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Enter LADY Jola.

LADY.

Women who have been happy in a first marriage, are the most apt to venture upon a fecond. But for my part, I had a husband fo every way suited to my inclinations, that I muft entirely forget him, before I can-like another man. I have now been a widow but fourteen months, and have had twice as many lovers, all of 'em profeft admirers of my perfon, but paffionately in love with my jointure. I think it is a revenge Lowe my fex to make an example of this worthless tribe of fellows, who grow impudent, drefs themselves fine, and fancy we are obliged to provide for 'em. But of all my captives, Mr. Tinfel is the most extraordinary in his kind. I hope the diverfion I give myself with him is unblameable. I'm fure 'tis neceffary to turn my thoughts off from the memory of that dear man, who has been the greatest happinefs and affliction of my life. My heart would be a prey to melancholy, if I did not find these innocent methods to relieve it. But here comes Abigal. I muft teaze the baggage, for I find fhe has taken it into her head that I am entirely at her difpofal.

Enter ABIGAE.

ABIGA L.

Madam Madam! yonder's Mr. Tinfel has as good. as taken poffeffion of your houfe. Marry, he says, he muft have Sir George's apartment enlarg'd; for truly, fays he, I hate to be ftraiten'd. Nay, he. was fo inpudent as to fhew me the chamber where he intends to confummate, as he calls it.

LADY.

L'ADY.

Well! he's a wild fellow.

ABIGA L.

Indeed he's a very fad man, Madam.

LADY.

He's young, Abigal; 'tis a thousand pities he fhould be loft; I fhould be mighty glad to reform him.

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LADY.

I dare fay thou think ft him a very agreeable fellow. ABIGAL.

He thinks himself fo, I'll answer for him.

30

LADY.

He's very good-natur'd!

ABIGAL.

He ought to be fo,, for he's very filly.

LADY.

Doft thou think he loves me?

M

ABIGA L.

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LADY.

With what raptures he talk'd!

ABIGA L.

Yes, but 'twas in praife of your jointure-house.

LADY I

He has kept bad company.

ABIGA L.

They must be very bad indeed, if they were worfe than himself.

LADY.

LADY.

I have a ftrong fancy a good woman might reform

him.

ABIGA L.

It would be a fine experiment, if it fhould not fucceed· LADY:

Well, Abigal, we'll talk of that another time; here comes the Steward, I have no further occafion for you at prefent. [Exit Abigal.

Enter VELLUM.

VELLU M.

Madam, is your Ho--nour at leisure to look into the accounts of the last week? They rife very high-housekeeping is chargeable in a houfe that is haunted.

LADY.

How comes that to pass? I hope the drum neither eats or drinks? But read your account, Vellum.

VELLU M.

[Putting on and off his fpectacles in this scene] A hogfhead and a half of ale- it is not for the ghoft's drinking -But your Ho--nour's fervants fay they must have fomething to keep up their courage against this ftrange noife. They tell me they expect a double quantity of malt in their small-beer, fo long as the house continues in this condition.

LADY.

At this rate they'll take care to be frighten'd all the year round, I'll answer for 'em. But go on.

VELLU M.

Item, Two fheep, and a-----Where is the ox?Oh, here I have him- -and an oxyour Ho-nour must always have a piece of cold beef in the house for the entertainment of fo many ftrangers, who come from

all

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all parts to hear this drum. Item, Bread, ten peckloavesThey cannot eat beef without breadItem, Three barrels of table-beer-They must drink with their meat.

LADY.

Sure no woman in England has a steward that makes fuch ingenious comments on his works. [Afide.

VELLUM.

Item, To Mr. Tinfel's fervants five bottles of port wine it was by your Ho--nour's order-Item, Three bottles of fack for the use of Mrs. Abigal,

LADY.

I fuppofe that was by your own order.
VELLU M.

We have been long friends, we are your Ho--nour's ancient fervant's; fack is an innocent cordial, and gives her. fpirit to chide the fervants, when they are tardy in their bus'nefs; he, he, he, pardon me for being jocular.

LADY.

I

Well, I fee you'll come together at laft.

VELLUM.

Item, A dozen pound of watch-lights for the ufe of the fervants.

LADY.

For the use of the fervants! What, are the rogues afraid of fleeping in the dark? What an unfortunate woman am I! This is fuch a particular diftrefs, it puts me to my wits end. Vellum, What would you advise me to do?

VELLUM.

Madain, your Ho--nour has two points to confider. Imprimis, To retrench thefe extravagant expences, which fe many ftrangers bring upon you-Secondly, To clear the houfe of this invifible Drummer.

LADY.

LADY.

This learned divifion leaves me juft as wife as I was. But how must we bring these two points to bear? VELLU M.

I beseech your Ho--nour to give me the hearing
LADY.

I do. But pr'ythee take pity on me, and be not tedious.

VELLU M.

I will be concise. There is a certain perfon arrived this morning, an aged man of a venerable afpect, and of a long hoary beard, that reacheth down to his girdle. The common people call him a wizard, a white witch, a conjurer, a cunning man, a necromancer, a

LADY.

No matter for his titles. But what of all this?
VELLU M.

Give me the hearing, good my Lady. He pretendeth to great skill in the occult fciences, and is come hither upon the rumour of this Drum. If one may believe him, he knows the fecret of laying ghofts, or of quieting houses that are haunted.

LADY

Pho, thefe are idle ftories to amufe the country people, this can do us no good.

VELLU M.

It can do us no harm, my Lady..

LADY.

I dare fay thou doft not believe there is any thing in it thyself.

VELLU M.

I cannot fay, I do; there is no danger however in the experiment. Let him try his fkill; if it should fucceed, we are rid of the Drum; if it should not, we may tell the world that it has, and by that means at least get out of this expenfive way of living;

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