In fhort, whatever men purfue,

Of pleasure, folly, war, or love;
This mimic race brings all to view :
Alike they drefs, they talk, they move.
Go on, great Stretch, with artful hand,
Mortals to please and to deride;
And, when death breaks thy vital band,
Thou shalt put on a puppet's pride.
Thou fhalt in puny wood be fhown,
Thy image fhall preferve thy fame;
Ages to come thy worth fhall own,

Point at thy limbs, and tell thy name.
Tell Tom, he draws a farce in vain,
Before he looks in nature's glafs;

Puns cannot form a witty fcene,
Nor pedantry for humour país.
To make men act as fenfelefs wood,
And chatter in a myftic ftrain,
Is a mere force on fleth and blood,
And fhews fome error in the brain.
He that would thus refine on thee,
And turn thy stage into a school,

The jeft of Punch will ever be,
And ftand confeft the greater fool.

THE GRAND QUESTION DEBATED:

WHETHER

HAMILTON'S BAWN fhould be turned into a BARRACK or a MALT-HOUSE. 1729.

THUS fpoke to my Lady the Knight full of care, "Let me have your advice in a weighty affair. "This Hamilton's bawn †, whilft it flicks on my hand, "I lofe by the house what I get by the land; "But how to difpofe of it to the best bidder, "For a barrack or malt-house, we now must confider. "Firft, let me fuppofe I make it a malt-house, "Here I have computed the profit will fall t' us; "There's nine hundred pounds for labour and grain, "I increase it to twelve, fo three hundred remain ; "A handfome addition for wine and good chear, "Three dishes a day, and three hogsheads a year; "With a dozen large veffels my vault shall be stor❜d; "No little ferub joint fhall come on my board; "And you and the Dean no more fhall combine "To ftint me at night to one bottle of wine;

Sir Arthur Achefon, at whofe feat this was written. A large old houfe, two miles from Sir Arthur's feat. F.

The army in Ireland is lodged in fuong buildings over the whole kingdom, called barracks. F.

"Nor

"Nor fhall I, for his humour, permit you to purloin "A ftone and a quarter of beef from my furloin. "If I make it a barrack, the crown is my tenant; "My dear, I have ponder'd again and again on't : "In poundage and drawbacks I lose half my rent, "Whatever they give me, I must be content, "Or join with the court in every debate ;

"And rather than that, I would lofe my estate."

Thus ended the Knight: thus began his meek wife: "It muft, and it shall be a barrack, my life. "I'm grown a mere mopus; no company comes, "But a rabble of tenants, and rufty dull* Rums. "With Parsons what lady can keep herself clean? "I'm all over daub'd when I fit by the Dean. "But if you will give us a barrack, my dear, "The Captain, I'm fure, will always come here; "I then fhall not value his Deanship a straw, "For the Captain, I warrant, will keep him in awe; "Or, fhould he pretend to be brisk and alert, "Will tell him that Chaplains should not be fo pert; “That men of his coat fhould be minding their prayers, "And not among ladies to give themselves airs." Thus argued my Lady, but argued in vain; The Knight his opinion refolved to maintain. But Hannah †, who liften'd to all that was past, And could not endure fo vulgar a tafte,

A cant word in Ireland for a poor country clergyman. F.

† My lady's waiting-woman. F.

As

As foon as her Ladyfhip call'd to be drest,

Cry'd, Madam, why furely my mafter 's poffeft. "Sir Arthur the maltfter! how fine it will found! "I'd rather the bawn were funk under ground. "But madam, I guess'd there would never come good, "When I faw him fo often with * Darby and Wood. "And now my dream 's out; for I was a-dream'd "That I faw a huge rat-O dear, how I fcream'd! "And after, methought, I had loft my new fhoes; "And Molly, she said, I fhould hear fome ill news. "Dear madam, had you but the fpirit to teaze, "You might have a barrack whenever you please : "And, madam, I always believ'd you so ftout, "That for twenty denials you would not give out. “If I had a husband like him, I purteft,

"Till he gave me my will, I would give him no reft; "And, rather than come in the fame pair of fheets "With fuch a cross man, I would lie in the streets: "But, madam, I beg you contrive and invent, "And worry him out, till he gives his confent. "Dear madam, whene'er of a barrack I think, "An I were to be hang'd, I can't fleep a wink : "For if a new crotchet comes into my brain, "I can't get it out, though I'd never so fain. "I fancy already a barrack contriv'd

"At Hamilton's bawn, and the troop is arriv'd; "Of this to be fure Sir Arthur has warning,

"And waits on the Captain betimes the next morning.

*Two of Sir Arthur's managers. F.

"Now

"Now fee, when they meet, how their Honours behave; "Noble Captain, your fervant"-" Sir Arthur, your "flave;

"You honour me much"-"The honour is mine.""Twas a fad rainy night"-" But the morning is fine." "Pray how does my Lady?"" My wife's at your fervice."

"I think I have feen her picture by Jervas."

"Good-morrow, good Captain. I'll wait on you "down."

"You fha'n'tftir a foot"-"You'll think me a clown: "For all the world, Captain-" " Not half an inch far"ther.".

"You must be obey'd !"—"Your fervant, Sir Arthur! My humble refpects to my Lady unknown."

66

"I hope you will ufe my houfe as your own."

"Go bring me my fmock, and leave off your prate, "Thou haft certainly gotten a cup in thy pate." "Pray, madam, be quiet; what was it I faid? "You had like to have put it quite out of my head. "Next day, to be fure, the Captain will come, "At the head of his troops, with trumpet and drum.. "Now, madam, obferve how he marches in ftate: "The man with the kettle-drum enters the gate: “Dub, dub, adub, dub. The trumpeters follow, "Tantara, tantara; while all the boys hollow. "See now comes the Captain all daub'd with gold lace:: "Ola! the fweet gentleman! look in his face; "And fee how he rides like a lord of the land,

"With the fine flaming fword that he holds in his hand;

"And