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become less inviting; and the navigation, which is now employed in the most pernicious species of commerce which ever disgraced humanity, would be turned into some other channel.
20. Were I to form a picture of happy society, it would be a town consisting of a due mixture of hills, valleys, and streams of water. The land well' fenced and cultivated ; the roads and bridges in good repair ; a decent inn for the refreshment of travellers, and for public entertainments. The inhabitants mostly husbandmen ; their wives and daughters domestick manufacturers; a suitable proportion of handicraft workmen, and two or three traders; a physician, and lawyer, each of whom should have a farm for his support.
21. A clergyman of goud understanding, of a candid disposition and ex'emplary morals ; not a metaphysical, nor a polemical, but a serious and practical preacher. A schoolmaster who should understand his business, and teach his pupils to govern themselves. A social library, annually increasing, and under good regulation.
22. A club of sensible men, seeking mutual improvement., A decent musical society. No intriguing politician, horse jockey, gambler, or sot; but all such characters treated with contempt. Such a situation may be considered as the most favourable to social happiness of any which this world can afford.
QUACKERY. A DIALOGUE.
. Your humble servant, sir—walk in, sir-sit down, sir-(bringing a chair.) My master will wait on you in a moment, sir--he's busy despatching some patients, sirI'll tell him you are here, sir—Be back in a twinkling, sir.
Sinclair. No, no; I will wait till he has done; I wish to consult him about
Vol. Right, sir ; you could not have applied to a more able physician. My master is a man that understands physick as fundamentally as I do my mother tongue, sir.
Sin. He appears to have an able advocate in you.
Vol. I do not say this, sir, because he is my master ; but 'tis really a pleasure to be his patient; and I should rather die by his medicines than be cured by those of any other ;
for, whatever happens, a man may be certain that he has been regularly treated; and, should he die under the operation, his heirs would have nothing to reproach him for.
Sin. That's a mighty comfort to a dead man.
Vol. To be sure, sir; who would not wish to die method'ically? Besides, he's not one of those doctors who husband the disease of their patients. He loves to despatch business, and, if they are to die, he lends them a helping hand.
Sin. There's nothing like despatch in business.
Vol. That's true, sir. What is the use of so much hemming and hawing, and beating round the bush? I like to know the long and short of a distemper at once.
Sin. Right, undoubtedly.
Vol. Right! Why, the rewere three of my children, whose illness he did me the honour to take care of, who all died in less than four days, when, in another's hands, they would have languished three months.
Doc. I perceive it sir; he is a dying man. Do you eat well, sir?
Sin. Eat! Yes, sir, perfectly well.
Dr. Bad, very bad; the epigastrick region must be shockingly disordered. How do you drink, sir?
Sin. Nobody drinks better, sir.
Dr. So much the worse. The great appetition of frigid and humid is an indication of the great heat and aridity within. Do you sleep soundly?
Sin. Yes, when I've supped heartily.
Dr. This indicates a dreadful torpidity of the system; and, sir, I pronounce you a dead man. After considering the diagnostick and prognostick symptoms, I pronounce you attacked, affected, possessed and disordered by that species of mania termed hyp'ochondria.
Vol. Undoubtedly, sir. My master never mistakes, sir.
Dr. But, for an incontestable diagnostick, you may perceive his distempered ratiocination,* and other pathognomon'ick symptoms of this disorder.
Vol. What will you order him, sir ?
* Pronounced răsh-e-os-e-na'shūn.
Vol. But should these have no effect-? ·
Dr. We shall then know the disease does not proceed from the humours.*
Vol. What shall we try next, sir ?
Dr. My infallible su'dorifick. Sweat him off five pounds a day, and his case cannot long remain doubtful.
Vol. I congratulate the gentleman upon falling into your hands, sir. He must consider himself happy in having his senses disordered, that he may experience the efficacy and gentleness of the remedies you have proposed.
Sin. What does all this mean, gentlemen ? I do not un. derstand your gibberish and nonsense.
Dr. Such injurious language is a diagnostick we wanted to confirm our opinion of his distemper.
Sin. Are you crazy, gentlemen ? (Spits in his hand, and raises his cane.)
Dr. Another diagnostick, frequent sputation.
Dr. Another diagnostick! Anxiety to change place. We will fix you, sir. Your disease
Sin. I have no disease, sir.
Sin. I am well, sir, I assure you.
Dr. We know best how that is, sir. We physicians see through your constitution at once.
Sin. You are then a physician, sir ?
Vol. Yes, sir, this is my master, sir, the celebrated Dr. Pumpwater, sir, the enemy of human diseases, sir.
Sin. Who has travelled over the country ?
Sin. I am happy to hear it, gentlemen. I have long been in search of you, and have a warrant for your apprehension on an indictmentt for vagrancy. A lucky mistake has enabled me to become a useful witness. You will please to fol low your patient to the workhouse.,
* Pronounced yu' můrz. t in-dite' ment.
ELEPHANT. THE size of this animal, its strength and sagacity, have rendered it in all ages the admiration of mankind.
The height of the largest varies from ten to fourteen feet, and the length is about sixteen, from the front to the origin of the tail. In proportion to the size of the elephant, his eyes are very small, but they are lively, brilliant, and very expressive.
2. The mouth appears behind the trunk, which latter hangs between the two large tusks, which are the principal weapons* of defence. The feet are short, clumsy, and divided into five hoofs or toes. But the most singular organ is the trunk, which is at once the instrument of respiration, and the limb by which the animal supplies itself with food.
3. This trunk is hollow, like a tube, and with it he can suck up the smallest objects at pleasure, and convey them into his mouth. When he drinks, he thrusts his trunk into the water, and fills it by drawing in his breath. When the trunk is thus filled with water, he can either blow it out to a great distance, or drink it, by putting the end of the trunk into his mouth.
4. Few elephants have ever been brought to America ; but one, which was exhibited in 1817, was upwards of ten feet in height. The docility of this powerful animal was, astonishing. He not only obeyed his keeper, but would suffer himself to be beaten and abused by him. He was also particularly attached to a small dog, and appeared extremely uneasy when the spectators caused the little animal to send forth cries of pain.
5. He would lie down at the command of his keeper, and suffer several of the spectators to stand upon his side, while extended in this position. He also attempted to dance, but his dancing only consisted in slowly raising one of his enormous feet at a time, although this was done with considcrable regularity
6. His other feats were, lifting men with his trunk, drawing corks from bottles, emptying the contents into his mouth
* Pronounced wěpinz.
and adroitly picking fruit from the pockets of the beholders. When at leisure, his favourite amusement was to gather wisps of hay with his trunk, and throw them upon his back.
7. In a savage state, elephants are peaceable and gentle creatures, and are said never to use their weapons except in self-defence. It is dangerous to offer them the least injury, however, for they run directly upon the offender, and, although the weight of their body be great, their steps are so long that they easily overtake the swiftest man. The following anecdotes will prove, that, besides his sagacity, the elephant is éndowed with other noble qualities.
8. In India, they were once employed in the launching of ships. One was directed to force a very large ship into the wate-; the work proved superiour to his strength; his master, with a sarcastick tone, bid the keeper take away this lazy beast, and bring another; the poor animal instantly repeated his efforts, fractured his skull, and died on the spot.
9. In Delhi, an elephant, passing along the streets, put his trunk into a tailor's shop, where several people were at work; one of them pricked the end of it with a needle; the beast passed on, but, in the next dirty puddle, filled his trunk with water, returned to the shop, and, spurting every drop among the people who had offended him, spoiled their work.
10. An elephant in Adsıneer, which often passed through the market, as he went by a certain herb woman, always received from her a mouthful of greens. At length he was seized with one of his periodical fits of rage, broke his fetters, and, running through the market, put the crowd to flight; among others, this woman, who, in her haste, forgot a little child she had brought with her.
11. The animal, recollecting the spot where his benefactress was wont* to sit, took up the infant gently in his trunk, and placed it in safety on a stall before a neighbouring house. Another, in his madness, killed his governour ; the wife, seeing the misfortune, took her two children, and flung them before the elephant, saying, “ Now you have destroyed their father, you may as well put an end to their lives and mine."
12. He instantly stopped, relented, took the greatest of the children, placed it on his neck, adopted it for his cornac or
* Pronounced wünt.