author takes to pass for you, I am ready to acquit you of the scandal. You would certainly have written better, and your pen at least would not have appeared so near a-kin to that of the Craftsman Extraordinary. Who this author supposes the Occasional Writer to be, I cannot guess. Such a wretch as he describes is, I believe, to be found nowhere, nor even such an image of guilt and misery anywhere, except in the horrors of his own mind. I shall, therefore, with a decent contempt for this scurrilous scribbler, and without any concern about his imaginary correspondent, continue these inoffensive letters, in great tranquillity and sedateness, as often as occasion invites me, or as I find myself in the humor. THE OCCASIONAL WRITER. NUMBER III. TO THE SAME. Quis te, juvenum confidentissime, nostras Jussit adire domos? Quidve hinc petis? inquit. At ille, MOST NOBLE SIR: WHEN I wrote the postscript to my last letter, I believed firmly that the answer to the Occasional Writer was neither written by you, nor published by your order. Many considerations determined me to this opinion. For instance: I could not think, that in order to vent yourself in a fit of railing, you would draw a picture out of your own imagination, which cannot pass for that of the person who wrote to you, even in the low and vile character he assumed, and which you will hardly venture to own that you meant to be the resemblance of any man in Britain. I could not persuade myself that you would give occasion, as I apprehend very much that you have done, to the drawing of another picture after the life, to which no one will mistake, and which you will not be curious to place in your collection of paintings. I have, with the rest of mankind, a great regard for some of your friends: but I have, with the rest of mankind likewise, a great regard for your particular enemies, among whom it seemed impossible to me that you, who know them so well, should presume to find either slaves or criminals, or insolvent debtors. I dare affirm, that there is not one of them, who ever "mortgaged his estate for more than its value, or reduced himself near the necessity of living by contribution." These are some of the motives which induced me to acquit you of the scandal, as I then thought it, of writing this paper. But, upon better information, and farther reflection, I have changed my opinion; and I see nothing inconsistent with my respect for you, in believing that you did write it. As great an advantage as it is in all the affairs of life for a man to keep his temper, it is often excusable, and perhaps sometimes even praiseworthy, to lose it. When a minister is contradicted in matters relating to his administration, and when busy people shall presume to ask his reasons, instead of submitting to his authority, can we wonder if his passion transports him into rhodomontades, and if he behaves himself a little wildly? But when the virtue of a minister like you, whose whole life has been one bright example of public and private virtue, shall be suspected, so far as to be tempted to passion, who can refuse him even applause, if his generous soul, transported with a just indignation, breathes forth such expressions, as might, upon a less occasion, pass for indecent ribaldry? This was your case, most noble sir, in the trial which I presumed lately to make, with too much boldness perhaps, but surely with a very good design. A man writes to you from his garret, describes himself as a prostitute scribbler, and offers you the service of his pen: this, and this alone, appears to you; upon which a noble indignation seizes you, and you strike boldly, though you strike in the dark. There is really somewhat fine in this sally of resentment, and it confirms, in the highest degree, the sentiments I have long entertained of your integrity, of your ability, and of a certain grace which accompanies and gives a lustre to every part of your conduct. The share I had in this adventure affords me great satisfaction. Your anger fell on a feigned character, and hurts me not; but the honor of having drawn an answer from the first minister, and an answer in print, accrues to me, and is such a one as the greatest of our weekly authors could never boast. Give me leave, therefore, to be transported in my turn, but to be transported with joy, and to insert an abstract of your answer in this paper, as Balzac placed at the head of his works, a letter from the Cardinal de Richelieu. I consult my own honor, it must be confessed, in doing this; but I consider still more that just applause and admiration which I, with the rest of the world, am obliged on this occasion to give you. To those parts of the Occasional Writer's letter, which show that you are at this juncture in want of such services as the scoundrel he personated might be fit to do, you make no reply. The want you seem to admit, but the offer of service you reject: let the public hear in what manner. ABSTRACT OF THE MR'S ANSWER TO THE OCCASIONAL WRITER. Page 1. "Though you have not signed your name, I know you. Because a man who is without all principles of honesty, who in no one thing can be relied upon, a betrayer of his friend, a traitor to his prince, an enemy to his country, a perjured, ungrateful, unfaithful rascal, must be you; one who is a composition of all these things, can be only you. Page 2. "You are an infamous fellow, who make a reputation of doing mischief; and Herostratus and Nero were not greater villains than you. "You are of so profligate a character, that in your prosperity nobody envied you, and in your disgrace nobody pities you. "You were in the interest of France, and of the Pope, as hath appeared by your writings, and you went out of the way to save yourself from the gallows. Page 3. "You are a fellow who has no conscience at all, or a damnable complying one: and if you would lend it to me, it would be of no use to me. "You have no abilities; you are an emancipated slave, a proscribed criminal, and an insolvent debtor: and I am not in such a desperate forlorn condition, to employ a fellow who hath no talents. Page 4. "You have been a traitor, and should be used like one. And I love my master so well, that I will never advise him to use you, lest you should jostle me out of my employment. "The majority are of my opinion. One side rails at you, the other dislikes you; and that Palinurus would deserve to be drowned indeed, who would let you have the rudder, if he could help it. Page 5. "I do not value what you or your company say of me; neither am I to be frighted with a parliamentary scrutiny. You rail at me, because you envy me; and I despise all that a man in the impotence of disgrace can do against me, who could never terrify me in the zenith of his power." Then follow these admirable arguments. Page 6, 7, 8. "I. You may talk what you will of France, Spain, and the emperor, power is fluctuating, and perhaps I know who is Britain's enemy as well as another. II. Though we did lend the emperor a helping hand, we are not to let him do what he pleases; and when we set him up, it was good politics, and now it is equally good to take him down. III. I do not question but we shall humble him. IV. I must tell you plainly, you and I, as to foreign affairs, differ widely in opinion. V. When our neighbors grow saucy and encroaching, it is high time to look about us, and not to be taken napping. VI. I know you are like the emperor, because he is like yourself in ingratitude; and you hate our friend France, because you were well received there. "If any body says any thing of me, pray tell them ALL THESE THINGS. But for all that, I will not give you an employment. VOL. I.-U "I know you to be so hot-headed, that when you have read this, you will vent all your malice against me. But I do not value it; for I would rather have you my enemy than my friend. "Change your names, and be as abusive and scurrilous as you please, I shall find you out. I am Aristaus; you are Proteus. You may change to a flame, a lion, a bull, or a bear, I shall know you, baffle you, conquer you, and contemn you. All your opposition will redound to my honor and glory. And so, sir, I scorn your proffered services. Sir, "Your most, &c." How great! how free! how bold! how generous! Well may those who have the honor of a near approach to you, extol the noble openness of your nature, which displays itself in this uncommon manner; and think that temper in a statesman truly admirable, which loses itself so gloriously. Did ever minister speak so plainly, or lay himself so open to any man, and especially to such a man as you supposed yourself writing to at that time? Far from discovering hatred and contempt of such wretches, persons in your situation have generally encouraged, and even feared them. Nay, they have sometimes aspired to be themselves of that class; and Seneca's Apocolocynthosis upon Claudius is not the sole instance of ministers who have dipped their pens in satire, to rail at the memory of a dead prince. But now, after this honorable declaration which you have made, after this great example which you have given, let every mercenary scribbler, every tool of secret service, tremble and despair. Long may you live, most noble sir, the just model of a minister, who scorns the assistance of flattery, falsehood, artifice, or corruption. I have devoted myself to your service, and shall certainly attend you through every stage of your fortune: as long as we both draw vital air, you shall feel the effects of my zeal in your cause, and I promise you very solemnly, that from henceforward I will live for no other purpose; so that I am persuaded you will hear with pleasure the three engagements which I think it proper to take with the public and with you. The first is, that my pen shall constantly preserve decency and good manners, and shall never be stained with any abuse of particular persons. I will chastise vice, I will expose folly, and I will combat error, wherever I find them. But I will never touch upon any unalterable defects in figure, in family, in birth, in any kind whatsoever; much less will I allow myself to hint at any particular scandal, or even to mention any real misfortune, which may equally befall the best and the worst of men; unless I am forced by my subject to it, and unless I can soften the evil by the |