mend me, as a most profound person, that by my great knowledge in the curious arts, can silence the Drummer, and dispossess the house. VELLUM. I am going to lay my accounts before my lady, and I will endeavour to prevail upon her ho--nour to admit the trial of your art. SIR GEORGE. I have scarce heard of any of these stories that did not arise from a love intrigue-Amours raise as many ghosts as murders. VELLUM. Mrs. Abigail endeavours to persuade us, that 'tis your ho--nour who troubles the house. SIR GEORGE. That convinces me 'tis a cheat; for, I think, Vellum, I may be pretty well assured it is not me. VELLUM. I am apt to think so, truly. Ha! ha! ha! SIR GEORGE. Abigail had always an ascendant over her lady, and if there is a trick in this matter, depend upon it she is at the bottom of it. I'll be hang'd if this ghost be not one of Abigail's familiars. VELLUM. Mrs. Abigail has of late been very mysterious. SIR GEORGE. I fancy, Vellum, thou couldst worm it out of her. I know formerly there was an amour between you. VELLUM. Mrs. Abigail hath her allurements, and she knows I have pick'd up a competency in your ho-nour's service. SIR GEORGE. If thou hast, all I ask of thee in return is, that thou would'st immediately renew thy addresses to her. Coax her up. Thou hast such a silver tongue, Vellum, as 'twill be impossible for her to withstand. Besides, she is so very a woman, that she'll like thee the better for giving her the pleasure of telling a secret. In short, wheedle her out of it, and I shall act by the advice which thou givest me. VELLUM. Mrs. Abigail was never deaf to me, when I talked upon that subject. I will take an opportunity of addressing myself to her in the most pathetic manner. SIR GEORGE. In the mean time lock me up in your office, and bring me word what success you have-Well, sure I am the first that ever was employ'd to lay himself. VELLUM. You act indeed a threefold part in this house; you are a ghost, a conjurer, and my ho-nour'd master, Sir George Truman; he! he! he! You will pardon me for being jocular. SIR GEORGE. O, Mr. Vellum, with all my heart. You know I love you men of wit and humour. Be as merry as thou pleasest, so thou dost thy business. [Mimicking' him.] You will remember, Vellum, your commission is twofold, first to gain admission for me to your lady, and, secondly, to get the secret out of Abigail. It sufficeth. VELLUM. [The scene shuts. ENTER LADY sola. LADY. Women, who have been happy in a first marriage, are the most apt to venture upon a second. But for my part, I had a husband so every way suited to my inclinations, that I must entirely forget him, before I can like another man. I have now been a widow but fourteen months, and have had twice as many lovers, all of them profess'd admirers of my person, but passionately in love with my jointure. I think it is a revenge I owe my sex to make an example of this worthless tribe of fellows, who grow impudent, dress. themselves fine, and fancy we are oblig'd to provide for them. But of all my captives, Mr. Tinsel is the most extraordinary in his kind. I hope the diversion I give myself with him is unblamable. I'm sure 'tis necessary to turn my thoughts off from the memory of that dear man, who has been the greatest happiness and affliction of my life. My heart would be a prey to melancholy, if I did not find these innocent methods of relieving it. But here comes Abigail. I must teaze the baggage, for I find she has taken it into her head that I am entirely at her disposal. ENTER ABIGAIL. ABIGAIL. Madam! Madam! yonder's Mr. Tinsel has as good as taken possession of your house. Marry, he says, he must have Sir George's apartment enlarg'd; for truly, says he, I hate to be straiten'd. Nay, he was so impudent as to show me the chamber where he intends to consummate, as he calls it. LADY. Well! he's a wild fellow. ABIGAIL. Indeed he's a very sad man, Madam. LADY. He's young, Abigail, 'tis a thousand pities he should be lost; I should be mighty glad to reform him. ABIGAIL. Reform him! marry hang him! LADY.. Has not he a great deal of life? ABIGAIL. Ay, enough to make your heart ach. LADY. I dare say thou think'st him a very agreeable fellow? ABIGAIL. He thinks himself so, I'll answer for him. LADY. He's very good natur'd! ABIGAIL. He ought to be so, for he's very silly. LADY. Dost thou think he loves me! ABIGAIL. Mr. Fantome did, I am sure. LADY. With what raptures he talk'd! ABIGAIL. Yes, but 'twas in praise of your jointure-house. LADY. He has kept bad company. ABIGAIL. They must be very bad indeed, if they were worse than himself. LADY. I have a strong fancy a good woman might reform him. ABIGAIL. It would be a fine experiment, if it should not succeed. LADY. Well, Abigail, we'll talk of that another time; here comes the steward, I have no farther occasion for you at present. [Exit Abigail. ENTER VELLUM VELLUM. Madam, is your ho--nour at leisure to look into the accounts of the last week? They rise very high-Housekeeping is chargeable in a house that is haunted. LADY. How comes that to pass? I hope the drum neither eats nor drinks! But read your account, Vellum. VELLUM. [Putting on and off his spectacles in this scene] A VOL. VI. Ꮓ |