me, a guilty rebel, and vile apoftate, as I hope and trust, that he might fnatch me by his almighty power, his fovereign, irresistible grace, as a brand from the devouring burnings of his everlasting wrath. If he had entered into judgment with me, my abode, this day, would have been with the damned, buried in unceafing, endless woe; and not in the courts of the Lord, to declare his goodness to my foul.

Among other undeserved mercies, I was bleffed with a hopefully pious fifter. She was feduloufly anxious for my foul's falvation. Notwithstanding the lived in a family capacity, and had a tender and affectionate concern for a husband and fome little children, all of which were regarded with tendernefs and love; yet, living near me, fhe often reminded me of a dying hour, and a future world, and the vaft importance of a conftant preparation for the grave. She faw me neglectful of religion, and wept for me. She faw me living and bringing up a family without religion, without any concern for my own foul, or the fouls of my family. In the year 1791, fhe was vifited with a fickness which put an end to her very valuable life. In Divine Providence, fhe went to fee her friends at -, and never returned more to take the care of a family fhe very much loved. On her dying bed the still remembered her unhappy brother, and wrote as follows:

"M, Sept. 19, 1791.

"DEAR BROTHER and SISTER,

"I cannot write you many words, and I write by another hand, for I am fcarcely able to speak.-But I must fay as much as this; I heartily thank you for all your kindneffes. I thank my dear fifter, for her kind care of my children. One thing, my dear brother, I muft urge upon you as your dying fifter, and that is, that you live not another day in the neglect of family prayer. I fhall never see you again till the heavens are no more. May you be religious, and be happy. I beg of each of you forgivenefs wherein I have done amifs. Farewell for ever. "S. F."

When I received this letter, it affected me in fome measure; but my peace was not made with God, and I continued impenitent, and prayerlefs in my family, notwithstanding the affectionate teftimony which my fifter expreffed in her dying hour, in favour of religion. Had God called me at this time into the grave, this warning, this preffing importunity would have aggravated my condemnation and mifery. Yet that God whom I had difregarded, and whofe mercy I was conftantly defpifing, kept me from falling into deferved mifery.

About fixteen months ago, Dec. 1799, God faw fit, by his Holy Spirit, to make a difcovery to me of my dreadful ftate and ftanding as a finner, before God. He showed me that I was a finner, and, indeed, in the hands of an angry God. His holy law came home with power to my foul. These folemn words of divine revelation were fubftantiated to me, "Your words have been stout against me, faith the Lord." Trembling apprehenfions were now entertained. I was in the gall of bitterness and under the bonds of iniquity. I found that I had been fighting against a God of holiness all my days. And although I had lived a decent, moral life, as I fuppofed, in a view of mankind, yet I had been governed altogether by felfishness. I found by fad experience, by a moft painful experience and agony, and fometimes defpair, that my heart was deceitful above all things, and defperately wicked. Often before this I had been convinced of my fad condition, and entertained a dreadful fear of punishment; now, I found out the true cause—a heart full of all iniquity and corruption-a heart ftreaming forth rebellion against the bleffed God, and all his glorious attributes and perfections. The fenfe I now had of the dreadful plague, and impurity, the vileness, and abominable oppofition of my heart to God and his religion, was fuch many times that I could not bear the fight, but it caufed me to fhrink back from the view with increafing pain and mifery. When I contemplated my paft life, nothing but wickednefs was discovered. When I looked within myself, mountains on mountains

of guilt and tranfgreffion arofe up to my affrighted view. When I looked forward into another world, there the horrors of the damned founded in my ears. To crown my woe, I saw very plainly, that a holy, juft, and fovereign God had me in his hands; that I was perfectly at his difpofal. Oh! faid I, if man could change my heart, and fave me, how happy fhould I be? But I am in the hands of God-He fees me-he marks my behaviourhe is angry with me-he will govern-he will reign. If it is for his glory, he will damn my foul. He may do it, and ftill be glorioufly juft. I faw, indeed, that God would deal with me, and by me, as he faw fit, in time and through eternity. My foul is in his hands. I longed to hide myself from him. Now I daily expected that I must go to hell, as the only proper place of one who had bid defiance to God's omnipotent power, and inconceivable mercy, fo long. I faw no poffible way to escape his wrath. When, for a moment, I indulged the presumptuous idea that God was merciful, I fhuddered to think how I had abufed his rich mercy and grace, and how I had hereby rendered myself unspeakably vile, an heir of indignation and wrath. I abhorred God and all his truths; at the fame time my mind was filled with the most excruciating pain and diftrefs. I abhorred, moft of all, the abfolute, omnipotent fovereignty and dominion of God. I wifhed for a change in the divine character. A thousand worlds would I have given, could I have made God change in his eternal purposes concerning me, and fave me. His law appeared too ftrict. I often complained that God would not hear my moanings, and felfish, depraved cries, and come to my immediate relief. Then I called his ways unjust and unequal. In every view I had of the character of God as a holy fovereign, pain filled my mind. At the fame time, I knew that I was quarrelling with an almighty being, against whom I was fenfible I could not prevail. I faw that God would glorify himself, and maintain his own, eternal government, whatever became of me. I faw that Chrift would reign, till he had put all his eneVOL. II. No. 6. Ι

mies under his feet. I knew myself to be his bitter énemy. At a certain time, being filled with keen conviction and diftrefs, Freforted to the bible to see whether I could find any peace, and I caft my pained eye on thefe heart-rending words, "Because sentence against an evil work is not speedily executed, therefore the heart of the children of men is fully fet in them to do evil.” Here my character was plainly defcribed. My heart was filled with inquietude. I was wholly unwilling to be faved on the terms of gofpel grace; and equally unwilling to be miferable. Frequently I endeavoured after a change in my circumftances. I changed my place, but my pain cleaved to me. No creature appeared fo miserable as I was; I would have changed fituations with any creature. To be a rational creature, bound to eternity, and to hear a righteous fentence from that Judge which my whole heart hated, was terrible beyond conception. I faw my condemnation written as with the per of a diamond, on all the works of God. I wished for death a thousand times, yet dared not approach the grave, and meet an angry God. Every gospel fermon I heard (for I dared not neglect the means of inftruc tion) fpoke my condemnation, and the glory of that God with whom I was madly contending. One cir cumstance, peculiarly calculated to feed my refentments, was this: God exercifed his mercy and grace towards others around me, and I was left to mourn and weep. Why is it thus? faid I. Is not God a refpecter of perfons? Little did I think that God was under no obligation to fave my foul; and that he might in strict juftice leave me and all other rebels to perish in their fins. Still, when he difplayed his fpecial grace in the regeneration of others, I tried to raise infurmountable objections against his whole conduct. I tried to charge God with blame, fince he had made me, and fince I was abfolutely dependant on him for juft fuch a heartand wicked exercifes as I had. When fuch horrid impiety, fuch blafphemous thoughts, entered my mind, I felt convinced of my exceeding guilt and criminality.

Thus I went on, quarrelling with God and his holy law, for feveral months. Many times I concluded that God had from all eternity determined on my damnation, and that all the fcenes through which I had paffed were intended to ripen me for mifery and deftruction. I was very fenfible that the merciful means God was ufing with me would foon fit me for deftruction. I entertained the most unworthy thoughts of God. I am amazed he did not leave me to wonder and perish. After a courfe of conviction, amounting many times to almoft perfect horror and black defpair, God was pleafed more immediately to fhow me that it was my hideous fins that feparated between me and himself. On attending public worship, no fooner did I hear thefe folemn words read for contemplation, "Behold, the Lord's hand is not shortened, that it cannot fave, neither his ear heavy, that it cannot hear; but your iniquities have feparated between you and your God, and your fins have hid his face from you, that he will not hear;" than my mouth was closed. I felt like a creature perfectly condemned. A folemn fenfe of my being in the bands of God, as a fovereign being whofe mercies I had abufed, whofe laws I had wickedly difregarded, whofe gofpel I had flighted, whofe dear Son I had rejected, and whofe favour and pardon I never had once heartily asked, or even defired, filled my mind with the deepeft compunction. I ftood like the convicted leper under the law. I dared not lift up my head. I felt that if God fhould damn my foul eternally, he would be very glorious in the fight of all good and holy beings. I faw that nothing but powerful reftraining grace, and infinite condefcending goodness, had prevented my entrance into the grave and hell long ago. I wondered God had fuffered with me fo long. These words of St. Paul were fubftantiated to my mind; that is," What if God, willing to fhow his wrath, and make his power known, endured with much long-fuffering the vetfels of wrath fitted to deftruction." I wondered his vindictive wrath had not been difplayed in my punishment long before this time. Truly, "it is of the