Had you but through a cranny spy'd
On house of ease your future bride,
In all the postures of her face,
Which nature gives in fuch a cafe;
Distortions, groanings, Arainings, heavings,
'Twere better you had lick'd her leavings,
'Than from experience find too late
Your goddefs. grown a filthy mate.
Your fancy then had always dwelt
On what you saw, and what you
fmelt;
Would ftill the fame ideas give ye,
As when you spy'd her on the privy,
And, fpite of Chloe's charms divine,
Your heart had been as whole as mine.
Authorities, both old and recent,
Direct that women must be decent ;
And from the fpoufe each blemish hide,
More than from all the world befide.
Unjustly all our nymphs complain
Their empire holds fo fhort a reign;
Is after marriage loft fo foon,
It hardly holds the honey-moon:
For, if they keep not what they caught,
It is entirely their own fault.
They take poffeffion of the crown,
And then throw all their weapons down:
Though, by the politician's fcheme,
Whoe'er arrives at power fupreme,
Those arts, by which at firft they gain it,
They still must practise to maintain it.
What various ways our females take
To pass for wits before a rake!
And in the fruitless fearch purfue
All other methods but the true!
Some try to learn polite behaviour
By reading books against their Saviour;
Some call it witty to reflect
On every natural defect;
Some fhew they never want explaining,
To comprehend a double-meaning.
But fure a tell-tale out of school
Is of all wits the greatest fool;
Whofe rank imagination fills
Her heart, and from her lips diftils;
You'd think fhe utter'd from behind,
Or at her mouth was breaking wind.
Why is a handsome wife ador'd
By every coxcomb but her lord?
From yonder puppet-man inquire,
Who wifely hides his wood and wire ;
Shews Sheba's queen completely drest,
And Solomon in royal veft:
But view them litter'd on the floor,
Or ftrung on pegs behind the door ;
Punch is exactly of a piece
With Lorrain's duke, and prince of Greece.
A prudent builder should forecast
How long the ftuff is like to laft;
And carefully obferve the ground,
To build on fome foundation found.
What house, when its materials crumble,
Must not inevitably tumble ?
What edifice can long endure
Rais'd on a bafis unsecure?
Rash mortals, ere you take a wife,
Contrive your pile to last fór life :
Since beauty scarce endures a day,
And youth so swiftly glides away;
Why will you make yourself a bubble,
To build on fand with hay and stubble ?
On fenfe and wit your paffion found,
By decency cemented round;
Let prudence with good-nature ftrive,
To keep efteem and love alive.
Then, come old age whene'er it will,
Your friendship shall continue ftill:
And thus a mutual gentle fire
Shall never but with life expire.
A PROBLEM SOLVE D. 1731.
APOLLO, god of light and wit,
Could verfe inspire, but seldom writ;
Refin'd all metals with his looks,
As well as chemifts by their books;
As handsome as my Lady's page;
Sweet five-and-twenty was his age.
His wig was made of funny rays,
He crown'd his youthful head with bays g
Not all the court of heaven could show
So nice and fo.complete a beáu.
No heir upon his first appearance,
With twenty thousand pounds a-year rents,
E'er drove, before he fold his land,
So fine a coach along the Strand;
The spokes, we are by Ovid töld,
Were filver, and the axle gold :
(I own, 'twas but a coach and four,
For Jupiter allows no more!)
Yet, with his beauty, wealth, and parts,
Enough to win ten thousand hearts,
No vulgar deity above
Was fo unfortunate in love.
Three weighty caufes were affign'd,
That mov'd the nymphs to be unkind.
Nine Mufes always waiting round him,
He left them virgins as he found them.
His finging was another fault;
For he could reach to B in alt:
And, by the fentiments of Pliny,
Such fingers are like Nicolini.
At laft, the point was fully clear'd;
In short, Apollo had no beard.
ALL folks, who pretend to religion and grace,
Allow there's a HELL, but difpute of the place:: But, if HELL may by logical rules be defin'd The place of the damn'd—I'll tell you my mind. Where-ever the damn'd do chiefly abound,
Moft certainly there is HELL to be found : Damn'd poets, damn'd critics, damn'd blockheads, damn'd knaves,
Damn'd fenators brib'd, damn'd prostitute'slaves ;
Damn'd lawyers and judges, damn'd lords and damn'd Squires;
Damn'd Spies and informers, dainn'd friends, and damn'd liars;
Damn'd villains, corrupted in every Atation;
Damn'd time-ferving priefts all over the nation;
And into the bargain I'll readily give you
Damn'd ignorant prelates and counsellors privy.
Then let us no longer by parfons be flamm'd,
For we know by these marks the place of the damn'd:
And HELL to be fure is at Paris or Rome.
How happy for us that it is not at home I
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