At which, 'tis hard to be believ'd
How much the other tree was griev'd,
Grew scrubbed, dy'd a-top, was stunted ;
So the next parson stubb'd and burnt it.

A DESCRIPTION OF THE MORNING.

1709.

Now hardly here and there an hackney coach
Appearing, show'd the ruddy Morn's approach,
Now Betty from her master's bed had flown,
And softly stole to discompose her own;
The slipshod 'prentice from his master's door
Had par'd the dirt, and sprinkled round the floor.
Now Moll had whirl'd her mop with dextrous airs,
Prepar'd to scrub the entry and the stairs.
The youth with broomy stumps began to trace
The kennel's edge, where wheels had worn the place.
The small-coal-man was heard with cadence deep,
Till drown'd in shriller notes of chimney-sweep.
Duns at his lordship’s gate began to meet ;
And brick-dust Moll had scream'd through half the

street.
The turnkey now his flock returning sees,
Duly let out a-nights to steal for fees :
The watchful bailiffs take their silent stands,
And school-boys lag with satchels in their hands.

HES

THE GRAND QUESTION DEBATED:

WHETHER HAMILTON'S BAWN SHOULD BE TURNED

INTO A BARRACK OR A MALT-HOUSE. 1729.

Thus spoke to my lady the knight * full of care :
“ Let me have your advice in a weighty affair.
This Hamilton's bawnt, whilst it sticks on my hand,
I lose by the house what I get by the land ;
But how to dispose of it to the best bidder,
For a barrack or malt-house, we now must consider.

“ First, let me suppose I make it a mált-house,
Here I have computed the profit will fall t us ;
There's nine hundred pounds for labour and grain,
I increase it to twelve, so three hundred remain ;
A handsome addition for wine and good cheer,
Three dishes a day, and three hogsheads a year :
With a dozen large vessels my vault shall be stor'd;
No little scrub joint shall come on my board ;
And you and the Dean no more shall combine
To stint me at night to one bottle of wine;
Nor shall I, for his humour, permit you to purloin
A stone and a quarter of beef from

my

surloin. If I make it a barrack, the crown is my tenant ! My dear, I have ponder'd again and again on 't:

* Sir Arthur Acheson, at whose seat this was written.

† A large old house, two miles from Sir Arthur's seat. F.

In poundage and drawbacks I lose half my rent;
Whatever they give me, I must be content,
Or join with the court in every debate ;
And rather than that, I would lose my estate."
Thus ended the knight; thus began his meek wife :
“ It must, and it shall be a barrack, my life.
I'm grown a mere mopus; no company comes,
But a rabble of tenants, and rusty dull Rums S,
With parsons what lady can keep herself clean?
I'm all over daub'd when I sit by the Dean.
But if you will give us a barrack, my dear,
The captain, I'm sure, will always come here;
I then shall not value his Deanship a straw,
For the captain, I warrant, will keep him in awe;
Or should he pretend to be brisk and alert,
Will tell him that chaplains should not be'so pert;
That men of his coat should be minding their prayers,
And not among ladies to give themselves airs."

Thus argued my lady, but argued in vain;
The knight his opinion resolv'd to maintain.

But Hannah ||, who listen'd to all that was past, And could not endure so vulgar a taste, As soon as her ladyship call’d to be drest, Cry’d, “ Madam, why surely my master 's possest ! Sir Arthur the maltster! how fine it will sound! I'd rather the bawn were sunk under ground. But, madam, I guess'd there would never come good, When I saw him so often with Darby and Wood. I

& A cant word in Ireland for a poor country clergyinan. F.

My lady's waiting-woman. F
Two of Sir Arthur's managers. N.

And now my dream 's out; for I was a-dream'd That I saw a huge rat O dear, how I scream'd! And after, methought, I had lost my new shoes ; And Molly, she said, I should hear some ill news.

“ Dear madam, had you but the spirit to tease, You might have a barrack whenever you please : And, madam, I always believ'd you so stout, That for twenty denials you would not give out. If I had a husband like him, I purtest, Till he gave me my will, I would give him no rest; And, rather than come in the same pair of sheets With such a cross man, I would lie in the streets; But, madam, I beg you contrive and invent, And worry him out, till he gives his consent. Dear madam, whene'er of a barrack I think, An I were to be hang'd, I can't sleep a wink : For if a new crotchet comes into my brain, I can't get it out, though I'd never so fain. I fancy already a barrack contriv'd At Hamilton's bawn, and the troop is arriv'd; Of this, to be sure, Sir Arthur has warning, And waits on the captain betimes the next morning. Now see, when they meet, how their honours behave: • Noble captain, your servant' - - Sir Arthur, your

slave;

You honour me much' - The honour is mine.'" 'Twas a sad rainy night'— But the morning is fine.'

(service.'. • Pray how does my lady?'— My wife's at your • I think I have seen her picture by Jervas.' • Good morrow, good captain. I'll wait on you down.'

[clown : • You sha'n't stir a foot.'. "You 'll think me a

For all the world, captain --Not half an inch farther.'

(Arthur! • You must be obey'd !' -' Your servant, Sir My humble respects to my lady unknown.'. • I hope you will use my house as your own.

“ Go bring me my smock, and leave off your prate, Thou hast certainly gotten a cup in thy pate.

“ Pray, madam, be quiet; what was it I said ! You had like to have put it quite out of my heade Next day, to be sure, the captain will come, At the head of his troops, with trumpet and drum. Now, madam, observe how he marches in state : The man with the kettle-drum enters the gate : Dub, dub, adub, dub. The trumpeters follow, Tantara, tantara ; while all the boys hollow. See now comes the captain all daub'à with gold lace: O la! the sweet gentleman ! look in his face ; And see how he rides like a lord of the land, With the fine flaming sword that he holds in his hand; And his horse, the dear creter,

it

prances
With ribbons in knots at its tail and its ears :
At last comes the troop by the word of command,
Drawn up in our court; when the captain cries,

Stand!
Your ladyship lifts up the sash to be seen
(For sure I had dizen'd you out like a queen).
The captain, to show he is proud of the favour,
Looks

up your window, and cocks up his beaver. (His beaver is cock'd; pray, madam, mark that, For a captain of horse never takes off his hat, Because he has never a hand that is idle; For the right holds the sword, and the left holds the

bridle :)

and rears;

to