Crab. This young man waits here till your puppy is powdered. You may ask him after your French acquaintance. I know nothing of him; but he does not seem to be altogether so great a fool as your fellow. [Exit. Luc. I am afraid, sir, you have had but a disagreeable tête a tête. L. John. Just the contrary, madam. By good sense, tinged with singularity, we are entertained as well as improved. For a lady, indeed, Mr Crab's manners are rather too rough. Luc. Not a jot; I am familiarized to them. I know his integrity, and can never be disobliged by his sincerity. L. John. This declaration is a little particular from a lady, who must have received her first impressions in a place remarkable for its delicacy to the fair-sex. But good-sense can conquer even early habits. Luc. This compliment I can lay no claim to. The former part of my life procured me but very little indulgence. The pittance of knowledge I possess, was taught me by a very severe mistress, Adversity. But you, sir, are too well acquainted with sir Charles Buck not to have known my situation. SCENE-I. L. John. I have heard your story, madam, before I had the honour of seeing you. It was affecting You'll pardon the declaration: it now becomes interesting. However, it is impossible I should not congratulate you on the near approach of the happy catastrophe. Luc. Events that depend upon the will of another, a thousand unforeseen accidents may interrupt. Lord John. Could I hope, madam, your present critical condition would acquit me of temerity, I should take the liberty to presume, if the suit of sir Charles be rejected Enter CRAB. Crab. So, youngster! what, I suppose you are already practising one of your foreign lessons. Perverting the affections of a friend's mistress, or debauching his wife, are mere peccadilloes in modern morality-But at present, you are my care. That way conducts you to your fellowtraveller. [Exit LORD JOHN.]-I would speak with you in the library. [Exit. Luc. I shall attend you, sir. Never was so unhappy an interruption! What could my lord mean? But be it what it will, it ought not, it cannot concern me.-Gratitude and duty demand my compliance with the dying wish of my benefactor, my friend, my father. But am I then to sacrifice all my future peace? But reason not, rash girl! obedience is thy province. Though hard the task, be it my part to prove, That sometimes duty can give laws to love. ACT II. Did ever mortal see such mirrors, such lookingglasses, as they have here too? One might as well address one's self for information to a bucket of water.—La Jonquil, mettez-vous le rouge assez. He bien, Mac, miserable! Hey? Mac. 'Tis very hecoming. Buck. Ay, it will do for this place; I really could have forgiven my father's living a year or two longer, rather than be compelled to return to this [Enter LORD JOHN.] My dear lord, je demand mille pardons; but the terrible fracas in my chaise, had so gated and disordered my hair, that it required an age to adjust it. Lord John. No apology, sir Charles; I have been entertained very agreeably. Buck. Who have you had, my dear lord, to entertain you? Lord John. The very individual lady that's soon to make you a happy husband. Buck. A happy who? husband ?———What two very opposite ideas have you confounded ensemble!--In my conscience, I believe there's contagion in the clime, and mi lor is infected. But pray, mi dear lor, by what accident have you discovered that I was upon the point of becoming that happy-Oh, un mari! diable! Lord John. The lady's beauty and merit, your inclinations, and your father's injunctions, made me conjecture that. Buck. And can't you suppose that the lady's beauty may be possessed, her merit rewarded, and my inclinations gratified, without an absolute obedience to that fatherly injunction? Lord John. It does not occur to me. Buck. No, I believe not, mi lor. Those kind of talents are not given to every body. Donnez moi mon manchon. And now you shall see me manage the lady. Enter Servant. Ser. Young squire Racket and sir Toby Tallyhoe, who call themselves your honour's old acquaintances. Buck. Oh the brutes! By what accident could they discover my arrival? Mi dear, dear lor, aid me to escape this embarras. RACKET and TALLYHOE without. Hoic a hoy, hoic a hoy! Buck. Let me die if I do not believe the Hottentots have brought a whole hundred of hounds Rac. I have them, knight. 'Fore gad, he is the very reverse of a Bantam cock-His comb's on his feet, and his feathers on his head.——-Who have we got here? What are these three fellows? Pastry-cooks? Enter CRAB. Crab. And is this one of your newly-acquired accomplishments, letting your mistress languish for a- -but you have company, I see. Buck. O yes; I have been inexpressibly happy.-These gentlemen are kind enough to treat me, upon my arrival, with what I believe they call, in this country, a route- -My dear lor, if you don't favour my flight- -But see if the toads an't tumbling my toilet ! Lord John. Now's your time, steal off.—I'll cover your retreat. Buck. Mac, let La Jonquil follow to resettle with them. But, they say, forms keep fools at amy cheveux.- -Je vous remercie mille, mille fois, distance. I'll receive them en ceremonic. mon cher mi lor. Rac. Hola, sir Toby, stole away! Buck. O mon Dieu! Tal. Poh, rot him; let him alone. He'll ncver do for our purpose. You must know we inhum-tended to kick up a riot to-night at the playhouse, and we wanted him of the party; but that fop would swoon at the sight of a cudgel. Buck. Monsieur Racket, je suis charme de vous voir. Rac. Anan! what? Buck. Ne m'entendez vous? Don't you know French? Rac. Know French! No, nor you neither, 1 think. Sir Toby, 'fore Gad, I believe the papists ha' bewitched him in foreign parts. Tul. Bewitched, and transformed him too. Let me perish, Racket, if I don't think he's like one of the folks we used to read of at school, in Ovid's Metamorphosis; they have turned him into a beast! Rac. A beast! No; a bird, you fool. Lookee, sir Toby, by the lord Harry, here are his wings! Tal. Hey! ecod, and so they are, ha, ha! I reckon, Racket, he came over with the woodcocks. Buck. Voila des véritable Anglois. The rustic, rude ruffians! Rac. Let us see what the devil he has got upon his pole, sir Toby. Tal. Ay. Buck. Do, dear savage, keep your distance! Tal. Nay, 'fore George we will have a scrutiny. Rac. Ay, ay, a scrutiny. Buck. En grace, La Jonquil! mi lor! protect me from these pirates! Lord John. A little compassion, I beg, gentlemen.-Consider, sir Charles is upon a visit to his bride. Tal Bride! Zounds, he's fitter for a band-box -Racket, hocks the heels. VOL. III. Lord John. Pray, sir, what is your cause of contention? Tal. Cause of contention! IIcy, faith, I know nothing of the matter. Racket, what is it we are angry about? Rac. Angry about!-Why, you know we are to demolish the dancers. Tal. True, truc; I had forgot. Will you make one? Lord John. I beg to be excused. Rac. Mayhap you are a friend to the French? Lord John. Not I, indeed, sir-But if the occasion will permit me a pun, though I am far from being a well-wisher to their arms, I have no objection to the being entertained by their legs. Tal. Ay-Why then, if you'll come to-night, you'll split your sides with laughing; for I'll be rot if we don't make them caper higher, and run faster, than ever they have done since the battle of Blenheim. Come along, Rackett. [Exit. Lord John. Was there ever such a contrast? Crab. Not so remote as you imagine; they are scions from the same stock, set in different soils. The first shrub, you see, flowers most prodigally, but matures nothing; the last slip, though stunted, bears a little fruit; crabbed, 'tis true, but still the growth of the clime. Come, you'll follow your friend. [Exit. Enter LUCINDA, with a Servant. Luc. When Mr Crab or sir Charles inquire for 2 B me, you will conduct them hither. [Exit Ser- Crab. I know from what fountain this fool has runt How I long for an end to this important drawn his remarks; the author of the Chinese inter dew! Not that I have any great expecta-Orphan, in the preface to which Mr Voltaire calls tions from the issue; but still in my circumstances the principal works of Shakespeare monstrous a state of suspence is of all situations most disagreeable. But hush, they come. Enter SIR CHARLES, MACRUTHEN, Lord JOHN and CRAB. Buck. Mac, announce me. farces. Lord John. Mr Crab is right, madam. Mr Voltaire has stigmatized with a very unjust and a very invidious appellation, the principal works of that great master of the passions; and his apparent motive renders him the more inexcuse Mac. Madam, sir Charles Buck craves the ho-able. nour of kissing your hand. Buck. Tres humble serviteur. Et comment sa porte, Mademoiselle? I am ravished to see thee, ma chere pelite Lucinde-Eh bien, ma reine! Why you like divinely, child. But, mon enfant, they have dressed you most diabolically. Why what a coiffeure must you have! and, oh mon Dieu! a total absence of rouge. But perhaps you are out. I had a cargo from Deffreny the day of my departure: Shall I have the honour to supply you? Luc. What could it be, my lord ? Lord John. The preventing has countrymen from becoming acquainted with our author, that he might be at liberty to pilfer from him with the greater security. Lic. Ungenerous, indeed! Luc. And as to the exhibition, I have been taught to believe, that for a natural, pathetic, and spirited expression, no people upon earthBuck. You are imposed upon, child; the LeLuc. You are obliging, sir: but I confess my-quesne, the Lanouc, the Grandval, the Dumeril, self a convert to the chaste customs of this coun- the Caussen, what dignity, what action! But, try; and, with a commercial people, you know, à propos, I have myself wrote a tragedy in sir Charles, all artificeFrench. Buck. Artifice! You mistake the point, ma chere. A proper portion of red is an indispensable part of your dress; and, in my private opinion, a woman might as well appear in public without powder or a petticoat. Crab. And in my private opinion, a woman who puts on the first, would make very little difficulty in pulling off the last. Buck. Oh, Monsieur Crab's judgment must be decisive in dress. Well, and what amusements, what spectacles, what parties, what contrivances, to conquer father Time, that foe to the fair? I fancy one must ennuier considerablement in your London here. Luc. Oh, we are in no distress for diversions. We have an opera. Buck. Italien, I suppose; piticable, shocking, assommant! Oh, there is no supporting their hi, hi, hi, hi. Ah mon Dieu! Ah, chasse brilliant soleil, Luc. Indeed! Buck. En verité, upon Voltaire's plan. Crab. That must be a precious pièce of work. Buck. It is now in repetition at the French comedie. Grandval and La Gaussen perform the principal parts. Oh, what an eclat! What a burst will it make in the parterre, when the king of Ananamaboo refuses the person of the princess of Cochineal! Luc. Do you remember the passage? Buck. Entire; and I believe I can convey it in their manner. Luc. That will be delightful. Buck. And first the king. Ma chere princesse, je vous aime, c'est vrai; De tromper ma femme, ou de rompre ma foi. Buck. Now the princess; she is, as you may suppose, Luc. No doubt. Buck. Mon grand roi, mon cher adorable, Ayez pitié de moi, je suis inconsolable. (Then he turns his back upon her; at which she, in a fury) Monstre, ingrat, affreux, horrible, funeste, Pensez vouz, Madame, à me donner la loi? moi. Luc. Bravo! Lord John. Bravo, bravo! 7 Buck. Ay, there's passion and poetry, and reason and rhime. Oh, how I detest blood and blank verse! There is something so soft, so musical, and so natural, in the rich rhimes of the theatre Francois ! Lord John. I did not know sir Charles was so totally devoted to the belles lettres. Buck. Oh, entirely. 'Tis the ton, the taste. I am every night at the Coffe Procope; and had not I had the misfortune to be born in this curst country, I make no doubt but you would have seen my name among the foremost of the French academy. Crab. I should think you might easily get over that difficulty, if you will be but so obliging as publicly to renounce us. I dare engage not one of your countrymen should contradict or claim Crab. Entirely. Buck. How happy you make me! Crab. Egregious puppy! But we lose time. A truce to this trumpery. You have read your father's will? Buck. No; I read no English. When Mac has turned it into French, I may run over the items. Crab. I have told you the part that concerns this girl. And as your declaration upon it will discharge me, I leave you to what you will call an ecclaircissement. Come, my Lord. Buck. Nay, but Monsieur Crab, ini Lor, Mac! Crab. Along with us. [Exeunt CRAB and LORD JOHN. Buck. A comfortable scrape I am in! What the deuce am I to do? In the language of the place, I am to make love, I suppose. A pretty employment! Luc. I fancy my hero is a little puzzled with his part. But now for it. Buck. A queer creature, that Crab, ma petite. But, à propos, How d'you like my lord? Luc. He seems to have good sense, and good breeding. Buck. Pas trop. But don't you think he has something of a foreign kind of air about him? Luc. Not in the least. Buck. Oh, I thought so. poor devil; he can't help it. chere, the fellow has a fortune. Luc. How does that concern me, sir Charles? Buck. Why, je pense, ma reine, that your eyes have done execution there. Luc. My eyes execution! ex Buck. Ay, child, is there any thing so traordinary in that? Ma foi, I thought, by the vivacity of his praise, that he had already summoned the garrison to surrender. Luc. To carry on the allusion, I believe my lord is too good a commander to commence a fruitless siege. He could not but know the condition of the town. Buck. Condition! Explain, ma chere. Luc. I was in hopes your interview with Mr Crab had made that unnecessary. Buck. Oh, ay, I do recollect something of a ridiculous article about marriage in a will. But what a plot against the peace of two poor people! Well, the malice of some men is amazing! Not contented with doing all the mischief they can in their life, they are for entailing their malevolence, like their estates, to latest posterity. Luc. Your contempt of me, sir Charics, I receive as a compliment. But the infinite obligations I owe to the man who had the misfortune to call you son, compel me to insist, that, in my presence at least, no indignity be offered to his memory. Buck. Heyday! What, in heroics, ma reine? Luc. Ungrateful, unfilial wretch! so soon to trample on his ashes, the greatest load of whose fond heart, in his last hour, were his fears for thy future welfare. Buck. Ma foi, elle est folle; she is mad, sans doute. Luc. But I am to blame. Can he, who breaks through one sacred relation, regard another? Can the monster, who is corrupt enough to contemn the place of his birth, reverence those who gave him being ?-Impossible. Buck. Ah, a pretty monologue! a fine soliloquy this, child. Luc. Contemptible! But I am cool. Buck. I am mightily glad of it. Now we shall understand one another, I hope. Luc. We do understand one another. You have already been kind enough to refuse me. Nothing is wanting but a formal rejection ance. under your hand, and so concludes our acquaint- | air is a copy from thy barber; for thy dress thou art indebted to thy tailor. Thou hast lost thy native language, and brought home none in exchange for it. Buck. Vous allez trop vite; you are too quick, ma chere. If I recollect, the consequence of this rejection is my paying you twenty thousand pounds. Luc. True. Buck. Now that, have not I the least inclination to do. Luc. No, sir? Why you own that riage Luc. Oh, we'll soon settle that dispute'; the Buck. Extremément bien ! Luc. Had not thy vanity so soon exposed thy villany, I might, in reverence to that name, to which thou art a disgrace, have taken a wretched chance with thee for life. mar- Buck. I am obliged to thee for that; and a pretty pacific partner I should have had. Why, Buck. Is my aversion. I'll give you that un-look'e, child, you have been, to be sure, very eloder my hand, if you please; but I have a pro- quent, and, upon the whole, not unentertaining : digious love for the louis. though, by the by, you have forgot in your catalogue one of my foreign acquisitions; c'est à dire, that I can, with a most intrepid sang froid, without a single emotion, support all this storm of female fury. But, adieu, ma belle; and when a cool hour of reflection has made you sensible of the propriety of my proposals, I shall expect the honour of a card. law Buck. But, hold, ma reine. I don't find that my provident father has precisely determined the time of this comfortable conjunction. So, though I am condemned, the day of execution is not fixed. Luc. Sir! Buck. I say, my soul, there goes no more to your dying a maid, than my living a bache lor. Luc. O, sir, I shall find a remedy. Buck. But now suppose, ma belle, I have found one to your hand? Luc. As how? Name one. Buck. I'll name two. And first, mon enfante, though I have an irresistible antipathy to the conjugal knot, yet I am by no means blind to your personal charms in the possession of which if you please to place me, not only the aforesaid twenty thousand pounds, but the whole terre of your devoted shall fall at your Luc. Grant me patience! Buck. Indeed you want it, my dear. But if you flounce, I fly. Luc. Quick, sir, your other! For this isBuck. I grant, not quite so fashionable as my other. It is then, in a word, that you would let this lubberly lord make you a lady, and appoint me his assistant, his private friend, his cisisbei. And as we are to be joint partakers of your person, let us be equal sharers in your fortune, ma belle. Luc. Thou mean, abject, mercenary thing! Thy mistress! Gracious Heaven!-Universal empire should not bribe me to be thy bride.And what apology, what excuse, could a woman of the least sense or spirit make for so unnatural a connection! Buck. Fort bien ! Luc. Where are thy attractions? Canst thou be weak enough to suppose thy frippery dress, thy affectation, thy grimace, could influence beyond the borders of a brothel? Buck. Très bien ! Luc. And what are thy improvements? Thy [Exit. Luc. I am ashamed this thing has had the power to move me thus. Who waits there? Desire Mr Crab Enter LORD JOHN and CRAB. Lord John. We have been unwillingly, madam, silent witnesses to this shameful scene. I blush, that a creature, who wears the outward marks of humanity, should be in his morals so much below Crab. Prithee, why didst thou not call thy maids, and toss the booby in a blanket? Lord John. If I might be permitted, madam, to conclude what I intended saying, when interrupted by Mr Crab Luc. My lord, don't think me guilty of affectation; I believe I guess at your generous design: but my temper is really so ruffled-besides, I am meditating a piece of female revenge on this coxcomb. Lord John. Dear madam, can I assist? Luc. Only by desiring my maid to bring hither the tea. My lord, I am confounded at the liberty, but |