Ter. Sir. sir, sir! Quid, What's the matter? Ter. Here has been Mrhe with the odd name. Quid. Mr D-- that writes the pretty verses upon all public occasions Ter. Ay, Mr Reptile; the same. He says as how there are some assays of his in this paper, [Searches her pockets.] and he desires you will give your idear of them. Quid. That I will-let me see ! Ter. The deuce fetch it! here is something distintangles in my pocket; there it is. Gives the paper, and drops the letter.] Pray amuse it before you go to bed; or had not you better go and read it in bed? Quid. No, I'll read it here. Quid. What, is there any more news? What has happened now? Ter. Oh, madam, madam, forgive me, my dear madam- -I did not do it on purpose--I did not; as I hope for mercy, I did not! Quid. Is the woman crazy? Ter. I did not intend to give it him; I would have seen him gibbeted first. I found the letter in your bed-chamber; I knew it was the same I delivered to you, and my curiosity did make me peep into it. Says my curiosity,Now, Termagant, you may gratify yourself by finding out the contents of that letter, which you have so 'violent an itching for. My curiosity dd say so; and then I own my respect for you did say to me, Hussy, how dare you meddle with what 'does not belong to you? Keep your distance, and let your mistress's secrets alone.' And then upon that, in comes my curiosity again. Read it, I tell you, Termagant; a woman of spirit should know every thing? Let it alone, Quid. Hey! this is an old newspaper, I see. you jade,' says my respect, it is as much as What's this? [Takes up the letter.] Here may your place is worth.' "What signification's a be some news' To Miss Harriet Quidnunc.'-place with an old bankrupper? says my curioLet me see! [Reads.] sity, there's more places than one; and so read ' it, I tell you, Termagant.' I did read it; what could I do? Heaven help me! I did read it; I don't go to deny it; I don't, I don't, I don't! [Crying very bitterly. Ter. Do so; he'll call in the morning. I'll get him to bed, I warrant me; and then Miss Harriet may elope as fast as she will. 'My dearest Harriet, [Exit TERMAGANT. Why will you keep me in a state of suspence? I have given you every proof of the sincerest 'constancy and love. Surely then, now that you see your father's obstinacy, you may determine to consult your own happiness; if you will per'mit me to wait on you this evening, I will convey you to a family, who will take the tenderest 'care of your person, till you resign it to the arms ' of "Your eternal admirer, 'BELMOUR.' So, so! here's policy detected-Why Harriet, daughter! Harriet! She has not made her escape, I hope ?-So madam Enter HARRIET and BELMOUR. Hey, the enemy in our camp! Quid. No! What does he lurk in my house for? Bel. Sir, my designs are honourable; you see, sir, I am above concealing myself. Quid. Ay, thanks to Termagant, or I should have been undermined here by you. Ter. [Looking in.] What the devil is here to do now? I am all over in a quandery. Quid. Now, madam, an't you a false girl—an undutiful child? But I can get intelligence, you see-Termagant is my friend, and if it had not been for her Enter TERMAGANT. Ter. Oh, my stars and garters! here's such a piece of work-What shall I do?-My poor dear Miss Harriet[Cries bitterly. Quid. And I have read it, too; don't keep such an uproar, woman! Ter. And after I had read it, thinks me, 'I'll give this to my mistress again, and her geremanocus of a father shall never see it. And so, as my ill stars would have it, as I was giving him a newspaper, I run my hand into the lion's mouth. [Crying. [Aside. Bel. What an unlucky jade she has been! Har. Well, there's no harm done, Termagant; for I don't want to deceive my father. Quid. Yes, but there is harm done. [Knocking.] Hey, what's all this knocking? Step and see, Termagant. Ter. Yes, sir. [Erit. Quid. A waiter from the coffee-house, mayhap, with some news. You shall go to the roundhouse, friend. [To BELMOUR.] I'll carry you there myself; and who knows but I may meet a parliament man in the round-house to tell me some politics? Enter ROVEWELL. Rove. But I say I will come in; my friend shan't be murdered amongst you. Bel. 'Sdeath, Rovewell! what brings you here? Rove. I have been waiting in a hackney-coach for you these two hours; and split me but I was afraid they had smothered you between two feather-beds! Enter TERMAGANT. Quid. What, and am I your father? Ter. More misfortunes! here comes the braces him, and powders him all over.] 'tis he watch. Quid. The best news I ever heard! Enter Watchman. Here, thieves! robbery! murder! I charge them both; take them directly. Watch. Stand and deliver in the king's name! seize them; knock them down! Bel. Don't frighten the lady; here's my sword; I surrender. Rove. You scoundrels! Stand off, rascals! [Fight. Enter RAZOR, with the Gazette in his hand. Raz. What, a fray at my master Quidnunc's! knock him down! knock him down! [Folds up the Gazette, puts himself in a boring attitude, and fights with the watchmen.] Quid. That's right; hold him fast! [Watchmen seize ROVEWELL. Rove. You have overpowered me, you rascals! Ter. I believe as sure as any thing, as how he's a highwayman, and as how it was he that robbed the mail. Quid. What! rob the mail, and stop all the news! Search him, search him! he may have the letters belonging to the mail in his pockets now: Ay, here's one letter, To Mr Abraham Quidnunc. Let's see what it is-- Your dutiful · son, John Quidnunc,' Rove. That's my name, and Rovewell was but assumed. sure enough! I remember the mole on his cheek -I shaved his first beard. Quid. Just returned from the West Indies, I suppose? Rove. Yes, sir; the owner of a rich plantation. Quid. What, by studying politics? Rove. By a rich planter's widow; and I have now fortune enough to make you happy in your old age. Raz. And I hope I shall shave him again? Rove. So thou shalt, honest Razor. In the mean time, let me entreat you bestow my sister upon my friend Belmour here. Quid. He may take her as soon as he pleases ; 'twill make an excellent paragraph in the news have you that this young lady, my friend's ward, has a liking to you? The young fellows of this Enter SIR CHARLES CLACKIT, YOUNG CLACKIT, age are all coxcombs; and, I am afraid, you are and Servant. no exception to this general rule. Young Cla. Thank you, uncle; but, may I this instant be struck old and peevish, if I would put you upon a false scent to expose you, for all the fine women in Christendom. I assure you again and again, and you may take my word, uncle, that Miss Harriet has no kind of aversion to your nephew and most humble servant. Sir Cha. Ay, ay, vanity, vanity! but I never take a young fellow's word about women; they'll lie as fast, and with as little conscience, as the Brussels Gazette. Produce your proofs. Young Cla. Can't your eyes see them, uncle, without urging me to the indelicacy of repeating Sir Cha. Now, nephew, consider once again, before I open the matter to my neighbour Heart-them? ly, what I am going to undertake for you.-Why don't you speak! Young Cla. Is it proper and decent, uncle? Sir Cha. Psha! don't be a fool, but answer me-Don't 't you flatter yourself!-What assurance Sir Cha. Why, I see nothing but a fool's head and a fool's coat, supported by a pair of most unpromising legs. Have you no better proofs? Young Cla. Yes, I have, my good infidel uncle, half a hundred. Sir Cha. Out with them, then. Young Cla. First, then-Whenever I see her, she never looks at me :-That's a sign of love.Whenever I speak to her, she never answers me: Another sign of love.-And whenever I speak to any body else, she seems to be perfectly easy:That's a certain sign of love. Sir Cha. The devil it is! Young Cla. When I am with her she is always grave; and the moment I get up to leave her, then the poor thing begins: Why will you leave 'me, Mr Clackit? can't you sacrifice a few moments to my bashfulness?—Stay, you agreeable runaway, stay; I shall soon overcome the fears your presence gives me.'-I could say more But a man of honour, uncle Sir Cha. What, and has she said all these things to you? Young Cla. O yes, and ten times more--with her eyes. Sir Cha. With her eyes?--Eyes are very equivocal, Jack.---However, if the young lady has any liking to you, Mr Heartly is too much a man of the world, and too much my friend, to oppose the match; so do you walk into the garden, and I will open the matter to him. Sir Cha. No, faith, I am serious; and had I a daughter to recommend to you, you should say me nay more than once, I assure you, neighbour Heartly, before I would quit you. Heart. I am much obliged to you. Sir Cha. But, indeed, you are a little too much of the philosopher, to think of being troubled with women and their concerns. Heart. I beg your pardon, sir Charles-Though there are many who call themselves philosophers, that live single, and, perhaps, are in the right of it, yet, I cannot think that marriage is at all inconsistent with true philosophy.--A wise man will resolve to live like the rest of the world, with this only difference, that he is neither a slave to passions nor events. It is not because I have a little philosophy, but because I am on the wrong side of forty, sir Charles, that I desire to be excused. Sir Cha. As you please, sir; and, now, to my business.--You have no objection, I suppose, to tie up your ward, Miss Harriet, though you have slipped the collar yourself? ha, ha, ha! Sir Cha. Her father, I have heard you say, recommended that particular care to you, when she had reached a certain age. Heart. Quite the contrary, sir; I have taken her some time from the boarding-school, and brought her home, in order to dispose of her Young Cla. Is there any objection to my stay-worthily, with her own inclination. ing, uncle? The business will be soon ended-you will propose the match; he will give his consent, I shall give mine; miss is sent for, and l'affair est fait. [Snapping his finger. Sir Cha. And so you think that a young beautiful heiress, with forty thousand pounds, is to be had with a scrap of French, and a snap of your finger? Prithee get away, and don't provoke me. Young Cla. Nay, but my dear uncle--Sir Cha. Nay, but my impertinent nephew, either retire, or I'll throw up the game. [Putting him out. Young Cla. Well, well, I am goue, uncle.--When you come to the point, I shall be ready to make my appearance.--Bon voyage! [Exit. Sir Cha. The devil's in these young fellows, I think!We send them abroad to cure their sheepishness, and they get above proof the other Heart. He did so; and I am the more desirous to obey him scrupulously in this circumstance, as she will be a most valuable acquisition to the person who shall gain her; for, not to mention her fortune, which is the least consideration, her sentiments are worthy her birth; she is gentle, modest, and obliging. In a word, my friend, I never saw youth more amiable or discreet; but, perhaps, I am a little partial to her. Sir Cha. No, no; she is a delicious creature, every body says so. But, I believe, neighbour, something has happened that you little think of. Heart. What! pray, sir Charles? Sir Cha. My nephew, Mr Heartly Enter YOUNG CLACKIT. Young Cla. Here I am, at your service, sirmy uncle is a little unhappy in his manner; but, I'll clear the matter in a moment--Miss Harriet, sir-your ward-- Sir Cha. Get away, you puppy! Young Cla. Miss Harriet, sir, your ward-a most accomplished young lady, to be sureSir Cha. Thou art a most accomplished coxcomb, to be sure! Heart. Pray, sir Charles, let the young gentleman speak. Young Cla. You'll excuse me, Mr HeartlyMy uncle does not set up for an orator-little confused, or so, sir--You see me what I amBut I ought to ask pardon for the young lady and myself. We are young, sir-I must confess we. were wrong to conceal it from you-But my uncle, I see, is pleased to be angry; and, therefore, I shall say no more at present. Sir Cha. If you don't leave the room this moment, and stay in the garden till I call you--Young Cla. I am sorry I have displeased you --I did not think it was mal-a-propos; but you must have your way, uncle-You command--I submit---Mr Heartly, yours. [Exit YOUNG CLACKIT. Sir Cha. Puppy! [Aside.]. My nephew's a little unthinking, Mr Heartly, as you see; and, therefore, I have been a little cautious how I have proceeded in this affair: But, indeed, he has in a manner persuaded me, that your ward and he are not ill together. Heart. Indeed! this is the first notice I have had of it, and I cannot conceive why Miss Harriet should conceal it from me; for I have often assured her, that I would never oppose her inclination, though I might endeavour to direct it. Sir Cha. 'Tis human nature, neighbour. We are so ashamed of our first passion, that we would willingly hide it from ourselves-But will you mention my nephew to her? Heart. I must beg your pardon, sir Charles. The name of the gentleman whom she chooses, must first come from herself. My advice or importunity shall never influence her: If guardians would be less rigorous, young people would be more reasonable; and I am so unfashionable to think, that happiness in marriage can't be bought too dear-I am still on the wrong side of forty, sir Charles. Sir Cha. No, no; you are right, neighbour.-But here she is. Don't alarm her young heart too much, I beg of you. Upon my word, she is a sweet morsel! Enter MISS HARRIET and Lucy. Miss Har. He is with company--I'll speak to him another time. [Retiring. Lucy. Young, handsome, and afraid of being seen! You are very particular, miss. Heart. [To SIR CHA.]-We have gone too far, sir Charles. We must excuse her delicacy, and give her time to recover: I had better talk with her alone; we will leave her now. Be persuadcd, that no endeavours shall be wanting, on my part, to bring this affair to a happy and speedy conclusion. Sir Cha. I shall be obliged to you, Mr Heartly. Young lady, your servant. What grace and modesty! She is a most engaging creature, and I shall be proud to make her one of my family. Heart. You do us honour, sir Charles. [Exeunt SIR CHA. and HEART. Lucy. Indeed, Miss Harriet, you are very particular; you was tired of the boarding-school, and yet seem to have no inclination to be married. What can be the meaning of all this? that smirking old gentleman is uncle to Mr Clackit; and, my life for it, he has made some proposals to your guardian. Miss Har. Prithee, don't plague me about Mr Clackit. Lucy. But why not, miss? though he is a little fantastical, loves to hear himself talk, and is somewhat self-sufficient; you must consider he is young, has been abroad, and keeps good company: the trade will soon be at an end, if young ladies and gentlemen grow over nice and exceptious. Miss Har. But if I can find one without these faults, I may surely please myself. Lucy. Without these faults! and is he young, miss? Miss Har. He is sensible, modest, polite, affable, and generous; and charms from the natural impulses of his own heart, as much as others disgust by their senseless airs, and insolent affec tation. Lucy. Upon my word! But why have you kept this secret so long? Your guardian is kind to you beyond conception. What difficulties can you have to overcome? Miss Har. Why, the difficulty of declaring my sentiments. Lucy. Leave that to me, miss. But your spark, with all his accomplishments, must have Heart. Miss Harriet, you must not go.-[HAR-very little penetration, not to have discovered his RIET returns.]-Sir Charles, give me leave to in-good fortune in your eyes. troduce you to this young lady. You know, I Miss Har. I take care that my eves don't tell suppose, the reason of this gentleman's visit to too much; and he has too much delicacy to inme? [To HARRIET. terpret looks to his advantage. Besides, he Miss Har. Sir! [Confused. would certainly disapprove my passion; and if I Heart. You may trust me, my dear. Don't should ever make the declaration, and ineet with be disturbed; I shall not reproach you with any a denial, I should absolutely die with shame. thing but keeping your wishes a secret from me so long. Lucy. I'll insure your life for a silver thimble. But what can possibly hinder your coming together? Miss Har. His excess of merit. Lucy. His excess of a fiddlestick! But come, I'll put you in the way: You shall trust me with Miss Har. Upon my word, sir-Lucy! Lucy. Well, and Lucy! I'll lay my life 'tis a treaty of marriage! Is that such a dreadful thing? Oh, for shame, madam! Young ladies of fashion are not frightened at such things, now-a-the secret; I'll intrust it again to half a dozen days. friends; they shall intrust it to half a dozen 2 H VOL. III. |