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Enter LADY Jola.
LADY Women who have been happy in a first marriage, are the most apt to vent re upon a second. But for my part, I had a husband fo every way suited to my inclinations, that I must entirely forget him, before I can-like another man. I have now been a widow but fourteen months, and have had twice as many lovers, all of 'em profest admirers of my person, but passionately in love with my jointure. I think it is a revenge kowe my sex to make an example of this worthless tribe of fellows, who grow impudent, dress themselves fine, and fancy we are obliged to provide for 'em. But of all my captives, Mr. Tinsel is the most extraordinary in his kind. I hope the diversion I give myself with him is unblameable. I'm sure 'tis necessary to turn my thoughts off from the memory of that dear man, who has been the greatest happiness and affliction of my life. My heart would be a prey to melancholy, if I did not find these innocent methods to relieve it.. But here comes Abigal. I must teaze the baggage, for I find the has taken it into her head that I am entirely at her disposal..
Enter ABIGA E.
A B IGAL Madam! Madain! yonder's Mr. Tinsel has as good. as taken poffetlion of your house. Marry, he says, he must have Sir George's apartment enlarg'd; for truly, fays he, I hate to be ftraiten'd. Nay, he was so impudent as to fhew me the chamber where he intends to confummate, as he calls it.
LADY Well ! he's a wild fellow.
A BIG A L. Indeed he's a very sad man, Madam.
L A D Y He's young, Abigal; 'tis a thousand pities he should be loft; I should be mighty glad to reform him.
A B I G A L. Reform him! marry, hang him!
L A D Y Has not he a great deal of life?
A BIG A L. Ay, enough to make your heart ake..
A B IGA L.
A B I G A L.
A BI GA L. Mr. Fantome did, I am sure.
L A D Y.
AB I G A L.
L A D: Y
A BIGAL. They must be very bad indeed, if they were worse than himself.
LADY I have a strong fancy a good woman might reform him.
ABIGA L. It would be a fine experiment, if it should not fucceed
L A DY: Well, Abigal, we'll talk of that another time; here comes the Steward, I have no further occasion for you at present.
Enter V E L L UM.
V E L L U M. Madam, is your Ho--nour at leisure to look into the accounts of the last week? They rise very high-housekeeping is chargeable in a house that is haunted.
LADY. How comes that to pass? I hope the drum neither cats or drinks ? But read your account, Vellum.
V ELLU M. (Putting on and off bis Spectacles in this scene] A hogshead and a half of ale it is not for the ghoft's drinking
-But your Ho--nour's servants say they must have something to keep up their courage against this krange noise. They tell me they expect a double quantity of malt in their small-beer, so long as the house continues in this condition.
L A D Y. At this rate they'll take care to be frightend all the year round, I'll answer for 'em. But go on.
V E L L U M. Item, Two sheep, and a co-Where is the ox?Oh, here I have him and an ox
your Ho-nour must always have a piece of cold beef in the house for the entertainment of so many strangers, who come from
all parts to hear this drum. Item, Bread, ten peckloaves-They cannot eat beef without bread Item, Three barrels of table-beer-They must drink with their meat.
L A D Y. Sure no woman in England has a steward that makes such ingenious comments on his works. [Aside.
V E L L U M. Item, To Mr. Tinsel's servants five bottles of port wine
-it was by your Ho--nour's order Item, Three bottles of fack for the use of Mrs. Abigal,
L A DY.
V E L L U M. We have been long friends, we are your Ho--nour's ancient servants ; fack is an innocent cordial, and gives her. fpirit to chide the servants, when they are tardy in their bus’ness; he, he, he, pardon me for being jocular.
L A DY.
V E L L U M. Item, A dozen pound of watch-lights for the use of the servants.
rogues afraid of Neeping in the dark? What an unfortunate woman am I! This is such a particular distress, it puts me to my wits end. Velluin, What would you advise
me to do?
V E L L U M. Madain, your Ho--nour has two points to consider. Imprimis, To retrench these extravagant expences, which so many strangers bring upon you-Secondly, To clear the house of this invisible Drummer.
V E L L U M.
LADY. I do. But prythee take pity on me, and be not tedious.
VELLU M. I will be concise. There is a certain person arrived this morning, an aged man of a venerable aspect, and of a long hcary beard, that reacheth down to his girdle. The common people call him a wizard, a white witch, a conjurer, a cunning man, a necroniancer, a
L A D Y.
V E L L U M. Give me the hearing, good my Lady. He pretendeth to great
skill in the occult sciences, and is come hither upon the rumour of this Drum. If one may believe him, he knows the secret of laying ghosts, or of quieting houses that are haunted.
L A DY Pho, these are idle stories to a nuse the country people, this can do us no good.
V E L L U M. It can do us no harm, my Lady..
LADY. I dare say thou dost not believe there is any thing in it thyself.
V E L L U M. I cannot fay, I do ; there is no danger however in the experiment. Let him try his skill; if it should succeed, we are rid of the Drum; if it should not, we may tell the world that it has, and by that means at least get out of this expensive way of living;