Lord's mercies that we are not confumed." I saw and felt, that my whole life had been a continual feries of rebellion against a great and dreadful God-the best of all beings. Nothing appeared more right, equitable, or glorious in God than his punitory juftice. I plainly faw that God would be very juft and holy, if he cait me away from his kingdom and glory for ever. Of all man

kind, none appeared half fo vile and guilty as myself. I saw clearly that it was my fins which feparated between me and God; and that nothing but almighty, irresistible, omnipotent grace, could fave fo miferable and guilty a finner as I faw and felt myself to be. I felt myself at the fame time wholly at the difpofal of a fovereign God; that I was, and always had been under perfect obligation to love him with all my heart; that because I had not thus loved him, and yielded perfect obedience to his divine law, I had forfeited his favour, and exposed myself to endless mifery, without the leaft pity or forbearance, While I entertained these folemn, piercing reflections, my mouth was completely clofed. I could not raise a fingle murmur or reply against God. All his laws, his government, his kingdom appeared right. I could not make a fingle objection to his reign. I felt felf-condemned. I knew and felt that God could do me no injuftice, if he fent me to the lowest hell. I felt that I deferved nothing better from him. Thus "I was alive without the law once, but when the commandment came, fin revived, and I died." All my cavils at the doctrines of grace vanished; for they appeared to honour God, and to be calculated to promote fpiritual life in the foul. I thought God could not, in equity, make any alteration in his holy law, or in the terms of falvation by his Son Jefus Chrift. All my depraved, wicked, unprovoked objections against God's fovereignty, his right to do what he would with his own, choofe what rebels to holinefs and happiness he pleased, his eternal decrees, perfonal election, and particular and univerfal providence, were removed. I ftood confeffed, infinitely vile. and wicked; a guilty, God-provoking, Chrift-despiling,

and heaven-daring prefumptuous rebel. I faw that I had been always acting for my own private exaltation; and had been setting myself up on the throne of the universe. Now I faw and felt great propriety in God's governing, and in taking up my own proper place at the footftool, under his juft and equal government. At this time, and not before, I felt the evil nature of fin; I faw that it was opposed to a holy God, and the greatest bleffedness of his kingdom. Now I could with eafe bow before God, and confefs myself a felf-ruined finner. My prayer was, "If it be poffible, O God, let the cup of a juft indignation and wrath pafs from me."

When I came to fee the filth, impurity, and vileness of my heart, thus clearly laid open before me, I was exceedingly grieved; fin appeared to me exceedingly finful. I went for fome time with my mouth thus completely fhut, in a view of God's juftice, when I begun to afk, "Can God forgive me?" A confcious guilt attended me. I thought God would be so just if he condemned me for ever, that it would be base ingratitude in me ever to complain, even though he should never have mercy on me. Still I felt, after fome time, anxious to feel his love in my foul, drawing me into union with himself. I felt fubmiffion to his will, though I as yet did not know what were his determinations concerning me. I felt inclined to ferve, obey, and love him; to ftudy his pleasure, and never more rife up in rebellion against a God of fuch juftice, holiness, fovereignty, and goodnefs. I mourned over my vileness, my apoftacy: fin I hated. I hoped I should never more offend God by finning against him. It was pleasant to me to think of putting myself into the hands of God, to have him do with me just as he pleased. It appeared to me a peculiar favour and mercy to dedicate myself and my family to God. I felt the oppofition of my proud nature fubdued. Old things paffed away, and all things became new. I thought if God fent me to hell, his very goodness would be concerned in kindling the flame, and keeping it alive to all eternity. It was fweet to lie low before God in

repentance. To mourn over my own fin and guilt, and all fin, wherever I difcovered it, appeared to me a moft reasonable fervice, a bleffed privilege. Seeing fuch a change in my mind, I afterwards began to conceive, the Lord, on purpose to fhow his power, and difplay his fufficiency, had fhowed mercy to my foul. addition to what I have faid, I was brought to see a For, in preciousness in the scheme of pardoning mercy by Jefus Chrift, to plead his own glorious righteoufnefs as the only and proper ground of juftification and acceptance with God. My heart faid, To whom can we go but unto thee, thou haft the words of eternal life. Give me, O Lord, thy Son for my Saviour, and I shall be very happy in receiving, and God himself very glorious in giving. Pardon, O Lord, my iniquity, for it is great, O Lord, give me true and genuine forrow and repentance for all my fins and tranfgreffions, and lead me by thy Holy Spirit in the way which is everlasting. May the peaceful religion of Jefus Chrift have a governing influence over my behaviour, my heart, and my whole life. O that I might fee more and more the plague and poifon of my heart, be more refigned to God's holy and fovereign will, and be enabled to live to divine glory.

After it pleafed God, as I humbly hope, to difplay the unfearchable riches of his grace in making a dead finner willing in the day of his power, and to give me fome delight in God and his kingdom, a deep and dreadful darknefs overwhelmed me. under a delufion. I felt forry that I had communicated I thought myself my feelings to any perfon, and fuppofed myfelf a hypocrite. I became defpairing and very forrowful, and gave up all for loft. But God did this to humble.me, and it fhowed me my abfolute dependance on him for ftrength, and my exceeding vilenefs before him. But he has been very merciful in again appearing for me; and at times I feel a fweetnefs in waiting upon him, and in attending to the duties of religion.

I have, for fome time paft, thought of making &

public profeffion of religion; but I have felt fuch a fenfe of my vilenefs and guilt, that I have been afraid left I should greatly difhonour the caufe of Chrift. But my fenfe of guilt and fin has, within a few weeks, greatly increased. I am a wonder to myself every day. My character is very dark in a view of God's law; and I need an almighty Saviour. I wonder every day God does not take me out of the world, and deftroy me. All my own righteoufnefs appears no better than filthy rags; I look therefore to the merits and blood of Jefus Here is all my hope. I come at this time to the folemn house of God, and feel it my duty to avouch in this public manner, the Lord Jehovah to be my God; but I come filled with unworthiness-an unholy creature.

May God, for Chrift's fake, wafh away all my fins, working in me, by his Spirit, that which is pleafing in his fight; unto whom be glory with the Father throughout all ages. ages. Amen.

J. M.

Letter from a Gentleman in New-Jersey to L. B. of New-York, containing an Account of the Death of the Rev. SAMUEL SMITH, of Connecticut Farms.

IT

Springfield, Oct. 12, 1801.

MY DEAR FRIEND, T is probable you have, by this time, heard of the death of the Rev. Samuel Smith, of Connecticut Farms, though you may not have been informed of the manner of it-this letter is intended to give you the particulars, fo far as they have come to my knowledge; and while we lament the lofs of a dear friend and faithful minifter of the Lord Jefus, it is a moft confolatory reflection, that he died in the triumph of faith, and, with his laft breath, bore teftimony to the truth as it is in Chrift Jefus.

Mr. Smith, as well as Mrs. Smith, and fome other branches of the family, had been indifpofed for fome time

past, though none of them had been esteemed danger oufly ill but an infant. They were all in a convalescent ftate on Friday laft; and Mr. Smith fo well as to fit up and eat dinner with a confiderable relish. He then laid down, and (I think) fell asleep.-In about one hour, he complained of an uneafy fenfation in his bowels and stomach; and immediately afterward started up, and declared that "the hand of death was upon him."-He defired that his family might be called around him, and feveral of his neighbours, whom he named, fent for. The room was foon crowded, and while every eye was drenched in tears, and every heart wrung with anguish, he appeared not only tranquil, but his whole foul was filled with joy! Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh; and as he was affured his hour was come (though his friends could perceive no change in his external appearance), he poured out, from the treafury of his heart, things both new and old.

After taking the most affectionate leave of each individual of his family, and commending them to the care of that God whom he had ferved, he continued, while his reafon lafted, in the moft earnest and impreffive manner, to exhort all around him to fear God and work righteousness. Sometimes he would addrefs himself to individuals, and queftion them on the all-important concerns of their fouls; warning the unruly, comforting the feeble-minded, and fupporting the weak. He expreffed the most ardent defire that all his congregation were present. "Oh," faid he, " that thefe doors and windows were crowded!-I would with my dying lips and laft breath declare to them the reality of religion. Well, this it is to die!-O! 'tis a glorious thing to fleep in Jefus!-Remember the words I have spoken to you; I have endeavoured to declare to you the whole counsel of God, and to exalt the dear Redeemer."

As death approached, his intellectual faculties were impaired, and he became fomewhat unintelligible or irregular in his obfervations. Of this, he himself appeared to be fenfible, and would exclaim, " Oh, I wish