So, because I had been buying things for my lady

last night,

I was resolv'd to tell my money, to see if it was

right.

Now, you must know, because my trunk has a very bad lock,

Therefore all the money I have, which, God knows, is a very small stock,

I keep in my pocket, ty'd about my middle, next to my smock.

So when I went to put up my purse, as God would have it, my smock was unript,

And, instead of putting it into my pocket, down it

slipt;

Then the bell rung, and I went down to put my lady

to bed;

And, God knows, I thought my money was as safe as my maidenhead.

So, when I came up again, I found my pocket feel very light:

But when I search'd, and miss'd my purse, Lord! I thought I should have sunk outright. Lord! madam, says Mary, how d' ye do? Indeed, says I, never worse:

But pray, Mary, can you tell what I have done with my purse?

Lord help me! said Mary, I never stirr'd out of this place:

Nay, said I, I had it in Lady Betty's chamber, that's a plain case.

So Mary got me to bed and cover'd me up warm: However, she stole away my garters, that I might do myself no harm.

So I tumbled and toss'd all night, as you may very

well think,

But hardly ever set my eyes together, or slept a wink.

So I was a-dream'd, methought, that we went and search'd the folks round,

And in a corner of Mrs. Dukes's * box, ty'd in a rag, the money was found.

So next morning we told Whittle+, and he fell a-swearing:

Then my dame Wadger ‡ came; and she, you know, is thick of hearing.

Dame, said I, as loud as I could bawl, do you know what a loss I have had?

Nay, said she, my Lord Colway's § folks are all very

sad;

For my Lord Dromedary || comes a Tuesday without fail.

Pugh! said I, but that 's not the business that I ail, Says Cary, says he, I have been a servant this five and twenty years, come spring,

And in all the places I liv'd, I never heard of such a thing.

*Wife to one of the footmen.

+ Earl of Berkeley's valet.

The old deaf housekeeper.

S Galway.

The Earl of Drogheda, who, with the primate, was to succeed the two earls.

Clerk of the kitchen.

Yes, says the steward*, I remember, when I was at my Lady Shrewsbury's,

Such a thing as this happen'd just about the time of

gooseberries.

So I went to the party suspected, and I found her full of grief,

(Now, you must know, of all things in the world, I hate a thief.)

However, I am resolv'd to bring the discourse slily about:

Mrs. Dukes, said I, here 's an ugly accident has happen'd out:

'Tis not that I value the money three skips of a

louse +;

But the thing I stand upon is the credit of the

house.

'Tis true, seven pounds, four shillings, and sixpence, makes a great hole in my wages: Besides, as they say, service is no inheritance in these ages.

Now, Mrs. Dukes, you know, and every body understands,

That though 'tis hard to judge, yet money can't go without hands.

The devil take me! said she (blessing herself) if ever I saw 't!

So she roar'd like a Bedlam, as though I had call'd her all to naught.

• Ferris.

An usual saying of hers.

So, you know, what could I say to her any more? I e'en left her, and came away as wise as I was be

Well;

fore.

but then they would have had me gone to the cunning man!

No, said I, 'tis the same thing, the chaplain will be

here anon.

So the chaplain came in. Now, the servants say he is my sweetheart,

Because he's always in my chamber, and I always take his part.

So, as the devil would have it, before I was aware, out I blunder'd,

Parson, said I, can you cast a nativity, when a body's plunder'd?

(Now, you must know, he hates to be call'd parson like the devil!)

Truly, says he, Mrs. Nab, it might become you to be more civil;

If your money be gone, as a learned divine says, d' ye see;

You are no text for my handling; so take that from

me:

I was never taken for a conjurer before, I'd have you to know.

Lord! said I, don't be angry, I am sure I never thought you so;

You know I honour the cloth; I design to be a parson's wife;

I never took one in your coat for a conjurer, in all my life.

* Dr. Swift.

With that he twisted his girdle at me like a rope, as who should say,

Now you may go hang yourself for me! and so went

:

away.

Well I thought I should have swoon'd. Lord! said I, what shall I do?

I have lost my money, and shall lose my true love

too!

Then my lord call'd me: Harry *, said my lord,

don't cry;

I'll give you something towards thy loss; and, says my lady, so will I.

Oh! but, said I, what if, after all, the chaplain won't come to?

For that, he said, (an't please your excellencies,) I must petition you.

The premisses tenderly consider'd, I desire your excellencies protection,

And that I may have a share in next Sunday's col

'lection;

And over and above, that I may have your excellencies letter,

With an order for the chaplain aforesaid, or, instead of him, a better:

And then your poor petitioner, both night and day, Or the chaplain (for 'tis his trade), as in duty bound, shall ever pray.

* A cant word of Lord and Lady B. to Mrs. Harris.