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MEMOIRS of P. P.

CLERK of this PARISH.

ADVERTISEMENT.

The Original of the following extraordinary Treatife confifted of two large Volumes in Folio; which might juftly be entitled, The Importance of a Man to Himfelf: But, as it can be of very little to any body befides, I have contented myfelf to give only this fhort Abstract of it, as a Taste of the true Spirit of Memoir-Writers.

N the Name of the Lord. Amen. I, P. P. by the Grace of God, Clerk of this Parish, writeth this History.

Ever fince I arrived at the age of discretion, I had a call to take upon me the function of a Parish-clerk; and to that end it feemed unto me meet and profitable to affociate myself with the parish-clerks of this Land; fuch I mean, as were right worthy in their calling, men of a clear and fweet voice, and of becoming gravity.

Now it came to país, that I was born in the year of our Lord Anno Domini 1655, the year wherein our worthy benefactor, Efquire Bret, did add one Bell to the ring of this Parish. So

that it hath been wittily faid, "That one and "the fame day did give to this our Church two "rare gifts, its great Bell and its Clerk.”

Even when I was at fchool, my mistress did ever extol me above the rest of the youth, in that I had a laudable voice. And it was furthermore observed, that I took a kindly affection unto that Black letter in which our Bibles are printed. Yea, often did I exercise myself in finging godly ballads, fuch as, The Lady and Death, The Children in the Wood, and Chevy-Chafe; and not, like other children, in lewd and trivial ditties. Moreover, while I was a boy, I always adventured to lead the pfalm next after Master William Harris, my predeceffor, who (it must be confeffed to the Glory of God) was a moft excellent Parish-clerk in that his day.

Yet be it acknowledged, that at the age of fixteen I became a Company-keeper, being led into idle converfation by my extraordinary love to Ringing; infomuch, that in a fhort time I was acquainted with every fet of Bells in the whole country: Neither could I be prevailed upon to absent myself from Wakes, being called thereunto by the harmony of the steeple. While I was in these focieties, I gave myself up to unfpiritual pastimes, fuch as wrestling, dancing, and cudgel-playing; fo that I often returned to my father's houfe with a broken pate. I had my head broken at Milton by Thomas Wyat, as we played a bout or two for an Hat that was edged with filver galloon. But in the year following I broke the head of Henry Stubbs, and

obtained a hat not inferior to the former. At Yelverton I encountered George Cummins, Weaver, and behold my head was broken a fecond time! At the wake of Waybrook I engaged William Simkins, Tanner, when lo! thus was my head broken a third time, and much blood trickled therefrom. But I adminiftred to my comfort, faying within myself, "What man is "there, howfoever dextrous in any craft, who "is for aye on his guard ?" A week after I had a bafe-born child laid unto me; for in the days of my youth I was looked upon as a follower of venereal fantasies: Thus was I led into fin by the comelinefs of Sufanna Smith, who first tempted me, and then put me to shame; for indeed she was a maiden of a seducing eye, and pleasant feature. I humbled myself before the Juftice, I acknowledged my crime to our Curate; and to do away mine offences, and make her some atonement, was joined to her in holy wedlock on the fabbath-day following.

How often do those things which feem unto us misfortunes, redound to our advantage! For the Minister (who had long looked on Sufanna as the most lovely of his parishioners) liked fo well of my demeanour, that he recommended me to the honour of being his Clerk, which was then become vacant by the decease of good Mafter William Harris.

Here ends the firft chapter; after which follow fifty or fixty pages of his amours in general, and that

particular one with Susanna his prefent Wife; but I proceed to chapter the ninth.

No fooner was I elected into mine office, but I layed afide the powdered gallantries of my youth, and became a new man. I confidered myself as in some wife of ecclesiastical dignity, fince by wearing a band, which is no fmall part of the ornament of our Clergy, I might not unworthily be deemed, as it were, a fhred of the linen vestment of Aaron.

Thou may'ft conceive, O reader, with what concern I perceived the eyes of the congregation fixed upon me, when I first took my place at the feet of the Prieft. When I raised the pfalm, how did my voice quaver for fear! And when I arrayed the shoulders of the Minifter with the furplice, how did my joints tremble under me! I faid within myself, "Remember, Paul, thou "standest before men of high worship, the wife "Mr. Juftice Freeman, the grave Mr. Juftice

Tonfon, the good Lady Jones, and the two "virtuous Gentlewomen her daughters, nay the 66 great Sir Thomas Truby, Knight and Baronet, "and my young Mafter the Efquire, who shall "one day be Lord of this Manor:" Notwithftanding which, it was my good hap to acquit myfelf to the good liking of the whole congregation; but the Lord forbid I should glory therein.

The next chapter contains an account how he dif charged the feveral duties of his office; in particular he infifts on the following:

I was determined to reform the manifold Corruptions and Abufes which had crept into the Church.

First, I was especially fevere in whipping forth dogs from the Temple, all excepting the lap-dog of the good widow Howard, a fober Dog which yelped not, nor was there offence in his mouth.

Secondly, I did even proceed to moroseness, tho' fore against my heart, unto poor babes, in tearing from them the half-eaten apples which they privily munch'd at Church. But verily it pity'd me, for I remember'd the days of my youth.

Thirdly, With the sweat of my own hands, I did make plain and fmooth the dogs-ears throughout our great Bible.

Fourthly, The pews and benches which were formerly fwept but once in three years, I caus'd every Saturday to be swept with a befom and

trimmed.

Fifthly and lastly, I caufed the furplice to be neatly darned, washed, and laid in fresh lavender, (yea, and fometimes to be sprinkled with rofe-water) and I had great laud and praise from all the neighbouring Clergy, forafmuch as no parifh kept the Minister in cleaner linen.

Notwithstanding thefe his public cares, in the eleventh chapter he informs us he did not neglect his ufual occupations as a handy-craftsman.

Shoes, faith he, did I make, (and, if intreated, mend) with good approbation. Faces alfo