Ehold the woes of matrimonial life,
And hear with rev'rence an experienc'd wife!
To dear-bought wisdom give the credit due,
And think, for once, a woman tells you true.
In all these trials I have born a part,
I was myself the scourge that caus'd the smart;
For, since fifteen, in triumph have I led
Five captive husbands from the church to bed.
Christ saw a wedding once, the scripture says,
And faw but one, 'tis thought, in all his days;
Whence some infer, whose conscience is too nice,
No pious Christian ought to marry twice.
But let them read, and solve me, if they can,
The words address'd to the Samaritan :
Five times in lawful wedlock she was join'd;
And fure the certain stint was ne'er defin'd.
Encrease and multiply was heav'ns command,
And that's a text I clearly understand.
This too, "Let men their fires and mothers leave,
"And to their dearer wives for ever cleave.
More wives than one by Solomon were try'd,
Or else the wifeft of mankind's bely'd.
I've had myself full many a merry fit;
And trust in heav'n I may have many yet.
For when my tranfitory spouse, unkind,
Shall die, and leave his woeful wife behind,
I'll take the next good Christian I can find.
Paul, knowing one could never serve our turn,
Declar'd 'twas better far to wed, than burn.
There's danger in assembling fire and tow;
I grant 'em that, and what it means you know.
The fame Apoftle too has elsewhere own'd,
No precept for Virginity he found:/
'Tis but a counsel and we women still
Take which we like, the counsel, or our will.
I envy not their bliss, if he or she
Think fit to live in perfect chastity;
Pure let them be, and free from taint of vice;
I, for a few flight spots, am not so nice.
Heav'n calls us diff'rent ways, on these bestows
One proper gift, another grants to those :
Not ev'ry man's oblig'd to fell his store,
And give up all his substance to the poor;
Such as are perfect, may, I can't deny;
But, by your leave, Divines, so am not I.
Full many a Saint, since first the world began,
Liv'd an unspotted maid, in spite of man:
Let such (a God's name) with fine wheat be fed,
And let us honest wives eat barley-bread.
For me, I'll keep the post assign'd by heav'n,
And use the copious talent it has giv'n :
Let my good spouse pay tribute, do me right,
And keep an equal reck'ning ev'ry night:
His proper body is not his, but mine;
For fo faid Paul, and Paul's a sound divine.
Know then, of those five husbands I have had,
Three were just tolerable, two were bad.
The three were old, but rich and fond beside,
And toil'd most piteoufly to please their bride :
But fince their wealth (the best they had) was mine, 60
The reft, without much loss, I could resign.
Sure to be lov'd, I took no pains to please,
Yet had more pleasure far than they had Eafe.
Presents flow'd in apace: with show'rs of gold,
They made their court, like Jupiter of old.
If I but fmil'd, a fudden youth they found,
And a new palsy seiz'd them when I frown'd.
Ye sov'reign wives! give ear, and understand;
Thus shall ye speak, and exercise command.
For never was it giv'n to mortal man,
To lye so boldly as we women can.
Forswear the fact, tho' seen with both his eyes,
And call your maids to witness how he lyes.
Hark, old Sir Paul! ('twas thus I us'd to say)
Whence is our neighbour's wife so rich and gay ?
Treated, caress'd, where'er she's pleas'd to roam-
I fit in tatters, and immur'd at home.
Why to her house doft thou so oft repair?
Art thou so am'rous? and is she so fair?
If I but fee a coufin, or a friend,
Lord! how you swell, and rage like any fiend!
But you reel home, a drunken beastly bear,
Then preach till midnight in your easy chair,
Cry, wives are false, and ev'ry woman evil,
And give up all that's female to the devil.
If poor (you say) she drains her husband's purse;
If rich, she keeps her prieft, or something worse;
If highly born, intolerably vain,
Vapours and pride by turns possess her brain,
Now gayly mad, now fourly splenetick,
Freakish when well, and fretful when she's fick.
If fair, then chaste she cannot long abide,
By pressing youth attack'd on ev'ry fide.
If foul, her wealth the lufty lover lures,
Or else her wit some fool-gallant procures,
Or else she dances with becoming grace,
Or shape excuses the defects of face.
There swims no goose so grey, but, soon or late,
She finds some honest gander for her mate.
Horses (thou say'st) and asses, men may try,
And ring suspected vessels e'er they buy :
But wives, a random choice, untry'd they take,
They dream in courtship, but in wedlock wake :
Then, nor till then, the veil's remov'd away,
And all the woman glares in open day.
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