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Brand the bold front of shameless guilty men;
Dash the proud Gamester in his gilded Car;
Bare the mean Heart that lurks beneath a Star;
Can there be wanting, to defend Her cause,
Lights of the Church, or Guardians of the Laws? 10
Could pension'd Boileau lash in honest strain
Flatt'rers and Bigots ev'n in Louis' reign?
Could Laureate Dryden Pimp and Fry'r engage,
Yet neither Charles nor James be in a rage?
And I not strip the gilding off a Knave,
Unplac'd, unpension'd, no man's heir, or slave?
I will, or perish in the gen'rous cause:
Hear this, and tremble! you, who 'scape the Laws:
Yes, while I live, no rich or noble knave
Shall walk the World, in credit, to his grave.

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TO VIRTUE ONLY AND HER FRIENDS, A FRIEND,
The World beside may murmur, or commend.
Know, all the distant din that world can keep,
Rolls o'er my Grotto, and but soothes my sleep.
There, my retreat the best Companions grace,
Chiefs out of war, and Statesmen out of place.
There ST. JOHN mingles with my friendly bowl
The Feast of Reason and the Flow of Soul:
And HE, whose lightning pierc'd th' Iberian Lines,
Now forms my Quincunx, and now ranks my Vines, 130
Or tames the Genius of the stubborn plain,

Almost as quickly as he conquer'd Spain.

Envy must own, I live among the Great,

No Pimp of pleasure, and no Spy of state,

With eyes that pry not, tongue that ne'er repeats,
Fond to spread friendships, but to cover heats;
To help who want, to forward who excel;

This, all who know me, know; who love me, tell;
And who unknown defame me, let them be

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Scribblers or peers, alike are Mob to me.
This is my plea, on this I rest my cause-
What saith my Counsel, learned in the laws?

F. Your Plea is good; but still I say, beware!
Laws are explain'd by Men-so have a care.
It stands on record, that in Richard's times
A man was hang'd for very honest rhymes;
Consult the Statute, quart. I think, it is,
Edwardi Sext. or prim. et quint. Elis.
See Libels, Satires-here you have it-read.

P. Libels and Satires! lawless things indeed!
But grave epistles, bringing Vice to light,
Such as a King might read, a Bishop write,
Such as Sir ROBERT would approve-

F. Indeed!

The Case is alter'd-you may then proceed;
In such a cause the Plaintiff will be hiss'd,
My Lords the Judges laugh, and you're dismiss'd.

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[1733]

THE SECOND SATIRE OF THE SECOND BOOK OF HORACE

SATIRE II

To Mr. Bethel

What, and how great, the Virtue and the Art
To live on little with a cheerful heart

(A doctrine sage, but truly none of mine);
Let's talk, my friends, but talk before we dine.
Not when a gilt Buffet's reflected pride
Turns you from sound Philosophy aside;

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Not when from plate to plate your eyeballs roll,
And the brain dances to the mantling bowl.

ΤΟ

Hear BETHEL'S Sermon, one not vers'd in schools,
But strong in sense, and wise without the rules.
Go work, hunt, exercise! (he thus began)
Then scorn a homely dinner, if you can.
Your wine lock'd up, your Butler stroll'd abroad,
Or fish deny'd (the river yet unthaw'd),

If then plain bread and milk will do the feat,
The pleasure lies in you, and not the meat.

Preach as I please, I doubt our curious men
Will choose a pheasant still before a hen;
Yet hens of Guinea full as good I hold,
Except you eat the feathers green and gold.
Of carps and mullets why prefer the great,
(Tho' cut in pieces ere my Lord can eat)
Yet for small Turbots such esteem profess?
Because God made these large, the other less.
Oldfield with more than harpy throat endu'd,
Cries, "Send me, Gods! a whole Hog barbecu'd!"
Oh, blast it, South-winds! till a stench exhale
Rank as the ripeness of a rabbit's tail.
By what Criterion do you eat, d'ye think,
If this is prized for sweetness, that for stink?
When the tir'd glutton labours thro' a treat,
He finds no relish in the sweetest meat,
He calls for something bitter, something sour,
And the rich feast concludes extremely poor:
Cheap eggs, and herbs, and olives still we see;
Thus much is left of old Simplicity!
The Robin-red-breast till of late had rest,
And children sacred held a Martin's nest,
Till Beccaficos sold so dev'lish dear

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To one that was, or would have been, a Peer.

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Let me extol a Cat, on oysters fed,

I'll have a party at the Bedford-head;
Or ev❜n to crack live Crawfish recommend;
I'd never doubt at Court to make a friend.
'Tis yet in vain, I own, to keep a pother
About one vice, and fall into the other:
Between Excess and Famine lies a mean;
Plain, but not sordid; tho' not splendid, clean.
Avidien, or his Wife (no matter which,
For him you'll call a dog, and her a bitch)
Sell their presented partridges, and fruits,
And humbly live on rabbits and on roots:
One half-pint bottle serves them both to dine,
And is at once their vinegar and wine.

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But on some lucky day (as when they found

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A lost Bank bill, or heard their Son was drown'd),
At such a feast, old vinegar to spare,

Is what two souls so gen'rous cannot bear:
Oil, tho' it stink, they drop by drop impart,
But souse the cabbage with a bounteous heart.
He knows to live, who keeps the middle state,
And neither leans on this side, nor on that;
Nor stops, for one bad cork, his butler's pay,
Swears, like Albutius, a good cook away;
Nor lets, like Nævius, ev'ry error pass,
The musty wine, foul cloth, or greasy glass.

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Now hear what blessings Temperance can bring: (Thus said our Friend, and what he said I sing) First Health: The Stomach (cramm'd from ev'ry dish, A tomb of boil'd and roast, and flesh and fish, Where bile, and wind, and phlegm, and acid jar, And all the man is one intestine war) Remembers oft the school-boy's simple fare, The temp'rate sleeps, and spirits light as air.

How pale, each Worshipful and Rev'rend guest 75
Rise from a Clergy, or a City feast!
What life in all that ample body, say?
What heav'nly particle inspires the clay?
The Soul subsides, and wickedly inclines
To seem but mortal, ev'n in sound Divines.
On morning wings how active springs the Mind
That leaves the load of yesterday behind!
How easy ev'ry labour it pursues!

How coming to the Poet ev'ry Muse!
Not but we may exceed, some holy time,

Or tir'd in search of Truth, or search of Rhyme;
Ill health some just indulgence may engage,
And more the sickness of long life, Old Age:
For fainting Age what cordial drop remains,
If our intemp'rate Youth the vessel drains?

Our fathers prais'd rank Ven'son. You suppose,
Perhaps, young men! our fathers had no nose.
Not so: a Buck was then a week's repast,
And 'twas their point, I ween, to make it last;
More pleas'd to keep it till their friends could come,
Than eat the sweetest by themselves at home.
Why had not I in those good times my birth,
Ere coxcomb-pies or coxcombs were on earth?
Unworthy he, the Voice of Fame to hear,
That sweetest music to an honest ear;
(For 'faith, Lord Fanny! you are in the wrong,
The world's good word is better than a song)
Who has not learn'd, fresh sturgeon and ham-pie
Are no rewards for want, and infamy!
When Luxury has lick'd up all thy pelf,
Curs'd by thy neighbours, thy trustees, thyself,
To friends, to fortune, to mankind a shame,
Think how posterity will treat thy name;

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