from all eternity, were "thoughts of peace and not of evil," Jer. xxix. 11. For, fince it hath pleased the Lord to call me by his grace, I have many times looked back upon my paft life, and have feen how God's eye was always over me for good, and how he has preferved me, while in a state of nature, from many dangers which my own foolishnefs led me into, as it is written in Jude, "Preferved in Jefus Chrift, and called:" twice, in particular, I ran myself into very great danger, but my life was preferved, fo that no harm happened unto me; "Seeing his days are determined, the number of his months are with thee; thou haft appointed his bounds, fo that he cannot pass," Job xiv. 5. I generally arose very early in the morning, as my business was to fetch up the cows, to affift in milking, and then to take them into the field again. As foon as I awoke in the morning I began thinking of my finful state, till I have been fo miserable that I envied the happiness of every creature I faw, because every one appeared to be more comfortable than myself: I wished that there was no hereafter, or that I could fink into non-existence; but I kept all these things to myself, and had therefore no way of being eased but by weeping, which I frequently did when alone in the fields or other places; and, that none might perceive the trouble I was in, as foon as I got to any water I wafhed my face, and put on as cheerful a look

as I could, being afraid to acquaint any one of this my deplorable state of mind. After meeting the dog, as before stated, I went in continual fear, confidering it as a bad omen; and I often fecretly wished that God would fhew me fome token for good, which (bleffed be his name) a little time after he condefcended to do, as will be fhewn in the sequel.

About this time an aunt of mine called at my father's, and faid that she had brought four nuts, that were of a very particular fort, which she wished us children to fet, and gave to each of us one. I immediately began to think that God had all power; and, although we might fet the nuts, yet, unless it was his will, they could not grow, as all vegetation was from him. One day, being all at home together, we agreed to go into the garden, and each put their own nut in the ground; and, that there might be no mistake afterwards, we put a ftick at each place, differing in fize, according to our age. After we had done I retired to a place by myself, and my thoughts were as follows; "Now, if it should please God to grant that my nut fhould grow, and the others should not, it shall be a fign betwixt me and God, that I fhall not come to an untimely end in this world, nor go to that place of mifery I fo much dread in the world to come; but, if my nut should perish in the earth, and the other three grow, it fhall be a fure mark against me,

that all which I fear fhall come to pass, and my doom be inevitably fixed in this life, and in that which is to come." I waited with great anxiety to see the refult of this matter, because, according to my view, the fate of this nut was to decide my own. I frequently went to fee if there was any appearance of it above ground, my mind being often very much agitated about it. After waiting for a long time, I one day went, with my fifter and two brothers, to look at the nuts again. At the place where the first was set there was no appearance of it, nor of the second was there any thing to be seen: when we came to the third, which was my own, it had sprung nearly two inches above the earth; we then looked for the fourth, of which however there was nothing to be feen fo that none of them grew to a tree but mine; and, although it is now more than eighteen years ago, I well remember the feelings I had at the time; for, though I knew nothing of God, nor could form any right conceptions of him, yet my heart was filled with gratitude for his goodnefs, and I many times wept with joy, and fell upon my knees to thank him, and bleffed and praised his holy name. I have fince paid many a vifit to this tree, and whilft ftanding by it have been led to look back to fo memorable a circumstance, and have frequently thought upon it until my foul has been melted within me, admiring the condefcenfion and great goodness of God to

his children in fuch matters. I was for fome time afterwards more fatisfied, my mind being greatly alleviated by this circumftance; and whenever I looked at the tree I felt much quietude, as I confidered it a token for good.

But it was not long before I got back again to my old place, and felt as uneafy and miferable as ever, for my mind was in continual agitation about what would become of me in another world; fo that what I felt within embittered all things which were without, and caused me many times to figh, and wish I had never been born. And, although at this time I did not know that there was such a thing as extempore prayer, yet at times, when I felt forely diftreffed, I have kneeled down and uttered a few expreffions, as defcriptive of my feelings as I could; and I have fometimes felt easier in my mind, though I knew nothing about God; for, if ever I attempted to think of him, I was immediately confused, and loft in wonder; for I could not conceive what a being he was, but I felt that which filled me with flavish and tormenting fear; and, when I could not think of words to express my feelings, which was frequently the cafe, I have many times wept bitterly, and thought, if the Lord would but forgive me, I would strive to do better in future; but, whenever I formed fuch refolutions, they were no fooner made than broken; fo that, inftead of getting better,. I waxed worse; for what

can free-will do, when the finner is taken captive by the devil at his will, and this ftrong man armed keeps the palace, till Chrift, who is ftronger than himself, comes and cafts him out? But, as I grew up in life, I was determined, if poffible, to put away these gloomy thoughts, and to take pleasure in the things of this life, and enjoy myself as other people did, for I thought that no one was like me; and in a great measure I accomplished my purpose, eagerly pursuing after every vanity that my mind led me to, and which came in my way, as far as my capacity enabled me. Yet, amidst it all, I oftentimes was very unhappy, for I could not keep confcience quiet; and frequently I felt very great remorse, though unwilling to come to books, and ftriving hard to put off the evil day. I frequently dedeclared my refolution not to have any thing to do with religion until I was advanced in years, faying I would then attend to it; and it is an unfpeakable mercy that God did not give me up to my perverfe will and a reprobate mind, Rom. i. 28; for, as I fet at nought all his counsel, and would none of his reproof, he might justly have laughed at my calamity, and mocked when my fear came, Prov. i. 25, 26. I loved darkness rather than light, because my deeds were evil, John iii. 20. But God had mercy on me, and fubdued my perverse will, fhewing forth all long suffering, and compelling me to come in. "Thy people