The Cheltonían. DECEMBER 1866. NOT Orbis Vestítus. OT many years ago, there appeared in Germany a work entitled, "Clothes, their Origin and Influence," the production of a certain Herr Diogenes Teufelsdröckh, who at that time held the somewhat vague but nevertheless imposing office of "Professor of Things in General" in the University of Weissnichtwo, a flourishing and important town, but one for which we fear the intelligent reader will search in vain in the best maps of Germany. This work was intended to open out a new and interesting field of philosophy as yet unexplored; and though we can hardly acquiesce in the sanguine and enthusiastic praises of many who hailed its appearance with delight, as being the dawn of a new era in civilization, prophesying at the same time that it would effect an entire revolution in the social relations of society, yet we must acknowledge that there is here contained much food for real and serious thought, especially among those to whom the consideration of such an every-day subject as clothes in a philosophical light may be new, and therefore all the more attractive. In order that so extraordinary a work should not remain unknown among ourselves, an English edition of it has been published by Mr. Thomas Carlyle, one of the greatest of modern English philosophers, which will well repay study. Perhaps, however, we are wrong in saying that it has been edited, for as Mr. Carlyle himself quaintly remarks, he has only endeavoured to pick a few plums for the benefit of the British public, out of the enormous amorphous plum-pudding which Herr Teufelsdröckh had kneaded for the edification of his fellow mortals, No. 8.-Vol. I -and, moreover, no inconsiderable portion of the work is devoted to a history of the life, adventures, and opinions of the author himself, presenting a lively and interesting sketch of the worthy Professor of Things in General, who was, from his unknown origin and taciturn habits, considered by many to be the veritable and original Wandering Jew. Returning, however, to our subject, we would remark that it may seem strange, nay, even unaccountable, that while we have volumes upon volumes of Histories and Philosophies on almost every imaginable subject, from the System of the Universe down to cheese-mites, nothing until lately has been written on what is so near and obvious to all of us-the origin and meaning of clothes, which man wears in addition to his vestures of flesh and skin, as his outmost wrappage or overall. Perhaps it is because all philosophers have taken for granted that we are by nature clothed animals, which is not the case, seeing that man is the only creature which requires artificial vestures to protect him against extremes of temperature, guards, which in all other living things are spontaneous and natural. The learned editor seems to think that such speculations could only have arisen in Germany, where philosophers fish in all manner of waters, and not without result; while we in England are too much taken up with our mercantile greatness and British constitution to think of anything so abstruse. Laying aside, however, the scientific part of the question, and turning only to the historical, we must remark that the idea of giving a description of the various costumes in which man has thought fit to deck himself from the earliest recorded times to the present day, would seem preposterous for one man to attempt; but, nevertheless, our Professor has done so, and with a success which speaks volumes for the learning and indomitable perseverance of the writer. As the editor remarks, here is a treasure as inexhaustible as that of King Nibelung, which twelve waggons making three journeys each a day, could not carry off in twelve days. Sheepskin cloaks and wampum belts; phylacteries, stoles, albs; chlamydes, togas, Chinese silks, shawls, trunk hose, leather breeches, Celtic philibegs, Hussar cloaks, Vandyke tippets, ruffs, fardingales,-every article of costume which human ingenuity has devised, even down to Wellington boots and nightcaps, are here brought before our eyes and commented on. Interspersed among these descriptions occur philosophical reflections, from which we select the following description of an Aboriginal Anthropophagus," such as were the ancient Gallic tribes, or the earliest inhabitants of Britain, intended to prove that the primary object of clothes is not warmth or decency but ornament; in fact, that our forefathers were as vain as ourselves :— "Miserable indeed was his condition, glaring fiercely from under his fleece of hair, which with the beard reached down to the loins, and hung round him like a matted cloak; the rest of his body being mantled in its natural fell. He loitered in the sunny glades of the forest, living on wild fruits; or, as the ancient Caledonian, squatted himself in morasses, lurking for his bestial or human prey. Without implements, without arms, save the ball of heavy flint, to which, that his sole possession and defence might not be lost, he had attached a long cord of plaited thongs, thereby recovering it, as well as hurling it with deadly unerring skill. Nevertheless, the pains of hunger and revenge once satisfied, his next care was not comfort but decoration. Warmth he found in the labour of the chase, or amid dried leaves, in his hollow tree, in his bark shed, or natural grotto: but for decoration he must have clothes. Nay, among wild people we find painting and tatooing even prior to clothes. * : He who first shortened the labour of copyists by device of moveable types, was disbanding hired armies and creating a new democratic world he had invented the art of Printing. The first pounded handful of nitre, sulphur and charcoal, drove Monk Schwartz's pestle through the ceiling: what will the last do? It was but a simple invention of the grazier of the old world, sick of lugging his slow ox about the country till he got it exchanged for corn or oil, to take a piece of leather and stamp it with the figure of his ox (Pecus), and then call it money (Pecunia); yet hereby did barter become sale, and leather money grow into gold or paper. And now whosoever has a sixpence is lord over all men: he can command philosophers to teach him, cooks to feed him, kings to protect him,— to the length of sixpence. Clothes, too, which began in the most foolish love of ornament, what have they not become! Increased security and pleasurable warmth followed on their use, but what of these? Modesty, divine Modesty, as yet a stranger to the anthropophagous bosom, arose there mysteriously under clothes; a mystic grove-encircled shrine for that which is holy in man. Clothes gave us individuality, distinctions, social polity; clothes have made men of us; they are threatening to turn us into clothesscreens." The truth of the latter part of this last sentence we think everyone must acknowledge. It is indeed strange, and even humiliating, to reflect that to many it is a more distinguished and far more coveted honour to be the first to set the fashion in a new cut of coat, than to promote intellectual or political progress; in short, better to take the lead in the walks of vanity than in those of usefulness. But in the statement that clothes have given us individuality and social polity, all will perhaps not so readily acquiesce; and it is on this subject that our Professor's speculation will probably astonish most readers. He expounds their moral, political, and even religious influence, and says that all man's earthly interests are hooked and buttoned together and held up by clothes, or, in other words, "Society is founded upon clothes, and sails through the Infinitude on cloth, as it were on a Faust's mantle, without which it would sink to endless depths, or mount to insane speculations, and in either case cease to exist." These remarks may at first sight appear somewhat extravagant, but a little reflection will suffice to show their truth. For is it not natural that the external vesture should influence to some extent that which it symbolizes? Again, is not everything that we see and hear the covering of something deeper beneath? Speech, we are told, is the garment of thought; so also all symbols are but garments of what they express. Every word is the garment of the idea it contains; and, above all, are not those words true, which Göthe in his "Faust" gives to the Erd-Geist or Earth-Spirit, declaring that all nature, everything that we behold above, beneath, or around, is the living garment or manifestation of Divine Presence : In Being's floods, in Action's storm, I walk and work, above, beneath, An infinite Ocean; A seizing and giving The fire of Living: "Tis thus at the Loom of Time I ply, And weave for God the Garment thou seest Him by. Herr Teufelsdröckh seems to have been led to the consideration of the subject of clothes by some speculations which occurred to him while on horseback. How is this?" he thought; "the animal I bestride has his own natural vesture: strip him of this saddle and trappings wherewith I have loaded him, and he still has his well-fitting perennial waterproof suit, not only comfortable but ornamental, what with its frills and fringes and gay varieties of colour. While I, gracious Heavens! have thatched myself all over with the fleeces of dead sheep, the bark of vegetables, the entrails of worms, the hides of oxen or seals, the felt of furred beasts, and walk abroad a moving rag-screen, overheaped with shreds and tatters raked out of the great charnel-house of nature, where they would have rotted, to rot on me more slowly! Every morning I must thatch myself anew, every night I must remove the thatch again; while day by day some film of it is worn away in dust and brushed into the ashpit, till by degrees the whole has been brushed thither, and I, a patent rag-grinder must get new material to grind down! These reflections, he remarks, filled him with horror both at himself and at the rest of mankind, much the same as one would feel while gazing at the cows in the meadows of Gouda, which, during the wet season of the year, deliberately and cold-bloodedly graze dressed in long garments or petticoats of striped sacking ! Our quaint philosopher proceeds to argue the truth of his assertions about the importance of clothes as the prop and mainstay of society, by an illustration so utterly ludicrous, that we cannot refrain from inserting it here. "Often in my atrabiliar moods," he says, "when I read of pompous ceremonials, Frankfort Coronations, Royal Drawing-Rooms, Levees, &c.; and how the Ushers and Macers and Pursuivants are all 'in waiting'; how Duke this is presented by Archduke that, and Colonel A by General B, and innumerable Bishops, Admirals, and miscellaneous functionaries are advancing gallantly to the Royal presence; and I strive in my remote privacy to form a clear picture of that solemnity. On a sudden, as by some enchanter's wand, the-shall it be said?-the clothes fly off all the dramatic corps, and Dukes, Grandees, Bishops, Generals, Royalty itself, every mother's son of them, stand straddling there, without a shirt amongst them; and I know not whether to laugh or weep." Alas! alas! men at best are but mortal; but without their clothes what are they? Fancy each personage skulking for very shame into the nearest hidingplace, while solvuntur risu tabulæ, and at the same time the whole fabric of Government, Legislation, Property, Police, and Civilised Society, melts away in dismal wails and howls. Would it be possible for unclothed mortals to administer justice? We promptly answer No! Could the judge pronounce sentence without his wig and scarlet robe? or the jury-infandum ! infandum! We will go no further; enough has been said to prove that the Professor's words were spoken in real sober earnest, and not by way of empty laudation of the subject of his extraordinary volume. Swift, in no complimentary mood, remarked that "man is a forked straddling animal with bandy legs." To this definition we may add, that he is also of necessity a clothed animal, both for the reasons we have mentioned and the following. We are neither opossums nor kangaroos; we have not natural pouches: how then could we, without clothes, carry what is the true master-organ, the |