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amend the sore myself, yet I will declare my good will to discover the sore to others.

SIR PHILIP SIDNEY

A CLEVER HORSEMAN

From THE ARCADIA

He stayed till I caused Mopsa bid him do something upon his horse; which no sooner said, than with a kind rather of quick gesture than show of violence, you might see him come towards me, beating the ground in so due time as no dancer can observe better measure. If you remember the ship we saw once when the sea went high upon the coast of Argos, so went the beast. But he, as if centaur-like he had been one piece with the horse, was no more moved than one with the going of his own legs; and in effect so did he command him as his own limbs: for though he had both spurs and wand, they seemed rather marks of sovereignty than instruments of punishment, his hand and leg, with most pleasing grace, commanding without threatening, and rather remembering than chastising; at least if sometimes he did, it was so stolen as neither our eyes could discern it, nor the horse with any change did complain of it: he ever going so just with the horse, either forthright or turning, that it seemed as he borrowed the horse's body, so he lent the horse his mind. In the turning one might perceive the bridle hand somewhat gently stir; but indeed so gently, as it did rather distil virtue, than use violence. Himself, which methinks is strange, showing at one instant both steadiness and nimbleness; sometimes making him turn close to the ground like a cat, when scratchingly she wheels about after a mouse: sometimes with a little move rising before; now like a raven leaping from ridge to ridge, then like one of Dametas' kids bound over the hillocks; and all so done as neither the lusty kind showed any roughness, nor the easier any idleness, but still like a well obeyed master, whose beck is enough for a discipline, ever concluding each thing he did with his face to me-wards, as if

thence came not only the beginning, but the ending of his motions.

KING JAMES I

FILTHY TOBACCO

From A COUNTER-BLAST TO TOBACCO

How you are by this custom disabled in your goods, let the gentry of this land bear witness, some of them bestowing three, some four hundred pounds a year upon this precious stink, which I am sure might be bestowed upon many far better uses. I read indeed of a knavish courtier, who for abusing the favour of the emperor Alexander Severus, his master, by taking bribes to intercede for sundry persons in his master's ear (for whom he never once opened his mouth), was justly choked with smoke, with this doom, Fumo pereat, qui fumum vendidit: but of so many smokebuyers, as are at this present in this kingdom, I never read nor heard.

And for the vanities committed in this filthy custom, is it not both great vanity and uncleanness, that at the table, a place of respect, of cleanliness, of modesty, men should not be ashamed to sit tossing of tobacco pipes, and puffing of the smoke of tobacco one to another, making the filthy smoke and stink thereof to exhale athwart the dishes, and infect the air, when very often men that abhor it are at their repast? Surely smoke becomes a kitchen far better than a dining chamber, and yet it makes a kitchen also oftentimes in the inward parts of men, soiling and infecting them, with an unctuous and oily kind of soot, as hath been found in some great tobacco takers, that after their death were opened. And not only meat time, but no other time nor action is exempted from the public use of this uncivil trick: so as if the wives of Dieppe list to contest with this nation for good manners, their worst manners would in all reason be found at least not so dishonest (as ours are) in this point. The public use whereof, at all times and in all places, hath now so far prevailed, as divers men very sound both in judgment and complexion, have been at last forced

to take it also without desire, partly because they were ashamed to seem singular (like the two philosophers that were forced to duck themselves in that rain water, and so become fools as well as the rest of the people), and partly, to be as one that was content to eat garlic (which he did not love) that he might not be troubled with the smell of it in the breath of his fellows. And is it not a great vanity, that a man cannot heartily welcome his friend now, but straight they must be in hand with tobacco? No, it is become in place of a cure a point of good fellowship, and he that will refuse to take a pipe of tobacco among his fellows (though by his own election he would rather feel the savour of a sink), is accounted peevish and no good company, even as they do with tippling in the cold eastern countries. Yea the mistress cannot in a more mannerly kind entertain her servant, than by giving him out of her fair hand a pipe of tobacco. But herein is not only a great vanity, but a great contempt of God's good gifts, that the sweetness of man's breath, being a good gift of God, should be wilfully corrupted by this stinking smoke, wherein I must confess, it hath too strong a virtue and so that which is an ornament of nature, and can neither by any artifice be at the first acquired, nor once lost, be recovered again, shall be filthily corrupted with an incurable stink, which vile quality is as directly contrary to that wrong opinion which is holden of the wholesomeness thereof, as the venom of putrifaction is contrary to the virtue preservative.

Moreover, which is a great iniquity and against all humanity, the husband shall not be ashamed to reduce thereby his delicate, wholesome, and clean complexioned wife to that extremity, that either she must also corrupt her sweet breath therewith, or else resolve to live in a perpetual stinking torment.

Have you not reason then to be ashamed, and to forbear this filthy novelty, so basely grounded, so foolishly received and so grossly mistaken in the right use thereof? In your abuse thereof sinning against God, harming yourselves both in

persons and goods, and taking also thereby the marks and notes of vanity upon you: by the custom thereof making yourselves to be wondered at by all foreign civil nations, and by all strangers that come among you, to be scorned and contemned. A custom loathsome to the eye, hateful to the nose, harmful to the brain, dangerous to the lungs, and in the black stinking fume thereof nearest resembling the horrible Stigian smoke of the pit that is bottomless.

JOHN LYLY

CURRENT LITERATURE

From THE PREFACE TO EUPHUES, THE ANATOMY OF WYT

I was driven into a quandary, gentlemen, whether I might send this my pamphlet to the printer or to the pedlar. I thought it too bad for the press, and too good for the pack. But seeing my folly in writing to be as great as others', I was willing my fortune should be as ill as any man's. We commonly see the book that at Christmas lieth bound on the stationer's stall, at Easter to be broken in the haberdasher's shop, which sith it is the order of proceeding, I am content this winter to have my doings read for a toy, that in summer they may be ready for trash. It is not strange whenas the greatest wonder lasteth but nine days, that a new work should not endure but three months. Gentlemen use books as gentlewomen handle their flowers, who in the morning stick them in their heads, and at night straw them at their heels. Cherries be fulsome when they be through ripe, because they be plenty, and books be stale when they be printed, in that they be common. In my mind printers and tailors are bound chiefly to pray for gentlemen: the one hath so many fantasies to print, the other such divers fashions to make, that the pressing iron of the one is never out of the fire, nor the printing press of the other at any time lieth still. But a fashion is but a day's wearing and a book but an hour's reading: which seeing it is so, I am of a shoemaker's mind who careth not so the shoe hold the

plucking on, nor I, so my labours last the running over. He that cometh in print because he would be known, is like the fool that cometh into the market because he would be seen. I am not he that seeketh praise for his labour, but pardon for his offence, neither do I set this forth for any devotion in print, but for duty which I owe to my patron. If one write never so well, he cannot please all, and write he never so ill, he shall please some. Fine heads will pick a quarrel with me if all be not curious, and flatterers a thank if any thing be current. But this is my mind let him that findeth fault amend it, and him that liketh it use it. Envy braggeth, but draweth no blood:

the malicious have more mind to quip, than might to cut. I submit myself to the judgment of the wise, and I little esteem the censure of fools. The one will be satisfied with reason: the other are to be answered with silence. I know gentlemen will find no fault without cause, and bear with those that deserve blame, as for others I care not for their jests, for I never meant to make them my judges.

PHILIP STUBBES

FOOTBALL

From THE ANATOMIE OF ABUSES

FOR as concerning football playing, I protest unto you it may rather be called a friendly kind of fight, than a play or recreation; a bloody and murdering practice, than a fellowly sport or pastime. For doth not every one lie in wait for his adversary, seeking to overthrow him and to pick him on his nose, though it be upon hard stones, in ditch or dale, in valley or hill, or what place soever it be he careth not, so he have him down. And he that can serve the most of this fashion, he is counted the only fellow, and who but he? So that by this means, sometimes their necks are broken, sometimes their backs, sometimes their legs, sometimes their arms, sometime one part thrust out of joint, sometime another, sometime their noses gush out with blood, sometime their

eyes start out, and sometimes hurt in one place, sometimes in another. But whosoever scapeth away the best goeth not scot-free, but is either sore wounded, and bruised, so as he dieth of it, or else scapeth very hardly. And no marvel, for they have sleights to meet one betwixt two, to dash him against the heart with their elbows, to hit him under the short ribs with their gripped fists, and with their knees to catch him upon the hip, and to pick him on his neck, with an hundred such murdering devices. And hereof groweth envy, malice, rancour, choler, hatred, displeasure, enmity and what not else; and sometimes fighting, brawling, contention, quarrel picking, murder, homicide and great effusion of blood, as experience daily teacheth.

BARBERS

Theodosus. What say you of the barbers and trimmers of men? Are they so neat, and so fine fellows as they are said to be?

see.

Amphilogus. There are no finer fellows under the sun, nor experter in their noble science of barbing than they be. And therefore in the fulness of their overflowing knowledge (oh ingenious heads, and worthy to be dignified with the diadem of folly and vain curiosity!) they have invented such strange fashions and monstrous manners of cuttings, trimmings, shavings and washings, that you would wonder to They have one manner of cut called the French cut, another the Spanish cut; one the Dutch cut, another the Italian; one the new cut, another the old; one of the bravado fashion, another of the mean fashion; one a gentleman's cut, another the common cut; one cut of the court, another of the country, with infinite the like varieties, which I overpass. They have also other kinds of cuts innumerable; and therefore when you come to be trimmed, they will ask you whether you will be cut to look terrible to your enemy, or amiable to your friend, grim and stern in countenance, or pleasant and demure (for they have divers kinds of cuts for all

these purposes, or else they lie). Then, when they have done all their feats, it is a world to consider, how their mustachios must be preserved and laid out, from one cheek to another, yea, almost from one ear to another, and turned up like two horns towards the forehead. Besides that, when they come to the cutting of the hair, what snipping and snapping of the scissors is there, what tricking and trimming, what rubbing, what scratching, what combing and clawing, what trickling and toying, and all to tawe out money, you may be sure. And when they come to washing, oh how gingerly they behave themselves therein. For then shall your mouth be bossed with the lather or foam that riseth of the balls (for they have their sweetballs wherewithal they use to wash); your eyes closed must be anointed therewith also. Then snap go the fingers, full bravely, God wot. Thus this tragedy ended, comes me warm cloths to wipe and dry him withal; next, the ears must be picked, and closed together again artificially forsooth; the hair of the nostrils cut away, and every thing done in order comely to behold. The last action in this tragedy is the payment of money. And lest these cunning barbers might seem unconscionable in asking much for their pains, they are of such a shamefast modesty, as they will ask nothing at all, but standing to the courtesy and liberality of the giver, they will receive all that comes, how much soever it be, not giving any again, I warrant you for take a barber with that fault, and strike off his head. No, no, such fellows are rarae aves in terris, nigrisque simillimi cygnis: rare birds upon the earth, and as geason as black swans. You shall have also your orient perfumes for your nose, your fragrant waters for your face, wherewith you shall be all to besprinkled: your music again, and pleasant harmony, shall sound in your ears, and all to tickle the same with vain delight. And in the end your cloak shall be brushed, and "God be with you, gentleman!"

THOMAS NASHE FASHIONABLE LADIES

From CHRISTS TEARES OVER

JERUSALEM

EVER Since Evah was tempted, and the serpent prevailed with her, women have took upon them both the person of the tempted and the tempter. They tempt to be tempted, and not one of them, except she be tempted, but thinks herself contemptible. Unto the greatness of their great-grand-mother Evah they seek to aspire, in being tempted and tempting. If not to tempt, and be thought worthy to be tempted, why dye they and diet their faces with so many drugs as they do, as it were to correct God's workmanship, and reprove Him as a bungler, and one that is not his craftsmaster? Why ensparkle they their eyes with spiritualized distillations? Why tip they their tongues with aurum potabile (liquid gold)? Why fill they age's frets with fresh colors? Even as roses and flowers in winter are preserved in close houses under earth, so preserve they their beauties by continued lying in bed.

Just to dinner they will arise, and after dinner go to bed again, and lie until supper. Yea, sometimes (by no sickness occasioned) they will lie in bed three days together: provided every morning before four o'clock, they have their broths and their cullises, with pearl and gold sodden in them. If haply they break their hours and rise more early to go a banquetting, they stand practising half a day with their looking-glasses, how to pierce and to glance and look alluringly amiable. Their feet are not so well framed to the measures, as are their eyes to move and bewitch. Even as angels are painted in churchwindows with glorious golden fronts beset with sunbeams, so beset they their foreheads on either side with glorious borrowed gleamy bushes; which, rightly interpreted, should signify beauty to sell, since a bush is not else hanged forth but to invite men to buy. And in Italy, when they set any beast to sale, they crown his

head with garlands, and bedeck it with gaudy blossoms, as full as ever it may stick.

Their heads, with their top and topgallant lawn baby-caps, and snow-resembled silver curlings, they make a plain puppet stage of. In their curious anticwoven garments, they imitate and mock the worms and adders that must eat them. They shew the swellings of their mind, in the swellings and plumpings out of their apparel. Gorgeous ladies of the court, never was I admitted so near any of you, as to see how you torture poor old Time with sponging, pinning, and pouncing; but they say his sickle you have burst in twain, to make your periwigs more elevated arches of.

I dare not meddle with ye, since the philosopher that too intentively gazed on the stars, stumbled and fell into a ditch; and many gazing too immoderately on our earthly stars, fall in the end into the ditch of all uncleanness. Only this humble caveat let me give you by the way, that you look the devil come not to you in the likeness of a tailor or a painter; that how ever you disguise your bodies, you lay not on your colours so thick that they sink into your souls; that your skins being too white without, your souls be not all black within.

It is not your pinches, your purls, your flowery jaggings, superfluous interlacings, and puffings up, that can any way offend God, but the puffing up of your souls, which therein you express. For as the biting of a bullet is not that which poisons the bullet, but the lying of the gunpowder in the dint of the biting: so it is not the wearing of costly burnished apparel that shall be objected unto you for sin, but the pride of your hearts, which (like the moth) lies closely shrouded amongst the threads of that apparel. Nothing else is garish apparel but pride's ulcer broken forth. How will you attire yourselves, what gown, what head-tire will you put on, when you shall live in hell amongst hags and devils?

As many jags, blisters and scars shall toads, cankers and serpents make on your

pure skins in the grave, as now you have cuts, jags or raisings, upon your garments. In the marrow of your bones snakes shall breed. Your morn-like crystal countenances shall be netted over and (masquerlike) caul-visarded with crawling venomous worms. Your orient teeth toads shall steal into their heads for pearl; of the jelly of your decayed eyes shall they engender them young. In their hollow caves (their transplendent juice so pollutionately employed), shelly snails shall keep house.

Oh, what is beauty more than a windblown bladder, that it should forget whereto it is born? It is the food of cloying concupiscence, living; and the substance of the most noisome infection, being dead. The mothers of the justest men are not freed from corruption, the mothers of kings and emperors are not freed from corruption. No gorgeous attire (man or woman) hast thou in this world, but the wedding garment of faith. Thy windingsheet shall see thee on none of thy silks or shining robes; to show they are not of God, when thou goest to God, thou shalt lay them all off. Then shalt thou restore to every creature what thou hast robbed him of. All the leases which dust let out to life, at the day of death shall be returned again into his hands. In skins of beasts Adam and Eve were clothed; in nought but thine own skin at the day of Judgment shalt thou be clothed. If thou beest more deformed than the age wherein thou diedst should make thee, the devil shall stand up and certify, that with painting and physicing thy visage thou so deformedst it; whereto God shall reply, "What have I to do with thee, thou painted sepulchre? Thou hast so differenced and divorced thyself from thy creation, that I know thee not for my creature. The print of my finger thou hast defaced, and with arts-vanishing varnishment made thyself a changeling from the form I first cast thee in; Satan, take her to thee, with black boiling pitch rough-cast over her counterfeit red and white; and whereas she was wont in ass's milk to bathe her to engrain her skin more gentle, pliant, delicate and supple, in bubbling scalding lead, and fatty flame-feeding

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