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This is the fairy land;-O, spite of spites!-
We talk with goblins, owls, and elvish sprites 16;
If we obey them not, this will ensue,

They'll suck our breath, or pinch us black and blue.

Luc. Why prat'st thou to thyself, and answer'st


Dromio, thou drone, thou snail, thou slug, thou sot!
Dro. S. I am transformed, master, am not I?
Ant. S. I think, thou art, in mind, and so am I.
Dro. S. Nay, master, both in mind, and in my


Ant. S. Thou hast thine own form.

Dro. S.

No, I am an ape.

Luc. If thou art chang'd to aught, 'tis to an ass.
Dro. S. "Tis true; she rides me, and I long for


'Tis so, I am an ass; else it could never be,

But I should know her as well as she knows me.
Adr. Come, come, no longer will I be a fool,
To put the finger in the eye and weep,

Whilst man, and master, laugh my woes to scorn.-
Come, sir, to dinner: Dromio, keep the gate.-
Husband, I'll dine above with you to-day,
And shrive you 17 of a thousand idle pranks:
Sirrah, if any ask you for your master,
Say, he dines forth, and let no creature enter.-
Come, sister:-Dromio, play the porter well.

Ant. S. Am I in earth, in heaven, or in hell?
Sleeping or waking? mad, or well-advis'd?
Known unto these, and to myself disguis'd!

I'll say as they say, and perséver so,
And in this mist at all adventures go.

Dro. S. Master, shall I be porter at the gate?

Adr. Ay; and let none enter, lest I break your


Luc. Come, come, Antipholus, we dine too late.



The same.

Enter ANTIPHOLUS of Ephesus, DROMIO of Ephesus, ANGELO, and BALTHAZAR.

Ant. E. Good signior Angelo, you must excuse

us all;

My wife is shrewish, when I keep not hours:
Say, that I linger'd with you at your shop,
To see the making of her carkanet 18,
And that to-morrow you will bring it home.
But here's a villain, that would face me down
He met me on the mart; and that I beat him,
And charg'd him with a thousand marks in gold;
And that I did deny my wife and house:—

Thou drunkard, thou, what didst thou mean by this?

Dro. E. Say what you will, sir, but I know what I know:

That you beat me at the mart, I have your hand to show:

If the skin were parchment, and the blows you gave

were ink,

Your own handwriting would tell you what I think. Ant. E. I think, thou art an ass.

Dro. E.

Marry, so it doth appear

By the wrongs I suffer, and the blows I bear.

I should kick, being kick'd; and, being at that


You would keep from my heels, and beware of an ass 19.

Ant. E. You are sad, signior Balthazar: 'Pray God,

our cheer

May answer my good will, and your good welcome


Bal. I hold your dainties cheap, sir, and your welcome dear.

Ant. E. O signior Balthazar, either at flesh or fish, A table full of welcome makes scarce one dainty dish. Bal. Good meat, sir, is common; that every churl


Ant. E. And welcome more common; for that's nothing but words.

Bal. Small cheer, and great welcome, makes a merry feast.

Ant. E. Ay, to a niggardly host, and more spar

ing guest:

But though my cates be mean, take them in good


Better cheer may you have, but not with better


But, soft; my door is lock'd; Go bid them let

us in.

Dro. E. Maud, Bridget, Marian, Cicely, Gillian,


Dro. S. [within.] Mome, malt-horse, capon, coxcomb, idiot, patch!

Either get thee from the door, or sit down at the


Dost thou conjure for wenches, that thou call'st for such store,

When one is one too many? Go, get thee from the


Dro. E. What patch is made our porter? My master stays in the street.

Dro. S. Let him walk from whence he came, lest he catch cold on's feet.

Ant. E. Who talks within there? ho, open the


Dro. S. Right, sir, I'll tell you when, an you'll tell me wherefore.

Ant. E. Wherefore? for my dinner; I have not din'd to-day.

Dro. S. Nor to-day here you must not; come again,

when you may.

Ant. E. What art thou, that keep'st me out from the house I owe?

Dro. S. The porter for this time, sir, and my name is Dromio.

Dro. E. O villain, thou hast stolen both mine office and my name;

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