Page images
PDF
EPUB

however, I found that which was more than merely dissipating. That letter of Patty's (I could have hugged her, to use her own hearty phrase, as I read it,) is one of the loveliest effusions of an ardent zeal and genuine godliness, I ever met with. Oh for the spirit that expanded and fired that faithful, simple soul, at that moment of tender and hallowed excitement ! That wild fervid utterance of sacred feeling is worth all the talent, and taste, and literary excellence of the volume,-I guess even of the four volumes! I should have loved sister Martha. A letter of Newton is very affecting, and nice; and one of the heroine's, to Mr. Wilberforce, giving a detailed account of the inimitable undertakings at Cheddar, &c. .

her

labours in the schools, &c., exalts her character, in my view, far above all her writings, which I have always thought defective. How should we bless the Dispenser of all, that he has not, amongst our other trials, tried us with Hannah More's talent! What a miracle that she was brought through, and brought out at the last!'

6

February, 1829.- Began the Sunday evening lecture at Bunch Grove. . . . . Instead of thirty or forty old and infirm, I suppose at least a hundred, from all quarters, were assembled. We opened with the Evening hymn. I knelt on reading part of our Evening service, the rest standing, there not being room or disposition to adopt my posture. Then sang the Old 100th Psalm; and I read, and, with astonishment to myself, preached closely, plainly, and confidently, from Matt. xi. 28. The generality seemed collected by curiosity, and were uncomfortably crammed together, and without seats; but some seemed interested, and, with the exception of a few, who I afterwards heard behaved ill at the further end of the room, all seemed

orderly and attentive. I closed with a short prayer, asking a blessing on the meeting, and with the benediction. Declared my hope. of meeting them once a week, and left them. My heart thankful, I dragged my weary length along with less of pain than might have been expected. Touched with the goodness of God.' March. Meeting at Bunch Grove less crowded, but full. Very exhausted, and voice falling, but supported through. Singing nicely conducted. Some very attentive Dissenters present; and all exceedingly quiet, and decently conducted. Oh that it may become a spiritual assembly! When I think of my total want of qualification for such a service, I tremble at my seeming presumption in undertaking it. God is good: may I have his glory singly at heart, in all I do, and say, and think!'

March. Assisted greatly during the evening service, in address and prayer. How thankful should my heart be! Dissenters chiefly left us; meeting smaller, but attentive.'

The labours and, above all, the solicitude of Mr. Paterson's situation, were at this time gradually wearing down, not his moral, but his physical strength; and the want. of society and sympathy in his ministerial labours, beginning to be painfully felt, led him about the summer of 1835 to meditate some change of station, which should at once afford him the rest now so essential to his bodily health, and offer him nearer intercourse with fellow-Christians. This opportunity at length presented itself in the city of Bath, through an exchange of duty with the Rev. William Holt, then minister of Laura Chapel. There, in the immediate neighbourhood of beloved relatives, he found a delightful resource in the family of his brother-in-law, the Rev. Harvey Marriott, Rector of Claverton.

He entered upon this new and untried scene of ministerial labours early in January, 1836. This change proved the less successful in renovating his bodily frame, as he found it more exciting and attractive to his spiritual affections, and pastoral zeal; though with no immediate, or appointed, pastoral duties. Such in these moments, as in all the past,' he will best express his own feelings on entering upon his new sphere of active life.

Work is yet granted me, and much is to be done here: even for such a labourer, service is found.' After speaking very humbly of his own characteristic severity, he adds: Oh may my prudent and tender master vouchsafe to me gentleness and judgment, (really such) and affectionate fidelity; and, what is very requisite, a hallowed indifference to opinion, with habitual deafness to religious gossip, and much of a silent, calm, spiritual frame of heart and mind! Trials, I find, do not leave us, unless the Lord himself does. And how blessed it is, they only vary in number, and kind, and power of affecting us! I seem called to a new and peculiar order of them, which may be expected to make strange inward disclosures, as well as discoveries without, in respect to human nature generally, and the workings and rebellions of the soul, under gracious influence and discipline; only, perhaps, to be learnt by intimate and professional association with collected bodies of men and Christians.'

'Oh, what a work is ours! I seem to feel it more awful and tremendous than ever, yet more blessed and exalted. Never was I SO SENSIBLY weak in it, yet never so strong. My Sabbaths are days of much demand upon the frame generally, but not unhappy days. Between my own services

I manage to get to some neighbouring sanctuary, where I can

join as one of the worshippers, in a way that is new, and strangely delightful to me at seasons. The power of throwing off all weight and care connected with officiating, which has ever been so burdensome and depressing to me, is very happy and delightful; the singing I find peculiarly touching and elevating.

If

You ask, and with apparent soberness, whether I really prefer my novel situation to that lately left. I would not have a choice, and I strive to put away instantly every rising thought about matters of the kind. Perhaps, if I considered the point, I should be obliged to confess, that the utter loneliness of West Hoathley caused me what I do not wholly feel here, and what I think I never again can voluntarily covet or court. He wills it, I will not contend; but I think he may not: if he does, possibly I shall return in a different state altogether, less likely to be the prey of suffering not to be described. It has been generally profitable; but I tremblingly say, I hope its work is done. Do not raise questions in my mind, my dearest friend, of the kind. I try to forget temporal matters as much as possible. I have plenty to do from morning to night. I live much alone, declining invitations, of which there would be many. . . . Don't think I forget absentees, though I would attain to more carelessness respecting all future, and even present affairs. My heart is much at G. but my time is gone.'

[ocr errors]

My health is improved, I think, I may gratefully pronounce, much as the Sunday novel and trying work shakes me for the time; and the hills still cause a burning at the chest. Forward I do not look, no, not a week; and I do bless the Lord, I am not greatly tempted in this respect; never having enjoyed more precious carelessness, except (for such

must have exceptions) when called upon to pay a new ministerial visit. I shrink from this with somewhat diminished, but still great trembling and dread; yet I go, where I am invited, for strictly ministerial objects; and that in the way of morning visitings, which might increase extensively, I have reason to believe. Does not this make you alarmed for the peace, if not the very existence of your old trembling recluse of a neighbour; who, certainly, however, loved retirement never more than at this moment; or naturally more shrunk from its opposites? I daily feel that the Lord has pitifully, by former long discipline such as few I believe could understand, fortified me, in some measure, against the varied and peculiar temptations and snares just now for a little moment multiplied in my_path.'

On leaving Laura Chapel the congregation intimated their respect and attachment by forwarding to him a gown and cassock, with a pocket service for the Lord's Supper; accompanied by an appropriate address. To this Mr. P. replied

'I have heretofore cherished, as you suspect, very strong objections to the principle of testifying thus the affectionate regard that may be entertained by the flock towards a pastor; and under their influence would gladly have succeeded in the attempt to check or divert the meditated effusion,-far too marked and flattering,-of Christian esteem and kindness. Viewed, however, in the light in which you, dear Sir, have delicately, and I believe simply, placed the matter, as a tribute of love to the servant for his work and his Master's sake, I do consider that it may, not only fearlessly and in simplicity, but gratefully and gladly be accepted. Under this new impression I receive the highly pleasing and en

couraging, yet humbling, token of my almost stranger friends' and brethren's interest in one of the least and unworthiest of the Lord's ministers; and do request you, as the voluntary organ (possibly originator) of the affectionate measure, to accept yourself, and kindly render to those associated with you, my sincerest and cordial acknowledgements.

The accompaniment of your prayers, you will believe, dear Sir, greatly enhances my estimation of the valuable and truly appropriate gift may they graciously be heard and continued on my behalf!

Our

The God of all grace, Father and God in Christ Jesus, abundantly bless His beloved people worshipping at Laura Chapel, who will long live in my heart! The Lord enlarge and multiply their profit and their peace, under the present and permanent ministry of His gospel! The Lord preserve them from the manifold spiritual errors and perils of our fearful day sanctify them wholly through the presence and power of the Holy Ghost, and keep them humbly, confidingly, and joyfully expecting His glorious re-appearing!'

Mr. Paterson's health and spirits were so much improved during his residence in Bath, that in the latter end of the year he entered into the marriage state with Miss Cordelia Cramton, a lady with whom he had been acquainted from his first residence at East Grinstead. This union however was only of short duration. It took place Nov. 10, 1836, and in the following January he was summoned to depart.

Mr. Paterson's complaint was an affection of the heart, perhaps the most secret, insidious, and incurable that can assail the human frame, and often the result of an unusual vitality in other parts of the system. It may be, that this very activity and energy conceal the earlier stages of a disease

which they have been instrumental in producing. The more activity and force at the moment, the less will be felt the secret, and increasing retardation of the streams of life; and the very exertions and feelings which give life at the moment, deceive the patient and his friends, and lay only a surer train for debility and death.'

While suffering under this complaint, Mr. P. writes

[ocr errors]

Dec. 7, 1836.-' I am indeed strangely idle, or more correctly, as usual, indolent and indulgent. True, my strength fails, and under the prescribed regimen and applications, may be expected still more to diminish for the present; but, blessed be the Lord! I am no longer alone, and not depressed in mind under physical debility and ailment, as I have been in past less happy circumstances. I feel indeed daily more and more, not only the real blessing of a companion; but emphatically of that one, whom, after so many years of acquaintance and suspension, He has graciously vouchsafed me for the remnant, I trust, of the earthly pilgrimage. It is well, nay highly needful, that with such a gift there should be an attendant little cross, to remind an unheavenly heart that its rest is not here. And I would believe that otherwise, the very trial appointed me is precisely what is calculated and intended to profit spiritually a slow and dull pupil in the school of the Lord Jesus Christ. Oh how much easier is it to preach against pride, than to lie low at his feet, and to protest against worldliness, than to get the world effectually eradicated from the affections ! When shall we find every creature drawing us to God, the soul seeking, and satisfied with Him alone? Every fresh bestowment of His goodness and liberality tends to disclose still more plainly and affectingly our alienation from Himself and indisposition to return to our only cen

tre of repose. Let us pray for one another, dearest friend, and counsel each other as we journey together onward towards the regions of eternal day.'

Dec. 29. What weather! might naturally be the first allusion, but all weather would be pretty much alike to me, who am the largest part of twenty-four hours in bed. Alas! even my indolence, increased of late, is beginning to grow weary of this repose, if such it may be called. I feel, not only as if I could do nothing in my work, but never should any more; and it is a trying thought. But I am mercifully kept from impatience and overmuch carefulness. The Master can and will do what shall most glorify himself and advance his cause; and what else ought we to think about? He has given me comfort in my present unwellness, that I have not had before-not the least-a tender sympathizing, unwearying nurse; such as could rarely be found. She is indeed a blessing, and I trust, will prove still more so when, or if, I am permitted to get abroad again amongst my scattered and heedless people-Pray for us!... Do not deem me worse than I am : a good appetite, enough sleep, and no pain, is not a gloomy bulletin. Extreme exhaustion and some distress, is almost all I have to mention; and this how good for one who has so much to learn! What a catalogue of distinct points and lessons in self-knowledge and selfsubjugation already revealed, could I send you! But it is one thing to see and even feel, and another to correct, and abandon the soul faithfully and eagerly to the Spirit for renewal and healing.'

It was not until the 15th of January, 1837, that necessity compelled Mr. P. to accept assistance, and resign his ministerial duties. During the services of the preceding Sunday (January 8th) he had

66

suffered so visibly from the exhaustion of his frame under their performance, that some of his parishioners had kindly urged him. to omit the sermon; but such was his unmoved determination to spend and be spent " in his Master's service, that he would not comply with their earnest entreaty. That night he was much fatigued ; and was confined partially to his bed, until the following Wednesday, when to the surprise of his tender and affectionate wife, he declared his purpose of driving her a distance of five miles to pay a visit of congratulation to a beloved parent, on the return of a birthday.

On returning to his home, our dear friend seemed, from the increase in the cough, and shortness of breathing, to have taken cold : but whether this had been the case, or whether the sudden aggravation of the symptoms was produced only by the unexpectedly rapid progress of disease, it is vain to inquire. We know only the suffering which ensued, and the fatal result.

"On Saturday January 14th, says Mr. Hoare, I went over to West Hoathley to take the duty on the following day. I found Mr. Paterson in a state of weakness and suffering, for which I was little prepared. I perceived at once the impossibility, humanly speaking, of his ever rallying from such a prostration of strength; an opinion confirmed by his medical attendant. During the Sunday I could see but little of him; and that short time was chiefly occupied in devising means for his immediate bodily relief. On the Monday, violent and almost incessant sickness came on. At length he was so far relieved as to admit us. On our first entering his room, where he was lying in his bed supported by pillows, he requested we would not speak, as he feared the slightest effort or

[blocks in formation]

excitement, would bring on a return of the dreadful sickness. By degrees, however, we fell into a little conversation. He first remarked on the unexpected nature of his attack; but added, However, it is better to be laid on the shelf, than to lay one's self there." On my observing that he rested on the promises, he replied deliberately,

66

Not on the promises only, but on the whole character of God. Those attributes which were once so full of terror, are now my comfort and repose the holiness, justice, purity of God.' He said, 'I have no wish but for more more patience; and with much emotion he added, particularly addressing one whom he knew to be intimately acquainted with those mental sufferings, under which his soul had so long writhed-The clouds are all gone -it is now perfect peace, not joy or triumph, that might be fallacious, but peace, perfect peace!' After solemnly commending him in prayer, to the mercy and love of a reconciled Father in Christ Jesus, we embraced and parted; and through a sudden attack of the prevailing epidemic, I was prevented ever meeting again in this world of sin and sorrow, with one who had been to me as 66 a brother beloved.

On the following Saturday, once or twice a few moments of mental wandering marked the increased debility of the dear sufferer; but each time he was conscious of the circumstance, and named it with regret. Once he spoke as if employed for his parish; at another time of a Missionary Report; but these very wanderings only more clearly marked the one subject that filled his soul. There only he was ever at home. The last portion of Scripture he had been studying was Heb. xi.; he had proceeded as far as the 16th verse, which had been read to him on the Wednesday, and it was probably in reference to this very verse,

« EelmineJätka »