LORD TOWNLY.

SIR F. WRONGHEAD.

MANLY.

SQUIRE RICHARD.

ACT I.

JOHN MOODY. COUNT BASSET. POUNDAGE.

WILLIAMS.

SCENE I.-Lord Tounly's Apartment.

LORD TOWNLY discovered.

Lord T. Why did I marry? Was it not evident, my plain, rational scheme of life was impracticable with a woman of so different a way of thinking? Is there one article of it that she has not broke in upon? Yes, let me do her justice-her reputation -that, I have no reason to believe is in question. But, then, how long her profligate course of pleasures may make her able to keep it, is a shocking consideration; and her presumption, while she kop it, insupportable; for, on the pride of that single virtue, she seems to lay it down as a fundaNo. 9.-THE BRITISH DRAMA.

mental point, that the free indulgence of every other vice this fertile town affords, is the birthright prerogative of a woman of quality. Amazing! that a creature, so warm in the pursuit of her pleasures, should never cast one thought towards her happiness. Thus, while she admits of no lover, she thinks it a greater merit still in her chastity, not to care for her husband; and, while she herself is solacing in one continual round of cards and good company, he, poor wretch, is left at large, to take care of his own contentment. 'Tis time, indeed, some care were taken, and speedily there shall be; yet, let me not be rash: perhaps this disappointment of my heart may make me too impatient; and some tempers, when reproached, grow more untractable. Here she comes: let me be calm awhile.

Enter LADY TOWNLY, Going out so soon after dinner, madam? Lady T. Lard, my lord! what can I possibly do at home? [home? Lord T. What does my sister, Lady Grace, do at Lady T. Why, that is to me amazing! Have you ever any pleasure at home?

Lord . It might be in your power, madam, I confess, to make it a little more comfortable to

me.

Lady T. Comfortable! And so, my good lord, you would really have a woman of my rank and spirit stay at home to comfort her husband! Lord, what notions of life some men have!

Lord T. Don't you think, madam, some ladies' notions are full as extravagant?

Lady T. Yes, my lord, when the tame doves live cooped within the pen of your precepts, I do think them prodigious indeed!

Lord T. And when they fly wild about this town, madam, pray what must the world think of them then?

Lady T. Oh! this world is not so ill-bred as to quarrel with any woman for liking it.

Lord T. Nor am I, madam, a húsband so wellbred, as to bear my wife's being so fond of it; in short, the life you lead, madain

Lady T. Is to me the pleasantest life in the

world.

Lord T. I should not dispute your taste, madam, if a woman had a right to please nobotly but herself.

Lady T. Why, whom would you have her please? Lord T. Sometimes her husband.

Lady T. And don't you think a husband under the same obligation?

Lord T. Certainly.

Lady T. Why then we are agreed, my lord. For if I never go abroad till I am weary of being at home, (which you know is the case) is it not equally reasonable not to come home till one is weary of being abroad?

Lord T. If this be your rule of life, madam, 'tis time to ask you one serious question.

Lady T. Don't let it be long a coming, then; for I am in haste.

Lord T. Madam, when I am serious, I expect a serious answer.

Lady T. Before I know the question? Lord T. Psha! Have I power, madam, to make you serious by entreaty?

Lady T. You have.

Lord T. And you promise to answer me sincerely? Lady T. Sincerely.

Lord T. Now, then, recollect your thoughts, and tell me seriously why you married me?

Lady T. You insist upon truth, you say?
Lord T. I think I have a right to it.

Lady T. Why, then, my lord, to give you at once a proof of my obedience and sincerity, I think I married to take off that restraint that lay upon my pleasures while I was a single woman.

Lord T. How, madam! Is any woman under less restraint after marriage than before it?

Lady T. Oh my lord, my lord! they are quite different creatures! Wives have infinite liberties in life, that would be terrible in an unmarried woLord T. Name one. [man to take.

Lady T. Fifty, if you please. To begin, then in the morning, a married woman may have men at her toilet; invite them to dinner; appoint them a party in the stage-box at the play; engross the conversation there; call them by their christian names; talk louder than the players; from thence, tter again to this end of the town; break, with

Lord T. Death, madam! What law has made these liberties less scandalous in a wife than in an unmarried woman?

Lady T. Why the strongest law in the world-custom, custom; time out of mind, my lord.

Lord T. Custom, madam, is the law of fools; but it shall never govern me.

Lord T. Nay then, my lord, 'tis time for me to observe the laws of prudence.

Lord T. I wish I could see an instance of it.

Lady T. You shall have one this instant, my lord; for I think when a man begins to lose his temper at home, if a woman has any prudence, why she'll go abroad till he comes to himself again.

(Going.)

Lord T. Hold, madam! I am amazed that you are not more uneasy at the life we lead. You don't want sense, and yet seem void of all humanity: for, with a blush I say it, I think I have not wanted love.

Lady T. Oh! don't say that, my lord, if you suppose I have my senses.

Lord T. What is it I have done to you? What can you complain of?

Lady T. Oh, nothing, in the least. 'Tis true you have heard me say I have owed my Lord Lurcher a hundred pounds these three weeks; but what then? a husband is not liable to his wife's debts of honour, you know; and if a silly woman will be uneasy about money she can't be sued for, what's that to him? As long as he loves her, to be sure, she can have nothing to complain of.

Lord T. By heaven, if my whole fortune, thrown into your lap, could make you delight in the cheerful duties of a wife, I should think myself a gainer by the purchase!

Lord T. That is, my lord, I might receive your whole estate, provided you were sure I would not spend a shilling of it.

Lady T. No, madam: were I master of your heart, your pleasures would be mine; but different as they are, I'll feed even your follies to deserve it. Perhaps you may have some other trifling debts of honour abroad, that keep you out of humour at home; at least it shall not be my fault if I have not more of your company. There, there's a bill of five hundred; and now, madam

Lady T. And now my lord, down to the ground, I thank you. (Curtseying.)

Lord T. If it be no offence, madam

Lady T. Say what you please, my lord; I am in that harmony of spirits, it is impossible to put me out of humour.

Lord T. How long, in reason, then, do you think that sum ought to last you?

Lady T. Oh! my dear, dear lord, now you have spoiled all again! How is it possible I should answer for an event the so utterly depends upon fortune? But to shew you that I am more inclined to get money than to throw it away, I have a strong possession that with this five hundred I shall win five thousand.

Lord T. Madam, if you were to win ten thousand it would be no satisfaction to me.

Lady T. Oh! the churl! ten thousand. What

not so much as wish I might win ten thousand? Ten thousand! Oh! the charming sum! what infinite pretty things might a woman of spirit do with ten thousand guineas! On my conscience, if she were a woman of true spirit-she-she might lose them all again.

Lord T. And I had rather it should be so, madam; provided I could be sure that were the last you would lose.

Lady T. Well, my lord, to let you see I design to play all the good housewife I can, I am now going to a party at quadrille, only to trifle with a little of it, at poor two guineas a fish, with the Duchess of Quiteright.

[Exi'. Lord T. Insensible creature! neither reproaches nor indulgence, kindness nor severity, can wake her to the least reflection! Continual license has lulled her into such a lethargy of care, that sho speaks of her excesses with the same easy confidence as if they were so many virtues. What a turn has her head taken! But how to cure it? take my friend's opinion? Manly will speak freely-my sister with tenderness to both sides. They know my case; I'll talk with them.

Enter WILLIAMS.

Lord T. Oh! that's the last thing he'll do. He'll never make you any offer, till he's pretty sure it won't be refused.

Lady G. Now you make me curious. Pray did he ever make any offer of that kind to you? Lord T. Not directly; but that imports nothing. He is a man too well acquainted with the female world, to be brought into a high opinion of any one woman, without some well-examined proof of her merit; yet I have reason to believe, that your good sense, your turn of mind, and your way of life, have brought him to so favourable a one of you, that a few days will reduce him to talk plainly to me; which, as yet, notwithstanding our friendship, I have neither declined nor encouraged him to do. Lady G. I am mighty glad we are so near in our way of thinking; for to tell you the truth, he is much upon the same terms with me. You know he has a satirical turn: but neves lashes any folly, without giving due encomiums to its opposite virtue; and, upon such occasions, he is sometimes particular in turning his compliments upon me, which I don't receive with any reserve, lest he should imagine I take them to myself.

Lord T. They did not deny me?

Wil. No, my lord.

Lord T. Very well; step up to my sister, and say

I desire to speak with her.

Wil. Lady Grace is here, my lord.
Enter LADY GRACE.

[Exit.

Lord T. So, lady fair, what pretty weapon have you been killing your time with?

Lady G. A huge folio, that has almost killed me. I think I have half read my eyes out.

Lord T. Oh! you should not pore so much just after dinner, child.

Lady G. That's true; but anybody's thoughts are better than always one's own, you know.

Lord T. Who's there?

Re-enter WILLIAMS.

Leave word at the door I am at home to nobody but Mr. Manly. [Exit Williams. Lady G. And why is he excepted, pray, my lord? Lord T. I hope, madam, you have no objection to his company.

Lady G. Your particular orders, upon my being here, look indeed as if you thought I had not.

Lord T. And your ladyship's inquiry into the reason of these orders, shews, at least, it was not a matter indifferent to you.

Lady G. Lord! you make the oddest constructicns, brother!

Lord T. Look you, my grave Lady Grace; in one serious word, I wish you had him.

Lady G. I can't help that.

Lord T. Ha! you can't help it. Ha, ha! The flat simplicity of that reply was admirable.

Lady G. Pooh! you tease one, brother? Lord T. Come, I beg pardon, child; this is not a point, I grant you, to trifle with; therefore, I hope you'll give me leave to be serious.

Lady G. If you desire it, brother; though, upon my word, as to Mr. Manly's having any serious thoughts of me, I know nothing of it.

Lord T. Well, there's nothing wrong in your making a doubt of it; but, in short, I find by his conversation of late, he has been looking round the world for a wife; and if you were to look round the world for a husband, he is the arst man I would give to you.

Lady G. Then whenever he makes me an offer, rother, I will certainly tell you of it.

Lord T. You are right, child: when a man of him an answer without scorn or coquetry. Lady G. Hush! he's here-

Enter MANLEY.

Man. My lord, your most obedient.

Lord T. Dear Manly, yours. I was thinking to send to you.

Man. Then I am glad I am here, my lord; Lady Grace, I kiss your hands. What, only you two? How many visits may a man make before he falls into such unfashionable company! A brother and sister soberly sitting at home, when the whole town is a gadding; I question if there is so particular a tête-à-tête again in the whole parish of St. James'. Lady G. Fie, fie, Mr. Manly, how censorious you

are.

Man. I had rot made the reflection, madam, but that I saw you an exception to it. Where's my lady?

Lord T. That. I believe, is impossible to guess.
Man. Then I won't try, my lord.

Lord T. But 'tis probable I may hear of her by
the time I have been four or five hours in bed.
Man. Now if that were my case, I believe I-
But I beg pardon, my lord

Lord T. Indeed, sir, you shall not. You wil oblige me if you speak out; for it was upon this head I wanted to see you.

Man. Why then, my lord, since you oblige me to proceed I have often thought that the misconduct of my lady has, in a great measure, been owing to your lordship's treatment of her.

Lady G. Bless me!

Lord T. My treatment?

Man. Ay, my lord; you so idolized her before marriage, that you even indulged her like a mistress after it; in short, you continued the lover when you should have taken up the husband; and so, by giving her more power than was needful, she has none where she wants it: having such entire possession of you, she is not mistress of herself. And, mercy on us! how many fine women's heads have been turned upon the same occasion!

Lord T. Oh! Manly, 'tis too true! there's the source of my disquiet; she knows and has abused her power.

Mun. However, since you have had so much patience, my lord, even go on with it a day or two more; and, upon her ladyship's next sally, be a little rounder in your expostulations: if that don't

work, drop her some cool hints reformation, and leave her to them.

of a determined breakfast upon Lord T. You are perfectly right. How valuable is a friend in our anxiety!

Man. Therefore, to divert that, my lord, I beg, for the present, we may call another cause.

Lady G. Ay, for goodness' sake let us have done with this.

Lord T. With all my heart.

Lady G. Have you no news abroad, Mr. Manly! Man. Apropos; I have some, madam; and I believe, my lord, as extraordinary in its kind

Lord T. Pray let us have it.

Man. Do you know that your_country_neighbour, and my wise kinsman, Sir Francis Wronghead, is coming to town with his whole family?

Lord T. The fool! what can be his business here? Man. Oh! of the last importance, l'll assure you; no less than the business of the nation.

Lord T. Explain.

Man. Well, James, what's the matter? James. Sir, here's John Moody just come to town: ke says Sir Francis and all the family will be here to-night, and is in a great hurry to speak with you. Man. Where is he?

James. At our house, sir: he has been gaping and stumping about the streets in his dirty boots, and asking every one he meets if they can tell him where he may have a good lodging for a parliament

Lord T. The deuse! What for-forMan. The famous borough of Guzzledown. Lord T. A proper representative indeed! Lady G. Pray, Mr. Manly, don't I know him? Man. You have dined with him, madam, when I was last down with my lord at Belmont.

Lady G. Was not that he that got a little merry before dinner, and overset the tea-table in making his compliments to my lady?

Man. The same.

Lady G. Pray, what are his circumstances? I know but very little of him.

Man. Then he is worth your knowing, I can tell you, madam. His estate, if clear, I believe, might be a good two thousand pounds a year; though, as it was left him saddled with two jointures and two weighty mortgages upon it, there is no saying what it is. But that he might be sure never to mend it, he married a profuse young hussy for love, without a penny of money. Thus having, like his brave ancestors, provided heirs for the family, he now finds children and interest-money make such a brawling about his ears, that at last he has taken the friendy advice of his kindsman, the good Lord Danglecourt, to run his estate two thousand pounds more in debt, to put the whole management of what is left in Paul Pillage's hands, that he may be at leisure himself to retrieve his affairs, by being a parliament man.

Lord T. A most admirable scheme indeed! Man. And with this politic prospect he is now upon his journey to London

Lord T. What can it end in?

Man. Pooh! a journey into the country again. Lord T. Do you think he'll stir till his money is gone, or at least till the session is over?

Men. If my intelligence is right, my lord, he won't sit long enough to give his vote for a turnLord T. How so? [pike. Man. Oh, a bitter business; he had scarce a vote in the whole town besides the returning officer. Sir John will certainly have it heard at the bar of the house, and send him about his business again. [indeed.

Lord T. Then he has made a fine business of it Man. Which, as far as my little interest will go, shall be done in as few days as possible.

Lady G. But why would you ruin the poor gentleman's fortune, Mr. Manly?

Man. No, madam, I would only spoil his project to save his fortune. [either? Lady G. How are you concerned enough to do

for all his family, for the winter.

Man. I am afraid, my lord, I must wait upon Mr. Moody. [divert us.

Lord T. Pr'ythee, let us have him here; he will Man. Oh, my lord, he's such a cub! Not but he's so near common sense, that he passes for a wit in the family.

Lady G. I beg of all things we may have him! I am in love with nature let her dress be ever so homely.

Man. Then desire him to come hither, James. [Exit James.

Lady G. Pray what may be Mr. Moody's post? Man. Oh! his maitre d'hotel, his butler, his bailiff, his hind, his huntsman, and sometimes his companion.

Lord T. It runs in my head that the moment this knight has set him down in the house, he will get us to give them the earliest proof of what importance he is to the public in his own country.

Man. Yes, and when they have heard him, he will find that his utmost importance stands valued at sometimes being invited to dinner.

as

Lady G. And her ladyship, I suppose, will make considerable a figure in her sphere too?

Man. That you inay depend upon; for (if I don't mistake) she has ten times more of the jade in her that she yet knows of: and she will so improve in this rich soil, in a month, that she will visit all the ladies that will let her into their houses, and run in debt to all the shopkeepers that will let her into their books: in short, before her important spouse has made five pounds by his eloquence at Westminster, she will have lost five hundred at dice and quadrille in the parish of St. James'.

Lady T. So that by that time he is declared unduly elected, a swarm of duns will be ready for their money and his worship will be ready for a gaol.

Man. Yes, yes, that I reckon will close the account of his hopeful journey to London. But see, here comes the fore horse of the team. Enter JOHN MOODY.

Oh! honest John!

Moody. Ads waunds and heart, master Manly! I'm glad I ha' fun ye. Lawd, lawd, give me your hand! Why that's a friendly naw. Flesh! I thought we would never ha' get hither. Well, and how do you do, measter? Good lack! I beg pardon for my bawidness; I did nc gee at his honour was here.

Lord T. Mr. Moody, your servant: I am glad to see you in London: I hope all the good family are well?

Moody. Thanks be praised, your honour, they are all in pretty good heart, tho'f we have had a power of crosses upon the road. [Moody? Lady G. I hope my lady has had no hurt, Mr. Moody Noa, and please your ladyship, she was nevare in better humour: there's money enough stirring now.

Man. What has been the matter, John? Moody. Why, we came up in such a hurry, you mun think that our tackle was not so tight as it should be.

Man. Come, tell us all. Lord T. Come, let us sit down. (They sit.) Man. Pray how do they travel? (Moody sits.) Moody. Why, i'the awld coach, measter; and 'cause my lady loves to do things handsome, to be sure, she would have a couple of cart-horses clapped to the four old geldings, that neighbours might see she went up to London in her coach and six; and so Giles Joulter, the ploughman, rides postillion.

Man. Very well! The journey sets out as it should do. (Aside.) What, do they bring all the children with them too?

Moody. Ods bud, measter! you're a wise man: and for that matter, so am I. Whoam's whoam, I say: I am sure we ha' got but little good e'er sin we turned our backs on't. Nothing but mischief!: some devil's trick or other plagued us aw the day long. Crack goes one thing! bawnce goes another!! Woa! says Roger. Then sowse! we are all set fast in a slough. Whaw, cries miss! Scream go the maids! and bawl just as tho'f they were stuck. And so, mercy on us! this was the trade from morning to night. But my lady was in such a murrain haste to be here, that set out she would, tha'f I told her it was Childermas day.

Man. These ladies, these ladies, JohnMoody. Ay, measter! I ha' seen a little of them: and I find the best, when she's mended, won't ha much goodness to spare,

Lord T. Well said, John; ha, ha!

Man. I hope at least, you and your good woman agree still.

Moody. Ay, ay, much of a muchness. Bridget sticks to me; though as for her goodness - why, she was willing to come to London too. But hauld a bit! Noa, noa, says I, there may be mischief enough done without you. [like a man.

Man. Good again! a right English academy for younger children!

Moody. Anan, sir? (Not understanding him.) Lord T. And when do you expect them here, John?

Moody, Nay, nay, for that matter, madam, they're i'very good hands; Joan loves them as tho'f they were all her own; for she was wet nurse to every mother's babe o'um; ay, ay, they'll ne'er want a bellyful there. Why, we were in hopes to ha come yesterday, an it no' been that th'awld weazlebelly horse tired: and then we were so cruelly loaden, that the two fore wheels came crash down at once in Waggon-rut-lane, and there we lost four hours 'fore we could set things to rights again.

Man. So, they bring all the baggage with the coach, then?

Moody. Ay, ay, and good store on it there is. Why my ledy's gear alone were as much as filled four portmantel trunks, besides the great deal box that heavy Ralph and the monkey sit upon behind. Lord T.

Lady G. Ha, ha, ha! Man.

Lady G. Well, Mr. Moody, and pray how many are they within the coach?

Moody. Why, there's my lady, and his worship, and the younk squire and Miss Jenny, and the fat lap-dog, and my lady's maid, Mrs. Handy, and Doll Tripe the cook, that's all; only Dolly puked a little with riding backward; so they hoisted her into the coach box, and then her stomach was easy.

Lady G. Oh; I see them! I see them go by me. Ha, ha! (Laughing.)

Moody. Then you mun think, measter, there was some stowage for the belly as well as the back too; children are apt to be famished upon the road; so we had such cargoes of plum-cake, and baskets of tongues, and biscuits, and cheese, and cold boiled beef; and then, in case of sickness, bottles of cherry brandy, plague water, sack, tent, and strong beer so plenty as made th'awld coach crack again. Mercy upon them and send them all well to town. Man. Ay, and well out on't again, John.

hawld it-no, he canno' hawld it.
Lord T.
Lady G.
Man.

Ha, ha, ha!

Moody. Ods flesh! but I mun hie me whoam; the coach will be coming every hour naw; but measter charged me to find your worship out; for he has hugey business with you, and will certainly wait upon you by that time he can put on a clean neckcloth.

Man. Oh, John, I'll wait upon him.

Moody. Why you wonno' be so koind, wull ye? Man. If you'll tell me where you lodge. 'Moody. Just i' the street next to where your worship dwells, at the sign of the golden-ball; its gold all over, where they sell ribbons and flappets, and other sort of gear for gentlewomen.

Man. A milliner's.

Moody. Ay, ay, one Mrs. Motherly. Waunds, she has a couple of clever girls there stitching i' the fore-room.

Man. Yes, yes, she's a woman of good business, no doubt on't. Who recommended that house to you, John?

Moody. The greatest good fortune in the world, sure; for as I was gaping about the streets, who should look out of the window there but the file gentleman that was always riding by our coach side at York races. Count Basset; ay, that's be. Man. Basset! Oh, I remember; I know him by sight. [see to

Moody. Well, to be sure, as civil a gentleman to
Man. As any sharper in town. (Aside.)
Moody. Well, measter-

[John.

Lord T. My service to Sir Francis and my lady, Lady G. And mine pray, Mr. Moody. Moody. Ay, your honours! they'll be proud on't, I dare say. [uest JohnMan. I'll bring my compliments myself: so, ǹoMoody. Dear measter Manly! the goodness of goodness bless and preserve you. [Exit Lord T. What a natural creature 'tis! Lady G. Well, I can't but think John, in a wea afternoon, in the country, must be very good company.

Lord T. Oh, the tramontane! If this we knowa