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To a less noble substance changed, But classic anthors-he ne'er missed them. Were vow but leathern buckets
ranged. Thus having furbished ap a parson, The ballads pasted on the wall,
Dame Baucis next they played their farce Of Joan of France, and English Moll,
on: Fair Rosamond, and Robin Hood, Instead of homespun coifs, were scen The Little Children in the Wood,
Good pippers, edged with Colberteen: Now seemed to look abundance better, Her petticoat, transformed apace, Improved in picture, size, and letter; Became black satin flounced with lace. And, high in order placed, describe Plain Goody would no longer down; The heraldry of every tribe.
"Twas Madam, in her grogrom gown. A bedstead of the antique mode, Phileinon was in great surprise, Compact of timber many a load ;
And hardly could believe bis eyes: Such as our ancestors did nse,
Amazed to see her look so priin ; Was metamorphised into pews ;
And she admired as much at him. Which still their ancient nature keep, Thus, happy in their change of life, By lodging folks disposed to sleep. Were several years the man and wife:
The cottage, by such feats as these, When on a day, which proved their last, Grown to a church by just degrees; Discoursing o'er old stories past, The hermits thep desire their host
They went by chance, amidst their talk, To ask for what he fancied most.
To the churchyard to take a walk; Philemon, having paused awbile,
When Baucis hastily cried out: Returned them thanks in homely style; My dear, I see your forehead sprout ! Then said : “My house is grown so fine, • Sprout,'quoth the man, what's this
you Methinks I still would call
tell us ? l'ın old, and fain would live at ease : I hope you don't believe me jealous ? Make me the parson, if you please.' But yet, methinks, I feel it true;
He spoke, and presently he feels And really yours is budding too-
It feels as if 'twere taking root.'
Description would but tire my muse; His waistcoat to a cassock grew,
In short, they both were turned to yews. Add both assumed a sable hue;
Old Goodman Dobsor, of the green, But, being old, continued just
Remembers he the trecs has seen ; As threadbare and as full of dust.
He'll talk of them from poop to night, Jlis talk was now of tithes and does ; And goes with folks to slew the sight; Cond smoke his pipe, and read the news: On Sundays, after evening-prayer, Knew how to preach old sermons next, He gathers all the parish there; Vamped in the preface and the text: Points out the place of either yew, At christenings well could act his part, Here Baucis, there Philemon, grew. And had the service all by heart:
Till once a parson of our town, Wisbed women might have children fast, To mend his barn, cut Baucis down ; And thought whose sow had farrowed At which is hard to be believed, Jast:
How much the other tree was grieved ; Against Dissenters would repine, Grew scrubby, died a-top, was stunted ; Aud stood up firm for right divine: So the next parson stubbed and burut it Found his head filled with many a system,
From 'Verses on the Death of Dr. Swift,' Nov. 1731. * As Rochefoucault his Maxims drew While nature kindly bent to ease ts. From nature, I believe them true:
Points out some circumstance to please They argue no corrupted mind
us. In him; the fault is ju mankind.
If this perhaps your patience move, This maxim more than all the rest Let reason and experience prove. Is thought too base for human breast : We all behold with envious eyes . In all distresses of our friends
Our equal raised above our size. We first consult our private ends ; Who would not at a crowded show
Occasioned by reading the following maxiın in Rochefoacault: 'Dans l'adversite de nos meilleurs amis, nous trouvons toujours quelque chose qui ne pous deplait pas. (Io the adversity of our best friends, we always find something that does not displeaso
Stand high himself, keep others low? When, I foresee, my special friends
Will try to find their private ends;
Yet thus, methinks, I hear them speak If in a battle you should find
See, how the dean begins to break ! One whom you love of all mankind, Poor gentleman! he droops apuce ! Had some heroic action done,
You plainly find it in his face. A chainpion killed, or trophy won; That old vertigo in his head Rather than thus be overtopt,
Will never leave him, till he's dead. Would you not wish his laurels cropt? Besides, his memory decays: Dear honest Ned is in the gout,
He recollects not what he says ; Lies racked with pain, and you without: He cannot call his friends to mind; How patiently you hear him groan! Forgets the place where last he dined ; How glad the case is not your own! Plies you with stories o'er and o'er;
What poet would not grieve to see He told them fifty times before. His brother write as well as he ?
How does he fancy we can sit But, rather than they should excel, To hear his ont-of-fashion wit? Would wish his rivals all in hell?
But he takes up with younger folks, Her end when emulation misses, Who for his wine will bear his jokes. She turns to envy, stings, and hisses : Faith, he must make his stories shorter, The strongest friendship yields to pride, Or change his comrades once a quarter: Unless the odds be on our side,
In half the time he talks them round, Vain human kind! fantastic race! T'here must another set be found. Thy various follies who can trace ?
* For poetry, he's past his prime; Self-love, ambition, envy, pride,
He takes an hour to find a rhyme;
I'd have him throw away his pen-
But there's no talking to some men.' Yet, when you sink, I seem the higher; And then their tenderness appears In Pope I cannot read a line,
By adding largely to my years : But with a sigh I wish it mine:
• He's older than he would be reckoned, When he can in one couplet fix
And well remembers Charles the Second, More seuse thun I can do in six,
He hardly drinks a pint of wine ;
And that, I doubt, is no good sign.
Last year we thought him strong and hale; lu my own hamorous biting way.
But now he's quite another thing; Arbutbuot is no more my friend,
I wish he may hold out till spring.' Who dares to irony pretend,
They hug themselves and reason thus: Which I was born to introduce,
It is not yet so bad with us.' Refined it first, and shewed its use,
In such a case thcy talk in tropes, St. John (1), as well as Pulteney (2), And by their fears express their hopes. knows
Some great misfortune to portend
The merit of a lucky guess-
When daily How-d'ye's come of course, And made me throw my pen aside;
And servants answer: • Worse and If with such talents heaven hath blest 'em,
worse! Have I not reason to detest 'em ?
Would please them better than to tell, To all my foes, dear Fortune, send That, .God be praised ! the dean is well." Thy gifts, but never to my friend; Then he who prophesied the best, I tamely can endure the first;
Approves his foresight to the rest : But this with envy makes me burst. You know I always feared the worst,
Thus much may serve by way of proem; And often told you so at first.' Proceed we therefore to our poem.
He'd rather choose that I should die, And time is not remote, when I
Than his prediction prove a lie. Must by the course of nature die ;
Not one foretells I shall recover, 1 Viscount Bolingbroke. 2 William Pulteney, afterwards created Earl of Bath
But all agree to give me over.
One year is past ; a different scene!
Departed: and his works must follow;
My good companions, never fear ; Inquires for Swift in verse and prose.
• The same.' They must be verified at last.
He searches all the shop in vain ;
Sir, you may find them in Duck-lade. (5)
I find you're but a stranger here,
Here's Colley Cibber's birthday poem;
This ode you never yet have seen
By Stephen Duck upon the queen. (6)
Against the Craftsman and his friend;
Next, here's Sir Robert's vindication,
Suppose me dead ; and
I grow the subject of their chat.
Here shift the scene, to represent With favour some, and some without,
• The dean, if we believe report, St. John himself will scarce forbear Was never ill received at court. To bite his pen, and drop a tear.
Although ironically grave, The rest will give a shrug, and cry: He shamed the fool and lashed the knave. "I'm sorry—but we all must die!
To steal a hint was never known,
1 An infamous bookseller, who published pieces in the dean's name, which he never wrote.
2 Louis Theobald. the editor of Shakspeare: James Moore Smythe (a forgotten dra. Inatist satirised iu the Dunciun); and Colley Cibber the actor, dramatist, and poet. laureate.
3 For some of these practices he was brought before the House of Lords. Arbuthnot humorously styled Curli one of the new
terrors of death. 4 Bernard Lintot, a bookseller. See Pope's Dunciud and Letters. 5 A place where old books are sold.
6 Stephen Duck was a humble rhymester-a thrasher, or agricultural labourer-whom Queen Caroline patronised. His works are now utterly forgotten.
7 Commonly called Orator Henley, a quack preacher in London, of great notoriety in his day.
But what he writ was all his own.' Provoke him with a slave in power.
• Sir, I have heard another story; The Irish Senate if you named, He was a most confounded Tory,
With what impatience he declained ! And grew, or he is much belied,
Fair Liberty was all his cry; Extremely dull, before he died.'
For her he stood prepared to die; • Can we ihe Drapier then forget ?
For her he boldly stood alone; Is not our nation in his debt ?
For her he oft exposed his own. 'Twas he that writ the Drapier's Letters! Two kingdoms, just as faction led, • He should have left them for his betters; Had set a price upon his head; We had a hundred abler men,
But not a traitor could be found Nor need depend upon his pen.
To sell him for six hundred pound. (2).., Say what you will about his reading,
* Alas, poor dean ! his only scope You never can defend his breeding ; Was to be held a misanthrope. Who, iu his satires running riot
This into general odium drew him, Could never leave the world in quiet; Which, if he liked, much good may't do Attacking, when he took the whim,
him. Court, city, camp-all one to him.
His zeal was not to lash our crimes, But why would he, except he slobbered, But discontent against the times ; Offend our patriot, great Sir Robert, For bad we made him timely offers Whose counsels aid the sovereign power To raise his post, or fill his coffers, To save the nation every hour ?
Perhaps he might have truckled down, What scenes of evil he unravels,
Like other brethren of his gown, In satires, libels, lying travels !
For party he would scarce have bled: Not sparing his own clergy-cloth,
I say no more--because he's dead.' But eats into it, like a moth!'
What writings has he left behind ?' Perhaps I may allow, the dean
*I hear they ’re of a different kind : Had too much satire in his vein,
A few in verse; but most in prose : And seemed determined not to starve it, Some high-flown pamphlets, I suppose : Because no age could more deserve it. All scribbled in the worst of times, Vice, if it e'er can be abashed,
To palliate his friend Oxford's crimes ; Must be or ridiculed or lashed.
To praise Queen Aune, nay, more, defend If you resent it, who's to blame ?
Against the court, to shew his spite:
• He knew a hundred pleasant stories, And peerage is a withered flower.
With all the turns of Whigs and Tories; lle would have deemed it a disgrace, Was cheerful to his dying day, If such a wretch had known his
face. And friends would let him have his way. • He never thought an honour done him, As for his works in verse or prose, Because a peer was proud to own him ; I own myself no judge of those. Would rather slip aside, and choose Nor can I tell what critics thought 'em; To talk with wits in dirty shoes ;
But this I know, all people bought 'em; And scorn the tools with stars and gar. As with a moral view designed, ters,
To please, and to reform mankind : So often seen caressing Chartres. (1) And, if he often missed his aim, He kept with princes due decorum, The world must own it to their shame, Yet never stood in awe before 'em. The praise is his, and theirs the blamé. lle followed David's lesson just;
He gave the little wealth he had In princes never put his trust :
To build a liouse for fools and mad; And, would you make him truly sour, To shew, by one satiric touch,
1 Colonel Francis Chartres or Charteris, of infamous character, on whom a severe in. diguant epitaph was written by Arbuthnot.
2 ln 1713 the Queen was prevailed upon to issue a proclamation offering £300 for the discovery of the author of a pamphlet
called The Public Spirit of the Whiyxand in Ire. land, in the year 1724, Lord Carteret, as Viceroy of Ireland, offered the like reward of £300 to any person who would discover the author of The Drapier's Fourth Letter,
No nation wanted it so much.
And since you dread no further lashes, That kingdom he hath left his debtor; Methinks you may forgive his ashes.' I wish it soon may have a better : The Grand Question Debated:- Whether Hamilton's Baron should be
turned into à Barrack or a Malt-house. 1729. *
Thus spoke to my lady the knight (1) full of care :
First, let me suppose I make it a malt-house,
Thus ended the knight: thus began his meek wife ;
Thus argued my lady, but argued in vain ;
But Hannah,(4) who listened to all that was past,
* Swift spent almost a whole year (1723-9) at Gosford. in the north of Ireland, the seat of Sir Arthur Acheson, assisting Sir Arthur in his agricultural improvements, and lecturing, as usual, the lady of the manor upon the improvement of her health by walking. and her mind by reading. The circumstance of Sir Arthur letting a ruinous building called Hamilton's Bawn, to the crown for a barrack, gave rise to one of the dean's most lively pieces of fugitive humour. -Scot's Lije of Srijl. A bawn is strictly a place near a house, inclosed with mud or stone walls, to keep the cattle.
1 Sir Arthur Acheson, an intimate friend of the poet. Sir Arthur was anoostor of the present Earl of Gosford.
2 A large old house belonging to Sir Arthur, two miles from his residence, 3 A cant word in Ireland for a poor country clergyman, 4 My lady's waiting-miid.