ACT IV. SCENE L Enter VELLUM and BUTLER, VELLUM, OHN, I have certain orders to give you- -and Jo therefore be attentive. BUTLER. Attentive ay, let me alone for that. he means being fober. VELLU M. You know I have always recommended to you a method in your business; I would have your knives and forks, your fpoons and napkins, your plate and glaffes. laid in a method. BUTLER. Ah, Mr. Vellum, you are such a sweet-spoken man, it does one's heart good to receive your orders. VELLU M. Method, John, makes business easy, it banishes all perplexity and confusion out of families. BUTLER. How he talks! I could hear him all day. VELLU M. And now, Jobs, let me know whether your tablelinen, your fide-board, your cellar, and every thing else within your province, are properly and methodically difpos'd for an entertainment this evening. BUT BUTLER Mafter Vellum, they fhall be ready at a quarter of an hour's warning. But pray, Sir, is this entertainment to be made for the Conjurer? VELLUM, It is, John, for the Conjurer, and yet it is not for the Conjurer. BUTLER. Why, look you, Mafter Vellum, if it is for the Conjurer, the cook-maid should have orders to get him fome difhes to his palate. Perhaps he may like a little brimftone in his fauce. VELLU M. This Conjurer, John, is a complicated creature, an amphibious animal, a perfon of a two-fold naturebut he eats and drinks like other men. BUTLER. Marry, Mafter Vellum, he should eat and drink as much as two other men, by the account you give of him, VELLU M. Thy conceit is not amifs, he is indeed a double man; ha, ha, ha! BUTLER. Ha! I understand you, he's one of your hermaphrodites, as they call 'em. VELLU M. He is married, and he is not marriedbeard, and he hath no beard. young. -he hath a He, is old and he is BUTLER. a How charmingly he talks! I fancy, Mafter Vellum, you could make riddle. The fame man old and young? how do you make that out, Mafter Vellum ? VELLU M. Thou haft heard of a fnake cafting his skin, and recovering his youth. Such is this fage perfon. BUT BUTLER. Nay, 'tis no wonder a Conjurer should be like a ferpent. When he has thrown afide the old Conjurer's flough that hangs about him, he'll come out as fine a young gentleman as ever was seen in this house. BUTLER. Does he intend to fup in his flough? VELLUM. That time will show. BUTLER. Well, I have not a head for these things. Indeed, Mr. Vellum, I have not understood one word you have faid this half hour. VELLU M. I did not intend thou fhould'ft-but to our business -let there be a table spread in the great hall. Let your pots and glaffes be wash'd, and in readiness. Bid the cook provide a plentiful fupper, and fee that all the fervants be in their beft liveries. BUTLER. Ay! now I understand every word you say. But I would rather hear you talk a little in that t'other way. VELLU M. I fhall explain to thee what I have said by and bybid Sufan lay two pillows upon your Lady's bed. BUTLE R. Two pillows! Madam won't fleep upon 'em both! fhe is not a double woman too. VELLU M. She will fleep upon neither. But hark, Mrs. Abigal, I think I hear her chiding the cook-maid. BUTLER. Then I'll away, or it will be my turn next; fhe, ! am fure, fpeaks plain English, one may eafily underftand every word the fays. (Exit Butler. Servants are good for nothing, unless they have an opinion of the perfon's understanding who has the direction of them but fee Mrs. Abigal! he has a bewitching countenance, I wish I may not be tempted to marry her in good earneft. Enter A B IGAL, ABIGA L. Ha! Mr. Vellum. VELLU M. What brings my fweet one hither ? ABIGA L. I am coming to speak to my friend behind the wainfcot. It is fit, child, he fhould have an account of this Conjurer, that he may not be furpris'd. VELLU M. That would be as much as thy thoufand pound is worth. ABIGA L. I'll' speak low-walls have ears. [Pointing at the wainscot. VELLU M. But hark you, Ducklin! be fure you do not tell him that I am let into the fecret. ABIGA L. That's a good one indeed! as if I fhould ever tell what paffes between you and me. VELLU M. No, no, my child, that muft not be; he, he, he! that must not be; he, he, he! |