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T I N S E L. Ah, my dear, they would say you lov'd your fecond; and they would own I'deservd it, for'I shall love thee most inordinately

LADY. But what would people think?

TINSEL. Think! why they would think thee the mirrour of widowhood-That a woman should live fourteen.whole months after the decease of her spouse, without having engaged herself. Why, about town, we know many a woman of quality's fecond husband several years before the death of the firft,

LADY: Ay, I know you wits have your common-place jefts upon us poor widows.

TINS EL. I'll tell you a story, widow ; I know a certain Lady, who, considering the craziness of her husband, had, in case of mortality, engaged herself to two young fellows of my acquaintance. They grew fuch desperate rivals for her while her husband was alive, that one of them pink'd the other in a duel. But the good Lady was no Tooner a widow, but what did my dowager do? Why faith, being a woman of honour, she married a third, 16 whom, it seems, the kad given her first promise.

And this is a true story upon your own knowledge ?

!; Every tittle, as I hope to be marry'd, or never believe Tom Tinsel.

L A DY. Pray, Mr. Tinsel, do you call this talking like a wit, or like a rake?

TINSE L. Innocent enough, hej he, he ! Why! Where's the difference, my dear?


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L A D Y. Yes, Mr. Tinfel, the only man I ever loved in my life, had a great deal of the one, and nothing of the other in him.

TINSEL. Nay, now you grow vapourish; thou'lt begin to fancy thou hear'ft the drum by and by.

L A D Y.

had been here last night about this time, you would not have been so merry,

T INSEL. About this time, say'st thou ? Come faith, for the humour's fake, we'll sit down and listen.

I will, if you'll promise to be serious.

TINSEL Serious ! never fear me, child. Ha, ha, ha! doft not hear him?

LADY. You break your word already. Pray, Mr. Tinsel, do you laugh to show your wit or your teeth!

TINSE L. Why, both! my dear. I'm glad however, that she has taken notice of my teeth. [Afide. But you look serious, child; I fancy thou hearft the drum, doft not?

L A D Y. Don't talk so rashly.

T IN SE L.. Why, my dear, you could not look more frighted. if you had Lucifer's drum-major in your house.

LADY. Mr. Tinsel, I must defire to see you no more in it, if you do not leave this idle way of talking.

TINSEL. Child, I thought I had told you what is my opinion of spirits, as we were drinking a dith of tea but just now There is no such thing, I give thee my word.

L A D Y. Oh, Mr. Tinsel, your authority must be of great weight to thofe that know you.

TINSEL. Por my part, child, I have made myself eafy in those points.

LADY. Sure nothing was ever like this fellow's vanity, but his ignorance.

(Afide. TINSEL. P'll tell thee what now, widow, would engage by the help of a white sheet and a penyworth of link in a dark night, to frighten you a whole country village out of their senses, and the vicar into the bargain. [Drum beats.] Hark! hark! what noise is that! Heaven defend us! this is more than fancy.

It beats more terrible than ever.

TINSE L. 'Tis very dreadful! what a dog have I been to speak againit my conscience, only to thew my parts !

L AÐ Y. It comes nearer and nearer, I wish you have not angered it by your foolish discourse.

TINSEL Indeed, Madam, I did not speak from my heart; I hope it will do me no hurt, for a little harmless rallery.

L A D Y. Harmless, d'ye call it? it beats hard by us, as if it would break through the wall.


i What a devil had I to do with a white sheet?

[Scene opens and discovers Fantome.

Mercy on us! it appears.

L A D Y.
Oh! 'tis he! 'tis himself, 'tis Sir George! 'tis my

[She faints. TINSEL. Now would I give ten thousand pound that I were in town.

[Fantome advances to him drumming. By my soul, Sir George, I was not in earnest (falls on bis knees.] Have compaflion on my youth, and consider I am but a coxcomb [Fantome points to the door.) But see he waves me off - ay with all my heart deyil had I to do with a white sheet?

(He steals off the stage, mending his pace as

the drum beats.

F Α Ν Τ Ο Μ Ε. The scoundrel is gone, and has left his mistress behind him. I'm mistaken if he makes love in this house

I have now only the conjurer to deal with. I don't question but I shall make his reverence scamper as fast as the lover. And then the day's my own. But the servants are coming. I must get into my cupboard.

(He goes in.

What a

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any more.

Enter ABIGAL and Servants.

O my poor Lady! this wicked drum has frighted
Mr. Tinsel out of his wits, and my Lady into a swoon.
Let me bend her a little forward. She revives. Here,
carry her into the fresh air, and the'll recover. (They


carry ber off.) This is a little barbarous to my Lady, but 'tis all for her good : and I know her so well, that she would not be angry with me, if she knew what I was to get by it. And if any of her friends should blame me for it hereafter,

Pll clap my band upon my purse, and tell 'em
'Twas for a thousand pound, and Mr. Vellum


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