N° 16. Thursday, April 1. Some Grains of Senfe Still mixt with Vollies of Impertinence. T Rochester's Poems. HE Writer of the following Letter being a Perfon, if you will believe his own Story, the most impertinently croffed in Love that ever any Mortal was, and allowing his Letter to fit only for one Day in the Year, have let him have his Will, and made it the Bufinefs of this. Mr. MYRTLE, SINCE I writ my last to you, wherein gave you fome Account of the confounded Ufage which I met with from the ( mischievous and ridiculous Race of the Crabtrees, I have made it my Bufinefs to enquire into, and confider the Arts and Stratagems, by which a People fo like in Genius to the Cercopitheci, fhould fo long be fuffered to impofe upon many wife, brave and learned 'Gentlemen in this County. After much Deliberation with myself, I am come to this Refolution, That all their Succeffes are owing to a certain graceless Impudence in themfelves, and an unmanly Modesty in others. There is nothing but they will attempt from their want of Ďeference to the rest of the • World; . World; and there is nothing but others feem ready to fuffer from a too great Senfibility of what the World will think of them. Among other the extraordinary Circumstances by which this Race is fignalized, I am moft diverted with their Superftition; they are, you must know, great Obfervers of lucky and unlucky Days, and Sir Anthony, whofe great Talent lies in making Fools of Mankind, C chufes on the first of April to fettle his 6 Schemes for the enfuing Year; and yet with · all the hurry which he eternally appears in, he is the lazieft Thief living. One of his Propofitions for Management is to affect Buftle, and avoid Bufinefs: This, with feveral other as wife Maxims, is fet down by his Secretary to be entered upon the first of April next. The next to that, as I could gather it out of Mr. Secretary's Coptick Cha 'racters, is, Never to look beforehand, but 'do as well as you can in the prefent Mo 'Sir ANTHONY has had great Success in following this latter Pofition; but his Noddle is fo full, by being always extricating himself from fome prefent Difficulty, that he has not time to reflect, that tho' Men 'will bear fome Hardhips into which they are furprized, they may be rouzed by repeated Injuries. THEY tell me most incredible Whim'fies of him. Among the reft, that he shall 'take a Book of Humour and Ridicule, and 'take upon him to draw out a Scheme of Po . liticks hid under thofe feeming Pleasantries. A notable Money Scrivener has informed me, เ ' me, that his Knighthood has conceived a ( mighty Opinion of South Sea Stock, not from the National and folid Security that is given 'to fupport the Intereft thereof, but from the following memorable Paffage in the 94th Page of a Book called a Tale of a Tub: Moft People agree that Piece was written เ for the Advancement of Religion only; but Sir Anthony, who fees more and less than any other Man living, will have it to be a 'Collection of Politicks; and the Paragraph upon which he grounds his Conception of เ the Fund abovementioned, is as follows. 'THE first Undertaking of Lord Peter was to Purchase a large Continent lately faid to have 'been difcovered in Terra Auftralis incognita. This Tract of Land be bought a very great Pennyworth from the Discoverers themfelves (tho' fome pretend to doubt whether they had ever been there) and then retailed it into feve'ral Cantons to certain Dealers, who carried over Colonies, but were all Shipwreck'd in the Voyage. Upon which Lord Peter fold the faid 'Continent to other Customers again, and again, ' and again, and again with the fame Success. 'Mr. MYRTLE, if you Publish this Ribaldry I now fend you, be fure you chufe the Day aufpicious to the Crabtrees (to wit) the first of April, a Day wherein, Time out of Mind, People have thought fit to divert 'themselves with paffing upon their Neigh'bours Nonfenfe and Impofition for Wit and Art. But to go on; in order to amass a vaft Sum of Money which he defigns to place in the Fund, the Benefits of which are fo mysteriously defcribed in the abovemen tioned Political Difcourfe, Sir Anthony has resolved to part with the most valuable Manufcripts in his Library, which are actually fent to Town to be fold on the faid First Day of April, and Catalogues given gratis to all the Fellows of the Royal Society. The things which he expects moft for, are as follows, Fobor Camolanth's Rudiments of Letters; being the firft Scrawls made by the faid Camolanthi with his own Hand, before the Invention of Writing, wherein is to be feen the firft B that ever was made. The fecond Curiofity is the very white Wax which John a Gant had in his Hand, when he made the famous Conveyance by an Overt A&t of biting, and the following Words, In witness that this is Sooth, THE third is an Egyptian Mummy, very 'fresh and fit to be kept as a Predeceffor to ' any Houfe which is fo Antient as to have loft the Records of its Ancestry. THE fourth is the first hallowed Slipper which was killed in Honour of St. Peter, who ' is reported by Hereticks to have worn none 6. at all himself, but to have gone a fishing barefoot. It would be endlefs to tell you all Circumstances of these prodigious Fellows, but Zachariah and Brickduft are gone Poft to London to vouch for thefe Antiqui'ties. Zachariah, Sir Anthony fays, has a ⚫ very good Countenance to ftand by the Mummy at the Sale, as well as to vouch for the white Wax in the Conveyance: I don't know what they may do with you Londoners, but they they have quite loft themselves at Gotham, ' and the twelve wife Men are afhained of them; upon which the Crabtrees fay they 'will have twelve others, but this is supposed to be only a Bounce; for the Gothamites begin to perceive, tho' too late, that the 'Crabtrees are not fuch cunning Curs as they 'pretend, but are at the Bottom Fools, tho' they fet up for the other Character. Í fupI ( pofe you must have heard the Story of the Book man; falling upon that inconfiderable Fellow das explained them more than any thing that ever happened, and Sir Anthony, ( by all intelligent People, was reckoned a 'Cadden for meddling with him; for, fay they, there were a thousand ways of getting ' rid of him, and it was not worth doing it, 'whatever Chastisement they might put him to, • at the rate of expofing themselves and their 'Affairs to the Examination which that impo'tent Vengeance brought upon them. 6 THUS the Crabtrees, who indeed never 'had Senfe, have now loft the Appearance of it; and Sir Anthony, for thefe ten Days laft paft, could not get any Body to whisper 'him: When he offers it, the Party attempted 'ftands full before him, and there you fee poor Sir Anthony, in a need to whisper, jerking and writhing his Noddle, and begging an Audience of a Starer who ftands in the 'Pofture of a Man ftiff with Amazement, 'that he had not found him out before. If you'll turn to the next Page to that I quoted above, to wit, the next to the 94th, (which Phrafe I own I fteal from Juvenal's Volveris à prima quæ proxima,) you will find that • Sir |