls, 'tis said, when life departs,
Who never cultivated useful arts;
But stupify'd with plenty and repose,
Dreamt out long life in one continual dose!
No feather'd songsters, with sweet-warbled
strains

Attune to melting melody the plains,
No flocks wide past'ring bleat, nor oxen low;
No fountains musically murm'ring flow;
Th' ungenial waste no tender herbage yields,
No harvests wave luxuriant in the fields.
Low lie the groves, if groves this land can boast,
Chain'd in the fetters of eternal frost,
Their beauty wither'd, and their verdure lost.
Dull animals inhabit this abode,

The owl, mole, dormouse, tortoise, and the toad.

Dull rivers deep within their channels glide,

And slow roll on their tributary tide :

Nor ought th' unvegetative waters feed,
But sleepy poppy and the slimy reed;
Whose lazy fogs, like Lethe's cups, dispense
Eternal slumbers of dull indolence.

Aghast I stood, the drowsy vapours lull
My soul in gloom, ev'n Pegasus grew dull.
My guide observ'd, and thrice he urg'd his
speed,

Thrice the loud lash resounded from the steed;
Fir'd at the stroke, he flies with slacken'd rein
Swift o'er the level of the liquid plain,
Guides me with gentle gale, and lights on Earth
again,

MATERIES GAUDET VI INERTIE.

VERVECUM in patria, quà latè Hibernica squalent
Arva inarata, palus horrenda voragine crebrà
Ante oculos jacet; haud illic impune viator
Per tenebras iter instituat; tremit undique tellus
Sub pedibus malefida, vapores undique densos
Sudat humus,nebulisque amicitur tristibus herba.

THE TEMPLE OF DULLNESS.
Translated by the same Hand.

In Ireland's wild, uncultivated plains,
Where torpid sloth, and foggy dulness reigns,
Full many a fen infests the putrid shore,
And many a gulph the melancholy moor.
Let not the stranger in these regions stray,
Dark is the sky and perilous the way; [ground,
Beneath his foot-steps shakes the trembling
Dense fogs and exhalations hover round,
And with black clouds the tender turf is crown'd

Porticus illa vides? Gothicis suffulta columnis,
Templi aditus, quàm laxa patet! custodia qualis.
Ante fores! quatuor formæ sua tollere miris
Ora modis! en!. torva tuens stat limine in ipso
Personam Logices induta Sophistica, denis
Cincta categoriis, matrem quæ maxima natu
Filia Materiem agnoscit quantum instar in
ipsâ est!

Grande caput, tenues oculi, cutis arica produnt
Fallacem rete una manus tenet, altera fustem.
Vestis arachneis sordit circumdata telis,
Queis gaudet labyrinthæos dea callida nodos.
Aspicias jam funereo gradientem incessu―
Quàm lentè cælo Saturni volvitur astrum,
Quàm lentè saltaverunt post Orphea montes,
Quam lentè, Oxonii, solemnis pondera cænæ
Gostant tergeminorum abdomina bedellorum.

Proxima deinde tenet loca sorte insana Mathesis, [pillos, Nuda pedes, chlamydem discincta, incompta caImmemor externi, punctoque innixa reclinat. Ante pedes vario inscriptam diagrammate arenam Cernas, rectis curva, atque intertexta rotunda Schemata quadratis-queis scilicet abdita rerum Pandere se jactat solam, doctasque sorores Fastidit, propriæque nihil non arrogat arti. Illam olim, duce Neuntono, tum tendit ad astra, Atheriasque domos superûm, indignata volantem

Here shou'dst thou rove, by fate's severe command,

And safely reach the centre of the land;
Thine eyes shall view, with horror and surprize,
The fane of Dulness, of enormous size,
Emerging from the sable cloud arise.
A leaden tow'r upheaves its heavy head,
Vast leaden arches press the slimy bed,
The soft soil swells beneath the load of lead.
Old Matter here erected his abode,
At Folly's impulse, to the slothful god.
And here the drone lethargic loves to stray,
Slumb'ring the dull, inactive hours away;
For still, unless by foreign force imprest,
The languid goddess holds her state of rest.

Their habitation here those monsters keep,
Whom Matter father'd on the god of sleep:
Here Zoilus, with cank'ring envy pale,
Here Mævius bids his brother Bavius, hail:
Spinoza, Epicure, and all those mobs
Of wicked wits, from Pyrrho down to Hobbes.
How can the Muse recount the numerous crew
Of frequent fools that crowd upon the view?
Nor can learn'd Albion's sun that burns so clear,
Disperse the dulness that involves them here.
Boeotia thus remain'd, in days of yore,
Senseless and stupid, though the neighb'ring
Afforded salutary hellebore.
[shore

No cure exhal'd from Zephyr's buxom breeze,
That gently brush'd the bosom of the seas,
Ás oft to Lesbian fields he wing'd his way,
Fanning fair Flora, and in airy play
Breath'd balmy sighs that melt the soul away.

Behold that portico! how vast, how wide!
The pillars Gothic, wrought with barb'rous pride:
Four monstrous shapes before the portal wait,
Of horrid aspect, centry to the gate;
Lo! in the entrance, with disdainful eye,
In Logic's dark disguise, stands Sophistry:
Her very front would common sense confound,
Encompass'd with ten categories round:
She from old Matter, the great mother, came,
By birth the eldest-and how like the dame!
Her shrivel'd skin, small eyes, prodigious pate,
Denote her shrewd and subtle in debate:
This hand a net, and that sustains a club,
T'entangle her antagonist, or drab.
The spider's toils, all o'er her garment spread,
Imply the mazy errours of her head.
Behold her marching with funereal pace,
Slow as old Saturn rolls thro' boundless space,
Slow as the mighty mountains mov'd along,
When Orpheus rais'd the lyre-attending song:
Or, as at Oxford, on some gaudy day,
Fat beadles, in magnificent array,
With big round bellies bear the pond'rous treat,
And heavily lag on, with the vast load of meat.
The next, mad Mathesis; her feet all bare,
Ungirt, untrimm'd, with dissoluted hair:
No foreign object can her thoughts disjoint;
Reclin'd she sits, and ponders o'er a point.
Before her, lo! inscrib'd upon the ground,
Strange diagrams th' astonish'd sight confound,
Right lines and curves, with figures square and
round.

With these the monster, arrogant and vain,
Boasts that she can all mysteries explain,
And treats the sacred sisters with disdain.
She, when great Newton sought his kindred skies,
Sprung high in air, and strove with him to rise

Turba mathematicûm retrahit, pœnasque repo

scens

Detinet in terris, nugisque exercet ineptis.

Tertia Microphile, proles furtiva parentis Divinæ; produxit enim commixta furenti Diva viro Physice-muscas & papiliones Lustrat inexpletum, collumque & tempora rident Floribus, & fungis, totâque propagine veris. Rara oculis nugarum avidis animalia quærit Omne genus, seu serpit humi, seluludit in undis, Seu volitans tremulis liquidum secat aëra pennis. O! ubi littoribus nostris felicior aura Polypon appulerit, quanto cava templa Stuporis Mugitu concussa trement, reboabit & ingens Pulsa palus! Plausu excipiet dea blanda secundo Microphile ante omnes; jamnon crocodilon adorat; Non bombyx, conchæve juvant: sed polypon ardet, Solum polypon ardet,& ecce! faceta feraci Falce novos creat assidue, pascitque creatos, Ah! modo dilectis pascit nova gaudia muscis.

Quartam Materies peperit conjuncta Stupori, Nomen Atheia illi, monstrum cui lumen ademptum,

Atque aures, cui sensus abest; sed mille trisulca
Ore micant linguæ, refugas quibus inficit auras.
Hanc Stupor ipse parens odit, vicina nefandos
Horret sylva sonos,neque surda repercutit Echo.
Mendacem natura redarguit ipsa, Deumque
Et cœlum, & terræ, veraciaque astra fatentur.
Se simul agglomerans surgit chorus omnis aqua-

rum,

Et puro sublime sonat grave fulmen Olympo.

In vain-the mathematic mob restrains
Her flight, indignant, and on Earth detains;
E'er since the captive wretch her brains employs
On trifling trinkets, and on gewgaw toys.

Microphile is station'd next in place,
The spurious issue of celestial race;
From heav'nly Physice she took her birth,
Her sire a madman of the sons of Earth;
On flies she pores with keen unvaried sight,
And moths and butterflies, her dear delight:
Mushrooms and flow'rs, collected on a string,
Around her neck, around her temples cling,
With all the strange production of the spring.
With greedy eyes she'll search the world to find
Rare uncouth animals of every kind;
Whether along the humble ground they stray,
Or nimbly sportive in the waters play,
Or through the light expanse of ether fly,
And with fleet pinions cleave the liquid sky.
Ye gales, that gently breathe upon our shore,
O! let the polypus be wafted o'er;

How will the hollow dome of dulness ring,
With what loud joy receive the wond'rous thing!
Applause will rend the skies, and all around
The quivering quagmires bellow back the sound
How will Microphile her joy attest,

And glow with warmer raptures than the rest?
This will the curious crocodile excel,

The weaving worm, and silver-shining shell,

No object e'er will wake her wonder thus

As polypus, her darling polypus:

Lo! by the wounds of her creating knife
New polypusses wriggle into life,

Fast as they rise, she feeds with ample store
Of once rare flies, but now esteem'd no more.

The fourth dire shape from mother Matter
Dulness her sire, and Atheism her name, [came,
In her no glimpse of sacred sense appears,
Depriv'd of eyes, and destitute of ears;
And yet she brandishes a thousand tongues,
And blasts the world with air-infecting lungs.
Curs'd by her sire, her very words are wounds,
No grove re-echoes the detested sounds.
Whate'er she speaks all nature proves a lye,
The Earth, the Heav'ns, the starry spangled sky,
Proclaim the wise, eternal Deity:

The congregated waves in mountains driven
Roar in grand chorus to the Lord of Heaven;
Thro' skies serene the glorious thunders roll,
Loudly pronounce the God, and shake the sound-
ing pole.

A river, murmuring from Lethæan source,
Full to the fane directs its sleepy course;
The pow'r of Dulness, leaning on the brink,
Here calls the multitude of fools to drink,
Swarming they crowd to stupify the skull,
With frequent cups contending to be dull.
Me, let me taste the sacred stream, I cry'd,
With out-stretch'd arm-the Muse my boon de-
ny'd,

And sav'd me from the sense-intoxicating tide.

MUTUÀ OSCITATIONUM PROPAGATIO SOLVI POTEST MECHANICE.

Pallas

Exiluit cerebro Jovis, est pro more jocatus Nescio quid stultum de partu: excanduit irà Jupiter, asper, acerba tuens; "et tu quoque, dixit,

Garrule, concipies, fætumque ex ore profundes:"" Haud mora, jamque supinus in aulâ extenditur Derisor; dubiâ velantur lumina nocte; [ingens Stertit hians immane;-e naso Gallica clangunt Classica, Germanique simul sermonis amaror:

Edita vix tandem est monstrum Polychasmia proles

Tanto digna parente, aviæque simillima Nocti.
Illa oculos tentat nequicquam aperire, veterno
Torpida, & horrendo vultum distorta cachinno.
Amulus hanc Jovis aspiciens, qui fictile vulgus
Fecerat infelix, imitarier arte Prometheus
Audet-nec flammis opus est cœlestibus: auræ
Tres Stygiæ flatus, nigræ tria pocula Lethes
Miscet, & innuptæ suspiria longa puellæ ;
His adipem suis & guttur conjungit aseili,
Tensaque cum gemitu somnisque sequacibus ora.
Sic etiam in terris Dea, quæ mortalibus ægris
Ferret opem, inque hebetes dominarier apta, cre-

ata est.

Nonne vides, ut præcipiti petit oppida cursu Rustica plebs, stipatque forum? sublime tribunal Armigerique equitesque premunt, de more parati Justitiæ lances proferre fideliter æquas, Grande capillitium induti, frontemque minacem. Non temerè attoniti caupones, turbaque furum Aufugiunt, gravidæque timent trucia ora puellæ. At mox fida comes Polychasmia, matutinis Quæ se miscuerat poc'lis Cerealibus, ipsum Judicis in cerebrum scandit-jamque unus & alter Cæperunt longas in hiatum ducere voces: Donec per cunctos dea jam solenne, profundum Sparserit hum-nutat taciti, tum brachia magno Extendunt nisu, patulis & faucibus hiscunt. Intereà legum caupones jurgia miscent, Queis nil rhetorice est, nisi copia major hiandi: Vocibus ambiguis certant, nugasque strophasque Alternis jaculantur, & irascuntur amicè, Donantque accipiuntque stuporis missile plum

bum.

Vox, fanatica turba, nequit pia Musa tacere. Majoremne aliunde potest diducere rictum? Ascendit gravis orator, miserâque loquelâ Expromit thesin; in partes quam deinde minutas Distrahit, ut connectat, & explicat obscurando: Spargitur heu! pigris verborum somnus ab alis, Grex circùm gemit, & plausum declarat hiando.

Nec vos, qui falsò matrem jactatis Hygeian Patremque Hippocratem, taceam-Polychasmia, vestros

A MECHANICAL SOLUTION

OF THE

PROPAGATION OF YAWNING.

Translated by the same hand.

HEN Pallas issued from the brain of Jove, Momus, the mimic of the gods above, In his mock mood impertinently spoke About the birth, some low, ridic'lous joke: Jove, sternly frowning, glow'd with vengeful ire, And thus indignant said th' almighty sire; "Loquacious slave, that laugh'st without a cause, Thou shalt conceive, and bring forth at thy jaws." He spoke-stretch'd in the hall the mimic lies, Supinely dull, thick vapours dim his eyes: And as his jaws a horrid chasm disclose, It seem'd he made a trumpet of his nose; Tho' harsh the strain, and horrible to hear, Like German jargon grating on the ear.

At length was Polychasmia brought to light, Worthy her sire, a monster of a sight, Resembling her great grandmother, Old Night. Her eyes to open oft in vain she try'd, Lock'd were the lids, her mouth distended wide. Her when Prometheus happen'd to survey (Rival of Jove, that made mankind of clay) He form'd without the aid of heav'nly ray. To three Lethæan cups he learnt to mix Deep sighs of virgins, with three blasts from Styx, The bray of asses, with the fat of brawn, The sleep-preceding groan, and hideous yawn. Thus Polychasmia took her wond'rous birth, A goddess helpful to the sons of Earth.

Lo! how the rustic multitude from far
Haste to the town, and crowd the clam'rous bar.
The prest bench groans with many a squire and
knight,

Who weigh out justice, and distribute right:
Severe they seem, and formidably big,
With front important and huge periwig.
The little villains skulk aloof dismay'd,
And panic terrours seize the pregnant maid.
But soon friend Polychasm', who always near,
Herself had mingled with their morning beer,
Steals to the judges brain, and centers there;
Then in the court the horrid yawn began, [man:
And hum profound and solemn went from man to
Silent they nod, and with prodigious strain
Stretch out their arms, then listless yawn again :
For all the flow'rs of rhetoric they can boast
Amidst their wranglings is to gape the most:
Ambiguous quirks, and friendly wrath they vent,
And give and take the leaden argument.

Ye too, fanatics, never shall escape
The faithful Muse; for who so greatly gape?
Mounted on high, with serious care perplext,
The miserable preacher takes his text;
Then into parts minute, with wond'rous pain,
Divides, connects, and then divides again,
And does with grave obscurity explain:
While from his lips lean periods ling'ring creep,
And not one meaning interrupts their sleep.
The drowsy hearers stretch their weary jaws
With lamentable groan, and yawning gape ap*
plause.

The quacks of physic next provoke my ire, Who falsely boast Hippocrates their sire

Agnosco natos: tumidas sine pondere voces
In vulgum eructant; emuncto quisque bacillum
Applicat auratum naso, graviterque facetus
Totum se in vultum cogit medicamina pandens-
Rusticus haurit âmara, atque insanabile dormit;
Nec sensus revocare queant fomenta, nec herbæ,
Non ars, non miræ magicus sonus Abracadabræ.

Ante alios summa es, Polychasmia, cura Sophistæ:

Ille tui cæcas vires, causamque latentem Sedulus exquirit-quo scilicet impete fauces Invitæ disjungantur; quo vortice aquosæ Particulæ fluitent, comitesque, ut fulminis imbres, Cum strepitu erumpant; ut deinde vaporet Materies subtilis; ut in cusin ininuet se [obellos. Retia; tum, si forte datur contingere nervos Concordes, cunctorum ora expanduntur hiulca. Sic ubi, Phoebe pater, sumis chelyn, harmoniamque

Abstrusam in chordis simul elicis, altera, siquam Equalis tenor aptavit, tremit æmula cantûs, Memnoniamque imitata lyram sine pollicis ictu Divinum resonat proprio modulamine carmen. Me quoque, mene tuum tetigisti, ingrata, Poetam?

Hei mihi! totus hio tibi jam stupefactus; in ipso Parnasso captus longè longèque remotas Prospecto Musas, sitioque, ut Tantalus alter, Castalias situs inter aquas, inhiantis ab ore Nectarei fugiunt latices-hos Popius urnâ Excipit undanti, & fontem sibi vendicat omnem.

Goddess! thy sons I ken-verbose and loud,
They puff their windy bubble on the crowd;
With look important, critical, and vain,
Each to his nose applies the gilded came;
And as he pods and ponders o'er the case,
Gravely collects himself into his face,
Explain his med'cines-which the rustic buys,
Drinks the dire draught, and of the doctor dies;
No pills, no potions can to life restore;
Abracadabra, necromantic pow'r,
Can charm and conjure up from death no more.

But more than aught that's marvellous and rare,
The studious Soph makes Polychasm' his care;
Explores what secret spring, what hidden cause
Distends with hideous chasm' the unwilling jaws,
What latent ducts the dewy moisture pour
With sound tremendous, like a thunder-show'r :
How subtle matter, exquisitely thin,
Pervades the curious net-work of the skin,
Affects th' accordant nerve-all eyes are drown'd
In drowsy vapours, and the yawn goes rouud.
When Phoebus thus his flying fingers flings
Across the chords, and sweeps the trembling
If e'er a lyre at unison there be, [strings;
It swells with emulating harmony,
Like Memnon's harp, in ancient times renown'd,
Breathing, untouch'd, sweet modulated sound.

But oh! ungrateful to thy own true bard, Oh! Polychasm', is this my just reward! Thy drowsy dews upon my head distill, Just at the entrance of th' Aonian hill; Listless I gape, unactive, and supine, And at vast distance view the sacred Nine: Wistful I view the streams increase my thirst, In vain-like Tantalus, with plenty curst; No draughts nectareous to my portion fall, These godlike P'ope exhausts, and greatly claims them all.

Thus the lean Sizar views, with gaze agast, In vain he grinds his teeth-his grudging eye The hungry tutor at his noon's repast; And visage sharp, keen appetite imply; The lessening relics of the meal away— Oft he attempts, officious, to convey In vain no morsel 'scapes the greedy jaw, All, all is gorg'd in magisterial maw; Till at the last, observant of his word, The lamentable waiter clears the board, And inly-murmuring miserably groans, To see the empty dish,and hear the sounding bones,

But wou'd you crack their windpipes and their

lungs,

The certain way's to bid them hold their tongues.
Twas thus with Minum-Minum one wou'd think,
My lord mayor might have govern'd with a wink.
To ask a song, as kinsman or as friend,
Yet did the magistrate e'er condescend
The urchin coin'd excuses to get off,
'Twas-hem-the devil take this whoreson cough.
But wait awhile, and catch him in the glee,
He'd roar the Lion* in the lowest key,
Or strain the Morning Lark + quite up to G.

The Lion's song, in Pyramus and Thisbe.
+ A song in one of Mr. Handel's Oratorios.