GARDINER. I wonder his body was never found after the battle. BUTLER. Found! why, you fool, is not his body here about the houfe, doft thou think he can beat his drum without hands and arms? COACH MAN. 'Tis mafter as fure as I ftand here alive, and I verily believe I saw him last hight in the town-close. GARDINER. Ay! how did he appear? COACHMAN. Like a white horse. BUTLER. Pho, Robin, I tell you he has never appear'd yet but in the shape of the found of a drum. COACH MAN. This makes one almoft afraid of one's own fhadow. As I was walking from the ftable t'other night without any lanthorn, I fell across a beam, that lay in my way, and faith my heart was in my mouth-I thought I had ftumbled over a spirit. BUTLER. Thou might'ft as well have ftumbled over a straw; why, a fpirit is fuch a little little thing, that I have heard a man, who was a great scholar, say, that he'll dance a Lancafbire horn-pipe upon the point of a needle -As I fat in the pantry laft night counting my fpoons, the candle methought burnt blue, and the fpay'd bitch jook'd as if she saw something. COACHMAN. Ay, poor cur, she's almoft frighten'd out of her wits. GARDINER. Ay, I warrant ye, she hears him many a time and often when we don't. BUT BUTLER. My Lady must have him laid, that's certain, whatever it cost her. GARDINER. I fancy, when one goes to market, one might hear of fomebody that can make a spell.. COACH MAN. Why may not the parson of our parish lay him ♪ No, no, no, our parfon cannot lay him. COACH MAN. Why not he as well as another man ? BUTLER. Why, ye fool, he is not qualified-he has not taken the oaths. GARDINER. Why, d'ye think, Jobn, that the fpirit would take the law of him?-faith, I could tell you one way to drive him off. How's that? COACHMAN. GARDINER. I'll tell you immediately [drinks]I fancy Mrs. Abigal might fcold him out of the house. COACH MAN. Ay, fhe has a tongue that would drown his drum, if any thing could. BUTLER. Pugh, this is all froth! you understand nothing of the matter the next time it makes a noise, 1 tell you what ought to be done, I would have the fteward fpeak Latin to it. COACHMAN Ay, that would do, if the steward had but courage. GARDINER. There you have it-He's a fearful man. If I had as much much learning as he, and I met the ghoft, I'll tell him his own! but alack ! what can one of us poor men do with a fpirit, that can neither write nor read? BUTLER. Thou art always cracking and boafting, Peter; thou doft not know what mifchief it might do thee, if fuch a filly dog as thee should offer to speak to it. For aught I know, he might flea thee alive, and make parchment of thy skin to cover his drum with. GARDINER. A fiddleftic! tell not me-I fear nothing; not I! I never did harm in my life, I never committed murder. BUTLER. I verily believe thee, keep thy temper, Peter; after fupper we'll drink each of us a double mug, and then let come what will. GARDINER. Why, that's well faid, Jobn, an honeft man that is not quite fober, has nothing to fearHere's to ye why now if he should come this minute, here would I tand. Ha! what noife is that? BUTLER and COACHMAN. GARDINER. The devil! the devil! Oh no, 'tis Mrs. Abigal. BUTLER. Ay faith! 'tis fhe; 'tis Mrs. Abigal! a good miftake! tis Mrs. Abigal. Enter ABI GAE. ABIGAL. Here are your drunken fots for you! Is this a time to be guzzling when gentry are come to the house! why don't you lay your cloth? How come you out of the stables? Why are not you at work in your garden? GAR GARDINER. Why, yonder's the fine Londoner and Madam fetching a walk together, and methought they look'd as if they should say they had rather have my room than my company. BUTLER. And fo forfooth being all three met together, we are doing our endeavours to drink this fame Drummer out of our heads. GARDINER. For you must know, Mrs. Abigal, we are all of opinion that one can't be a natch for him, unless one be as drunk as a drum. COACHMAN. I am refolved to give Madam warning to hire herself another coachman; for I came to serve my mafter d’ye fee, while he was alive, but do suppose that he has no further occafion for a coach, now he walks. BUTLE R. Truly, Mrs. Abigal, I muft needs fay, that this fame fpirit is a very odd fort of a body, after all, to fright Madam and his old fervants at this rate. GARDINER. And truly, Mrs. Abigal, I must needs fay, I ferved my mafter contentedly, while he was living: but I will ferve no man living, (that is, no man that is not living) without double wages. ABIGA L. Ay, 'tis fuch cowards as you that go about with idle ftories to difgrace the houfe, and bring fo many strangers about it; you firft frighten yourselves, and then your neighbours. GARDINER. Frighten'd! I fcorn your word. Frighten'd quoth-a! ABIGA L. What, you fot! are you grown pot-valiant? GAR GARDINER. Frighten'd with a drum! that's a good one! it will do us no harm, I'll anfwer for it. It will bring no bloodshed along with it, take my word. It founds as like a train-band drum as ever I heard in my life. BUTLER. Pr'ythee, Peter, don't be fo prefumptuous. ABIGA L. Well, these drunken rogues take it as I could wish. GARDINER. [Afide. I fcorn to be frightened, now I am in for't; if old Dub-a-dub fhould come into the room I would take him BUTLER. Pr'ythee hold thy tongue. GARDINER. I would take him- [The drum beats, the Gardiner endeavours to get off and falls. BUTLER and COACHMA N. Speak to it, Mrs. Abigal. GARDINER. Spare my life, and take all I have. COACH MAN. Make off, make off, good Butler, and let us go hide ourfelves in the cellar. [They run off. ABIGAL fola. ABIGA L. So, now the coaft is clear, I may venture to call out my Drummer.— -But firft let me fhut the door, left we be furpriz'd. Mr. Fantome, Mr. Fantome! [He beats.] Nay, nay, pray come out, the enemy's fled--I must speak with you immediately don't ftay to beat a parley. [The buck Scene opens and difcovers Fantome with a drum. FAN |