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655 That was both Madam, and a Don,
Like NERO'S SPORUS, or Pope JOAN ;
And at fit Periods the whole Rout

Set up their. Throats with clamorous Shout.
The Knight transported, and the Squire,
660 Put up their Weapons, and their Ire;
And HUDIBRAS, who us'd to ponder
On fuch Sights with judicious Wonder,
Could hold no longer to impart
His Animadverfions, for his Heart.
Quoth he, In all my Life till now


I ne'er faw fo profane a Show;
It is a Paganish Invention,

Which Heathen Writers often mention:
And he who made it, had read GOODWIN,


With all the Grecian SPEEDS and STOWS,
That best describe those ancient Shows;
And has obferv'd all fit Decorums
We find defcrib'd by old Hiftorians:
675 For as the Roman Conqueror,
That put an End to foreign War,
Ent'ring the Town in Triumph for it,
Bore a Slave with him, in his Chariot;
So this infulting Female Brave
680 Carries behind her here a Slave:
And as the Ancients long ago,

When they in Field defy'd the Foe,

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Hung out their Mantles Della Guerre,

So her proud Standard-Bearer here

685 Waves on his Spear, in dreadful Manner,
A Tyrian-Petticoat for Banner.

Next Links, and Torches, heretofore
Still borne before the Emperor.


And as, in Antique Triumphs, Eggs
690 Were born for myftical Intrigues;
There's one in Truncheon, like a Ladle,
That carries Eggs too, fresh or addle;
And ftill at random, as he goes,
Among the Rabble-Rout beftows..


Quoth RALPHO, You mistake the Matter ; For all th' Antiquity you fmatter,

Is but a Riding, us'd of Course,

When the Grey Mare's the better Horfe:
When o'er the Breeches greedy Women
700 Fight to extend their vaft Dominion;
And in the Cause impatient Grizel
Has drubb'd her Husband with Bull's Pizzle,
And brought him under Covert-Baron,
To turn her Vaffal with a Murrain :-
705 When Wives their Sexes fhift, like Hares,
And ride their Hufbands, like Night-Mares,
And they in mortal Battle vanquish'd,
Are of their Charter dif-enfranchis'd,
And by the Right of War, like Gills,
710 Condemn'd to Diftaff, Horns, and Wheels:
For when Men by their Wives are cow'd,
Their Horns of Courfe are understood.

Quoth HUDIBRAS, Thou ftill giv'ft Sentence
Impertinently, and against Sense :


715 'Tis not the leaft Difparagement,
To be defeated by th' Event,
Nor to be beaten by main Force;
That does not make a Man the worfe,
Although his Shoulders with Battoon
720 Be claw'd and cudgel'd to fome Tune;
A Taylor's 'Prentice has no hard

Measure, that's bang'd with a true Yard:


But to turn Tail, or run away,
And without Blows give up the Day;
725 Or to furrender e're th' Affault,

That's no Man's Fortune, but his Fault;
And renders Men of Honour lefs
Than all th' Adverfity of Success:
And only unto fuch this Shew
730 Of Horns and Petticoats is due.
There is a leffer Profanation,

Like that the Romans call'd Ovation:
For as Ovation was allow'd

For Conqueft purchas'd without Blood;
735 So Men decree thofe leffer Shows
For Vict❜ry gotten without Blows, ·
By dint of fharp hard Words, which fome
Give Battle with, and overcome;
These mounted in a Chair-Curule,
740 Which Moderns call a Cuckling-Stool,
March proudly to the River's Side,
And o'er the Waves in Triumph ride;
Like Dukes of VENICE, who are faid
The Adriatick Sea to wed;

745 And have a gentler Wife than those
For whom the State decrees thofe Shows.
But both are Heathenifh, and come
From th' Whores of Babylon, and Rome;
And by the Saints: fhould be withstood,
750 As Antichriftian and Lewd;

And we, as fuch, fhould now contribute.
Our utmoft Strugglings to prohibite.

This faid, they both advanc'd, and rod
A Dog-Trot through the bawling Crowd,
755 T'attack the Leader, and ftill preft,
Till they approach'd him, Breaft to Breaft:


Then HUDIBRAS, with Face and Hand, Made Signs for Silence; which obtain❜d, What means (quoth he) this Dev'l's Proceffion 760 With Men of Orthodox Profeffion? 'Tis Ethnick and Idolatrous,

From Heathenifm deriv'd to us.

Does not the Whore of Babylon ride
Upon her horned Beaft aftride,
765 Like this proud Dame, who either is
A Type of her, or the of this?
Are Things of fuperftitious Function
Fit to be us'd in Gofpel Sun-Shine?
It is an Antichristian Opera,
770 Much as'd in Midnight Times of Popery ;
Of running after Self-Inventions

Of wicked and profane Intentions;
To fcandalize that Sex, for Scolding,
To whom the Saints are fo beholding.
775 Women, who were our first Apoftles,
Without whofe Aid we had been loft else;
Women, that left no Stone unturn'd

In which the Caufe might be concern'd;
Brought in their Children's Spoons and Whistles,
780 To purchase Swords, Carbines and Pistols ;
Their Husbands Cullies, and Sweet-Hearts,
To take the Saints and Churches Parts;
Drew feveral gifted Brethren in,

That for the Bishops would have been, 785 And fix'd 'em conftant to the Party, With Motives-powerful and hearty:

Their Husbands robb'd, and made hard Shifts
T'adminifter unto their Gifts

All they cou'd rap, and rend, and pilfer, 790 To Scraps and Ends of Gold and Silver;


Rubb'd down the Teachers, tir'd and spent
With holding-forth for Parliament:
Pamper'd and edify'd their Zeal

With Marrow-Puddings many a Meal;
795 Enabled them, with Store of Meat,
On controverted Points to eat ;

And cram'd 'em, till their Guts did ake,
With Cawdle, Cuftard, and Plum-Cake.
What have they done, or what left undone,
Boo That might advance the Caufe at London?
March'd Rank and File, with Drum and Enfign,
T' intrench the City for Defence in?

Rais'd Rampiers with their own foft Hands,
To put the Enemy to Stands;

B05 From Ladies down to Oyfter-Wenches
Labour'd like Pioneers in Trenches,
Fall'n to their Pick-Axes, and Tools,
And help'd the Men to dig like Moles?
Have not the Handmaids of the City
810 Chofe of their Members a Committee,
For raifing of a Common Purfe

Out of their Wages to raise Horse?
And do they not as Triers fit,
To judge what Officers are fit?

815 Have they? At that an Egg let fly,
Hit him directly o'er the Eye,

And, running down his Cheek, befmear'd,
With Orange-tawny Slime, his Beard;
But Beard and Slime being of one Hue,
820 The Wound the lefs appear'd in View.
Then he that on the Panniers rode,
Let fly on th' other Side a Load;
And, quickly charg'd again, gave fully
In RALPHO'S Face another Volley.

825 The

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