ing grace: there is a later converfion; yea many fuch converfions, out of my falls, and repeated fins and backflidings: when I fo revolt from God, that after I have returned, yet I have need to return; and muft not think that a remarkable change, once for all is enough: But upon the renewing of my fins muft alfo renew my repentance; and remembring from whence I am fallen, arife and go to my father: Not afhamed to own my need of new cconverfions, but bleffing the Lord that I have the liberty and opportunity, fo to recover myfelf to amend the matter and try again to do better.

And what if it coft me trouble, my foul? have not the moft excellent and defireable things in all the world, difficulties attending them? and will not even worldlings and epicures deny themselves many things pleafing to them for their greater good and advantage another way? but, alas, the pleasures of this life, fo falfe, and base and fmarting, and fhort lived, and followed with their ftings, are thefe fuch precious things to be held to, even at the lofs of my peace, and God, and heaven? O what good will that worldly good do me, for which I go off from God, and withstand his word, and run counter to my duty? What will it but enflame the reckoning instead of making my accounts more comfortable at the laft? and if any do defpife me for turning to the Lord; who are they but fuch, whofe judgment is fit only to be despised? It will make me truly wife and worthy of honour; and efteemed of God and his faints, and all the moft judicious, and excellent in the earth. Yea, after all the contradiction of finners, it will bring me to glory everlasting in the kingdom of heaven.

Away then with all difcouragements and objec tions, my foul. And fay not, it is a hopeless course and to no purpose. But the greater thou apprehendeft thy fins, fee the greater need thou haft to return.

And

And where fin has abounded, remember how grace ufes much more to abound. Whom, but fuch as count themselves undone, did the Saviour of the world come to recover? when Judah was grown notorious, for revoltings and adulteries; yet faid the Lord to her, after she had done all these things, turn thou unto me, Jer. iii. 7. and lfa. lv. 7. "Let "the wicked forfake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts, and turn to the Lord, and he "will have mercy upon him, and to our God; for " he will abundantly pardon." O what filth cannot be fetchied out by that innocent, meritorious blood which cleanses from all fin? 1 John i. 7. It is all one with infinite power and love, to pardon the great and many fins, as the fmall and few. The full price is paid to clear off all my scores, and none of them fhall be charged upon me: If I will hear his voice that calls me; but returning to the Lord my God he will forgive me; he will receive me and not fo much as remember my fins against me: No, nor mention them to me.

And though I have been baffled formerly; yet let me try to do it more fincerely, that it may be also effectually. Nor think to do it all through my own power, but look up for help from on high; and lean upon the gracious promifes made to cherish good defires, and poor endeavours. When it is the work of God, and that which he favours, and is fo much pleased with: I will go in hisgrace and ftrength, hoping to do it with good fuccefs. As long as I have his call, and am ftill under his means; the way is prepared for me, and all looks inviting upon me. It is but going to the Lord my God, who will caft out none that comes to him. But while I continue in my fins, I am in the hands of my worst enemies. They blacken the heavens over me; and make the heavy judgments of God ready to fall down upon me. They fpoil my reft, and make rods for my

back,

back, and it is the fouleft cheat, to perfuade myself I fhall be fine and eafy in them, and have a brave and happy time to enjoy them. For, alas! I do but difquiet myself in vain, to turn from one vanity and vexation to another; and fhall ever be restless and fhort of the content that I feek, till I return to the Lord my God, and there reach the journey's end of all my weary motions; and find the fubftantial treasure, and the foul-filling good. O! here is the only centre of thy reft, my foul, here thou fhalt be quiet, and pleased, and rid of thy fear and pain. Nor fhalt thou ever repent of this repentance, or be forry for the change; but bless the time that ever thou didst hear and follow him, who called thee to him. It will be the heavenly comfort of thy conscience, and the unspeakable joy of thy heart, to think what a jail and hell thou has efcaped; and what a new life thou art born into; what a glorious heaven fitting up for. To the Lord then I will forthwith furrender myself. O! I have too long kept off from him; too often stood it out again!t him, but I will do fo no more; I will not yield to the temptations that would detain me in my fins, but will now have done with the curfed things. I have formerly thought of it, but now I am refolved upon it. Turn thou me, O Lord, and fo fhall I be turned. Accept my intention, and confirm my refolution; forgive me mercifully, receive me gracioufly, and I will blefs thee, and praise thee, O my God, eternally.

THE PRAYER.

OLY God! from whom I have foolishly and wickedly departed, help me fo to examine myfelf, as to find out my fins: and not only be "convinced of them, but humbled for them, and "converted

"converted from them. O give me, not only the call "but the will and power to return unto thee; and give me the refolution and fortitude to break "through all the impediments that would detain

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me from thee. O let it quicken and encourage "my return; that notwithstanding all the greatnefs ❝ of my fins, and the frequency of former difap"pointments, yet there is hope and help for me; "and yet I may effect the great and blessed work, "and come and be graciously received and kindly "ufed, and become pleafing to God, and do the "best thing that ever can be done for myself. And " where I ftand off, and am not forward to do fuch "good to my own foul; Lord, be thou kinder to

me than I am to myself: and take me out of my 66 own, into thy better hands, to fetch me home to "thyfelf. O fpeak thou the word, and that will "do the work, and my foul fhall live, and afcribe "to thy name all the glory now, and eternally. 66 Amen."

MEDITATION XXV.

Of Fearing the Lord.

My foul, to fear that great and fearful name the Lord my God, to ftand in awe of him that made and governs the world, and will judge the quick and dead, and has power to kill and caft. into hell, to fear before him continually, is not only my obligation and duty, but to caft away his fear and grow upon him, and make as bold as I lift with him, is the most desperate absurdity and madness.

For

For who in his wits would not obferve and revere, one in whofe hands he is, and at whofe mercy he lies, to be made happy or miserable by him for ever; though the fear, which must be my care, and whereof I must make confcience, is not a fervile dread of God as a tyrannic power: nor to look upon him under fuch a horid idea, as fhall fcar me from him, and make me in pain but to think of him; for this is not to glorify, but difhonour him: and these rueful reprefentations of God beget no good blood, no ingenuous temper, nor carriage fit to be encouraged. Yet muft I have fuch a filial reverence of God, as becomes his child; and fuch a holy fear as confifts with his dear love; fuch a vigilant caution as shall be the preservative to keep me from things injurious and provoking; and fuch a fear will never make me a flave, to live in continual terror of God, as a dire avenger; but make me eafy under him as the beft Father, whom I would not difoblige, and am afraid to loofe: and the more fearful I am to offend him, the bolder ftill I may be in him. When I dare not do wickedly against him; I may dare then to rely upon him, and to expect the greatest things from him.

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Let who will then harden their hearts against the fear of God's glorious Majefty, and venture to defpife, and even fet him at defiance, and trample his laws; and fcorn it, as too fneaking for them to be under fuch restraints, and make a mock of the denunciation of his judgments, and jeer at the tendernefs of his fervants: fhall they fo harden themselves againft God and profper? will he be out-braved by them, who is terrible to the kings of the earth, and makes the devils in hell tremble? no, my foul, the bolder they can make with his laws, the more fearful expectation remains for them of his wrath. The lefs afraid they are of fin, the more reafon they have to be afraid of hell; and they that are now the

fearless