Sir P. Ha, ha! 'Twas devilish entertaining, to be sure.

Sir 0. Egad! Sir Peter, I should like to have seen your face when the screen was thrown down. Ha, ha, ha!

Sir P. Yes, yes; my face when the screen was thrown down. Ha, ha, ha! Oh, I must never shew my head again!

Sir O. But, come, come; it isn't fair to laugh at you, neither, my old friend; though, upon my soul, I can't help it.

Sir P. Oh, pray, don't resrain your mirth on my account; it does not hurt me at all. I laugh at the whole affair myself. Yes, yes; I think being a standing jest for all one's acquaintance, a very happy situation. Oh, yes; and then of a morning, to read the paragraphs about Mr. S, Lady T-, and Sir P, will be so entertaining! I shall certainly leave town to-morrow, and never look mankind in the face again.

Row. Without affectation, Sr Peter, you may despise the ridicule of fools. But I see Lady Teazle going towards the next room: I am sure you must desire a reconciliation as earnestly as she does.

Sir O. Perhaps my being here prevents her coming to you. Well, I'll leave honest Rowley to mediate between you; but he must bring you all presently to Mr. Surface's, where I am now returning, if not to reclaim a libertine, at least to expose hypocrisy. [Exit.

Sir P. Ah! I'll be present at your discovering yourself there with all my heart; though, 'tis a vile unlucky place for discoveries. She is not coming here, you see, Rowley.

Row. No; but she has left the door of that room open, you perceive. See, she is in tears.

Sir P. Certainly, a little mortification appears very becoming in a wife. Don't you think it will do her good to let her pine a little?

Row. Oh! this is ungenerous in you!

Sir P. Well, I know not what to think. You remember the letter I found of hers, evidently intended for Charles?

Row. A mere forgery, Sir Peter, laid in your way on purpose. This is one of the points which I intend Snake shall give you conviction of.

Sir P. I wish I were once satisfied of that. She looks this way. What a remarkably elegant turn of the head she has! Rowley, I'll go to her.

Row. Certainly.

Sir P. Though, when it is known that we are reconciled, people will laugh at me ten times more. Row. Let them laugh, and retort the r malice only by shewing them you are happy in spite of it.

Sir P. I'faith, so I will! and, if I'm not mistaken, we may yet be the happiest couple in the county.

Row. Nay, Sir Peter, he who once lays aside suspicion

Sir P. Hold! master Rowley, if you have any regard for me, never let me hear you utter anything like a sentiment; I have had enough of them to serve me the rest of my life.

Joseph. Can passion furnish a remedy? Lady S. No, nor cunning neither. Oh! I was a fool, an idiot, to league with such a blunderer! Joseph. Sure, Lady Sneerwell, I am the greatest sufferer; yet you see I bear the accident with calmness. Well, I admit I have been to blame. I confess I deviated from the direct road of wrong; but I don't think we're so defeated, neither. Lady S. No!

Joseph. You tell me you have made a trial of Snake, since we met, and that you still believe him faithful to us.

Lady S. 1 do believe so.

Josyph. And that he has undertaken, should it be necessary, to swear and prove, that Charles is, at this time, contracted by vows and honour, to your ladyship, which some of his former letters to you will serve to support.

Lady S. This, indeed, might have assisted.

Joseph. Come, come; it is not too late, yet(Knocking.) But, hark! this is probably my uncle, Sir Oliver. Retire to that room; we'll consult farther when he is gone.

Lady S. Well, but if he should find you out, too?

Jo eph. Oh, I have no fear of that. Sir Peter will hold his tongue, for his own credit's sake; and you may depend on it, I shall soon discover Sir Oliver's weak side.

Lady S. I have no diffidence of your abilities! only be constant to one roguery at a time.

[Exit.

Joseph. I will. So, 'tis confounded hard, after such bad fortune, to be baited by one's confederate in evil. Well, at all events, my character is so much better than Charles's, that I certainly-Eh! what! this is not Sir Oliver, but old Stanley again. Plague on't, that he should return to tease me just now. I shall have Sir Oliver come and find him here, and

Enter SIR OLIVER SURFACE.

Gad's life! Mr. Stanley, why have you come back to plague me at this time? You must not stay now, upon my word.

Sir O. Sir, I hear your uncle Oliver is expected here; and, although he has been so penurious to you, I'll try what he'll do for me.

Joseph. Sir, 'tis impossible for you to stay_now, so I must beg-Come any other time, and I promise you shall be assisted.

Sir 0. No; Sir Oliver and I must be acquainted. Joseph. Zounds, sir! then I insist on your quitting the room directly.

Sir O Nay, sir,

Joseph. Sir, I insist on't! Here, William, shew this gentleman out. Since you compel me, sir,— not one moment-this is such insolence-(Pushing him out.)

Enter CHARLES SURFACE.

Charles, Heyday! what's the matter now? What the devil! have you got hold of my little broker here! Zounds, brother! don't hurt little Premium. What's the matter, my little fellow?

Joseph. So he has been with you, too, has he? Charles. To be sure he has. Why, he's as honest a little-But, sure, Joseph, you have not been borrowing money, too, have you?

Joseph. Borrowing! No; but, brother, you know, we expect Sir Oliver here every

Charles. Egad! that's true. Noll mustn't find the little broker here, to be sure?

Joseph Yet Mr Stanley insists→

Charles. Stanley! why, his name's Premium.
Joseph. No, sir, Stanley.
Charles, No, no, Premium.

Joseph. Well, no matter which butCharles. Ay, ay; Stanley or Premium, 'tis the same thing, as you say; for I suppose he goes by half a hundred names, besides A. B. at the coffeehouse.

Joseph. 'Sdeath! here's Sir Oliver at the door. Now I beg, Mr. Stanley

Charles. Ay, ay; and I beg, Mr. Premium-
Sir O. Gentlemen-

Joseph. Sir, by heaven, you shall go!

Charles. Ay, out with him, certainly!

Sir O. This violence

Joseph. Sir, 'tis your own fault.

Charles. True, Sir; but they were family secrets, and should not be mentioned again, you know. Row. Come, Sir Oliver, I know you cannot speak of Charles's follies with anger.

Sir 0. Odd's heart! no more I can; nor with gravity either. Sir Peter, do you know, the rogue bargained with me for all his ancestors; sold me judges and generals by the foot, and maiden aunts as cheap as broken china.

Charles. To be sure, Sir Oliver, I did make a little free with the family canvas, that's the truth on't. My ancestors may certainly rise up in judgment against me; there's no denying it; but believe me sincere when I tell you, (and, upon my soul, I would not say so if I was not) that if I do not appear mortified at the exposure of my follies, it is because

seeing you, my liberal benefactor.

Sir P. My old friend, Sir Oliver, ch! What, in the name of wonder-here are dutiful nephews; assault their uncle at a first visit!

Lady T. Indeed, Sir Oliver, 'twas well we came in to rescue you.

Row. Truly, it was; for I perceive, Sir Oliver, the character of old Stanley was no protection to

you.

Sir O. Nor of Premium either: the necessities of the former could not extort a shilling from that benevolent gentleman; and with the other, I stood a chance of faring worse than my ancestors, and being knocked down without being bid for. Joseph. Charles!

Charles. Joseph!
Joseph. 'Tis now complete!
Charles. Very!

Sir O. Sir Peter, my friend, and Rowley, toolook on that elder nephew of mine. You know what be has already received from my bounty; and you also know how gladly I would have regarded half my fortune as held in trust for him; judge, then, my disappointment in discovering him to be destitute of truth, charity, and gratitude.

Sir P. Sir Oliver, I should be more surprised at this declaration, if I had not myself found him to be selfish, treacherous, and hypocritical.

Lady T. And if the gentleman plead not guilty to these, pray, let him call me to his character.

Sir P. Then, I believe, we need add no more. If he know himself, he will consider it as the most perfect punishment, that he is known to the world. Charles. (Aside.) If they talk this way to honesty, what will they say to me by-and-by?

Sir O. As for that prodigal, his brother, thereCharles. (Aside.) Ay, now comes my turn; the d-d family pictures will ruin me.

Joseph. Sir Oliver,-uncle, will you honour me with a hearing?

Charles. (Aside.) Now, if Joseph would make one of his long speeches, I might recollect myself a little.

Sr O. (To Joseph.) I suppose you would undertake to justify yourself?

Joseph. I trust I could.

Sir O. Nay, if you desert your roguery in its distress, and try to be justified, you have even less principle than I thought you had.-(To Charles.) Well, sir, you could justify yourself, I suppose? Charles. Not that I know of, Sir Oliver.

Sir 0. What, little Premium has been let too much in the secret, I suppose?

settee has made your peace.

Charles. Then, sir, my gratitude to the original is still increased.

Lady T. Yet, I believe, Sir Oliver, here is one to whom Charles is still more anxious to be reconciled to.

Sir O. Oh! I have heard of his attachment there; and, with the young lady's pardon, if I construe rightly, that blush

Sir P. Well, child, speak your sentiments.

Maria. Sir, I have little to say, but that I shall rejoice to hear that he is happy; for me, whatever claim I had to his attention, I willingly resign to one who has a better title.

Charles. How, Maria?

Sir P. Heyday! what's the mystery now?While he appeared an incorrigible rake, you would give your hand to no one else; and now that he is likely to reform, I'll warrant you won't have him. Maria. His own heart and Lady Sneerwell know the cause.

Charles. Lady Sneerwell!

Joseph. Brother, it is with great concern I am obliged to speak on this point; but my regard to justice compels me, and Lady Sneerwell's injuries can no longer be concealed. (Opens a door.)

Enter LADY SNEERWELL.

Sir P. So! Another French milliner! Egad! he has one in every room in the house, I suppose.

Lady S. Ungrateful Charles! Well may you be surprised, and feel for the indelicate situation your perfidy has forced me into.

Charles. Pray, uncle, is this another plot of yours? for, as I have life. I don't understand it.

Joseph. I believe, sir, there is but the evidence of one person more necessary to make it extremely clear.

Sir P. And that person, I imagine, is Mr. Snake. Rowley, you were perfectly right to bring him with us, and pray let him appear.

Row. Walk in, Mr. Snake.

Enter SNAKE.

I thought his testimony might be wanted. However, it happens unluckily, that he comes to confront Lady Sneerwell, not to support her.

Lady S. A villain! Treacherous to me at last! Speak, fellow! have you, too, conspired against me?

Snake. I beg your ladyship ten thousand pardons: you paid me extremely liberally for the lie in question; but I, unfortunately, have been offered double to speak the truth,

Sir P. Plot and counterplot! I wish your ladyship joy of your negociation.

Lady S. The torments of shame and disappointment on you all!

Lady T. Hold! Lady Sneerwell, before you go, let me thank you for the trouble you and that gentleman have taken, in writing letters from me to Charles, and answering them yourself; and let me also request you to make my respects to the scandalous college, of which you are president, and inform them, that Lady Teazle, licentiate, begs leave to return the diploma they granted her, as she leaves off practice, and kills characters no longer. Lady S. You, too, madam,-provoking, insolentMay your husband live these fifty years!

Sir O. Ay, and marry her, Joseph, if you can. Egad! you'll do very well together.

Row. I believe we have no more occasion for Mr. Snake, at present.

Snake. Before I go, I beg pardon once for all, for whatever uneasiness I have been the humble instrument of causing to the parties present.

Sir P. Well, well; you have made atonement by a good deed at last.

Snake. But I must request of the company, that it shall never be known.

Sir P. Eh! What the plague, are you ashamed of having done a right thing once in your life?

Snake. Ah! sir, consider, I live by the baseness of my character; and if it were once known that I had been betrayed into an honest action, I should lose every friend I have in the world. [Exit.

Sir O. Well, well; we'll not traduce you by saying anything in your praise, never fear. Lady T. See, Sir Oliver, there needs no persuasion now to reconcile your nephew and Maria. Sir O. Ay, ay; that's as it should be; and, egad! we'll have the wedding to morrow morning. Charles. Thank you, dear uncle!

Sir P. What, you rogue, don't you ask the girl's consent first?

Charles. Oh! I have done that a long time-a minute ago, and she has looked yes.

Maria. For shame, Charles! I protest, Sir Peter, there has not been a word.

Sir O. Well, then, the fewer the better. May your love for each other never know abatement! Sir P. And may you live as happily together as Lady Teazle and I intend to do!

Charles. Rowley, my old friend, I am sure you congratulate me: and I suspect that I owe you much.

Sir P. Ay, honest Rowley always said you would

reform.

have no bowels for us lowly: they little think, while they are gorging on the fat haunch of a goodly buck, what fatigues we poor honest souls undergo in stealing it! Why, sister Barbara!

Bar. (Rising and coming forward.) I am here, brother Samson.

Sam. Here!- Marry, out upon you for an idle baggage!-Why, you crawl like a snail.

Bar. I pr'ythee, now, do not chide me, Samson! Sam. 'Tis my humour. I am father's head man in his poaching: the rubs I take from him, who is above me, I hand down to you, who are below me. 'Tis the way of office, whicre every miserable devil domineers it over the next more miserable devil that's under him. You may scold sister Margery, an you will; she's your younger by a twelvemonth.

Bar. Truly, brother, I would not make any one unhappy for the world: I am content to do what I can to please, and to mind the house.

Sam. Truly, a weighty matter! Thou art e'en ready to hang thyself for want of something to while away time. What hast thou much more to do than to trim the faggots, nurse thy mother, boil the pot, patch our jackets, kill the poultry, cure the hogs, fecd the pigs, and comb the children?

Bar. Many might think that no small charge, Samson.

Sam. A mere nothing; while father and I (bate us but the mother and children) have the credit of purloining every single thing that you have the care of. We are up early, and down late, in the exercise of our industry.

Bar. I wish father and you would give up the calling.

us.

Sam. No: there is one kcen argument to prevent

Bar. What's that, brother?

Sam. Hunger Wouldst have us be rogues, and let our family starve? Give up poaching and deer-stealing! Oons! dost think we have no conscience. Yonder sits poor mother, poor soul! old, helpless, and crazy.

Bar. Alas! brother, 'tis heart-aching to look upon her. This very time three years she got her maim: it was a piteous tempest.

Sam. Ay, 'twas rough weather.

Bar. I never pass the old oak that was shivered that night in the storm, but I am ready to weep: it remembers me of the time when all our poor family went to ruin.

Sam. Pish! no matter: the cottage was blown down, the barn fired, father undone. Well, landlords are flinty-hearted-no help; what then? We live, don't we?

Bar. Troth, brother, very sadly. Father has grown desperate-all is fallen to decay; we live by pilfering on the forest, and our poor mother distracted, and unable to look to the house. The rafter which fell in the storm struck so heavy upon her brain, I fear me 'twill never again be settled. The little ones, too, scarce clothed hungry almost starving! Indeed, we are a very wretched family.

[A knock at the cottage-door. Sam. Hark! methought I heard a tread. [He opens the door

Enter RAWBOLD.

Raw. Bar the door; so-softly! Sam. What success, father?

Sam. (To Barbara.) Why, how you stand !-The chair, you gander!

[They bring forward a chair-Rawbold sits. Raw. Here, take my gun-'tis unscrewed. The keepers are abroad; I had scarce time to get it in my pocket. (He pulls the gun from a pocket under his coat, in three pieces, which Samson screws together while they are talk ng.) Fie! 'tis sharp work! Barbara, you jade! come hither.

Sam. Barbara, you jade! come hither. Raw. Who bid thec chide her, lout? Kiss tby old father, wench-kiss me, I say!-So. Why dost tremble? I am rough as a tempest: evil fortune has blown my lowering nature into turbulence; but thou art a blossom that dost bend thy head so sweetly under my gusts of passion, 'tis pity they should ever harm thee.

Bar. Indeed, father, I am glad to see you safe returned.

Raw. I believe thee. Take the keys; go to the locker in the loft, and bring me a glass to recruit Exit Burbara.

me.

Sam. Well, father, and so

Raw. Peace!-I ha' shot a buck. Sam. Oh, rare! Of all the sure aims on the borders of the New Forest here, give me old Gilbert Rawbold; though I, who am his son, say it, that should not say it. Where have you stowed him, father?

Raw. Under the furze, behind the hovel. Come night again, we will draw him in, boy. I have been watched.

Sam. Watched!-Oh, the pestilence!-Our trade will be spoiled if the groom-keepers be after us; the law will persecute us, father.

Raw. Dost know Mortimer?

Sam. What, Sir Edward Mortimer? Ay, sure; he is head-keeper of the forest. 'Tis he who has shut himself up in melancholy; sees no rich, and does so much good to the poor.

Raw. He has done nought but evil. A gun cannot be carried on the border here, but he has scent on't at a league's distance. He is a thorn to me: his scouts this night were after me, all on the watch. I'll be revenged-I'll-So, the brandy.

Re-enter BARBARA, with the liquor.

Raw. (After drinking.) 'Tis right, i'faith; Sam. That 'tis, l'll be sworn; for I smuggled it myself. We do not live so near the coast for nothing.

Raw. Sir Edward Mortimer look to't!

Bar. Sir Edward Mortimer! Oh, dear father, what of him?

Raw. Ay, now thou art all agog! Thou wouldst hear somewhat of that smooth-torgued fellow, his secretary-his clerk, Wilford, whom thou so often meet'st in the forest. I have news on't. Look how you walk thither, again! What, thou wouldst betray me to him, I warrant-conspire against your

father!

Sam. That's the way your sly, grave regues work