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So when Troy chairmen bore the wooden steed,
Now from all parts the swelling kennels flow,
[mu, Drown'd puppies, stinking sprats, all drench'd in Dead cats, and turnip-tops, come tumbling down
HORACE, BOOK III. ODE II.
TO THE EARL OF OXFORD, LATE LORD TREASURER.
SENT TO HIM WHEN IN THE TOWER, 1617.
How blest is he who for his country dies,
Virtue repuls’d, yet knows not to repine,
Virtue, to crown her favourites, loves to try
Next, faithful silence hath a sure reward ; Within our breast be every secret barr'd! He who betrays his friend, shall never be Under one roof, or in one ship, with me. For who with traitors would his safety trust, Lest, with the wicked, Heaven involve the just ? And, though the villain 'scape awhile, he feels Slow vengeance, like a blood-hound, at his heels.
MRS. HARRIS'S PETITION. 1699. To their excellencies the lords justices of Ireland ,
the humble petition of Frances Harris, Who must starve, and die a maid, if it miscarries ;
Humbly showeth, That I went to warm myself in Lady Betty's † cham
ber, because I was cold; And I had in a purse seven pounds, four shillings,
and sixpence, besides farthings, in money and gold:
* The ensign of the lord treasurer's office. + The Earls of Berkeley and of Galway. | Lady Betty Berkeley, afterwards Germaine.
So, because I had been buying things for my lady
last night, 1 was resolv'd to tell my money, to see if it was
right. Now, you must know, because my trunk has a very
bad lock, Therefore all the money I have, which, God knows,
is a very small stock, I keep in my pocket, ty'd about my middle, next to
my smock. So when I went to put up my purse, as God would
have it, my smock was unript, And, instead of putting it into my pocket, down it
Then the bell rung, and I went down to put my lady
to bed; And, God knows, I thought my money was as safe
as my maidenhead. So, when I came up again, I found my pocket feel
very light : But when I search'd, and miss'd my purse, Lord!
I thought I should have sunk outright. Lord ! madam, says Mary, how d' ye do? Indeed,
says I, never worse : But pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done
with my purse ? Lord help me! said Mary, I never stirr'd out of
this place : Nay, said I, I had it in Lady Betty's chamber, that's
a plain case. So Mary got me to bed and cover'd me up warm : However, she stole away my garters, that I might
do myself no harm.
So I tumbled and toss'd all night, as you inay very
well think, But hardly ever set my eyes together, or slept a
wink. So I was a-dream'd, methought, that we went and
search'd the folks round, And in a corner of Mrs. Dukes's * box, ty'd in a rag,
the money was found. So next morning we told Whittle t, and he fell
a-swearing : Then my dame Wadger | came; and she, you know,
is thick of hearing. Dame, said I, as loud as I could bawl, do you know
what a loss I have had ? Nay, said she, my Lord Colway's & folks are all very
For my Lord Dromedary || comes a Tuesday with
out fail. Pugh! said I, but that 's not the business that I ail, Says Cary 1, says he, I have been a servant this five
and twenty years, come spring, And in all the places I liv’d, I never heard of such
* Wife to one of the footmen.
| The Earl of Drogheda, who, with the primate, was to succeed the two earls.
Clerk of the kitchen.
Yes, says the steward *, I remember, when I was
at my Lady Shrewsbury's, Such a thing as this happen’d just about the time of
gooseberries. So I went to the party suspected, and I found her
full of grief, (Now, you must know, of all things in the world,
I hate a thief.) However, I am resolv’d to bring the discourse slily
about: Mrs. Dukes, said I, here 's an ugly accident has
happen'd out: 'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a
louse † ; But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the
house. 'Tis true, seven pounds, four shillings, and sixpence,
makes a great hole in my wages : Besides, as they say, service is no inheritance in
Now, Mrs. Dukes, you know, and every body
understands, That though 'tis hard to judge, yet money can't go
without hands. The devil take me! said she (blessing herself) if
ever I saw 't! So she roar'd like a Bedlam, as though I had callid
her all to naught.