den and these defires continued, fo that I was led to wait upon the Lord in the public means of grace, in the hope that I might get fomething that would fatisfy my foul. About this time I heard you preach a fermon at Providence Chapel from these words, "The full foul loaths the honeycomb, but to the hungry foul every bitter thing is sweet." This, I believe, was the first fermon that I ever heard to real profit. The bitter things you described were fuch as my foul then felt; and, bitter as they were, I could truly fay they were sweeter than all the pleasures of fin, inafmuch as I was led to hope this was the way of God's dealing with his children: and my defire was that the Lord would be pleafed to search and try me; and, rather than fuffer me to fall back again into the way of the world, that he would ftill further prove me, and know my thoughts; and, however fharp his chastisements might be, that he would fill carry on this searching work, and bring me forth to the light, that I might praise his name. And I do blefs the Lord that from that time he has never fuffered me to fay, "Prophefy fmooth things, prophefy deceits;" nor to defire the cry of " Peace, peace," to my foul, when God has not spoken peace, but that every refuge of lies may be swept away; that my confcience may be exposed to the glass of his word, and that I may know by experience the truth of his own declaration,

"I wound, and I heal." And God knows that I have fince seen so much of the evils and the deceitfulness of my own heart, and my utter inability to think or do the leaft thing of myself that can be acceptable to him, as for ever to ftain the pride of human glory, and cut off all hope from an arm of flesh. I think I have been fo exercised and difciplined in this way, and fo foiled in matters apparently the most easy in themselves, that scarcely any creature can have a lower idea, or be more fully convinced than I am, of the wretched weakness of free-will or human power. But the Lord faw the neceffity of thus dealing with my deceitful heart and corrupt nature; and I blefs his name that he has not left me ignorant of it, though I often, to my forrow, find it ftill clinging to me. About the fame time a fermon by Mr. Brook, from these words in Isaiah, "O Lord, thou wilt ordain peace for us, for thou haft wrought all our works in us,' afforded me encouragement, from the hope that there was a fet time of peace ordained for me. And here I will also note another fermon that he preached fome confiderable time afterwards, from Pfalm lxviii. 20, " He that is our God is the Gud of falvation: to God the Lord belong the iffues from death;" which was bleffed to my refreshBut to return: From the period abovementioned it has pleafed the Lord to carry on his work by degrees in my foul; and, though I have

ment.

been very dark, ignorant, and confused, yet at times the bleffed Spirit has fhone upon this his work, and has given me a little understanding in his word, where that work has been described, to make it more manifeft, fo that I could fay, "In thy light we fee light." At other times, what has been paffing within has been fo fweetly defcribed and brought forth from the pulpit, that although I had not fufficient judgment nor understanding in the word to make it out myself, yet it has been all fo clearly set before me, and the power of it fo exactly experienced in my foul, that it has greatly comforted and established me, and I have gone on my way rejoicing in hope. And, though my memory could scarcely carry away ten words of what had been faid, yet this did not, after a time, so much trouble me as before, knowing that I felt the fubftance of these things, and that the kingdom of God ftandeth not in word, but in power. And here I cannot help noticing, that formerly, when in a dead profeffion, I could talk readily upon any subject in religion, and at any feafon; but now that feems to be taken from me, fo that fometimes I am so childish that I can hardly exprefs my own meaning, or defcribe my own feelings. Yet, to the praise of free grace, I can fay I have been enlightened to fee that in Chrift Jefus is perfect and complete falvation, and that the bleffed Redeemer, with all his faving benefits, is the free

gift of God. I have been quickened to feel my own need, and find that in him there is every thing that my neceffities, or the glory of God, can require. To this rock the Holy Spirit has led me; on this only my hopes of falvation are fixed, and here by faith I have been enabled to run for refuge to lay hold on the hope set before me. And though my faith is weak, and my unbelief great, yet for my encouragement it is declared, that Chrift Jefus came into the world to fave finners, and he that cometh to him fhall in no wife be caft out; that this is the foundation God has laid in Zion, against which the gates of hell shall never prevail, and that thofe who build thereon fhall never be afhamed or confounded world without end. Therefore, though faint, I am still kept pursuing, and am perfuaded God will never fuffer me to ftop fhort until I receive the end of my faith, even the falvation of my foul. And, as the daily warfare continues, and strength is administered accordingly, I do at times find that by these means my foul has grown in stability, even when the fenfible enjoyment of comfort ig withheld; fo that, as the apoftle declares, though. "these things, for the prefent, are not joyous, but grievous, yet they work out the peaceable fruits of righteoufnefs to them that are exercifed thereby."

Before I conclude, I wish to mention a few more particulars, which are as follow. I have

fometimes been very dead and barren in soul, both in private and in public ordinances. The influences of the bleffed Spirit seemed to have been withdrawn; the light of God's countenance hid; no faith in exercife, nor evidence of my interest in the better covenant; I went mourning and heavily, crying, "My leannefs, my leannefs, wo unto me." Then unbelief, carnal reasonings, and hard thoughts of God, have fucceeded, until it appeared as if all hope muft give up the ghost, and confidence be rooted out; my footsteps had well nigh flipped, 'and the enemy would carry all before him. And fo I know he would if it was left to my management; but, when the north wind has awoke, and the fouth wind blown upon the garden, the fpices thereof have again flown forth. Then hope has revived, faith has received new ftrength, and my heart has been drawn forth in thankfulness and praife. Then I have found sweet accefs to God in the faith of the great Mediator, and have even been enabled to claim him as my covenant God and Father, being manifefted to be his child by faith in Chrift Jefus; and if a fon, then an heir of God, and joint heir with Chrift. And, however fhort or feldom these feafons, yet, when I have enjoyed them, I could truly fay would not have exchanged them for all the world, if it could have been offered to me. Often has my waiting foul been supplied, my hungry foul fed, my dead foul quickened, my