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To root out all the Weeds that grow 180 In publick Gardens at a Blow,

And leave th' Herbs ftanding. Quoth Sir Sun,
My Friends, that is not to be done.

Not done! quoth Statesmen; yes, an't please ye,
When 'tis once known, you'll fay 'tis eafy;
185 Why then let's know it, quoth Apollo:
We'll beat a Drum, and they'll all follow.
A Drum! (quoth PHOEBUS) troth that's true,
A pretty Invention, quaint and new.
But though of Voice and Inftrument
190 We are th' undoubted Prefident;

We fuch loud Mufick don't profefs:
The Devil's Mafter of that Office,
Where it must pafs, if't be a Drum;
He'll fign it with Cler. Parl. Dom. Com,
165 To him apply yourselves, and he
Will foon difpatch you for his Fee.
They did fo, but it prov'd fo ill,
Th'ad better let 'em grow there fill.
But to refume what we difcourfing
200 Were on before, that is, ftout ORSIN;
That which fo oft by fundry Writers
Has been apply'd t' almost all Fighters,
More juftly may b' afcrib'd to this,
Than any other Warrior, (viz.)
205 None ever acted both Parts bolder,
Both of a Chieftain and a Soldier.
He was of great Defcent, and high
For Splendor and Antiquity,
And from celeftial Origine

210 Deriv'd himself in a right Line.
Not as the ancient Heroes did,

Who, that their Bafe-Births might be hid,


(Knowing they were of doubtful Gender, And that they came in at a Windore) 215 Made Jupiter himself, and others.

O' th' Gods, Gallants to their own Mothers,
To get on them a Race of Champions;
(Of which old Homer firft made Lampoons.))
ARCTOPHYLAX in Northern Sphere

220 Was his undoubted Ancestor :

From him his great Fore-fathers came, And in all Ages bore his Name. Learned he was in Med'c'nal Lore, For by his Side a Pouch he wore, 225 Replete with ftrange Hermetick Powder, That Wounds nine Miles point-blank wou'd By fkilful Chymift with great Coft [folder. Extracted from a rotten Poft;

But of a heav'nlier Influence

230 Than that which Mountebanks difpenfe;
Tho' by Promethean Fire made,
As they do quack that drive that Trade.
For, as when Slovens do amifs

At others Doors, by Stool or Pifs, 235 The Learned write, a red-hot Spit B'ing prudently apply'd to it,

Will convey Mifchief from the Dung
Unto the Part that did the Wrong:
So this did Healing, and as fure
240 As that did Mifchief, this would cure.
Thus virtuous ORSIN was endu'd
With Learning, Conduct, Fortitude,
Incomparable: And as the Prince
Of Poets, HOMER, fung long fince,
245 A fkilful Leech is better far
Than half a hundred Men of War;

So he appear'd, and by his Skill,
No less than Dint of Sword, cou'd kill.
The gallant BRUIN march'd next him,

250 With Vifage formidably grim,

And rugged as a Saracen,

Or Turk of Mahomet's own Kin;
Clad in a Mantle della Guerre
Of rough impenetrable Fur;

255 And in his Nofe, like Indian King,
He wore, for Ornament, a Ring;
About his Neck a threefold Gorget,
As rough as trebled leathern Target;
Armed, as Heralds cant, and langued,
260 Or, as the Vulgar fay, fharp-fanged.
For as the Teeth in Beafts of Prey
Are Swords, with which they fight in Fray;
So Swords, in Men of War, are Teeth,
Which they do eat their Vittle with.
265 He was by Birth, fome Authors write,
A Ruffian, fome a Mufcovite;

And 'mong the Coffacks had been bred,
Of whom we in Diurnals read,
That ferve to fill up Pages here,
270 As with their Bodies Ditches there.
SCRIMANSKY was his Coufin-German,

With whom he ferv'd, and fed on Vermin:
And when thefe fail'd, he'd fuck his Claws,
And quarter himself upon his Paws.

275 And tho' his Countrymen the Huns

Did ftew their Meat between their Bums
And th' Horfes Backs o'er which they ftraddle,
And ev'ry Man eat up his Saddle :
He was not half fo nice as they,

280 But eat it raw when 't came in's Way.


He had trac'd Countries far and near,
More than LE BLANC the Traveller;
Who writes, He fpous'd in India,
Of noble House, a Lady gay,

285 And got on her a Race of Worthies,
As ftout as any upon Earth is.

Full many a Fight for him between
TALGOL and ORSIN oft had been;
Each striving to deserve the Crown
290 Of a fav'd Citizen; the one

To guard his Bear, the other fought
To aid his Dog; both made more stout
By fev'ral Spurs of Neighbourhood,
Church-Fellow-Membership, and Blood:
295 But TALGOL, mortal Foe to Cows,
Never got aught of him but Blows;
Blows, hard and heavy, fuch as he
Had lent, repaid with Ufury.

Yet TALGOL was of Courage ftout,
300 And vanquifh'd oft'ner than he fought:
Inur'd to Labour, Sweat and Toil,
And like a Champion fhone with Oil.
Right many a Widow his keen Blade,
And many Fatherlefs, had made.
305 He many a Boar and huge Dun-Cow
Did, like another Guy, o'erthrow":
But GUY, with him in Fight compar'd,
Had like the Boar, or Dun-Cow far'd.
With greater Troops of Sheep h' had fought
310 Than AJAX, or bold DON QUIXOTE:
And many a Serpent of fell Kind,

With Wings before, and Stings behind,
Subdu'd: As Poets fay, long agone

Bold Sir GEORGE, St. GEORGE did the Dragon.

315 Nor Engine, nor Device Polemick,
Difeafe, nor Doctor Epidemick,
Tho' ftor'd with deletery Med'cines,
(Which whofoever took is dead fince)
È'er fent fo vaft a Colony

320 To both the under Worlds as he :
For he was of that noble Trade,
That Demi-Gods and Heroes made,
Slaughter, and Knocking on the Head;
The Trade to which They all were bred,
325 And is, like others, glorious when


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'Tis great and large, but bafe if mean.
The former rides in Triumph for it;
The latter in a two-wheel'd Chariot,,
For daring to profane a Thing
So facred with vile Bungling.

Next these the brave MAGNANO came,
MAGNANO, great in Martial Fame.
Yet when with ORSIN he wag'd Figh
'Tis fung, he got but little by't.
335 Yet he was fierce as Foreft Boar,

Whofe Spoils upon his Back he wore,
As thick as AJAX' feven-fold Shield,
Which o'er his Brazen Arms he held:
But Brafs was feeble to refift
340 The Fury of his armed Fift;

Nor cou'd the hardest Ir'n hold out
Against his Blows, but they wou'd through't,
In MAGICK he was deeply read,

As he that made the Brazen-Head;
345 Profoundly skill'd in the Black Art,
AS ENGLISH MERLIN for his Heart;
But far more fkilful in the Spheres,
Than he was at the Sieve and Shears.


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